Strength Of The Wolf
by Asfaloth-Sekhmet
Summary: Tehya is going through a rough patch. She feels alone, lost and without purpose even with her father helping her through this difficult time in her life. When she makes the move back home after her mother's death, she meets those who may just help her pick up the pieces. Seth/OC
1. Hearing Damage

**'Hearing Damage'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: This is my first shot at writing a Twilight story, and despite all the bad rep they get I feel very motivated! I tried to make the time line as similar to the movie as I could, and while the dates are all shifted in terms of years I have made Tehya's starting age 16 and the year 2007. Seth is also newly 16, meaning he has already phased after Harry's death (caused by Leah's shifting) and we are starting just before the events of Eclipse.**

 _Your speakers are blowing,_

 _Your ears are wrecking,_

 _Your hearing damage,_

 _You wish you felt better,_

 _You wish you felt better._

-Thom Yorke, 'Hearing Damage'

March 15th, 2007

My mother was dead.

My beautiful, strong, shining beam of light had been snuffed out and taken from the earth at the age of 56, courtesy of an inoperable tumor in her brain. It had tortured her for years, mercilessly infecting her with its rapidly reproducing cancerous cells until it had finally extinguished her completely. My rock, my everything - was gone, and without her I felt truly alone. The only memory I had left of her was in my father, who she had divorced from many years ago and who I wasn't sure if I was ready to involve myself in fully again. There seemed to be no one left to guide me in my life. No replacement, no worthy comparable advice – nothing. No amount of counselors or therapists or legal assistants trying to help me organize the paperwork for her funeral arrangements and the house plans could unfreeze the numbness that had settled inside of me.

Cancer didn't just affect the victim. Cancer affected the entire family – or in this case, me – everyone who cared about the victim and their long, beautiful life. Cancer was a cruel, unbeatable bitch, and I hated it more than anything else in the whole world.

The after effects of my mother's death were swift and ruthless, in my opinion. Almost immediately after the doctor declared the time of death in the hospital room she was whisked away from me, off to unknown parts that I did not ask nor want to be informed of. I had held her hand right to the very end, having refused to leave her side for the previous three months that she had been in the terminal ward. The doctors were not strangers to this sort of behavior, and had given me plenty of helpful 'resources' for accepting a loss in the family. I had left the hospital with at least ten 'dealing with grief' pamphlets in my shaking hands, each one titled similarly and making me all the angrier.

I dumped them in the first garbage can I spotted, and nearly ran back to my house.

I couldn't accept this. I couldn't accept her death.

My mother had left plans for me to live with my father in her stead, and originally when I heard the plan I had felt as though it was impossible to ever live Vancouver. It had become my home, but now I wasn't so sure. Moving back to La Push seemed more realistic than ever; there was nothing left for me here except for painful memories.

I still couldn't accept her death when the appointed psychologist showed up at my door, ready to speak to me about whatever I desired even though we both knew that the conversation would lead to one topic no matter what. I couldn't accept it when my father started calling trying to get a hold of me, no doubt having recently heard the information that his ex-wife had passed. I couldn't accept it when I finally got a call from some funeral office in the West end of Vancouver – our ever so rainy weather now seemed more than appropriate – that was attempting to begin making funeral arrangements.

I nearly gagged before hanging up the phone, nausea rising in my stomach at the prospect of seeing my mother's lifeless body again. I didn't want to accept it.

But they kept calling. And I knew that I couldn't just leave my mother without a proper funeral.

About a week later I decided that I wanted a private service, and ended up responding to my father's many calls only to shakily let him know that if he wanted to reach my hometown of Vancouver and attend the funeral, then he was obviously welcome. My father, a tall and thin Aboriginal man who held the position of one of the council leaders in the Quileute tribe down in Forks, Washington, had immediately agreed. We were Quileute by blood and had lived on the reserve at La Push many years ago, but as the years went by and my mother had divorced my father, she and I had moved out to British Columbia in Canada and hadn't looked back.

We had lived a wonderful life, with my mother supporting me through high schooling with her job as a psychologist. We had been ready to start planning for Christmas – even began looking at ticket prices to go to the Bahamas. But everything had been lost, and now the only thing I could cling to was a father who I hadn't seen in years and who I imagined had very little in common with besides the death of my mother.

The worst part was that she had divorced him. He had tried to keep in contact with me through phone calls and Christmas gifts, but had always felt that he didn't want to bother the family who seemingly didn't want anything to do with him anymore. I had been too young to understand at the time of the divorce – at the ripe age of six I didn't understand anything – so when my mom wont the custody battle we all but physically vanished from my father's life and he was forced to deal with it.

I was too numb to confront any of my own emotions in this matter, but I recognized the unfairness of it all.

Several days before the funeral – I had left most of the arrangements to the funeral parlor as I knew that the only ones there would be myself and my father – I went to pick my father up at Vancouver National Airport. His flight had departed at night and lasted only a mere two hour, so it was still nighttime when I took a cab to meet him.

"Dad!" I immediately recognized Harold Bryant as soon as he stepped out of the baggage check area and signaled to him, noticing how well he had aged. I wasn't exactly sure how to react to a man that I hadn't seen in ten years, so I remained calm and stoic. "Hey Dad."

He still wore his classic tie that his mother had made him, and the all too familiar itchy blazer that smelt of dirt and brush. Although the circles under his eyes gave away his stress and lack of rest, his eyes still managed to light up when they saw me. He had a small suitcase in tow, obviously not having planned to stay in Vancouver for long.

"Tehya," He rumbled in the familiar low baritone of the elders before enveloping me in a large hug. "I'm so sorry, my love."

I wasn't sure if he was apologizing for all the years he had stayed away – he had been too afraid to approach my mother after the divorce partially because he hadn't wanted to be shooed away and partially because he didn't want to cause any turmoil in our lives – or if he was simply empathizing over my mother's sudden death, but either way I accepted the hug and tried not to over think the gesture.

When I was six and had left La Push to move to Vancouver with my mother, it hadn't occurred to me the type of pain that the move had put my father through. The custody battle would have been difficult enough for him to deal with, but to rip away his only daughter force him to phone her once a month at six years old was rather...cruel. I briefly began to wonder if my mother had told him to stay away, in which case I grew frustrated with the both of them – my mother because she had taken me away from my father, and my father because he hadn't even tried to come and watch me grow up.

It had been ten years since I had seen this man. Ten years with a vacant father figure, filled in only temporarily with monthly phone calls and Christmas presents. I had received many phone calls over the years and relied on them heavily, dealing with the fact that perhaps I would see him when I was much older. That date had come sooner than expected.

All of this internal thinking and debate, of course, had been sparked by the tragic course of events that had now placed my father right in front of me.

"You have your mother's eyes, Tehya." My father suddenly pulled back from our long hug and held my cheeks in between his hands, causing me to freeze up in momentary shock. I hadn't expected this type of behavior in the first several minutes of our meeting, and didn't know how to react besides stare up at him wide-eyed.

Upon noticing my discomfort, my father withdrew his hands and apologized, grabbing at his luggage so that we could move away from the terminal and into a cab. No words were exchanged as I hailed the vehicle and we slipped inside, creating a sort of awkward silent vacuum of negative noise.

"Destination?" The cab driver questioned after we had cleared the terminal departures parking area.

"45 North Hampton Street, please." I directed him, watching him punch the address into his GPS and take off at a faster pace now that he knew where he was going.

The silence in the cab grew even more annoying as I realized I didn't even really have the nerve to look at my father.

I felt...partially numb.

My father's presence had made me feel a little less alone, but talking to a father on the phone for ten years didn't make up for the absence of that figure in real life. All I could think about was that with all those years on the phone I hadn't even bothered to ask the questions that had really mattered. They were all coming up now, jamming my already jammed-up brain with shouts and concerns about how this relationship with my father was going to proceed now that he was the sole parental figure in my life.

I didn't know what to say...I didn't know how to react.

"What happened with school?" My father broke the awkward silence boldly, and I finally met his green eyes as they connected with my dark brown ones. I mentally thanked him for being courteous enough to not bring up my mother as his first subject of conversation.

 _Breathe, Tehya._ I reminded myself. _You've talked to him on the phone for ten years – this is just an in-person version. Come on._

"Istoppedgoing." I breathed out all at once, not having realized that I was holding in a breath for a good thirty seconds before I had spoken. Perhaps I had been a bit more anxious to see my father after so long than I had originally presumed.

"I'm sorry?" My father kindly asked me to repeat myself, and I took a shaky breath before doing so.

"I stopped going," I explained, and upon spotting his understanding expression decided that although he may have pretended to understand, I wanted to explain myself further. "for her. I stayed in the terminal ward from her check-in until..."

We both knew that trailing off was the only way these conversations were going to go from now on.

My father did not reply, but after a quick glance his way I could see that his mouth was twisted into a sad grimace. If I hadn't known any better I would have thought that he was about to cry. Surprisingly enough the expression disappeared seconds later, and my father turned to me one more time to ask about the weather in Vancouver.

"Rainy." I deadpanned, knowing fully well that he had known this fact.

British Columbia ranked as Canada's fourth 'rainiest province', and we were constantly wet here. I was glad I didn't live in Terrace, at the very least – there they received two hundred and three days of rain out of the whole three hundred and sixty five. My father was trying to make meaningless conversation, and I didn't appreciate conversation unless there was good reason for it.

"I can see that," My father gazed out the window of the taxi cab, staring up at the dark clouds gathering above us. "lucky I brought my raincoat."

I didn't respond to that, and the rest of the ride to the house was silent. I was surprised that even at the age of sixteen the house had not been taken from my hands yet, although I had received several letters from the Federal Government that I had briefly skimmed stating something about being a minor and that it was not legally permissible to be living on my own in a house that I couldn't pay for. They had provided a call back number, but I hadn't phoned it. I had resolved to simply wait until the police came and tore me from this house themselves.

It was torture knowing that I was living in the house where the lights still worked and the faucet still ran because my mother had made sure her insurance would cover the bills until I had my living plan organized. I hated it. The working facilities were just another reminder of the loss I had suffered.

"Do you still have your citizenship to the United States?" My father asked suddenly, just as we were pulling into the street and dragging me out of my thoughts.

"Of course," I frowned, surprised that that had even been a question of his. "I would never get rid of that..."

Something in his expression calmed then, and the storm in his eyes faded slightly. I supposed that he had sported the same logic I had all these years; that eventually we were going to see each other again and that all the possible resources to complete said task would have to be upheld until that point. This included my citizenship, which I supposed was a symbol of my faithfulness to the idea that I had always known I was going to reunite myself with my father.

I just hadn't imagined it would be this way. I didn't think he had, either.

"Forty three, seventy five." The cab driver stopped the meter and held out a hand, in which I placed fifty dollars. He returned the change to me, and within a minute was speeding away from my street leaving my father and I standing on the side of the road with only his small luggage in tow.

"Beautiful house," My father remarked quietly, and I nodded sullenly in thanks. It _was_ a beautiful home, but I knew that I was going to have to sell it. I couldn't stay here; I knew that in the back of my mind. "Did anyone come by yet?"

"No." I responded quietly, frowning slightly as I realized how strange that actually was.

"No?" My father turned back to me, puzzled. "They let you live here for a week on your own?"

"I guess," I shrugged, finding myself again uncaring of how the law or the doctors treated me. I didn't want anything to do with them. "I didn't really tell the hospital if there was anyone at home. They've been calling, though...so. There's that."

My father didn't say anything to that, merely gazing at me oddly. Perhaps it was my monotone drawl or the dark circles under my eyes, but he knew that I was suffering something much deeper than grief.

We made our way inside the house, each step feeling like I was walking through molasses. The more I was forced to accept my mother's death the more upset I got with everything around me; I didn't want to stay here where we had gone through such happy years and made plans for the future. I didn't like this – I didn't want to remember what we had and how everything had become so ruined. We had even made plans for her to return to the house for Christmas.

I tore myself from these thoughts with a wince and a grimace, trying to avoid my father's eyes once more as we awkwardly stood in the foyer of the house.

"The service is tomorrow at three." I mumbled, hoping that he had heard me because I was less than willing to repeat what I had said.

"Alright," I heard him quietly shuffle and begin to unbutton his coat. The house still had heating. "Do you need groceries, anything?"

"I'm not hungry," I admitted, hoping that he understood that he was free to shop, but I wasn't going to eat. He did.

"Okay," I watched him slowly take several more steps into the house, clenching and un-clenching his fists. I had nearly forgotten that while I had lost a mother, he had also lost an ex-wife that he clearly hadn't lost feelings for. "Okay..."

"Dad?"

My father whirled around in his spot, eyes wide and to my surprise – brimming with slight tears. He was tense and clearly upset, the reality of the situation not smacking him in the face until he took those first few steps into the house. He was now feeling something similar to the feeling I had felt in the terminal ward a mere week ago; total and utter devastation and loss. There was no way we were going to get her back; no chance that we were going to patch up our family; nothing left to do with this situation besides acceptance and moving on.

It was brutal, and I knew I had to say something.

"I'm sorry too."

Harold Bryant tried to smile, but it came out more as a grimace.

"You can sleep...wherever," I breathed out the last part of my sentence, not even knowing where I was supposed to put him. He clearly felt as though he was violating this house and trespassing in it, and it was then that I realized my father and I had more in common than I had originally believed. We were uncomfortable in our own skin in the moment. "the bathroom is upstairs and everything still works."

He just nodded, and that was when I decided it was a good time to give him some breathing room.

I went up to my room and sat on my bed, unable to break the numbness sitting inside of me like a lead weight. It felt like my arms and legs were made of stone, and it took twice the effort to do any normal task. I had been hit with an emotional smack that had left me so dumbfounded I literally couldn't function normally.

For the next hour and a half, I simply sat on my bed in my jacket with my feet dangling off the side. My shoes were still on, but I couldn't find the energy to remove them. All I could do was sit in silence and contemplation, thinking about why the hell cancer had chosen to kick my family's ass instead of anyone else's. It just wasn't fair.

At around eleven o'clock, I heard my father's footsteps slowly making their way up the stairs. I could imagine him tracing his fingers over each and every crevice in this house, trying to imagine her walking through it and grasping any part of her that he had left. One of his hitched breaths told me that he had finally reached the portrait of her and I at the top of the stairs, and I could see from the angle which I was sitting that he traced both of our faces lightly. My heart faintly clenched at the gesture, but it felt as if it was clenching in someone else's body and I could feel it.

"Is she being cremated?" My father shakily asked me once he reached my doorway, and I nodded slowly. I could tell he was trying to remain strong, but this situation was hitting him hard. For ten years he had held on to his heartache, and now he was to face one more tragedy in his life.

He let out a long breath as he stared towards his feet, but I interrupted before he could say anything else.

"I want to get out of this place." I declared quietly, causing my father's attention to zero in on me.

"What do you mean?" He tried to clarify, eyes shining hopefully. He was kind enough not to make any assumptions or even voice them, for that matter.

"I mean I can't stay here," I admitted, jaw clenched and eyes shifting anywhere else around the room. I didn't really want to elaborate on this, and we both knew that as a minor I couldn't legally stay here on my own. "I don't want to."

It took him awhile to respond to the message I was trying to send him out of something that looked like relief. The decision was final. I needed to head back home to La Push, where I would be surrounded by my tribe and safe from any memories. I couldn't stay here.

Her funeral service seemed to never end.

I was as stoic-faced as ever, unable to omit any emotion and only comforting my father slightly when he shed a few tears at the Priest's words. I had let the chapel take care of the entire ceremony, knowing that since my father and I were the only ones attending the service there was less to be concerned about. The priest droned on and on about how God had taken my mother early, how she had accomplished so much in her life and how much she had meant to our family; the standard speech for the families who opted not to arrange their own funerals.

It seemed like it was truly going to go on forever, but eventually the Priest concluded his word, and offered us a moment alone with the urn.

My father and I both approached warily.

I merely laid a kiss on my hand and put it on the smooth polished metal, not wanting to extend this moment any longer than I had to. Even when I touched the container my mother's lifeless body was contained in, I still couldn't feel anything. I was all blocked up.

My father did the same, but his had dwindled on her urn longer than mine had.

"I want to scatter her ashes at La Push beach." I stated calmly one morning several days after the service.

The crematorium was still working on sending us her urn; apparently we had not been allowed to pick up the urn from the funeral service until we received permission to do so from the government.

My mother had been born on the Quileute reserve, and I only saw it fit to return her there, so this was a non-debatable request. My father thought about this for a brief several seconds before nodding in understanding, and we resumed staring at the television with our uneaten meals sitting before us. We had gone grocery shopping and cleaned the house in silence, even played a game of cards before understanding that nothing we did could make the time pass easier.

It was a month before we were finally able to begin packing our things for departure.

My father had brilliantly launched into action as soon as the first psychologist had shown up at the door, followed by the insurance representative, the collections agency representative and finally, the social services agent. We denied any service we could, stated that our business was to turn over the property to the province and move back to my home town together. This was no longer a home.

Magically enough, with another adult in the picture, they all backed off.

Paperwork stacked as high as my hip sat on the coffee table in the living room for weeks after that point, which I helped my father go through as we both signed what was necessary to get out of this place. Every single night grew worse; I could barely sleep, and whenever I did manage to catch some shut eye my dreams would tease me and place me back in time where my mother was still with me and teaching me how to cook, or dance, or sing. It was hellish.

Still, I denied any therapy services my father tried to push on me.

The month of March passed at a tortuously slow rate, and a flight was booked for April the 17th.

Before I knew it there were movers in the house taking all of the furniture day by day; I had been clear that I only wanted to take a couple things back to Forks, Washington. One of those things was a small box full of my mother's precious things, including necklaces and small gifts she had received from our family. I knew she would have wanted to keep them, so I made sure to pack them as well as my clothing.

"They'll sell the house, and the money will remain with me until you're old enough to take it," My father explained as we watched the truck drive down the street with the majority of our house in it. He had briefly spoken to me about a will, but I hadn't wanted to read it quite yet. "You're sure you didn't want anything else?"

I shook my head.

In the next day I made sure that I had packed everything I could and officially dropped out of my public school, asking for my transcript so that I could apply to attend the school on the Quileute reserve upon my arrival at La Push. Clothing and whatever special objects I could think of were crammed into my suitcase that I had recently purchased, courtesy of my father who knew that I wouldn't be able to fit all that I wanted to bring in my smaller bag.

We were getting on the plane tomorrow.

I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, as I locked my mother's house for the final time and was carted away from it. I couldn't react as we cleared check-in and left our bags with the kind ladies who bode us a safe flight. I made it through security with equally unforgiving emotions stuck inside of me, unable to process the fact that I was actually leaving Vancouver. It made sense because this was no longer my home and this province no longer brought me happiness, but it still tore my heart in two to leave Canada. I had always loved Canada.

"We'll come visit," My father assured, but I wasn't so sure that that was going to be the case. What was there to visit?

I appreciated everything my dad had done for me; he had been my rock this whole month and had shown no sign of letting up. He was ever so organized and strong that I was surprised to admit that the loneliness I had felt had been greatly diminished by the end of his visit. I still felt like half of my family was missing, because to be quite frank it was, but it was more bearable with my father to cling to. I needed him, and he needed me. We were a team now; there was no going back.

The plane ride was long and tedious despite it only being two hours, with myself being unable to sleep at all which was rather upsetting since we had left at eight in the morning. I still couldn't eat properly; I had lost at least fifteen pounds since mid-March and was afraid that I was breaching twenty. I felt weak and foolish, but I couldn't bring myself to place some cardboard tasting meal in my mouth.

I got through the last several minutes of the journey by sleeping, thankful that when I woke up all I could hear was the Pilot notifying everyone on board that we had begun our descent into Forks, Washington. We were landing in the city's airport in Clallum county, and would then take a taxi to the reserve. My father had been absent from his duties for a month and a half now, having taken leave until he had sorted his 'family business' out.

I still wasn't sure if my tribe was expecting me back.

I could clearly remember all of the kids faces, as my excellent memory had served me well over the years. Sam, Paul, Jacob, Jared and Embry's faces all passed through my mind first before I briefly thought of all of the other children I had been acquainted with prior to my moving away. They wouldn't be kids anymore, and I hoped that they remembered me. The last thing I wanted was to go back to a home where I would have to re-introduce myself to old friends.

"I told Billy about you a week or two ago," My father admitted when we finally clambered into a cab and began our voyage away from the airport. "wanted you to be properly welcomed."

"Oh..." I made a face, hoping that a 'proper welcome' did not include a meet and greet of a bunch of people all at the same time. "Dad, I -"

"It'll just be him, Tehya," My father sensed my anxiousness and placed his large hand on mine, locking me in with his forest green eyes. "I know this is hard. I know."

I inhaled shakily, gazing back out of the cab window where the familiar land of Forks, Washington stared back at me. At least I had begun to feel _something_.

 **A/N: If you liked the first chapter, feel free to leave me a review! I will be updating fairly regularly.**


	2. 15 Step

**'15 Step'**

 **Disclaimer:** **In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: Alright, so as I go I've been making some edits, and I've changed the dates on my timeline once more. Eclipse seems to happen in the warmer months of the year (besides the mountain shots) as everyone wears light jackets and nothing heavy, so I've made the death of Sally in March to give Tehya the month of April to settle into La Push before the story starts in May-ish. Also edited the first chapter a bit, not that many will go back and check (there are small differences). Enjoy!**

 _You used to be alright,  
What happened?  
Did the cat get your tongue?  
_ _Did your string come undone?  
_ _One by one?_

-Radiohead, '15 Step'

I had forgotten that Forks was just as rainy as Vancouver.

We reached the reservation several hours later and had emerged out of the taxi only to find more storm clouds gathering above our heads. It was going to rain soon; I could smell it in the air. Several things captured my attention besides that, however, such as the uneven units of houses that I had once been familiar with. I could spot the outline of the Tribal School, faint in the mist, where I would undoubtedly be attending school whenever I was 'ready'. At least, that was how my father had stated it. Billy Black, one of my father's fellow council members, had made the arrangements.

Speaking of the devil, I heard the man before I saw him.

Billy's wheelchair squeaked slightly as it rolled up the pavement road to my new home. We were living relatively close to the center of the reserve, which unnerved me a bit more as I was aware that this meant it would place me in close proximity to much more of the tribal population. I knew nearly everyone, which made me less nervous, but I had forgotten that my father's house was placed in the general middle of the reservation.

"Tehya Bryant," Billy Black gave me a soft smile, and I held back a flinch. When I had moved away I had been used to hearing my mother's maiden name after my own, but now I supposed that I was going to have to begin using it as a middle name as opposed to my father's. "We've missed you. Welcome home."

"Billy," I recovered from my partial discomfort and leant down to envelope the man in a large hug. "It's nice to see you again."

"I'm sorry for your loss," He rumbled into the gesture, and I found myself immediately shutting down mentally at the mention of my mother. "We all are."

I couldn't really respond to his remark, so I simply stayed silent. I didn't want to confront any more emotions than I already had, and it didn't look like Billy had much else to say on the matter. He and my father nodded towards each other quickly, before both of them proceeded into the house in front of me. I hadn't noticed minutes earlier, but the house now had a built in ramp leading up to the door.

I couldn't help but smile slightly at this obvious gesture of kindness from my father to his old friend. Billy's wheelchair had disabled him in more ways than one, as he had been forced to give up his job as a fisherman when he had lost the ability to walk. He was still raring to go, however, as my father had put it on the phone. I could see that now. He was one of the elder council members alongside my father and they both helped make decisions for the reservation that affected day to day life here. It was strange thinking that I was going to become a part of that life again.

"Not sure if he's told ya," Billy turned to me as soon as we reached the kitchen area, motioning to my father. "But we've had a death of our own here."

I looked towards my father for confirmation, who nodded gravely. I frowned lightly, trying to puzzle why he wouldn't have notified me of this, before concluding that he likely hadn't wanted to upset me further after learning about my mother.

"Harry Clearwater," Billy revealed, and eyed me carefully. "Sue's been a rock, but...Seth and Leah took it pretty hard."

 _Oh._

I had remembered both Clearwater kids from when I was little, Leah being the more stubborn of the two, but I wouldn't have imagined anything like this happening. They were in the opposite situation as me, except at the very least they had each other to grieve. They were two young souls without a father figure. I empathized with them, relieved that I was still capable of retaining that ability. I thought of poor innocent Seth and how heartbroken he must have been, and how angry Leah most likely was.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I swallowed loudly, still feeling like there was a giant wad of cotton stuck in my throat. "He was a good man."

The two men in the room nodded in agreement, and shared a grave glance that I believed they hadn't noticed me observe. Something crossed with concern and impending doom – as dramatic as that sounded – crossed both of their faces before vanishing, automatically leading me to assume that there was something more to his death; something they weren't going to tell me.

"We've been upping security around here," Billy continued, steeling me with his hard gaze once more. "There's been a lot more bears than usual as of the last couple years."

"Bears?" I found myself asking as my curiosity won over, despite my lack of desire to speak. "Really?"

"Not too much of a concern," My dad quickly waved a hand, and again I caught a flash of what seemed to be worry in his eyes. Perhaps it was my mother's psychological background, or the fact that she had shared some of her analytical strategies with me many times, but I knew that there was something off.

"Thirsty? Hungry?" My father asked the both of us seconds later, humbly moving towards the fridge instead of going to unpack his small bag. His eyes shifted back and forth between Billy and I, but I knew that he was already aware of my response.

"No thanks." I shook my head and politely excused myself, dragging my heavy suitcase along with me along to my room – or at least where I remembered it to be. I doubted anything had changed.

"Just a heads up," My father called out before I entered the closed room. "I cleaned a bit...and replaced some stuff."

I didn't bother asking what, and only nodded before swinging the door open to reveal a very surprisingly tidy room. It didn't look like what I had remembered it to look like when I was six years old; the light pink sheets had been replaced by dark blue ones, any princesses and dolls had been most likely placed in the box labeled 'old toys', and everything was surprisingly neat and organized. The only things left hanging were my large dream catcher, pictures of me when I was little, and a frame with my mother, father and I on the desk. What seemed to be a fresh sketchbook with sets of markers and pens was also sitting on the desk, crisp and ready for my touch. I felt a tiny twinge of comfort at this, not only because drawing seemed to be the only outlet I had but because my father had remembered this.

I stood for a moment in the doorway taking it all in, before heaving my luggage through the door and setting it down as gently as I could.

This was weird.

I made sure to flip the picture of my mother, father and I face down, the image of her face searing in my mind and causing a momentary burst of pain. Then the overwhelming numbness set in once more, pushing my mood down to an all time low as I realized I couldn't even cry. How pathetic.

I tried to distract myself, beginning to unpack my clothing so that I could fold the clean into the emptied out dresser and the dirty into the hamper. It took me about half an hour to get through my clothing, and another half an hour to organize whatever else was left in my suitcase. All in all I had only killed an hour. Great.

I tried to make my way back into the kitchen to try and get a glass of water, but upon overhearing a sensitive conversation occurring in said part of the house I abruptly stopped and tried to listen. The house was only one floor, which made sneaking around a bit easier since there were no creaky stairs, but the floors still made noises and I had to be careful.

"I don't want to leave her alone, Billy." I overheard my father speaking to the black haired man, obvious worry coating his tone. "She's in shock – she doesn't sleep properly, doesn't eat, doesn't talk. I don't know what to do with her."

"She's home now," Billy replied steadily. "And there are people here to help you both through this."

"I hadn't seen either of 'em in ten years," My father sighed heavily. "I didn't know the cancer was that bad. When Tehya told me she'd gone into the terminal ward I..."

They were both silent for a moment, and I heard a rustle. I assumed it was Billy placing a hand on my father to try and comfort him. I didn't know how to feel about the conversation having taken place; I felt like a burden all of a sudden, even though my father had made it clear that we were on the same team. I didn't want everyone to worry about me – I didn't want attention. I wanted to forget completely.

"How about you two come with me over to Emily's on Thursday for dinner," Billy distracted me by speaking these next few words, and I quickly tuned in to their conversation again. "she can get reacquainted with everyone, maybe Emily'll take her under her wing."

I didn't hear my father's response, but I heard Billy's grunt of approval before he convinced my father to drink a few beers and watch the game with him. This allowed me a couple minutes to slip back into my room quietly before either of them noticed that I had been eavesdropping, and I shut my door as I heard them move into the living room. Deciding to occupy myself with changing myself out of the clothing I had worn on the way here, I took the opportunity to think about what had been said about me.

Moving to La Push had been a decision that I had been forced to make. I could not have stood a life alone back in Vancouver, and knew that this was the right choice for me to make despite it being the only choice, but I hadn't wanted to come back to a reserve full of people whose only focus was going to be to care for me like a wounded animal. I wasn't sick, I wasn't in grief, I didn't consider myself in shock. I just wanted to be left alone. Was that so much to ask?

I quickly grabbed my new sketchbook and the first pen I could lay my fingers on as soon as I had changed into a pair of sweatpants. I tied my long black hair into whatever awful excuse for a ponytail I could muster, and began to sketch furiously. I drew anything I could think of or depict; without spending a millisecond of a thought on each idea. Drawing was liberating for me in the sense that I didn't have to share it with anyone and could create whatever I wanted to. My artwork was private and intimate; something that I used as a very important tool to express myself. It wasn't something that everyone needed to look at, which caused me to put a lot of trust and faith into art.

As I sketched, I further continued to debate inside my head and tried to think of what my father had reacted like the night I informed him that I was leaving to go to the terminal ward with mom in the morning. He must have been devastated, knowing that his ex-wife – who I was fairly certain he had been attached to right up to her death – was going to die in a short manner of time. I hadn't been thinking about who else her death had affected but me, as I had been the only one with her when it had happened. I had felt so alone, but I hadn't considered the possibility that my father also felt the same way.

I looked up suddenly and found myself in the direct eye of sight of my mother's ash container, fit for travel and ready to be transported to the nearest overlook so that I could scatter her into the Pacific. It was extremely disturbing, knowing that the main guiding light in my life was now stuffed into this small container and ready to be thrown into the sea forever. I didn't like it.

I didn't like it sitting in my room as if it was waiting for something. I didn't like it facing me expectantly. I didn't like knowing that it was my mother's charred remains in there. I didn't like thinking of when I was going to have to scatter it. I didn't want to, but at the same time I wanted to throw myself out the door right then and there and sprint to La Push beach so that I could get rid of her memory.

I wasted two hours trying to decide what to do, and another two drawing some more while I again tried to decide what to do.

Before I knew it it was one in the morning, and there was a soft knock on my door.

"Kid?" It was Billy.

"Yeah?" I called back, causing the older male to open the door.

"Your father's asleep out on the couch," He explained, jacket on and obviously ready to take his leave. "I'm headin' home. You feelin' up to seeing Jacob tomorrow? He's real excited you're back."

"Sure." I shrugged, not wanting to disappoint anyone, and figuring that the least scary of all the people here was going to be Jacob. I remembered him like a brother.

"You know," Billy spoke up again after a pregnant pause, regarding me strangely once more. "your father never really did let go of Sally."

I inhaled sharply at the name I hadn't heard since the doctor's had pronounced her time of death, now glaring towards Billy. I was surprised to see him match my expression, and remembered the reason I had respected this man so much. Billy spoke boldly, but never without good reason. Unlike my father, every single word he said held meaning and he never partook in a conversation that was not worth something.

"You need each other," He continued, unforgiving. "and whether you like to admit it, this screwed you both up. But this is a place of healing. It may be hard to open up to that at first, but you have to be open to heal."

I didn't want to admit it, but I knew he was right somewhere deep inside of me. This acknowledgment was currently in an inaccessible part of my brain, but in another separate part of my mind I knew that he was correct. I just wasn't ready to hear it; I will still in the phase of simply accepting the fact that I was going to have to complete the rest of my life without my mother in it.

"Goodnight, Billy." I politely excused him without further need for discussion, and he breathed deeply in understanding before responding to the gesture and letting himself out.

I didn't bother locking the door behind him, and spent the rest of the night sketching away with all of my might. I couldn't remember whether I slept or not, fearful of having the same nightmares that had occurred in Vancouver even with my dream catcher above my head and feeling uncomfortable in my new bed. All I knew was that when I woke up the next morning, it was nine and my father was telling me that Jacob was already in our living room.

Groggily rising from bed and squinting towards my windows that had magically produced closed blinds out of nowhere, I resolved to head to the bathroom and straighten out the bird's nest that was my hair before going to greet Jacob.

I didn't get that chance.

"Tehya!" A large mass suddenly barreled into me, blocking my way into the bathroom and lifting me into the air in an extremely warm hug.

"Jacob!?" I pulled back almost instantly to look at the huge eighteen year old in surprise. "What the- you filled out!"

"From when I was eight? Yeah." He laughed wholeheartedly as he pulled me into another hug with muscles I couldn't even believe he had grown, spinning me in a large circle before setting me down.

"You're, like, really warm," I commented, reaching for his skin and feeling the absurd temperature. "You sure you're not sick? I don't want to make you take me around if you're sick."

"It's a genetics thing," Jacob shrugged my comment off, and this calmed me enough so that I didn't feel guilty going out on a walk with him.

I was still shell-shocked at his size, and when my eyes finally took in the details of his face the first thing I noticed was that his traditional long black hair had been cut into a very short faux hawk.

"And your hair?" I reached up to touch it, then let out a grunt as I realized I wasn't nearly tall enough. Standing at 5'5 and weighing a mere hundred pounds at this point, I recognized that beside Jacob I must have looked like a small rodent. "Am I going to recognize anyone else around here?"

"Probably not," Jacob smiled once more, eyes crinkling with joy. "a lot has changed. Including you – you look...different!"

"Well," I started slipping into the bathroom and duly noting his remark about my sleepy appearance. "gimme five minutes, and my hair won't look like a rat just made a home in it."

He agreed with a soft smile, and I continued about my business. Quickly braiding my hair to the side, splashing my face with cold water and brushing my teeth, I managed to pull on jeans and a sweater all in the span of five minutes. I was out of my door and ready to step outside, eager to catch up on what had happened at the reserve. Eager for a friend, despite my opposite desire to be left alone. Eager for a distraction. And besides that fact, I was actually happy to see Jacob – which meant I was feeling something other than numb.

"Got your cell phone?" My father asked as Jacob and I made for the front door. I lifted the cellular device up in response, and waved goodbye. "No breakfast?"

"No thanks!" I called back, shaking my head and wondering when he would stop asking that question. I grabbed a bottle of water instead, and knowing that if I chose not to eat then the last I could do for my body was to keep it hydrated. "See you later, dad."

"So," Jacob started in a familiar tone as soon as I had closed the door, and my heart clenched before he even said the same words his father had told me. "I'm sorry about your mom."

I didn't reply, hoping that he would catch the hint that I didn't really want to talk about it all that much. I hadn't really had friends in Vancouver; my mother and I had spent all of our time together and had been closer than anyone else, so the need for friends never really struck me. But here, where I actually knew almost everyone on the reserve since since childhood, things were different. And I was certain that Jacob was capable of picking up on the sign that I didn't want to talk about my mother.

"Everyone's gonna be really excited you're back," Jacob quickly changed the subject, and in the place of the numbness that had settled inside of me I felt the black mass that was anxiety rise up. "and some others are excited to meet you."

"Others?" More fear and anxiety bloomed in the pit of my stomach. It partially engulfed some of the feelings that hadn't budged since the last day in the terminal ward, but did not completely extinguish them. I knew that this anxiety was coming from the fact that I was going to have to socialize and bear more stares of sympathy – I didn't know how much of that I could take.

"Well, let's see," Jacob squinted his eyes as he placed his hands in his pockets, and I listened intently. "who haven't you met...Collin? That's about it."

"Well thank God." I muttered, placing my hands in my pockets, anxiety diminishing slightly as I accepted that almost all I would be doing was reacquainting with people. "So when did Harry Clearwater pass?"

I expected a bit of silence after this question, and stared towards my feet as I waited for Jacob to respond. We hadn't decided a course for our journey, simply walking where the roads of the reservation took us. From what I could see, they were leading us down to to the beach.

"Two years ago," Jacob answered glumly, causing me to pull my head back up and look at him. "Cardiac arrest."

"Billy said Seth and Leah took it pretty hard when it happened," I decided to mention, and Jacob nodded again. "poor kids."

Again, there was that strange odd look towards me, as if to say 'that's how we all feel about you', but I was glad that he didn't voice his thoughts. I knew that this was the same way everyone felt about me, but because it was me in my own head it felt completely different. I didn't want anyone's sympathy. I didn't want their weird looks or their apologies. It was no one's fault my mother had passed and it was something that no one could have been able to prevent; the fact that people kept bringing it up made it all the more painful and I just wished it would stop.

There were several beats of silence before Jacob spoke again, both of us now appreciating the land around us. More houses had sprung up in the last ten years, but all in all the reservation was just like I had remembered it. It was a bit ridiculous to think that it was possible remembering the ways around here, but I had always had a good memory even at a young age.

"Feel like seeing the beach?" Jacob asked, and I nodded once before we simultaneously switched our road path towards La Push beach. "It's quiet today – everyone's at school or busy, so I figured it'd be a good day to bring you out."

I didn't mention that I was supposed to be in school, instead nodded along and following him down a small hill where some wood had been placed to make makeshift steps. It was then that I noticed his lack of jacket, and his short sleeves. For a chilly day in April, this outfit was a bit off.

"Aren't you cold, Jake?" I asked, eyeing his thick arms dubiously.

"I told ya," He looked back at me with a wolfish grin. "It's genetics."

"Some genetics!" I teased for what was probably the first time in months. Jacob had already put me in a better mood with one simple conversation, which was remarkable.

We stepped onto the sandy beach seconds later, beginning to make our way across the sandy stretch towards the logs that had always been scattered here. Jacob hadn't responded to my retort, and I was already distracted with the view of the beautiful Pacific ocean. The thought of my mother's ashes passed briefly in my head, but I was glad that I had not taken them with me. I wanted my father to be present when I scattered them, for one, and secondly I still wasn't sure if I was ready to part with them despite how troublesome they were sitting in my room.

"I forgot how beautiful it was here," My shoulders slumped as I acknowledged the wonder that was my reservation, proud that I belonged to the Quileute nation residing in Forks.

"I feel like I take it for granted sometimes," Jacob admitted, although it was clear that even with that comment he knew the value and the beauty of the natural world surrounding him.

We spent a bit more time on the beach, calmly chatting about how everyone was doing – most of the boys were involved in some sort of 'rebuild the community' project as well as school, besides those who had graduated. This was new information for me, and I couldn't help but crack a small smile at the idea of Paul and Sam trying to plant trees, mow lawns or garden. I wasn't sure what they were literally up to, but it was nice to know that they were doing something.

"So you and Harry are coming to dinner at Emily's tomorrow night?" Jacob asked, now busying himself with skipping stones into the ocean.

"I overheard as such," I nodded from my spot on a nearby log, remembering what Billy had told my father last night and briefly thinking about the girl who must have now been in her twenties. "How's Emily doing?"

Jacob sighed lowly before turning around and grimacing. "She was mauled by a bear about five years ago – a little bit before she started seeing Sam."

"Really?" I let my eyebrows raise at this news, which was more shocking than Harry Clearwater's death. "Poor Emily...Billy was telling me about more bears in the area than usual, but this is..."

"Bad, we know." Jacob grimaced again, this time more strangely.

Another several beats of silence passed between us. My friend approached the log I was sitting on and gave me a supportive pat on the shoulder, sending a streak of reassurance through me for a reason I wasn't aware of. Jacob's hand was warm and his presence was comforting, giving me something to cling on to amongst these bad tidings.

"We're taking care of it," He assured, and I shot him an uncertain, quizzical glance which caused him to explain himself. "we've upped our security; got some people running armed patrols at certain times of the day or night."

This set me at ease by a tiny bit, grateful that the members of our community would sacrifice their time and safety for the general populace of this reservation. These were heartwarming gestures in risky times, and I was very shocked that the simple word 'armed' could bring so much comfort. I hadn't expected to be so calmed by it.

"Jacob..." I was suddenly distracted as my eye caught something near his shoulder, and I realized that there was ink embedded into his skin. "A tattoo? When did you get that?"

"Yeah," This time Jacob only let out a sort of half smile, but in itself it seemed half-hearted. I would have expected him to be proud, but instead he seemed half regretful. I chose not to ask whether he was sorry about the life choice or not.

"Lemme see," I requested softly, not wanting to touch him without permission but curious enough to ask. "Can I?"

"It's the tribe's symbol," He explained without missing a beat, but refusing to show the whole design. Since I was familiar with the Quileute symbol, this calmed my curiosity a bit. "Some of the others have it as well."

"I remember," I mumbled, thinking back of the times in my childhood when we had gone down to the marina and seen the tattoo on several men and women. "Did it hurt?"

"Like a bitch," Jacob laughed this time around, and I found myself growing accustomed to the sound.

We spent a bit more time at the beach before revisiting the tribal school and even walked so far as to see the tribal court and the tribal council's building, where both of our fathers and other council members such as Sue Clearwater and Quil Ateara III worked. Jacob told me that we could go visit the marina another day as he didn't want to over pack my morning, and so we began the trek back to my house. We walked back up River Drive until we reached my father's, making small talk about what each of us had been up to in the last ten years.

I discovered that Jacob had recently taken to a girl named Bella, with whom there was plenty of drama with due to her boyfriend who Jacob clearly despised. He had also gotten into fixing cars and bikes in his spare time, which I was glad to hear. If he was stressed out about anything, at least he had an outlet to relieve himself with. I wasn't so glad to hear about this mystery girl and the antics that she was starting, but whatever made Jacob happy made me happy.

My father was standing on the rickety front porch when we got back.

"Nice walk, you two?" He drank out of a large mug I presumed he had made tea in, since I remembered my father was not a coffee drinker.

I thought of Billy's words to me as I looked up towards my father, and how he had told me that we needed each other not only for support but to heal successfully. It suddenly struck me that my father had jumped into action upon hearing that I was alone, and had dropped everything here to go and take care of me. When I looked at the bigger picture, our once-a-month phone calls for ten long years didn't seem so awful because my father had proved to me that when I needed him, he was there for me. All in all, my father had done what he could do without bothering my mother at all and trying his best to be there for me at the same time.

"Mhm." I yawned and nodded, just now noticing how tired I was from the lack of sleep I had been getting over the past month.

All I really wanted to do at the moment was go back to bed under my warm covers and sleep through the next couple years of my life, but I supposed I would have to settle for just a couple of hours.

"I'll let you nap," Jacob caught on fast, and I smiled in gratitude although the gesture did not reach my eyes. "I'm really glad you're back."

He took me off guard by pulling me into another hug, and I returned the action as best as I could with such a small frame. I really felt weak beneath him, although I knew that Jacob would have never viewed me in such a way. In fact, he didn't even wait for a response – he knew he didn't need one and that I wasn't comfortable giving one back to that remark – as he took his leave.

"It's nice to see you, Harry! I'll see you guys tomorrow!" Jacob waved once at my father, and bounded off of our porch before jogging into the distance. I almost shook my head, wondering how he could be so full of energy after the long walk we had shared. Perhaps it was because of my weight and muscle loss, but I was extremely exhausted and on the verge of collapse.

"He grew into a nice kid," My father closed the door behind me as we went inside, looking for my reaction. "Didn't he?"

I nodded in agreement as I shed my light jacket and took off my shoes, finally meeting my father in the eyes.

"Thanks for helping me, dad." I felt it needed to be said, and his reaction proved it worthwhile.

"Of course," My father seemed a little bit surprised at first, but then took a step forward and laid a kiss on my forehead. "I'm always here to help."

With that crucial conversation concluded, I finally made off to my room where I indulged in my desire to rest and practically face planted on my bed without changing my clothing. I let sleep and exhaustion overcome me, and quickly faded. I wasn't aware of if I moved or not, but I peacefully drifted off to the world of dreams, once again teasing me with scenes of an alive mother and a very happy, bright future with her in it.

Somewhere in the distance, miles away from my resting place, a wolf howled loud and clear.

 **A/N: So I know that if you read the first chapter and then this one, it may be confusing because you may not have caught the edits I made in the first chapter. I suggest that if things are not matching up go back and re-read the first chapter, it may make a bite more sense now that I have updated it!**


	3. A White Demon Love Song

**'A White Demon Love Song'**

 **Disclaimer:** **In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: So again, I have gone through the last chapter and edited any mistakes I may have made – I know there were a few. I also happened to change the dates as well (just a reminder we are now in April). I actually don't have a beta, so it's me who has to go through these chapters at least five times and make sure there are no mistakes – feel free to let me know if there are any, or if there is something bothering you that just doesn't add up, etc!**

 **As another note, I am also going to add that I have included another point of view in this chapter, but for good reason. I don't usually do this as I don't really enjoy POV switches too much (they make some things hard to follow) but I wanted to try something new and I hope I didn't botch it up. Let me know what you think! Enjoy :)**

 _White demon, widen your heart's scope,_ _ **  
**_ _White demon, who let your friends go?_ _ **  
**_ _Let us be in love,_ _ **  
**_ _Let's do old and grey,_ _ **  
**_ _I won't make you cry,_ _ **  
**_ _I will never stray,_ _ **  
**_ _I will do my part,_ _ **  
**_ _Let us be in love, tonight_ **  
**-The Killers, 'A White Demon Love Song'

There was something about mornings that just made me want to vomit.

The last month and a half of sleep had been a cluster fuck and a half as it was; I was running on two to three hours of sleep per night and with little to no food to fuel me, it was taking a toll on my body. So naturally it got worse over time, and every morning was a struggle to rise out of bed and find the motivation to do anything. This, mixed in with the fact that my stomach basically twisted up inside of myself within the first three seconds of me opening my eyes, did not bode well for me at all.

Despite my father trying to help me in these situations – he had offered tea, Gravol, Tylenol and Advil to no avail – my stomach wasn't having it. It had seemingly become a stubborn organ, refusing to make my life easier and depressing me even further. Dad had now taken to trying to shove Ensures down my throat, believing that the drink they supplied old people with in nursing homes was going to do some sort of good for me. I refused the best I could, and continued my unstable diet of whatever I could stomach; crackers, broth and the occasional bite or two of solid food.

So naturally, this Tuesday morning was no different. My sleeping patterns were completely off the charts as per usual, and today I had woken at around twelve as a brief glance at my alarm clock proved.

Immediately, I felt the tightening of my stomach and groaned quietly as I pressed my face further into the pillows. All of my muscles felt like they weighed a million pounds, and were trying to sink me into the bed that was rapidly beginning to feel like quicksand. The only good thing about this morning was that my father had remembered to close my blinds again, so there was no harsh burst of light penetrating my eyelids.

It took an hour or two before I could force myself out of bed, as it usually did, and within that time the anxiety had already set in. The feelings were growing worse day by day; sometimes I could not help but allow my fingers to tremble for no reason at all, and other times I felt like it was very difficult to draw a breath – like all the air in the room had suddenly thickened. I was feeling both of these this morning, and so when I abruptly sat up and went to stand I didn't calculate the feeling of light headedness that would swiftly follow.

Before I knew it darkness filled up my vision and I was out like a light.

"Tehya? Tehya!"

"What the hell..." I had fainted. Of course.

 _Idiot._

"Can you hear me?" My father, ever so fretful, was holding my head up off of the floor.

"Yes," I hissed, blinking my eyes several times before groaning again. "Jesus."

"Thank god – you scared the crap out of me," He let out a 'woosh' of air from his mouth, leaning back and dropping his shoulders as some stress fell off of him. "All I heard was this god awful 'thud' – I thought you'd had a stroke or something worse."

"I'm fine dad," I assured, accepting his assistance to stand. "Just stupid. I got up too fast."

"How's your head?" He tried to check me for injury, but upon finding nothing retreated his hands. "Still dizzy?"

"Trust me – I'm okay," I waved him off with another yawn, grabbing my blanket and taking it with me into the bathroom. I was sure that he was puzzled by my antics, but today I was determined not to go anywhere without the security and comfort of my bed's blanket. I just wasn't having it today. "I'll put some ice on it if it gets swollen."

"I hope it's not that bad – we're going to see Emily for dinner tonight, remember?" My father reminded me, and I nearly cursed out loud. "Everyone'll be there."

 _Shit._ I had completely forgotten about that.

"All of them?" I called back as I began to brush my teeth, blanket still secure over my recently bumped noggin and hiding my horrific bed head.

"Billy told me they said they wanted to see you." I depicted my father shrugging as he said this, and he was quiet for a moment before continuing. "Oh and – one more thing."

A beat of silence.

"Yes?"

"When you see Emily, try not to stare."

I sighed, again feeling a pang of sympathy for the scarred woman and finishing my business in the bathroom before combing my hair. I lazily tossed it into a ponytail and wrapped my blanket around my shoulders once more. I resolved to stay inside this cocoon of warmth for as long as possible today, as I had little urge to unravel myself and face the light chill of the house. I also had absolutely no motivation to do anything else besides go back to bed at the moment, but unfortunately was aware of the fact that I would not be able to get back to sleep now that I was up.

So, I resolved to hide away in my room and refused to dress myself, taking to drawing underneath my sheets like a five year old who didn't want to get caught eating candy and reading comics late at night with a flashlight. My father eventually found me out, and urged me to at least put some pants on that were not sweats. I conceded eventually after a bit of coaxing, and was reminded that we were due at Emily's around five.

My stomach squeezed even tighter at that fact, and I briefly debated telling my father that I really wasn't comfortable with seeing everyone all at once before deciding that I would have to do it at one point or another. So I shut up and pulled on my armor; the same pair of jeans from yesterday on – the only pair that fit me anymore – and a shirt that didn't smell like airplane to go with it.

I spent the rest of the spare time I had drawing, and I found that the feelings of nausea in my stomach dissipated as the hours of the day ticked by. The anxiety, however, did not diminish, and by the time five o'clock rolled around all I had managed to get done in preparation for dinner was french braid my hair. I didn't bother to take care of the deep purple bags underneath my eyes, nor the lack of color in my lips. I didn't want to hide anything, even if I knew it would cause more stares. I doubted I even had the resources to do so as make up was never really my forte and sympathetic stares were going to be the highlight of the evening regardless of if I covered up my worst features.

Around fifteen minutes before we were supposed to arrive at Emily's I found myself looking directly at my mother's box of precious items, shoved into the bottom of my closet where I knew I would not risk touching them. Despite my hands itching to go through the jewelry and pictures, curiosity beginning to erode at my stubbornness, I refused and forced myself to stay back. I knew that the less attached I grew to my mother the less pain I would feel, and so I stayed away from things that would remind me of her.

"You know," My father spoke up as we were pulling our shoes on minutes later. "we don't have to go if you don't want to. I know you might be uncomfortable."

I thought about this for a moment or two, knowing fully well that this could be my 'get out of jail free' card for the night if I really wanted it to be.

"I'll get it over with," I was honest with him. "They all want to see me, and it would be rude if I didn't show."

"Yes, but..." My father began to argue, but I cut him off to my own surprise.

"It's okay dad," I assured, hoping to make both of us feel better. "It's been a long time since I've seen anyone. It's about time."

This seemed to only make my father feel better, and although the knot in my stomach only grew tighter as we stepped out the front door I forced myself to keep walking the path towards Emily's home. I kept reminding myself that these were my friends, and that even though I hadn't seen them in ten years that didn't mean that it was going to be like meeting an entire group of new people all at once. Unfortunately nothing could quell the brewing storm of nerves inside of me, and by the time we were about one hundred paces away from Emily's home I had to stop.

"What's wrong?" My father immediately stopped beside me and turned to me, hand on my back.

"I just need a minute." I breathed, trying to calm the shaking of my fingers and trying not to think about the ten or so people that I was going to be seeing all at once in about five minutes.

I was _not_ a 'ten or so' people person. I was a 'one at a time' people person, and I wasn't really feeling particularly fond of pushing my limits today. Nevertheless, I forced myself to keep going and put one unsteady foot in front of the other until we finally reached Emily's front lawn, my father giving me unsteady looks the whole time.

I hadn't remembered the house to be this beautiful; it was full of plants and surrounded by brush, with gardening equipment stacked over to the side of the large porch. The entirety of the home was surrounded by trees, much like our own house, but there was something about this one that made it...special. Like it was a communal gathering spot simply because of how calming it was. It was then that I caught site of the large space where the sliding glass door was supposed to be, and realized that the space itself had no door in between me and the rather large group of boys that I remembered to be my friends.

This beautiful scene of calm and peacefulness was interrupted by several voices crying my name all at once, stumbling over each other as they charged towards me and tried to get through the door space structured on Emily's porch.

"Boys!" My father barked, rendering nearly all of them still and silent as they gazed between their tribe's council member and myself – about ready to jump into a hole in the ground. "Calm down – one at a time."

I must have looked like an owl; tense and ready to run with my eyes as wide as saucer plates.

I could recognize Jared, Paul and Quil...perhaps Embry, but they had all gotten taller and I was getting a little bit confused. This was extremely strange – the people I had been so familiar and comfortable with were now all teenagers or seemingly grown adults based on their size. What had happened in La Push? Had there been some sort of radioactive accident where all of my tribe had suddenly grown abnormally large muscles for their size?

"Sorry Harry," Jared was first to apologize, and barely able to contain himself cautiously made his way over to me and offered himself up for a solid hug. "Tehya – oh man, it's good to see you."

I accepted the gesture, squeezing my friend back tightly and trying to make sense of how these muscle groups had appeared on all of these skinny little twerps. Jared, on the other hand, gave me a one over that reminded me of how small I had gotten. I felt like I had gone backwards in life, and that was all kinds of messed up.

"It's nice to see you too," I offered, not realizing that there was a lump in my throat as I spoke. I couldn't figure why, but I felt the overwhelming feeling of tears building up in my sinuses. I hadn't realized how much I had been starved of these friends back in Vancouver. "I missed all of you."

I was speaking the truth, and so I took the next hug from Quil, and then from Embry, and Paul. Each of them quietly welcomed me home in their own ways, either with a hold on the back of my head or a quiet comment of how happy they were to finally have me back. None of them offered condolences on the subject of my mother, and I briefly puzzled myself thinking of why before concluding that a certain councilman must have spoken to them. This, however, did not set me off. For the first time in about a month and a half it didn't feel like I was coming back to La Push the wrong way.

I chalked the lack of condolences up to Billy Black himself, who I spotted sitting in his wheelchair behind Emily and Sam. I was immediately distracted.

"Oh Emily," I murmured, looking right into her eyes as opposed to the set of deep gashes in her face that had scarred over.

"Tehya," She took a couple feet forward and pulled me into a strong hug, which I returned immediately without any sort of doubt lingering in my mind. I had undoubtedly missed this woman; I remembered her fierceness now in my mind and was reminded that she had almost acted as a bigger sister growing up due to her age. "We never forgot about you – we're so glad you're home."

The statement was double edged in itself, but I didn't feel any bitterness towards it in her arms. I regretfully let her go seconds later, and she gently held my face in her hands for a split second before relinquishing me to Sam. I felt no discomfort in her gestures, but when Sam hugged me all I could feel was muscle closing in from all sides.

"Jesus Sam," I nearly choked, trying to hug him back but losing air fast. "You, Jacob and Paul turned into overstuffed couches."

The statement had not meant to be humorous, as I had never found the 'macho male' look to be very attractive whatsoever and I felt comfortable criticizing it, but the next thing I knew Jared, Quil and Embry were cracking up. Sam, to my surprise, was smiling wholeheartedly when I stared up at him sheepishly.

"Thanks Tehya," He rumbled, and I tried not to pull a face at his heavy baritone. "Welcome back."

I nodded solidly, and gave a wave to Billy before gazing back towards Emily and Sam. I didn't want to approach the house without being welcomed into it first, and Sam seemed to recognize this. He reeked of dominance and power, and I briefly noticed the other boys around me looking up towards him with gazes of utmost respect.

"Come in," He insisted, holding a giant arm out as Harry and I began to proceed towards the porch. "You're always welcome here."

I was instantly washed with a feeling of tranquility, and suddenly stepping into Emily's home didn't seem to nerve wracking at all. The door opened up to a large kitchen, boasting a giant table and wide counter space. The light hitting the dark wood of the home cast soft hues of yellow around the space, amplified by the now-setting sun. It was marvelous.

"We're still waiting on the Clearwaters," Billy wheeled himself in behind my father and I, and Emily graciously pulled out a chair for me. "Jacob is out back – he'll be in any second now."

Having Jacob here made me feel a bit better, although now that I had re-acquainted myself with everyone I didn't feel so out of place. I noticed the lack of presence of the mystery boy named Collin, who Jacob had mentioned I had not met, and was momentarily consumed with guilt at the thought that perhaps Jacob had told him to stay away. I hoped that this was not the case, as it would have made me feel monumentally worse about myself and my own presence here.

"Isn't there someone else missing?" I realized out of nowhere, surprising myself with the fact that I had even remembered counting more in our group from way back when. Nine boys and two girls, not including myself or any of the parents.

 _Sam, Emily, Paul, Jacob, Jared, Embry, Quil, Seth, Leah..._

"Where's Brady?" I asked milliseconds later, having gone through the names unashamedly in my head.

"Couldn't make it tonight," Billy responded easily, accepting the glass of water that Emily handed him.

I noticed then that some of the boys were seated and some standing, either leaning against furniture or helping Emily cook. I couldn't smell any food yet, leading me to believe that we had arrived early to make conversation before actually eating. Shockingly enough, I was not displeased by this fact.

"Too much homework," Sam added, eyeing all of the other boys around the room. "he's been having some trouble with school."

"So, what have you guys been up to?" I found myself bravely asking, now seated and determined to not remain an unsocial ball of awkwardness. This was easier said than done, however, but I was trying.

"School," Jared looked between Embry, Quil and Sam before answering. "and volunteering."

"Lot's of it," Embry piped up, rolling his eyes and grabbing for the bread sitting in the middle of the table. Nearly all of the boys followed besides my father, Billy, Emily and I, tearing at the carbohydrates excitedly. "we're planting a lot of trees."

"And bushes." Quil added with a slight smile, and I cocked my head before questioning this.

"How do you plant a bush?"

"You uh..." He stuttered a bit, regaining his composure quickly at the seemingly odd inquiry. "you gotta dig a hole and save the soil, then pour water in it while you plant it and fill at the same time. Then you need topsoil, and more water – it gets repetitive after a while."

"Interesting." It seemed like a completely accurate description, but it had detectable underlying tones of falsity.

"How's the reserve?" Sam quickly changed the subject, already finished his bread and slapping away Paul's so that he could reach for another. I nearly smirked at the altercation. "Just like you remember?"

"Mostly," I shrugged, eyes glued on the imminently diminishing bread supply as the boys' hands continued to grasp for the food. "I have a good memory."

"We know," Jared, Quil and Embry responded all at once, making me scoff lightly. Now I remembered why I had been closer with these boys as opposed to Paul, Emily and Sam. Jared, Quil and Embry were closer to my age category – as well as Seth and Leah – with Brady falling in at the youngest.

"That's why we were hoping you hadn't forgotten us." Emily piped up from her place in front of the stove, and I managed to shoot her an actual – albeit very weak – smile. She practically beamed.

"I didn't forget you guys," I murmured, suddenly lost in my own thoughts as I picked at my nails underneath the table. I had developed many nervous habits, whether it was picking scabs or gnawing at my lower lip until it was raw, but as I had once heard my mother say the first step of solving any problem was acknowledging it. So now any time I noticed one of my habits acting up I tried to either chew some gum or sit on my hands, which undoubtedly earned me some strange looks from my friends.

 _Friends_. What a...warm, recently revisited word.

"Emily, do you need any help?" I was overwhelmed with the desire to now use my hands for something, and was relieved when she nodded.

"You can help me cut these," She motioned towards a pile of what looked to be carrots, skinned potatoes and leeks while she leaned down to heat the oven.

Quickly washing my hands and accepting the knife that she offered, I began to cut them the best way I knew how – the way my mother had taught me. Being the cook in the family while the family still existed, she had taught me at an early age how to handle a knife and how to properly cut food. Thanks to this, I was more than comfortable helping Emily out and even earned another smile from her – although I wasn't sure if she had noticed I caught it.

I heard conversation resume in the background behind us, and for a moment it seemed as though the world consisted of just Emily and I – cutting vegetables while ignoring whatever went on around us. It was comfortable; the whole house was comfortable, and for a split second I forgot about the looming devilish problem in my life.

"Hey Jacob," Embry pulled me out of my little moment with two words, and I turned only to find my friend striding into Emily's home with a wide grin.

"Hey Embry; guys," He nodded towards the group and offered specific greetings to his father and mine, as well as Emily. It was then that my friend finally shot me a warm smile. "What, no one else is helping Emily except Tehya?"

This comment was cheeky, and caused Sam to immediately jump into action to help us. I had noticed little to no couple interaction between Emily and Sam, but held a firm belief that this was because they hadn't wanted to make everyone else in the room uncomfortable. In fact, the next time I snuck a peak at the two now working together to dice vegetables next to me, I could see that there was an obvious connection and a strong one at that. When one went to grab the knife, the other held the cutting board without words. When one went to grab at another vegetable, the other took control of the blade. They were practically buzzing with energy, trust and coordination, which made my own chopping feel like an uncoordinated mess.

"Ah – here they come," My father spoke up from his spot at the table next to Billy, and I was assuming that he was referring to the Clearwaters as I could hear voices in the front lawn. "fashionably late."

I didn't bother turning around yet, occupied with dicing the last of the vegetables and making sure that the finished little cubes of food were neatly organized into a pile on the cutting board. I did the same for the other two vegetables, now that Emily and Sam had left the counter top to go greet the Clearwaters.

"Sue, you remember my daughter Tehya." I heard my father speak my cue, and I chose to turn at that moment.

At first, my eyes only connected to Sue's and Leah's, as they were the only two in my field of vision. Leah had grown taller and thinner, with scrutinous eyes narrowing in on me like a hawk. I had remembered her as a fairly pleasant child if not relatively quiet and mild-mannered. Now, there was a fire lit behind her eyes that I felt the burn of as soon as her gaze locked into mine. I gave her a nod and as best of a smile as I could muster against her smoldering stare, and then turned to Sue.

Ever so elegant, the tribal council woman came around the table to offer me a hug. I returned it, appreciating once more the lack of condolences from everyone. Someone had definitely instructed this whole group not to say anything, but at this point the overlying tension was no longer awkward.

Then, as I let go of Sue, I finally placed my eyes on the final Clearwater.

For a good three seconds I only saw half of his face, as he had been speaking to Jared and had not looked towards me yet, but as soon as he turned fully and caught my eyes something resonated from deep inside of me. I felt like I'd been shoved in the chest, hard enough to draw the breath out of my lungs all at once in a quiet outwards sigh.

"Oh..." I heard him speak, but I could not find my words.

As I inhaled, warmth and pleasant tingling came directly with it. I felt like I was breathing the perfect drug hardwired for just me, myself and I – and at that moment the entire world was soft, gooey and warm. A feeling of light headedness came with this strange new burst of emotion, as well as the sensation of what felt like someone rubbing warm cotton sheets fresh out of the dryer throughout my whole body.

The feeling was addictive, and I found I couldn't take my eyes off of Seth's chocolate ones even when I was tempted to stumble back slightly.

"Oh," I heard him say again, and was again slapped with the sensation of shock at the sound of his voice. It was pure, liquid honey. "Oh, woah."

I drank every inch of him in; his innocent facial structure and his expression of equal awe, as well as his well defined muscle groups that had definitely changed scrawny Seth into a more brawny one. This was a very different Seth than the six year old I had left behind, of course, but I had not expected him to blossom into this good looking individual. I felt a pull, as if there was a string in my belly tugging me across the room towards him. It was magnificent.

I had a sudden urge to touch him, despite a table and several people being in our way. It wasn't until Sam slapped the back of his head that I realized Emily's beau had been talking, and I tried to shake myself out of the moment to refocus.

I felt a weird sort of tug from the other end of my rope, and suddenly these dizzying sensations all but abandoned me.

 **Seth POV**

I felt like I'd been smacked in the face with a frying pan.

"Oh..."

Time slowed.

Time stopped.

My entire body went numb, and then filled up with the most addictive sort of warmth I could have ever dreamt of. I felt a pull like I had never felt before, drawing me to her with a strength unlike any other. Every single rule about what my values and goals were in life was thrown out the window as I realized that no matter what she wanted, what she dreamt of – I wanted to be that for her. I wanted to move sky and earth, heaven and hell, anything – just to be with her. There was nothing else in the world that mattered besides this girl; nothing else comparable.

My eyes ran over every single part of her they could; taking in her high cheekbones, dark eyes and long hair pulled into a braid that cascaded down her shoulder all the way to her ribs. I wanted to go and run my fingers through it so bad that the impulse nearly burned, but I held myself back and studied the smoothness of her skin instead. Her tiny fingers and slightly up-turnt nose distracted me for only a second or two, but the swell of her chest and curves of her hips nearly broke my resolve.

My wolf liked her. My wolf liked her _very_ much.

It was just like Jacob had explained it – it was no longer gravity holding me to this great green planet...it was her. It was all her. Every part of me; every single fiber of my soul and being, was hers. It was like breathing actual air for the first time, as if everything else I had been breathing this whole time was a complete and total sham. I could feel her; every single part of her. I was inside and out, all around and seeing and breathing and feeling and -

"Oh."

I didn't even realize there was a ringing in my ears until I felt someone smack the back of my head.

Sam.

"Oh. Woah."

Tehya was looking back at me with an equal amount of shock in her eyes, although she was a bit more reserved than I had been. We had both felt the imprint, there was no denying that. But as soon as I could, I searched for the connection between us and forcefully pulled it back enough so that she wasn't overwhelmed. It wouldn't have been fair to shove the full force of the imprint on her all at once, especially with what she had recently dealt with and the fact that her father was standing three paces away from me.

"Tehya," The name filled my mouth up so sweetly I barely suppressed a shiver, and I found my chest filled up with so much overwhelming joy that I couldn't help but let out a goofy grin.

I had said her name before – millions of times back when we were six years old and playing in the mud – but this was so much different. She had grown – no, flourished into this breathtaking creature.

"Seth?"

"Huh?" My own voice didn't sound like mine anymore.

"Seth!"

I jumped slightly at the bark of my name, forcibly ripping my attention away from my imprint and placing it on my Alpha.

"Wha-"

"Move." Sam growled, placing his hand on my shoulder and forcibly guiding me out the door. As much as I wanted to shove and push and fight back – in fact every single cell in my body was screaming for me to do so and go back to the one thing in my life that I had just discovered mattered more than anything – I didn't. I knew I couldn't, not for now.

"You imprinted on my _daughter_!?" Councilman Harry Bryant was out of the house milliseconds after Sam and I, slamming the sliding glass door shut and closing the distance between us in three wide strides. "What is the godforsaken chance of this!?"

Sam tugged me away from the house and into the walkway, away from prying eyes that were undoubtedly picking apart our conversation.

"It's not his fault, Harry." Sam defended, quickly taking my side as he prepared himself for an argument. I stood behind him, still relishing in the aftershock of my imprint and unsure of what steps to take. I felt the pull – that string of connection between Tehya and I still taut even though we were walls apart. "You know that."

Harry spluttered, and I was certain that I could see a vein in his forehead puff up and nearly explode, before the thin man covered his face with his hands and let out something close to a disgruntled shout. It was short and painful, but it seemed to calm him down enough so that when he removed his hands from his visage he was much calmer.

"First Sally," He shuddered, placing his hands on his hips. "...and now this."

I felt sympathy for the man who had lost the woman he had so clearly still held feelings for, and tried to keep the thoughts of my father at bay as I knew that both Tehya and I's situations were very similar. It took several minutes of quiet standing until Harry had successfully calmed down, at which point he stepped a foot closer to Sam and I and pointed a thin finger towards me.

"She doesn't know a thing about shifting," Spit flew from his mouth and I flinched at his tone, which caused him to notice and surprisingly soften. "I didn't want her to – but now...now it's impossible to keep it from her."

"I'm sorry," I choked out, unsure of what to do and finding the words in my dry throat to express how I felt. "I didn't want to hurt anyone."

"You didn't," Sam quickly came to my defense, again holding out a hand to Harry. "we'll make sure she finds out the right way."

"There is no right way to find out about things like this," Harry shook his head. "She doesn't deserve to have these kinds of worries in her life – especially not now."

More silence. None of us knew what to say to that.

She had to know – there was no doubt of that. I couldn't keep the reality of what I was away from my imprint; not for long, at least. Even if I tried, the guilt of the fib would easily break me before anything else and my secret could not be contained for long. Now, it was just about deciding the right way to come about this. The best of the bad ways, at least.

"You," Tehya's father pointed towards me again, face stern. "you are now partially responsible for her. I'm holding you accountable...for anything that may happen."

There was no denying the weight of the imprint. It was final; there was no going back with a bond like this. It had been inscribed in fate and in the heart of my wolf himself; I knew that this was predetermined and beyond control. For the first time, I realized that Harold Bryant was actually scared. He was scared – not only of what was going on all around his reservation but scared of what his daughter was going to be exposed to and the simple fact that he would eventually have to relinquish her to me.

"That's my girl," He continued, swallowing heavily. "You understand that?"

"Yes sir." I had to show him the utmost respect; wanted to show him the utmost respect. Not only was he a councilman but he was the father of my imprint. I couldn't ruin this relationship.

"Look Harry," Sam tried to reason with the man once more. "we can all talk to her – we don't have to do this the hard way."

"If she learns of shifters, she must know of the cold ones." Harry deadpanned, and I flinched before recollecting myself. _That_ was a subject that I had not been prepared to explore, but I was willing to try. I was willing to try anything – do anything, for her.

"So we'll tell her," I boldly stepped up to the conversation plate, and took a shaky breath. "I'll tell her."

"You don't have to do that alone, Seth." Sam reminded me, no longer standing in front of my form as Harry could no longer be deemed a threat.

"I know," I mumbled, looking between my Alpha and my council leader. "We'll find a way."

 **A/N: So we have an imprint...let me know if you felt like this was a bit too soon – I tried not to rush too much into it, as I intend this to be a rather long tale but I did not want to delay the exchange for too much time as there are other events in the story I want to get through. Drop a review or PM me with any constructive criticisms if you wish! Will try to get the next chapter up in 3-4 days. :)**


	4. Shooting The Moon

**'Shooting The Moon'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: So we have an imprint...let me know if you felt like this was a bit too soon – I tried not to rush too much into it, as I intend this to be a rather long tale but I did not want to delay the exchange for too much time as there are other events in the story I want to get through. Drop a review or PM me with any constructive criticisms if you wish! Will try to get the next chapter up in 3-4 days. Also felt like I wanted to clear some things up thus far, and I apologize in advance for making this author's note so long, but here goes.**

 **So I've had some a review asking about whether or not Nessie will be in the story – as I stated, this is during Eclipse, and Bella has not yet had her child. So Jacob is still currently fighting for Bella with Edward. Later on in the story I will be most definitely be including all the characters; I don't intend to leave any out. The review also asked if 'she' will be a wolf; not sure what you meant by that, but there will be no new wolves introduced to the story besides the ones Stephanie Meyer has created.**

 **Another review asked if imprints usually feel the imprint themselves, and although that is not clear to me I have chosen to make it part of my story regardless. The imprints feel a strong connection between each other that is very clear and different from any other relationship they may have been in, and personally I am making a choice to write about the imprints in a way that makes it clear that the shifter can rein back that connection as to not overwhelm their imprint. This allows their imprint a CHOICE, of whether or not to choose the shifter as their soulmate or not.**

 **That sort of control the shifter has with the imprint also comes into play when they meet their imprint for the first time and they may be seeing someone else, or the imprint rejects the idea of the shifter as their soulmate (such as Emily originally did with Sam, causing him to shift and lash out resulting in her injury). The Twilight Wikia page states that this is unlikely, as the shifter is the 'perfect soulmate' (I suggest reading this page), but you see it when the shifter imprints on someone too young and acts as an older sibling (1st stage), as the feelings of lust are naturally forced back because they do not see a woman yet. The Wikia page literally states that 'if the imprintee chooses someone else over the shape-shifter, he will be in deep emotional pain, though he will still respect her choice – and hope that she'll eventually return to him'.**

 **I felt I wanted to make it clear that Tehya felt something, and clearly knew that Seth had felt something back for her. Something like an imprint isn't to be messed around with, and feelings of imprinting cannot be forced – so when someone feels it, they feel it. And I truly believe that since the imprint is a connection between two people, at least a 1/4 of the emotions the shifter is feeling (they obviously feel more strongly) towards the imprintee are reciprocated by the imprintee herself.**

 **Hope you guys are enjoying the tale thus far!**

 _What can he tell them now  
Sorry I let you down  
Sorry it wasn't quite true  
but don't get hung up on it  
Just solider on with it  
And good luck with shooting the moon  
_-Ok Go, 'Shooting The Moon'

Emily's house was silent.

I watched my father storm out after Seth and Sam, frowning in confusion and a bit of fear. I hadn't known what had happened there, and it made it even worse that the exchange had happened in front of a group of people that were now giving me all kids of looks. I couldn't keep track of one from the other, and discomfort welled in my chest again.

What had been that sudden burst of emotions? Why had I felt that way? I hadn't seen Seth in years, same as all of my other friends – why had I felt this way with him and with everyone else so...normal? And most importantly, why had all of those lovely feelings – feelings that I hadn't been able to retain ever since my mother had left me – been reduced to microscopic size seconds after I had just begun to relinquish in the beauty of them?

"Great," Leah spat venomously, for reasons I could not comprehend. "Just fucking perfect."

"Leah!" Sue cried, whipping around to face her daughter in horror as I stared on in confusion and hurt.

Leah wasn't haven't any of it however, and shot me a very dark glare before opening the sliding glass door and darting away from Emily's home at a surprisingly fast pace. No one tried to stop her, and there was no sign of Seth, Sam and my father returning anytime soon either. So, I was forced to stay nailed to my spot in the ground, uncomfortable as I had first been when I had arrived.

"What was that?" I forced the question out of my lips, flipping towards Billy expectantly and trying to calm the tremors that were causing my hands to practically vibrate. When he didn't answer, I turned to Sue desperately. "Sue?"

"Seth has been going through a hard time too Tehya," She responded after a moment, face contemplative. "I think he was just really happy to see you."

That didn't _at all_ feel like what had happened.

"Why don't you help me with the turkey?" Emily came up and gently touched me on the small of my back, and despite the very discomforting situational circumstances I felt calmer.

"Sure." I mumbled, feeling mildly disappointed with everyone around the table for denying me an answer to what had truly occurred between Seth and I. It was like grade school all over again; everyone else but you knew the secret.

Emily and I prepared the large portion of turkey almost wordlessly, both of us well experienced and not needing to instruct each other on what to do. She complimented me a couple times on my skill and speed at which I was getting this bird ready for the oven, but I couldn't even find it in myself to smile back at her, and so I just nodded. I was frustrated, which wasn't the emotion that I wanted to feel at the moment. Of all of those lovely things I had felt, the only thing I had retained was anger? That just wasn't fair.

My father, Seth and Sam were also taking quite a while to get back, which only angered me further as I tried to figure out what on earth they were talking about. Why had my father gone with them? What did he have to do with this? Was he keeping secrets behind my back as well?

"Is there more bread?" I heard Jared ask Paul, and without a word I reached for the next basket full of bread sitting near the oven – one that I assumed was put there because Emily had predicted this sort of thing happening – and put it in the middle of the table.

"Thanks Tehya."

Once again, the remaining boys practically demolished the basket and finished half of it within seconds, before Billy reminded them that there were other people in the house and that more food was on its way.

"Boys, could you set the table?" Emily passed Jacob plates, and I dutifully handed Quil the silverware.

The rest organized napkins and cups until the whole table was finished, at which point Sue got to work making a salad and Billy resumed low conversation with the other boys. I couldn't hear what he was saying, and as soon as he opened his beer with a crack I didn't bother trying to listen in anymore. Obviously there was a general opinion that I was not to know what had transpired between Seth and I.

The turkey would be ready in about a half an hour, enough time for Emily to make her soup. She had put the carrots in the oven with the turkey, and the potatoes and leeks were placed in a large pot with boiling water as well as some beef cubes. She added a spice or two for seasoning, and then began to stir with a Cuisinart. I was briefly lulled by the buzzing of the kitchen equipment, before the sound of the sliding glass door opening caught my attention. I turned quicker than I wanted to, but found myself compelled to do so and was rewarded with the sight of my father, Seth and Sam.

There was little of the connection I had felt upon first laying eyes on him, but I suddenly acknowledged the sensation of a connection. Not physical or emotional, but something existing outside of the material world that could not be put into words. It was as if I was reaching out into the dark and felt someone there for the very first time.

"Everything alright boys?" Billy took another long sip of his beer and looked up towards my father and Sam, who were flanking Seth on either side.

Sam gave a gruff grunt, as if to say 'yes', and quickly walked over to the fridge to fetch some water. I had thought that he would have been the type of person to fetch a beer, but apparently this was not so.

Refocusing my attention on Seth, I noticed quickly that the boy could not stop staring for the life of him. I diverted my gaze several times as my father circled around the table to give me a kiss on the forehead, as well as when I spotted Embry, Quil and Jared shooting Seth secretive grins.

They were idiots if they didn't think that I noticed all of this.

"Dad," I stopped my father from going to help Emily as conversation resumed around us, ignoring Seth's gaze for now. "What's going on?"

"I'll explain later." He promised, and his eyes did not lie.

Against my wishes my father left me standing alone in the kitchen, uncomfortably fidgeting until I gathered the courage to move back to where Emily was still tending to the roast. I began to help her glaze it, refusing to look back at Seth who I knew was still staring adamantly towards me. I felt irritation well up in my chest again at the unfairness of this situation, stubbornly refusing to interact with anyone until I had received somewhat of an answer.

Why was all the good, all of the things that made me happy, always snuffed out like -

"Hi."

I jumped about half a foot in the air, bashing my knee on the counter in the process.

"Motherf -" I managed to halt myself from swearing by holding a clenched fist to my mouth, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to zone out the pain.

"Shit! I'm sorry!" The now familiar voice of Seth took over, remorse coating his tone as he hovered even closer to me. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine," I gritted out, noticing that the pain was diminishing fast - suspiciously fast, in fact. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Emily raised a brow, having stopped her glazing to look on worriedly. "You hit your knee pretty hard there."

"I'm really sorry!" Seth blurted again before I had a chance to respond, and I turned my gaze to the boy who was looking more and more like a guilty puppy with each passing second.

"I'm okay Seth," I stretched my leg out slightly and was relieved to find no pain whatsoever. "It's alright."

He seemed only slightly comforted by this, and perhaps more excited by the fact that I had used his name as his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when I said it, and tried to continue to apologize yet again. It was as if he was a broken record, unable to exhibit anything else but remorse at the moment.

"Would you like to help us, Seth?" Emily quickly interrupted him before he could ramble some more, and the boy nodded viciously. "Alright, why don't you help Tehya start on the pie - the cherries are in the fridge."

Seth immediately went to work grabbing all the supplies while I washed my hands, and when I turned back around I was shocked to see that he had gathered all the materials to make the dessert. Flour, eggs, milk, butter, salt, a rolling pin and all other equipment were evenly laid out on the countertop ready to go. Only the cherries were missing.

"Do you know how to make a pie?" I asked him curiously, recognizing feelings of anxiousness reappearing in my stomach as I realized that I actually cared what Seth thought of me.

"Nope," Seth was brutally honest, and I found myself appreciating this quality in him. "I'm terrible at cooking."

"The last time he tried to make pasta it nearly caught fire," Emily chuckled from his other side, Seth being sandwiched in between us. "I didn't even know that was possible!"

"At least I learned something," Seth smiled, and the action almost made me smile as well before I caught myself. "Right?"

"Right." I echoed dumbly, more than familiar with the rule that mistakes encouraged learning and more than happy that Seth was familiar with it too.

I quickly began the process of making this pie by slathering the pan in butter. I gripped the packaged end with my hand after having spread a decent amount of the salty stick onto the metal and tossed a moderate handful of flour into the middle. Spreading the white powder was like second nature to me as I lifted the pan up in the air before rotating it gently and tapping on the side with my other hand to allow it to spread. Seth watched attentively the whole time, although I was fairly certain that his gaze diverted from the pan to my face several times.

"It looks so easy when you do it," Again there was that theme of honesty on his part, but I didn't have the courage to look at him after I had placed the pan gently back down on the countertop. "You're really good at this."

There was something about compliments that made me uneasy, and it wasn't just because I didn't believe they were true - it was because even if someone else believed a good thing about me I didn't want to hear it. I felt as if I didn't deserve to hear it, and I was forced into a position to accept the compliment when I didn't want to.

So instead of acknowledging his compliment, I set out making the dough of the pie crust, giving Seth a change to mix the properly measured out ingredients in the bowl as I slowly poured each in. He was doing a nice job of it, and against my will my eyes easily trailed up his arms five or six times during the process as his muscles clenched and unclenched.

"Do you like baking?" Seth asked me, sparing a second long glance towards me with a sweet smile. I could feel it pull at the strings of my numbness, unravelling it by just a tiny bit. "And cooking?"

"It's calming," I confessed, pouring more flour into the mixture and itching a scratch on my nose. "I like it, yes."

I hadn't imagined that he would have been asking these sorts of questions, and I hadn't imagined that I would have been answering them. Cooking had been an activity that my mother and I had shared, and I hadn't revisited it since her death. Things that reminded me of her in any sort of way I had tried eliminate from my life, as to not harm me further with the memory of her. I hadn't been open to accept that perhaps it was possible to continue those activities in a different light, and I briefly thought back to what Billy had said about healing.

"I like it too," Seth distracted me from my thoughts with his simple remark. "I just wish I was better at it."

A moment or two passed between us after this statement, and with it I felt a surge of desire to make an effort in my life for the first while. So, I took a step I hadn't made in years; I tried to make a friend.

"I can...teach you?" My bold offer came out as more of a question than I had hoped, but Seth still took it extremely well.

"Really?!" His expression immediately changed from one of tranquility to one of excitement and joy, eyes lighting up just like they had done minutes earlier when I had spoken his name. "You would do that?"

"Yeah, of course." I agreed, despite my growing concern that cooking and baking was going to bring back memories I wasn't comfortable with. I wanted to try maintaining these friendships, at the very least, now that I was back home - Seth was just a part of that equation...right?

"Okay - we're gonna have lots of fun," Seth visibly tried to calm himself down, and resumed mixing again as soon as he had given me an award winning smile. "I promise, I learn fast."

"That's alright," I was again shocked at his positivity, but this time recovered quicker. "Don't rush. We can start with easy stuff."

"Sorry - can I...?" Seth suddenly interrupted, reaching out towards my face.

At first I flinched, making him retract slightly, but upon acceptance that he was not going to do me any harm I allowed him to reach for the tip of my nose where he wiped gently with the pad of his thumb. His skin was warm; as warm as Jacob's and all of the other boys if not warmer. Despite the strangeness of these 'genetic qualities', the warmth was actually sort of pleasing to the touch and I yearned for more of it.

"Sorry," Seth quickly murmured bashfully as he slowly lowered his hand. "You had some flour…"

"It's okay," I affirmed, wiping my now clean nose with the back of my hand. "T-thank you."

I checked to see if Emily had noticed this embarrassing moment, and noticed that she had quietly backed out of the kitchen when she had gotten the change. She was at the table next to Paul now, leaving Seth and I in the kitchen alone.

 _What a sneak._

We resumed our pie-making quietly, now placing the dough on the counter with some flour underneath it so it wouldn't stick. Seth and I took turns rolling it until it was of decent thickness for the crust, and placed it in the tray together gently. I cut off the excess sides to allow for a design on the top, and seth quickly went to work making the dough strands for that task. I busied myself with looking for the cherries in the fridge, where Emily had mentioned they would be.

The pre-made mixture was poured carefully into the dough covered tray by myself, and after it had settled Seth and I went to work criss crossing the strands of dough on top of the surface of the pie. Despite being large and quite intimidating - I hadn't really realized how tall and muscular all of these boys were until I was up close to them - Seth handled the dough extremely delicately.

"You're good at this." I offered my own compliment, watching his fingers weave the food carefully.

"Thanks!" Seth glowed with this compliment, and his reaction only made me want to compliment him some more.

I felt a sudden push to tell him how sorry I was for the loss of his father, but held myself back as I knew that that was the last thing he wanted to hear. It was the last thing I wanted to hear in my situation as well, which was why despite my feelings of frustration towards the entire room for not telling me what on earth had transpired between Seth and I, I was still grateful that nobody was drowning me in their sympathy about my mother.

She was always there in the back of my mind, no matter who I was with. I knew that I would have to carry this loss - this weight, like an anvil in my stomach - with me for the rest of my life. There was nothing I could do about it; it was about acceptance at this point and I was stubbornly refusing to heal. I was stuck in this awkward in between, sort of like a limbo that I couldn't break myself out of no matter how hard I tried. It was uniquely infuriating.

" - move back?"

"Sorry, what?" Like an idiot, I had zoned out and completely missed a question Seth had fired at me.

"I asked how you were adjusting to the move back." Seth repeated himself politely, finishing the last of the criss cross pattern.

"It's okay," I tried to be honest, knowing that in different circumstances I would have been much happier to return. "I remember a lot...but a lot has changed."

As I said this our gazes both turned to each other, attentive and aware.

I knew we were both aware of what we had felt, but I knew that neither of us was going to mention what had happened and I clearly wasn't going to receive any answers from anyone else around here. So, I resolved to hide my feelings and instead cautiously went to place the pie near the oven, checking on the turkey. It had been a full half hour and the food looked cooked, so I called Emily over and had her examine it.

Minutes later, both the turkey and soup were sitting on the dining table and the pie was in the oven. Everyone sat, ready to eat - and complimented Emily on the food. She looked to me and seemed ready to credit me with some of the preparations, but the look I exhibited made her think twice.

Good ol' Emily. I had forgotten how helpful and nurturing her personality was.

The multiple spoons in each dish originally puzzled me, but as soon as Emily prompted everyone to start taking food I understood why. The boys tore at the meal the same way they had torn at the bread earlier, and again I found myself mesmerized with the way they were capable of eating such huge portions. Even Jacob, who I imagined as a calm and collected eater, was tearing away at the turkey as if it was going to uncook itself and run away. I suddenly felt very out of place picking at my food like a peckish pigeon.

Yet, despite being surrounded by all of these apparently starving boys, my urge to eat still did not return.

"You'll like the soup," My father urged quietly, pouring me a small bowl of the potato leek concoction and passing me a spoon. "Just try it."

Liquid foods I was alright with, and so I obliged and tried several bites without complaint. This satisfied my father who resumed his conversation with Billy, and I finished my soup as well as a glass of water. Then I sat, not making conversation and simply waiting for dinner to be over. I didn't feel like making conversation, even with Seth - who was failing miserably to avoid staring at me from across the table.

His eyes were quite obviously running over my features; the thinness of my wrists, the dark bags underneath my eyes, the pallor on my cheeks and the way I was gnawing on my lip all the while trying to focus on a story Embry was telling. Seth's gaze felt white hot on me, and I was sure that if someone were to ask I could have pinpointed exactly where he was staring each second.

I felt a bit of anger at this; knowing that someone was picking me apart with their eyes, and so for a split second shook him off with a glare and a frown. He diverted his eyes immediately, as if I had burned him with my own, and did not look back up at me for quite a bit. I was distracted when Emily mentioned her old reservation - the group was now discussing federal government funding of La Push - and for a good ten minutes paid no attention to my half of the table.

Some of these families had come from the Makah reservation near ours, such as Emily's. She was second cousins with the Clearwater siblings - one of which was still staring at me with the utmost attentive and passionate gaze - and many families like hers were related to others in this reservation. Our family had no cousins, aunts or uncles - my parents had been only children and all of our relatives had passed away. It was quite sad, really, knowing that our family line had been reduced to such pathetic numbers.

"Do you think you're gonna come to school with us Tehya?" Jared singled me out, to my chagrin, and I was forced to answer his question.

"Eventually," I tried to make myself sound as calm as possible, not wanting to be pressured into re-attending school when I was certain that I was just going to fail. "We'll see."

My father said nothing, much to my surprise.

"It'd be really cool if you did," Quil smiled, but I couldn't find it in myself to return the gesture. Ever since I had finished that stupid pie all I wanted to do was go back to bed. Everything sucked, and the fact that I was confused and frustrated made my mood even worse. "You'd get to hang out with us all day."

I nodded at this, but said nothing as I wasn't sure who 'us' insinuated. Instead, Sue picked up the conversation by asking Quil where his great grandfather was. I had already noticed that most of the boys had come on their own without their parents or extended family, and that Quil Ateara III was missing.

"He's still fixing our shed," Quil explained, and I tuned him out after he continued to explain why exactly his family member was missing tonight. "he was really stubborn about staying home and making sure the roof was fixed."

I made the mistake of looking at Seth for a split second, and immediately felt horrible. He looked like a kicked dog, and I couldn't blame him for being concerned about my size and condition at the moment. So as soon as he caught my gaze, I gave him the best excuse for a smile I could muster in hopes that it would fix whatever wrong I had done. It worked. The light in his eyes re-lit once more at my wordless reconciliation, and he knew he was forgiven for basically picking my stature apart.

I did however, fail to speak any words at the table until Jacob finally turned to me an hour later, clearly desperate to get something out of me. As soon as I analyzed his expression it was obvious that he was going to ask something requiring an answer, and I suddenly wished that Emily had brought out the pie already to shut him up with more food.

"There's a council bonfire coming up," He began, eyeing me curiously. "Think you're gonna come?"

A council bonfire.

I hadn't been to one, ever. Firstly because they were strictly private - only council members or anyone affiliated with the ring of protection (or so I liked to call it) in La Push - was allowed to attend one. Secondly, because I had been too young to understand where my father went on those rare nights and it was only after he had explained them to me on my eleventh birthday on the phone that I understood they were secret. Council bonfires were different than council meetings in the sense that they discussed ancient Quileute histories; histories that were very sacred to our tribe and not to be trusted with everyone.

"I don't know," I shrugged, giving Jacob my best guess. "Depends on what my dad says."

The man in question was still engaged in a conversation with Billy to my right, but I made a mental note to ask him about the council later. All intentions of asking what had happened between Seth and I flew out the window, as I didn't want to confront it. I had been stupid for making a big deal out of the situation anyway, and it was silly to presume that I would have had a strange connection with a boy who I hadn't seen for ten years either way.

None of this night had made any sense, and I was exhausted. Today had been more than enough for my anti-social personality, and so with a weary heart I turned to my father and asked him if it was alright that I returned to the house.

"Are you sure?" My father double checked, and I tried to avoid Billy's knowing gaze as he looked over at me as well. Billy intimidated me no matter which way he was looking at me, and right now it felt like he knew exactly what was going on in my mind. I didn't like it; I didn't like people in my head. "You can't do another half hour?"

"I'm sure," I nodded, keeping my voice low as I didn't want everyone to be aware of how badly I wanted to get out of this house. "Please."

"Alright, just give me a minute." My father conceded, and began to turn back to Billy to no doubt say goodbye.

"You can stay, dad," I prompted, causing him to give me a strange look. I ignored Billy yet again, who was now giving me a pointed look. "It's alright if you stay, I don't mind."

"I'm not going to let you go all the way back there yourself, Tehya." My father shook his head, and I wasn't sure if it was the excess bears in the area or something else that was causing him to be this protective. Perhaps having his daughter back - his grown daughter back - was sparking a little more fire in him than before.

"I just…" I grit my teeth, not wanting to have made this point to him. "I want to be alone, please. I can take care of myself."

"Well, why doesn't Seth walk her back?" Billy suggested, and with a simple look up at him I knew he was onto me. "She'll be safer with him."

I didn't know how this old fart had become so wise; Billy had seen exactly how uncomfortable I was here and chose the one person that I had an even more uncomfortable exchange with to walk me home. Yes, it was true that I was a little more comfortable with Seth than anyone else here, but I wasn't sure how Billy had figured that out. I wouldn't have minded walking home with Seth, and so I looked towards him again in question.

"Only if Tehya is okay with it." The boy swallowed carefully, but I could see little quivers shaking him.

I looked towards my father, who looked back at me with raised brows as if to say that it was my choice. I was surprised that he trusted Seth with me, but I couldn't say no now; the whole table had gone quiet.

"Sure, that's fine." I gave up, knowing that this was going to be the fastest way home.

I didn't want to drag my father away from Billy, and I could definitely stand fifteen more minutes of Seth no problem. So I accepted the house key my father gave me, and began the process of saying goodbyes to everyone. God - I hated leaving early from things for this very reason, but it had to be done. I needed out of here, right now.

"So you're taking off?" Emily clarified, rising from her seat to give me a hug.

I confirmed her question, accepting her gesture and voicing my gratitude for the dinner she had provided me.

"Anytime." The woman smiled, and I said the rest of my goodbyes to table full of smiles. Smiles which, I realized with a start, had much sympathy laced in them.

I all but saw red.

Holding my composure as best as I could I gave one more weak wave and a kiss on my father's cheek before slipping on my light jacket. Seth was already by the door wearing nothing but short sleeves and visibly ready to go. He opened the sliding glass door for me, which I quietly thanked him for, and then we were off into the night.

"Are you okay?" The question was asked as soon as we were out of earshot from everyone else, and I had trouble answering it as I was actually shaking.

I didn't know what exactly I was shaking from; perhaps it was the anger from the fact that all along that entire room had just been hiding underlying feelings of sympathy for me, or the anxiety mixed in with that anger, but either way the feeling wasn't calming down even as we stepped further and further away from Emily's. Seth took my lack of response surprisingly well, and gave me space for the next several minutes as we traveled in silence. Our footsteps on the path was the only noise we exhibited, and thanks to this I was eventually able to begin taking deeper breaths to calm myself down. The weight of anger lifted a bit, and even though it still loomed overhead like a dark rain-cloud the wiggle room let me relax a bit.

"I had fun making the pie," Seth blurted moments later, forcing me to look up at him out of reflex. He was already looking at me - in fact I was fairly certain that his eyes had not shifted from me since we had left Emily's. "Thanks for showing me."

"You did a really good job," I nodded, placing my balls fists into my jacket pockets and forcing myself to be civil.. I hadn't even realized they were clenched. "Thanks for helping."

Another couple beats of silence sat between us as we walked some more, now over halfway back to my home.

I didn't know what to do or say to this boy that was so outstandingly positive, and so I did nothing until he made another comment. I was sure he was going to make another one, as Seth never seemed to run out of conversation ideas and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I definitely didn't feel negative about it; if there was anything that I appreciated it was distraction. But I also enjoyed peace and quiet, so I supposed I would have to see just how much regular conversation I could bear.

"Did you hear about the bear problem?" My distraction came sooner than I anticipated, in the form of Seth's new question.

"My dad mentioned them," I nodded, looking down at my feet as we walked. "Yeah..."

"We're tackling it." Seth shoved his hands in his pockets, and by doing so revealed a very familiar piece of artwork on his arm that I was shocked to see.

Seth was my age - not old enough to legally receive tattoos in this State...I had heard Jacob mentioning 'several' of the boys getting some work done, but I hadn't imagined boys as young as Seth would have been inked as well. Did this mean Jared, Quil and Embry all had the same designs buzzed into their skin?

"You too?" I motioned to the tattoo, frustration replaced by puzzlement as we kept walking.

"Yeah," He seemed reluctant to talk about his ink just like Jacob had been at first, and so I didn't pry too much. "A bunch of us got it done."

"Jacob told me." I clarified for him, and he made a noise of understanding through pressed lips.

Something was different here in La Push. It wasn't just my return; I would have never been so vain as to assume that. No - something was off. Perhaps it was my perception after having my mother die right in front of me, but everything in this world at the moment seemed tilted and shifted off of its axis. Like a painting that hadn't been hung properly and was now drooping to one side.

Improper.

Contorted, in a sense.

"Hey, is your sister okay?" I was consumed by thoughts of Leah smack out of nowhere, remembering the girl's rough exit and feeling sympathy for her rather than bitterness.

"Don't worry about Leah," Seth laughed, the sound of it music to my ears. "She'll be fine - always is."

I didn't really know how to respond to that, as it did not answer my question and shut down any more possible inquiries from happening.

"What is Vancouver like?" He changed the topic boldly, as he knew that the place that had been my home for the last ten years was a sore topic for me.

Nevertheless I resolved to answer his question, and set out describing the weather as well as the community lifestyle. It was expensive, home to many proud unique people and culturally diverse. The schools had been alright and everyone was always hoping for a sunny day, although those wishes were rarely granted. Just like Washington here in the United States, British Columbia had been Canada's 'rainy state' - or rather, province. I had enjoyed Canada for many reasons besides the healthcare and the cultural and ethnic mosaic that it was; I had enjoyed the people and the feel of it. It was a beautiful country home to many beautiful people, and although I voiced all of this to Seth I mentioned nothing of my own life there nor how shitty my return to my real home had been because of the circumstances.

"It sounds lovely." Seth offered softly a minute after my explanation, and I was about to respond until I realized that we had reached my father's house. Fifteen minutes had gone by in a flash; it had only felt like ten, and I realized I wouldn't have minded to walk further despite how tired I was.

"Oh," I murmured in surprise at the sight of my door, as if the house had appeared out of nowhere to greet me. I couldn't lie to myself; I was slightly disappointed that the walk was over. It had been distracting and grounding, putting me in a mood that was not necessarily 'better', per se, but definitely above what I had been feeling earlier. "Well, thanks for walking me."

"Anytime," Seth grinned, teeth almost shining in the dark like a row of stars. "I'm sorry if you didn't have fun tonight - I had fun. I hope we get to hang out soon."

"It wasn't all that bad," I admitted, slightly motivated by his compassion. Neither of us mentioned the spark of emotions we had both clearly felt upon seeing each other again, but at this point it was clear neither of us felt it necessary. "And I hope so too...find something you want to cook, maybe?"

"If I found all the supplies, could we cook it?" Seth offered in return, and I let out a breath of laughter at his bargaining skills. I had to hand it to him for his skill of persistence.

"Deal," I held out a hand which he shook, and he seemed relieved to see a lick of emotion in me. "See you soon, Seth."

"G'night, Tehya." This last phrase was murmured in a different way than all of his others had been spoken, and I didn't stop to try and puzzle it out. I was too tired.

I unlocked my door and only looked back once, finding Seth still standing in my front yard with his hands still in his pockets and a funny expression on his face. I gave him one final wave, which he returned, and shut the door. Finally safe inside, I locked it behind me and proceeded to the bedroom inside my dark abode where I only managed to take off my pants before I was underneath my covers and half asleep. I didn't think about anything before I allowed my brain to rest, the last memory I had before passing out being the vision of my mother's ash container still sitting ominously on the drawer across from my bed.

I dreamt of vast oceans that night.

 **A/N: I'm so sorry about the lateness of this chapter - I had hoped that I would be updating regularly but of course, my life just gets busier and busier. The next chapter will also be up 4-5 days from now. Chapters from now on will likely be weekly, unfortunately :(**

 **I hope you guys enjoyed and that my A/N at the beginning answered any questions (again, I apologize for the length of it) - let me know if it did not and I would be happy to answer them! Leave a review or drop me a PM :)**


	5. How This Came To Be

' **How This Came To Be'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: So sorry for the delay of this chapter - I have work and school and the business of life just poops on you sometimes.**

 **I had another question come in from a guest reviewer (thank you so much for giving me feedback by the way, guys!) who asked if Tehya had the 'she wolf' gene inside of her. Originally I did not write Tehya to have any sort of wolf gene to her - she may have other 'gifts' (key word being** _ **may**_ **\- I haven't decided yet), if you want to call them that, but those are all surprises for later in the story. If Tehya did happen to have that 'wolf gene', her mother's death would have likely already triggered it as she is in the prime age category to shift and traumatic experiences yield shifting.**

 **Again, thank you so much for your question, and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

 _You don't know how this came to be,_

 _I did not say,_

 _I found a way,_

 _On my own - my own,_

 _You don't know how this came to be._

-Tom Rosenthal, 'How This Came To Be'

One would have thought with all the turmoil in my life, absolutely nothing could get worse.

Unfortunately, my luck seemed to always go in the complete opposite direction and my life began the process of shitting on me early this morning. Before I had even gathered the strength to lift myself out of bed at one thirty - I had peeped at the alarm clock and grumpily affirmed that it was indeed past noon - I felt the unmistakeable thrums of nausea deep in my guts.

Out of all things, I hated nausea. Not just because it entailed vomiting, and not just because of the guarantee that it meant you were sick in some way, shape or form. No - I hated nausea because nausea was the one thing that managed to get me out of bed faster than the urge to pee on days that I absolutely didn't want to rise out of my blanket fortress.

Despite yesterday night having ended on a positive note, I had not intended on leaving my room today and winced as I felt the nausea grow significantly worse in my belly.

Rolling onto my back and throwing the covers off of my sweaty self with a huff, I evenly planted my feet on the ground next to my bed and forced myself to stand as fast as I could. I knew I was going to throw up; which was the second worse part of this whole process, but getting to the bathroom itself was ranked pretty high up there as well.

"Fuck." I clenched my stomach and winced again as another wave of nausea rocked me, throwing me a bit off of my course.

Through bleary eyes and a face partially shrouded in very messy hair, I used the walls and doorways to navigate my way to the bathroom where I finally threw open the toilet lid and retched into the porcelain throne. I knew it sounded terrible; and for that reason I expected my father to come barreling down the hallway. But I couldn't hear his footsteps, and so I assumed that he had gone out to the tribal council's building a ways away from our home.

At this moment, I was actually sort of relieved to be alone.

I didn't want anyone to see me in this state, and as I painfully heaved up stomach acid twice more in a horrid cycle I prayed that no one ever would. Not once in this thinking process did I asked myself why exactly I was vomiting - I merely chalked it up to my anxiety in the mornings getting worse and tried to push through the process.

Another god-awful retch tore its way through my throat and more stomach acid forced its way out of my stomach, causing sweat to pool on my forehead. I was sure that pressure dots were going to be making their way onto my face after this whole ordeal, as I could feel all the blood rushing to my cheeks and forehead at the sheer exertion of vomiting. I dry heaved three more times, and finally felt the awful tidal waves of nausea quell slightly in my stomach.

I couldn't help it; I slumped onto the toilet lid in sheer exhaustion, huffing and puffing through a throat that was raw beyond belief.

My body was no longer sending me signals of distress that it was going to expel any more puke, but I felt nausea thrum throughout my entire body. The waves were less intense than they had been two minutes ago, but I was still not ready to move. It took about five more minutes of panting into the toilet lid for me to be able to move at all, and even then I only managed to flush the toilet and close the lid before I had to break again. I waited another minute and then crawled towards the sink, using the countertop as a ladder to lift myself upwards and wash my face off.

I didn't even bother checking to see what I looked like, instead simply doused my entire face with water and tried to pick out the sticky pieces of vomit that had gotten stuck in my hair. Giving up as I realized that no matter how much I cleaned myself out of a sink I was still going to smell revolting, I resolved to shower instead of wasting any more time. Before doing so I took a sip or two of water from the sink, desperate to quell the fire burning in my throat.

I peeled off my clothing and heated the water in the shower up, waiting until it was steaming hot before I jumped in and began the process of scrubbing myself down. The shower was the only place where my mind could go completely blank, which made it very therapeutic and grounding. Because of this, I tended to stay in showers for as long as I could, much to the chagrin of my father who would always complain that I was hogging the bathroom.

Thankfully I was alone this time, and so I spent all the luxurious minutes in the shower that I could. I carefully washed myself from head to toe in soap, scrubbing in between my toes and fingers even though I knew there was no vomit there. I also took the time to shave, noting that since I hadn't bothered to take care of myself all the hair on my body had overgrown like brush in a forest. It wasn't until I looked towards my feet that I noticed clumps of hair sitting near the drain, and with a start I realized that this was hair from my head. This was a result of my body not receiving the nutrients it needed to survive, and for a split second I felt sorry for not paying attention to my own body's needs before the overwhelming numbness set in again, and I couldn't care.

I still felt dirty, even when I ran shampoo through my hair twice - a feat that was already challenging to do once thanks to the length of my locks - and conditioned it. I even washed my face a couple times, slamming my eyes shut and squeezing them tight to make sure that soap didn't burn them. I was desperate to get this gross feeling off of me, but I found that actually scrubbing myself down until I was raw didn't really help.

So I stood in the shower, clean skin red and raw as the hot spray of water continued to beat down on it and still feeling like a dirty stray dog. I stood there for twenty more minutes, mind absolutely blank and face most likely just as passive, before I moved.

I shut the water off and grabbed my towel all in one fluid movement, reluctantly stepping out into the now cold air of the bathroom and beginning to dry myself. It wasn't until I had dried every crevice on my body and wrapped my hair in another towel that I finally looked up at myself in the mirror, the blank in my mind finally receding.

It was no wonder people were giving me stares of sympathy; they were not just for my loss.

I looked like someone had drained me of all muscle mass. I wasn't gaunt; but I was visibly and uncomfortably thin. I could spot my ribs and my collarbones jutting out awkwardly from their places inside my body, and the spaces in between them where fat was supposed to fill in. My legs now felt gangly; too thin for the set of hips I had been endowed. I gently prodded with my spider-like fingers attached to an arm that looked like one of a bird's at my stomach, concave and utterly too pale even with my dark skin tone.

My eyes finally drifted towards my face, where I noted that my cheeks were hollow and my features were sharper than they ever had been. My lips had lost most of their color, and my brown eyes looked genuinely disturbing. This was not the way I had looked the last time I had seen myself in the mirror.

I was oddly fascinated with the way I had changed, and could not find it in myself to feel a shred of concern or feel sorry for myself even if everyone else's immediate reaction was to do so. I looked this way because I was neglecting myself not by choice, but simply because there was a void where the natural 'caring for oneself' part of life should go. I didn't find it important anymore, and for that reason I didn't find my loss of weight particularly concerning because I just didn't care.

The clear sound of the front door unlocking broke me from my train of thought, and I listened for the distinct sound of my father's heavy footsteps in the living room to signify he was home. Instead of such sounds, I heard my name being called and in response, shouted out a 'hello'.

"Did you shower?" My father didn't near himself to the bathroom, instead staying near the kitchen area.

"Yeah." I called back, waiting for his next question.

It didn't come, and so I wrapped myself in my towel before slipping out of the bathroom to head back into my bedroom. There was silence in the house until I was finished changing, only emerging out of my room to formally greet my father. He sat at the kitchen table, hunched over some formal looking papers that I could only assume were part of his work. As one of the council leaders my father had responsibilities regarding the whole reservation, and so it came as no surprise that he brought some of his work home with him.

"Hey," I greeted as I opened the fridge door and grabbed some milk, setting it aside so that I could make some tea. "Work?"

"Mhm," He made the sound through closed lips, not taking his eyes off of the forms. "We're hoping to get some more funding for the tribal school, so we have to push a bit harder than we usually do for that."

The only sound I made in response to this was with my padded moccasin slippers as I went to grab a cup from the cupboard, glad for the fur rimming my ankles as I felt a slight chill in the house.

"I didn't want to wake you this morning," My father explained himself suddenly, as I turned the stove on and filled the kettle with water. "so I let you sleep."

"That's okay." I hummed, placing the kettle on the stove and grabbing my chai tea from a drawer along with a spoon.

"By the way," Dad piped up again, reaching into his pocket with a strange expression on his face. "This was in the mailbox."

He handed me a slip of ripped paper, slightly crumpled from its journey from our mailbox into my father's pocket. When I took the slip between my fingers and turned it around, I found a messy scrawl on the other side with a number beginning with 452. It took me a moment to realize that this was my area code, and that the name I was staring at was actually familiar. It read 'Seth' with a small drawn smiley face beside it, a gesture that I could help letting out a huff of laughter at. My father raised a brow and I quieted, allowing him to get back to work while I let my water boil.

This was Seth's phone number - he had given it to me for a reason I wasn't quite sure of, but nearly against my will I found myself walking back towards my room and searching for my cell phone so that I could punch these numbers into it. Minutes later I held the phone in my hands with a brand new contact in it, unsure of what to do now. Did I text him? This felt like stupid middle school drama all over again. I didn't like being forced into this position; I didn't like being the one to make a first move, especially not in a friendship that had begun so strangely.

So I didn't do anything with it, and when I was finished making my tea simply retreated into my room without another word. My phone sat near my sketchbook as I drew, rapidly becoming about as ominous as my mother's ashes in that godforsaken container that at this point I just wanted to chuck out the window. I furiously sketched and sketched, trying my best to decide what to do at the moment until I reached a breaking point.

I couldn't sit in this room for another second; I felt like I was going to implode. I needed to get out; needed to do something with myself or else I was going to have some sort of nervous breakdown.

Ignoring my fresh tea, I pulled on my light jacket and walked to the front door, calling to my father that I was going out for a walk and that I would be back in an hour or so. He approved, and asked me if I had my phone on me. I lied. I didn't want it weighing me down, nor did I want to think about the contact that was waiting to be contacted on it. I needed to clear my head, and that meant no distractions whatsoever.

Unfortunately, I was still learning that clearing my head was easier said than done. My cranium was in no particular hurry to be cleared, and it seemed as though some things just didn't want to budge from it.

Still, I tried my hardest, and set off at a brisk pace down whatever trail I vaguely remembered. I couldn't quite picture where every trail lead and ended, but at this point I didn't care. My brisk pace turned into a speed walk, my speed walk into a light jog, and eventually - with some anger that left tackled me out of nowhere - my light jog somehow became a full on sprint.

Due to my lack of energy I couldn't exactly keep this up for long, but I sure made a decent attempt to.

Ignoring the fact that this trail was becoming surrounded by more and more trees and was actually transforming into dirt, I continued along the now unfamiliar path and began to focus on the burning in my lungs. I ran and ran and ran, allowing branches to whip at me and thistles to get stuck on my clothing as I went. I realized that adrenaline, pure and simple epinephrine, was actually creating a sort of vacuum that sucked away at the numbness. Or rather, created another overwhelming emotion that could make me put aside the numbness. So I pushed myself harder; went further.

I was now considering myself to be in the wilderness surrounding my reservation, and the trail I had been traveling on was now nothing more than a narrow path of dirt beneath my feet. I didn't care; I wasn't following a trail anymore. My eyes were everywhere all at once; the ground, the sky, the trees. I had never felt more out of it and although the feeling kept me going, it was because I was running away from it. This felt like I was on some sort of fucked up drug; I was trying to get rid of my anxiety and it was only generating more.

I could rapidly feel myself running out of oxygen, and realized that even though I was running my breaths were too deep and heavy. They were coming too fast as well, which meant I was hyperventilating.

I was having a panic attack.

I came to a sudden and abrupt stop in the middle of nowhere at this revelation, mouth hanging wide open as I continued hyperventilating. I tried to get a glimpse of my spinning surroundings, watching all the trees blur together in one big circle. I was dizzy and nauseous and now exhausted, and I couldn't help but succumb to my weaknesses. I slumped forward onto my knees and collapsed onto my hands, trying to make sense of a floor of dirt and leaves that was most definitely moving in way that it should not have been moving.

I could feel my heart beating heavily in my ears. Something was wrong...off. It made me clench my jaw and gnash my teeth together.

 _badbADBADBADDARKBAD_

My vision blurred continuously as the panic only grew worse, and I began to feel a sense of dread like I had never felt in my entire life. This dread was different than the sort I had experienced with my mother's passing, but the experience was still surreal. I had never had a panic attack before and I was almost certain that I was going to die - I could feel something awful and black twisting inside of me like a slimy eel.

 _GET ME OUTGETMEOUTGETME_ _ **OUT**_

I wouldn't notice it until later, but hot messy tears would also contribute to the blurriness that was my vision and cause hiccups in my already difficult breath rate. I couldn't take in air no matter how hard I was trying, and what disturbed me the most was not only this looming fear that I was indeed going to die in a forest alone, but the feeling that there was something else inside of me; this negative entity trapped inside of my brain, my guts - everything. _WRONGALL WRONGBADBADBADgetIT OUT_ It was nauseating to the point where apparently I couldn't take it anymore, and I must have vomited because in between all the hyperventilating and feelings of general wrongness I could feel sticky wetness on my hands.

It was at this moment that my neck snapped itself upwards towards a noise that had somehow penetrated my ringing ears, and through the strands of my still wet hair I saw what was quite possibly the largest wolf I would have ever laid my eyes on. I had already been hallucinating the earth moving all around me, so to see a creature pop up out of nowhere came as little surprise. Yet it still managed to knock me back on my ass in shock as I began to question what in the hell a wolf the size of a bear was doing in my panic attack.

At this point my vision became consumed by spectres of grey and black until gradually, at the very worst moment that it could have done so, everything faded to the latter.  
_

"...she's with us - yes...no Harry - Paul found her in the forest."

I came to abruptly after I heard this sentence, acknowledging with a rightful amount of panic that I had passed out in the middle of the woods in what was likely a nervous fit in my own pile of vomit. I breathed heavily through my nostrils, blinking my eyes open and then immediately groaning at the amount of light in the room.

It took me a minute to recognize the smell, but Emily's voice on the phone - presumably speaking to my father - had already given our location away.

"Oh thank god," My older friend breathed a sigh of relief from what I was assumed was a ways away. "She's awake...okay - see you in ten."

"Tehya?"

Seth. I recognized that voice all too quickly.

I rubbed my eyes with a hand that felt all too heavy, feeling the forthcomings of a splitting headache already. I didn't know how many people were in the room and was really unwilling to check, but I knew that I was going to have to look up at a certain point.

"Tehya - give us a sign here..."

Sam. The ever so pushy.

"I'm awake." I winced as soon as I said these words, realizing that my throat was once again on fire today.

"Do you need water?" Seth, again.

"Please." I choked out, finally removing my arm from my eyes and squinting slightly before my vision somewhat cleared.

The first person I laid eyes on was Seth, who was offering me a bottle of water with the most concerned gaze I had ever seen on someone who was not a parental figure. I spent a fair time looking at him as I drank at least half the bottle, finding a sort of calm within his eyes. I felt a bit of the anxiousness leave me then, although I wasn't sure why.

"Tehya, do you remember anything?"

That was Billy, who I was surprised to hear. My eyes slowly drifted around the room, looking for the source of his voice. They tracked over Embry, Quil, Jared, Paul, Sam, Emily and finally landed on the older black haired man, who was sitting in his wheelchair next to his son. Jacob was perched on the edge of the couch where my feet were, features tight and concerned. I wasn't sure why everyone was here.

"Not much," I admitted, finally acknowledging the concerned silence in the room. "I remember running."

This was a bit of a lie; I didn't exactly want to go over the details of such a horrid attack in front of everyone here and right after it had occurred, but I remembered a fair bit of it. It was all coming back to me now - the general anxiety, the panic, the feeling of wrongness that I couldn't escape from and the horrid sense that something was living inside of me. Something dark and abhorred and blackening. Something that felt like it was making me rot from the inside out, and I still felt it there.

"And?" Sam pushed, making my head snap towards him.

"And passing out." I continued, gulping heavily and wincing again afterwards.

"Drink more." Seth urged, and I realized that he was the only one on the floor sitting by the couch I had been placed on. This placed him closer to me than anyone else, I also realized.

I listened to him, finishing the bottle of water slowly but surely as Emily restated to me that Paul had come and collected me in the woods. My eyes drifted to the boy leaning against the fridge, watching me with grey eyes.

Grey eyes...

Suddenly that color held a lot more meaning behind it.

 _Paul_ had found me in the forest.

I hadn't seen Paul.

All I had seen was a grey wolf the size of a bear - a grey wolf whose fur matched the color of the eyes staring back at me. A look passed between Paul and I, and the look of realization that flashed in his eyes did not go unnoticed by me. I took a moment to gaze around the rest of the faces in the room, narrowing my eyes further and further as suspicion grew in my chest. Again, there was the feeling of not knowing a secret everyone else was aware of, and Paul's reaction to my gaze simply fortified this.

"I remember a wolf." I stated boldly, trying to judge everyone's reactions at this. It was hard to see everyone's reactions all at once, so I focused on Seth and found a battle in his eyes.

It was clear he was torn about something, as he wasn't looking at me but instead towards the material on the couch now. I wasn't sure what sort of internal war he was fighting, but either way his reaction gave me information. I took the opportunity to glance at Jacob, whose jaw had further clenched, and towards Billy, who was simply staring me down as if to tell me to spit out whatever I wanted to have said. Emily and Sam remained stone faced, and so did I.

Something was off not only in my brain, but with these boys. And I resolved to get to the bottom of it.

 **A/N: So we've stepped a little bit closer to the big mystery of shifting being revealed to Tehya, and I think within the next couple of chapters we might just get there! So I hope you guys enjoyed - once again, leave a review if you did, or some constructive criticism on how I could improve. If there are any mistakes I will make sure to edit within the next couple days or so.**


	6. Quiet Zone

' **Quiet Zone'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: So I believe from now on chapters will be coming at a more weekly basis (roughly…) because of the business of my life. As soon as we reach Christmas break however, I'll most likely be able to crank out these chapters much faster.**

 **I had another request from a guest reviewer to write Paul's perspective of finding Tehya, and while I do admit that I find that p.o.v request intriguing I believe that I am going to stick strictly with Tehya (and at very slim times, Seth) p.o.v's. With too many points of view in the story I find that it can get a bit confusing, so I try to avoid doing so. Thanks for the reviews, and enjoy this chapter!**

 _Wanna be in the quiet zone  
Wanna be here on my own  
Wanna see what I can do  
But I don't know what I'd be  
If you were to go_

-Tom Rosenthal, 'Quiet Zone'

The long moment of silence in the Young house never seemed to end, until Emily broke it.

"Sometimes we hallucinate things when we're in moments of panic like that," She explained, shrugging as she made her way closer to me. I watched her movements with growing suspicion, aware that she was trying to diffuse the tension. "Paul found you pretty far out there too, so it's possible it was exhaustion that took its toll."

I didn't respond to that, and simply clutched the water bottle that Seth had given me seconds ago. I didn't want to make any more brash statements, as I had a feeling that this situation was already awkward enough without me accusing anyone of anything. Besides, what did I have to accuse? I had no information; that was the problem.

"Here," Seth murmured, suddenly reaching for my hands. "Let me…"

I relinquished the water bottle to him, watching him slowly rise from his position on the ground and go to the sink where he refilled the bottle with water. I didn't take my eyes off of him until he sat back down next to where I rested, handing me the bottle in the process. I thanked him as quietly as I could, and he shot me a warm smile. I had to admit, as cold as I was at the moment his gesture thawed my heart a little.

"How do you feel?" He kept my attention, and I took a deep breath before answering.

"Weird," I frowned, trying to place the uneasy emotions swirling around inside of me. It felt like nothing was definite; nothing was in its right place. On top of this, the disturbing memory of feeling as though there was something... _else_ inside of me kept making the queasy feeling in my stomach increase. "I feel weird."

"Listen Tehya," Sam suddenly interrupted, stepping forward from his position beside Emily. "I know you might have had reasons for running all the way out into the woods, but the fact of the matter is it's not safe to do things like that in a time like this."

"Sam -" Seth tried to interrupt, turning to face him after the vague statement.

"Let me finish," Sam's eyes flashed with something I couldn't call anything else but dominance, and Seth quickly backed down. I recorded the exchange and stored it in the back of my mind for further analyzation later. "I'm sure Billy told you about the bears; it's a dangerous situation right now and we don't want anyone getting hurt."

"We just want to make sure no one's running off into the woods," Jacob reiterated from his position on the couch, shrugging his ginormous shoulders up and down. I was still baffled at the size of these boys. "We want to keep everyone safe."

Abruptly and before I could respond to the two of them, the distinct sound of the sliding glass door opening drew everyone's attention to the front of the house. Some of the boys began to disperse, Jared and Quil being the first to make a move to leave. I frowned and wondered why at first, until the noise of my father erupted into the living room.

"Tehya Bryant!" Dad rumbled, ignoring Emily's pleas for him to listen to her that everything was alright and that I had been informed of my wrongdoings. "Do you have any idea how worried I - how stupid - how, how selfish an act like that was?!"

The living room was dead silent, and I caught every single one of my friends - I supposed I could call them friends at this point - looking between my father and I with uncomfortable expressions. No one liked to be caught in the middle of an argument; especially not a one sided one. Billy made no move to calm my father, allowing him to continue chastising me about how irresponsible I had been and how stressed he had been when I hadn't come back.

"I asked if you had your phone!" My father roared, and I flinched at the intense decibel that his voice could reach. "How the hell was I supposed to react when I called it and found it in your room!? How do you expect me to feel?!"

I found myself looking at every single other spot in the room to avoid my father's face, and without a second thought my eyes glued themselves to Seth's face for comfort. He hadn't even turned to look at my father, staying in his position near me on the couch like a faithful dog. He was shooting me an expression I could only somewhat read; a cross between sympathy, supportiveness and encouragement. I wasn't sure what to do with that.

"How do you expect me to react, as a parent?!" My father continued, having lowered his voice slightly. I realized now that Jacob was wheeling Billy out of the room, as well as ushering Jared and Quil out in front of him. I nearly begged them to stay; the last thing I wanted was for everyone to leave me alone with my father at this moment.

Thankfully, Paul, Emily and Sam didn't budge, and neither did Seth. I made a mental note to thank them all later.

"Look," My father finally stopped yelling as soon as her acknowledged that I was not going to respond to his crude tone of voice. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for yelling. I was scared. I was terrified."

At this, I finally tore my eyes off of Seth and latched onto my dad's gaze, distraught and concerned. This was a bit embarrassing to have happen in front of everyone, but I knew that my father was also going through a rough patch in his life and despite the frustration and blur of emotions I felt at the moment I also felt sympathy for him. Empathy and love wound their way into my current feelings as well, and I caved.

"I'm sorry," I ground out, forcing my gaze to stay stuck to my dad. "I panicked."

"I know," He caved as well, coming to sit on the edge of the couch where Jacob had been leaning on moments ago. "I know you're going through a tough time, but I'm here to help - we all are."

I didn't know how well anyone was going to help with this terrifying ball of anxiety, depression and horror stuck inside of me, but I understood the general gist of my father's statement. I knew I had support here - that much was clear. But there were times when I didn't want support. There were times when I didn't want to lean onto someone else to find strength; I simply wanted to accept my weakness and deal with it on my own. I wanted independence - independence to fight or flee, to succeed or fail, on my own. These emotions I felt inside were not going to be cured by anyone else other than me, and this fact made me feel isolated from everyone else because of that.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice," My father spoke to the whole room of remaining people now, regret quickly appearing on his face."That was uncalled for, and I apologize."

More uncomfortable moments of silence followed, where the only way I was able to surpass them was to finger the rimmed design on the plastic water bottle slowly. My father avoided anyone's gaze, and Sam has his eyes pinned on Seth who in turn, had his eyes pinned on me. It felt like a train of gazes.

"Do you remember anything else from the panic attack?" Sam broke the silence boldly, arms crossed.

I suffered an internal debate for several seconds as I tried to decide whether or not to tell the room about this odd thing that I felt was living inside of me, but because I couldn't feel it now as strongly as I had felt it earlier during the attack, I decided not to mention it yet. It didn't seem like an urgent problem to me, and since I naively assumed that another attack wasn't going to hit me anytime soon I shook my head.

"No," I bit my lip and looked towards my father, who still seemed concerned beyond belief, and Seth - whose brows furrowed slightly as he stared on towards me. "Besides vomiting...and the wolf, no."

"We should have gotten Sue," My father rubbed his tired face with a long hand, sighing heavily. "She would have been able to help."

"She's on call," Seth's warm voice cast a wave of calm over me, and I was briefly reminded that his mother was a nurse. "Couldn't make it."

At least Seth had made it. That much I was thankful for.

I felt a brief guilt when I remembered that I had been unable to contact him with the phone number he had left in my mailbox, but given the circumstances I was sure that he would understand I had been having a rough day. I also felt a brief pang of guilt when I remembered Leah, and the clear hatred she felt towards me even though I had no idea what the hell I had done wrong.

"I'm scared," My father admitted surprisingly honestly, diverting my attention from Seth to him. "I've already lost one, I'm not going to lose the other."

This remark obviously hit close to home, and I shared a glance with my father that held an avalanche of meaning to it. It was obvious that he was in a great amount of pain, and this stunt had only rekindled the fire of concern for me in his mind. I felt bad, not only for lying to him about my cell phone but for putting myself in danger. I hadn't wanted to be an inconvenience for everyone here and I had gone and done just that.

"Especially not to…" My dad began with a certain vigour, then looked up towards Sam for a split second and back towards me before finishing. "...bears."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, not knowing what else to say at this point. "I didn't mean to make everyone so worried."

"It's not your fault." Seth bravely defended me, and at that moment I felt that the only person who truly understood how I felt was this boy who had barely budged from his position so close to me.

I tried to convey my gratefulness through my expression, and was rewarded with another positive half smile. Jesus - was there any situation where Seth wasn't partially upbeat? This kid practically shot sunshine and rainbows out of his ass and I had to admit - it was getting to me.

"Well, from now on," My father took authority over the room once more, although no one could deny that in the living area Sam was the one who exuded the most physical dominance. Still, my father retained a certain amount of authority that not even Sam could reach with his burly frame. "I want you to always have your phone on you. No more lying. And you'll tell me where you're headed if you're to go out on your own. This can't happen again."

"I know." I murmured, looking up at my dad through my lashes. "I'm sorry, dad."

No one said anything, including my father.

"Uh, Harry?" Suddenly Jacob was standing in the entrance to the living room, looking expectantly towards my father. "Billy wants to have a word."

My father slowly rose from his position and nodded once towards my friend, then turned to me. "We're leaving right after I finish talking. Drink some more water."

He stooped down low over Seth to lay a kiss on my head and muttered that he loved me, a phrase that I returned as he walked out of the room by Jacob. The latter resumed his position on the edge of the couch, and I now realized that everyone's expectant eyes were again on me.

"What?" I questioned out loud, not wanting to deal with any more awkward pregnant pauses.

"How are you feeling?" Seth asked immediately after I had stated my question, nearly interrupting me. I would have been surprised by this if not for his outright caring attitude. "Do you think you could eat anything?"

"I-I don't know," I admitted, not feeling particularly hungry as the nausea was bound to settle in at any moment. "I kind of just want to sleep."

"That's understandable," Emily's quiet resolve broke, and she neared herself to me. "You've been through a lot of physical and mental stress today - it's best you get some rest."

"Can I try to stand up?" I asked, not wanting to agree with Emily's statement but wanting to make some progress here.

"Sure," Emily moved forward to help me rise, but someone else was already on the move to assist.

My instincts caused me to reach out to the closest thing near me for support; Seth. He didn't seem shocked by this, as as soon as I had mentioned that I had wanted to stand he was already halfway onto his feet, but I briefly pulled back as I didn't want to use him as some sort of object. In turn, my newfound friend looked down at me expectantly. So, with another deep breath, I tentatively reached out towards him and used his arm - I had to admit, his forearm was much thicker than I thought it would have been and the muscle felt nice under my touch - to swing my legs out to the side of the couch and sit up.

My head swam.

"Careful," Seth murmured, registering that the motion had dizzied me and now offering me his hands. I took them without a second thought. "Go slow."

 _Go slow._

As if my brain was on a course to permanently disobey me, I did the exact opposite. I got up fast, excited to be on my own two feet again, and promptly saw spots of familiar black overwhelm my vision before my knees buckled and the whole world shut off.

"Tehya! Tehya?"

 _Well, fuck me._

I let out some sort of incoherent noise to prove that yes, I was in fact coherent and that I understood that I had passed out. Again. Except this time the dull pain in my head was missing, and I acknowledged with a start that I was actually in someone's arms. Someone had caught me, mid-air, as I had been falling towards the floor like a sack of potatoes.

"Can you hear me?"

"Yes." I groaned, trying to lift my head and feeling a hand on the back of it.

I snapped my eyes open abruptly, pupils adjusting to the light of the Young living room yet again as I took in my surroundings. I was lying on the floor, upper body supported by Seth and head supported by Emily who were both peering down at my face in alarm. I could make out Sam and Jacob's forms through my peripherals before my father came back into the room, quiet creaks revealing that Billy had followed him.

"What happened?" My dad asked, stalking over to me and trying to help me up.

"Wait, Harry - wait," Emily stopped him, relinquishing her hold on my head and letting Seth take over."She fainted again - just, leave her for a second."

"What did you eat today?" Seth asked before my father could say anything else.

"Nothing," I admitted guiltily. "Besides water."

Lately I felt like I had been letting everyone down.

"So your blood sugar is low." Seth confirmed, and I willed my eyes to try and focus on his lovely features instead of blurring him out.

"Let me get her a soda." Emily made her way out of the room, returning quickly with a can of coke. I hadn't been able to say anything within the timespan that she had gone and come back, and apparently no one else in the room had either.

"Okay," I propped myself up on a spare elbow, and bent my sore knees. "Can I try again?"

"Slower this time." Seth urged, rising from the floor himself and taking me with him.

"Holy - woah." Stunned by his strength, I found myself lifted up into a bridal carry without a problem before being tilted forwards. I realized Seth was giving me the opportunity to try and stand on my own, and took it carefully. Gently tipping me sideways, Seth was able to give me the support on my back that I needed to lean on to be able to stand up straight. On weak knees and a hand still clutching his shirt very tightly, I was able to regain normal feeling in my legs.

"Got it," I assured, feeling confident that I would be able to walk as I looked around the room. "I got it."

I saw a room full of people who apparently hadn't wanted to help get me standing on my feet, and surprisingly caught a few discreet smiles. I wasn't sure where this upbeatness was coming from as this whole situation was beyond screwed up, but either way it was sort of nice to see some people smiling even if I didn't know what it was for.

"You sure?" Seth was reluctant to let go, and simply kept a hand on my arm as I tried to take a step towards him.

My knees instantly buckled, and my hands flew out to grasp at Seth as I tried to find my balance. It didn't come, and I knew I was going to fall unless he caught me.

"Woah!" I heard Seth's exclamation before I felt his grip underneath my armpits, raising me back up to a standing position. "I gotcha."

At this point, nearly everyone in the room had taken a step towards me to help, obviously alarmed by my knees functioning like that of a newborn calf's. This time it was my father who came to my side, urging me on with some support under my elbow. With both my father and Seth's help, I was able to take one step with their assistance, and the next few with gradually less support until I was safe to walk on my own.

"Thank you." I turned to Seth gratefully, heaving a sigh.

"My pleasure." He responded with a sweet smile, and it certainly looked it. I noticed a flush on his face that had not been there when I had first awoken on Emily's couch, and was not unhappy with this observation.

After slowly returning the smile as best I could, I turned to Paul. Paul had only moved like the rest of the group when I had stumbled, and had otherwise stuck to his position in the corner of the room. I didn't know what to think of him or how he had found me, resolving that I was going to have to ask him about it when we were alone in the future some other time. Or perhaps I could ask Seth; either way I would figure something out. For the time being however, a thank you was in order.

"Thanks for helping me back," I nodded once towards his broad figure, hoping that he would accept my gratitude. "Much appreciated."

"It's what we do," He shrugged, jutting his chin out towards Jacob, Sam and Seth with a stoic expression remaining on his face. "Protect."

I didn't really know what to say to that, and so with another nod I turned to Emily. She was already thrusting the coke into my hands and urging me to go home to get a good night's rest, something that I was looking more and more forward to with each passing second. So I forced my weary butt to continue saying goodbyes, knowing that this was my 'get out of jail free' card for the night.

"I'll see you Jacob," I waved towards my friend, and did the same to Billy but without a goodbye. "Thanks, everyone."

"Seth, Jacob," My father suddenly piped up before we could fully leave, turning back towards the living room where everyone still stood. "Why don't you two come by tomorrow around noon? Tehya could use some company, and I've got a couple things around the house I need done."

"No problem, Harry." Jacob responded quickly for both him and Seth with a smile, the latter of the two looking very hopeful.

"We've got a board meeting," Billy clarified for himself and my father, eyes narrowing in on me. "So we'll be out all day. You kids can keep each other company, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded, catching Seth's eye one more time before I lost sight of him. We both smiled.

"Alright," My father mumbled, finally turning tiredly towards me. "Let's go home. Night, folks."

Quiet calls of 'goodnight' could be heard, and with another long sigh my father opened Emily's screen door for me so that we could head home. The walk was silent, and my father wrapped an arm around me halfway. I accepted the gesture, and again felt feelings of remorse and sympathy arise in me. I couldn't find a way to voice them however, and so I simply stayed quiet the entire way back to the house.

Once my father locked the door behind us however, it was clear he wanted to talk.

"Tehya, I -" He began, obviously hoping for a response or some sort of conversation from me.

"Dad please," I begged, not wanting to push the night for what it was worth. "Can we just...I don't know, can we talk about this another night? I'm really tired."

My father considered this for a moment, and then nodded.

"Okay - I'm sorry," He planted another kiss on my forehead. "I love you. Very much."

"I love you too, dad." I replied with a yawn, and made the slow trek to my room where surprisingly enough, I managed to change into a large oversized shirt and actually organize my room before heading to bed, making sure that my phone was underneath the pillow I never seemed to use so that I could find it in the morning.

Before I could fall asleep and allow the dream world to take over, however, I felt the need to do one final thing to symbolize the closing of the day.

Grabbing my cellular device and turning it on, I squinted briefly at the brightness before lowering it and ignoring the numbers on the clock. I didn't care what time of day it was. I quickly tapped into my messenger app and initiated a new message to Seth, bravely typing in the words 'hey' and sending it off. I slid the phone back underneath my pillow almost immediately, as though I was terrified of the response such a neutral greeting would invoke, and before the crushing anxiety filled my stomach I allowed myself to fall asleep.

 **A/N: So this chapter is a little shorter than the others simply because I wanted to divide this event and the next scene or two that happens, but I hope you guys enjoyed it nonetheless! Again, like I mentioned in the A/N at the beginning of this chapter, updates will be slower because of the general business of my life so you can expect a chapter roughly every week. I will try to maintain that schedule and let you know if anything changes!**


	7. Collect Call

' **Collect Call'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update - work has been hectic and leading up to the break my schedule is pushed to maximum stress mode, but I promise during Christmas I will try to get as many chapters out as I can!**

 _For wishing you could,_

 _Keep me closer,_

 _I'm a lazy dancer,_

 _when you move I move with you_

-Metric, 'Collect Call'

The mornings were really beginning to blend together, despite their staggered starts.

Today I was beginning my torture at six in the morning, and after laying in bed without moving a muscle for nearly a half hour as to avoid running to the bathroom to puke, I managed to rise and stumble to the kitchen. My father was there, brewing his coffee and preparing toast as to get himself ready to head to work. I hadn't seen him do this at all since my arrival as I had never risen so early, so it was safe to say we were both surprised when I rounded the corner.

"Morning." I grumbled, still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and pushing my hair out of my face.

"Morning," My father replied cautiously, watching me bend over to look inside the refrigerator. "You're up early today."

I made a noise of confirmation and noted that he did not attempt to revive last night's conversation, to which I was thankful for. Having a weighted talk like that was not on my to-do list for a while, and so I didn't say anything about it either as I pulled out the Brita filter from the fridge.

"I'll tell Seth and Jacob to head on over, then." My father warned, and I turned to him in question.

"This early?"

"Well, were you planning on heading back to bed?" He asked with a smirk, knowing that once I was up I wasn't likely to go back down.

"Well no, but I -" I began to protest, frowning slightly at my father's urgency to have someone come over as soon as possible.

"Then I'll give Billy and Sue a call," Dad quickly interrupted, causing my brows to furrow further in frustration. "Now."

"Dad," I started as he reached for his cell. "Are you worried about me being alone?"

"With yesterday's incident," He dialed a number I couldn't see on his touchpad, putting the device up to his phone so he could no doubt tell Billy to send Jacob over. "Yes."

I scoffed and didn't even bother listening to his conversation with Billy as I filled up a glass of water and headed back to my room, angered with the fact that he was so paranoid about me running off and repeating yesterday's events that he couldn't bear to leave me alone for even a day. Still, the more I thought about it the more I understood his motives. His role as a solitary parent now was to protect me with everything he could, and with my risky behavior I knew it called for extra precautions. So I tried to shake off the feeling of being babysat, and grabbed my sketchbook to begin furiously drawing.

For a good fifteen minutes I drew, sitting on the bed in my pajamas while I sipped on my water quietly. I hadn't bothered lifting the blinds up, allowing the sunlight to instead filter through the small cracks in the plastic and shine strange patterns on the floor of my room. I drew this, and moved on to sketch different parts of my bedroom all around me. Another twenty minutes passed as I drew my desk, but upon reaching the shelving where my mother's ash container lay, I froze.

I had been ignoring the object for some time now, recognizing with indignation that I didn't want to get rid of it but at the same time knew that it was a massive thorn in my side. My mother had wanted to be returned to her home and be _released_ , not trapped in a jar until her daughter had gained the courage to let go of her. I had conflicting emotions about her jar because it was also making my room a black hole; whenever I looked at it a whirl of emotions immediately lit up inside of me and consumed every thought I had. Despite this, I knew I was suffocating her soul, and though my heart broke at the thought of it I knew I had to let her go. So, it was with a deep breath that I began toying with the idea of heading to the beach that day, and the idea unfurled inside of my mind faster than marbles on glass.

"Tehya?"

I jumped a bit as my father appeared in the door, apologizing quickly for having shocked me.

"The boys are still sleeping," He explained, leaning against my doorway. "Both Sue and Billy said they'll be over in an hour or two."

"That's fine," I replied immediately, causing my dad to raise a brow as he had clearly expected me to be more upset rather than passive. "Um - I had an idea."

I tossed my sketchbook to the side as I began to prepare my idea to him, knowing that it would likely come as a shock and that it was a direct possibility that he was going to say no.

"Could we go to the beach today?"

"The beach?" Dad questioned immediately, obviously unclear on what my intentions were.

"Yeah," I confirmed, this enlightenment gaining speed as I spoke. "To say goodbye to mom."

There was a beat of silence.

We both knew we needed to say goodbye, and although we knew that I had been putting this off I had a feeling that my father believed it was for the best to wait. Scattering my mother's last remains was a choice that I had wanted to be level headed for - if that was even achievable after something like this - and I knew that I wasn't. Nevertheless I was desperate to get her out of the house, not only because I knew it was what she had wanted but because I felt selfish keeping her here due to my conflicted feelings.

"Are you sure?" My father was double checking if I was serious or not.

"I'm sure." I nodded, looking up towards him sincerely.

This seemed to partially convince him, and he sighed before tucking his hands into his pockets. He thought deeply for another couple of seconds, seemingly debating whether or not he actually wanted to go through with this, and then his face cleared.

"Alright, if you're certain."

I launched myself into action, grabbing a thick sweater and tucking my phone into the pocket before gently picking up my mother's ash container. This was the first time I had touched it since I had arrived here in La Push, and a strange sort of feeling washed over me as I removed it from its resting place. I couldn't identify the small tingle that travelled from my fingers to my stomach and then toes, but chose to ignore it in favor of making my way to the front door and trading my slippers for my boots.

My father was waiting for me on the porch as I stepped outside, locking the door behind me and beginning the walk to the beach. We walked at a moderate pace, reminiscent of the one Seth and I had walked at last night. When I thought of him I was reminded of the weight in my right sweater pocket, but nothing could replace the weight of the container I was carrying in my hands. It felt like I was heaving three thousand tons.

"You picked a beautiful day," My father admitted, knowing that he had to tread carefully with any comment he made. "even if it was spontaneous."

I didn't respond.

It took us a good fifteen minutes to get down to the beach, where it was significantly chillier than the roads, and we walked a ways away East before stopping near a rock that jutted out as a natural wharf. My father helped me by the elbow as we climbed up onto it, walking down about halfway to make sure that the water was deep enough and the current would drag my mom away.

"Do you want to say anything?" My father turned to me slowly, his expression revealing the heavy sorrow he was holding in his heart.

I shook my head, underestimating the types of emotions that I was going to feel bringing my mother out here. I had thought that this was going to be an easy task; a quick fix to rid myself of the stress that resided in my room. But I was sorely mistaken and was now suffering the consequences of my error.

"Okay - I guess I'll…" My father stuttered a bit, and then seemed to force himself to speak. "I'll go first."

He didn't say anything for a good minute as we simply stood there, the calm Pacific surrounding us with a fairly strong breeze whipping at our bodies. I began to question whether he was going to say anything at all, until he spoke.

"Sally," My father's voice cracked, and he cleared his throat before lowly starting again. "Sally - I loved you more than anything. You were a strong woman, always filled with courage and waiting for the next challenge. I still can't believe you're gone,"

At this point I heard him choke up, and looked up towards him meekly. I felt true guilt for the first time in a long while. I had forcefully dragged him out here for my selfish purposes.

"Dad," I interrupted, placing a hand on his back as a jolt of sympathy flowed through me. "we don't have to do this…"

"No - no," He argued, shaking his head as he sniffled slightly. "No. I want to."

My hand on his back seemingly granted him a deep breath of confidence, and within a moment or two he resumed his goodbye speech to mom.

"Sally, you'll be missed. Not only by me and Tehya, but by everyone who you touched with your soul. To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is not to die, and I don't think you'll ever leave our hearts."

I looked up at my father, surprised by his strength in the statement he had made, and suddenly felt very small. He gave me an encouraging smile through his tears, and I cleared my throat awkwardly as I prepared to speak.

"Mom," I began, trying my best to push through the emotions that felt as though they were pushing back. "I love you, and I always will."

I stopped, wondering if this would suffice as I didn't think that I could go any further with my goodbye. The blockade of numbness began to settle in again, along with the infuriating feeling of not being able to express real emotions showing itself as there were no tears to be found on my face. I couldn't express anything, and it felt unfair to my mother to go on saying anything else if I didn't truly feel it. There was a brick wall in between myself and my feelings, and so I unscrewed the lid of the jar where my mother was contained, and began to scatter my mother into the sea.

Her grey ashes fell like a large cloud, making a sort of light hissing sound as they exited their container and then into the sea silently. They were light on the waves of the ocean, and I stopped when I felt the container was about halfway done so that I could pass the jar to my father who finished the job. We watched the ashes sink until they were gone, at which point my father took my hand.

We slowly made our way back home without another word. There were little to no words to describe what had just happened, and I had high hopes that it would make healing easier. Somewhere deep down inside I knew it wouldn't.

I appreciated my father's gesture however, clasping his warm hand all the way back until he unlocked the door. I hadn't been able to think about much besides the overwhelming desire to bank my head against a wall, punch myself in the face or do _anything_ to get rid of this terrifying numbness inside of me that just wouldn't go away.

I didn't get any such luck, as within the five minutes that we had breached the house I heard a knock on the door and nearly groaned. The two boys couldn't have been _that_ early, really? I had wished for some time to rest before they arrived but apparently I wasn't going to be granted it, as now I had guests to entertain and keep an eye on. Or rather - I had guests who were invited with the purpose of keeping their eyes on me. So, I forced the thoughts of my mother out of my head as per usual, refusing to face them and my true terrifying emotions on the subject.

"Hey Harry," Jacob's baritone greeted my ears, and Seth's equally pleasant greeting echoed his. "Morning."

"Morning boys," My dad responded, and from my hideout in my room I could hear him take steps towards the kitchen. "Coffee?"

They both politely declined, complimenting my father on the tidiness of the house and quieting down as soon as he began to talk to them. Although the walls in the house were thin, my dad most likely knew I was eavesdropping and lowered his tone. I could only make out a few words, one of which was my name and the other two being 'tired', and 'beach'. I sincerely hoped he hadn't told them about the scattering of the ashes. I didn't care if they knew the event had taken place, but the details of what had occurred were between my father and I. I already had two babysitters; I didn't need two pretend psychologists on my ass.

"Tehya?" My father came around my room alone about two minutes later, and I grabbed my phone to give off the vibe that I had been distracted. "I'm about to take off - Jacob's going to fix our shed out back and Seth said he brought some cooking things. Lasagna or something, I dunno."

"Okay," I nodded stoically, accepting a kiss on the forehead from my father. "Have a good day, dad."

"You too, angel."

He disappeared a moment later down the hallway, and I resolved to change myself out of my pajamas as I heard him say goodbye to Seth and Jacob. Although the community of La Push hadn't seen me so early in the morning heading down to the beach in my pajamas (my father had not protested my wardrobe either) I didn't want to appear indecent to anyone else.

Nevertheless I felt the usual tiredness in my bones that I just couldn't shake no matter how hard I tried, and glumly accepted that I didn't have the energy to change or look for clothing at the moment. So I simply shrugged on a bra and slipped on a light sweater over my shirt, tossing my hair up into a ponytail and running cool water over my face in hopes that I was presentable enough for my friends.

Friends...I was still getting used to that word.

I rounded the corner to the kitchen only to find Seth and Jacob sitting at the table in mid-conversation, cutting it off as soon as they caught sight of me. One of their faces undoubtedly brightened more than the other, but I wasn't one to judge amounts of positivity and so I tried to smile back at both of them the best I could. I think it came out as more of a grimace than anything, really.

"Morning," I shuffled awkwardly in my moccasins for a moment before making my way towards the fridge to retrieve another glass of water. "Do you guys usually wake up this early?"

"Sometimes," Jacob responded with a cheeky smile, as if he knew that I would have loved another couple of hours of rest. "When the situation calls for it."

I nearly rolled my eyes, but held my composure. I could accept without a problem that my father was concerned about me, but I was still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that he was basically hiring Seth and Jacob to come watch over me. I wasn't an idiot when it came to this stuff; I knew when I was being watched. I felt like I was five again, and I hated it. Still, I didn't want to make this difficult for Seth or Jacob and so I simply sat down at the small wooden table to drink my glass of water.

"I brought food," Seth piped up, expression neutral but the familiar glowing spark still in his eyes. "Stuff to make -"

"Lasagna," I finished after taking a gulp of my water, setting it down and smiling calmly at him. I wasn't sure if it looked fake or not, as I was still feeling rather detached. "Dad told me. Sounds good."

"How are you feeling?" The question was kind and obviously came from a place of general concern - especially after last night's events - and so I was truthful.

"Like shit," I shrugged, surprised to see understanding etched into Seth's features. "But better than last night. Are you guys just going to hang around here all day with me then?"

"Apparently I'm fixing your shed," Jacob sighed, looking between Seth and I with an expression I couldn't place. "So that should be exciting."

"Is my dad paying you for that?" I questioned suddenly, curious as to why Jacob would offer himself up to do extra manual labor if all my father had wanted him for was to watch me.

"Well…" Jacob trailed off, gazing at Seth awkwardly.

"Spit it out." I placed my glass in the sink after finishing the water, leaning on the countertop as I watched both boys.

"He was supposed to pay us both," Seth admitted, biting his lip nervously. "Jacob said he only wanted to get paid for the time he worked on the shed - humble of him, right?"

"Seth," Jacob scoffed, and I rose a brow. "You didn't even take the money at all."

At this Seth merely gazed down at his hands sheepishly, and I narrowed my eyes slightly before painting a smile on my face. I didn't want anyone to see through my facade, and so I allowed Jacob to access the tools under the sink without a trace of darkness on my face before suggesting to Seth that we should start cooking. I could only describe his change of mood as noticeably more upbeat after I mentioned this.

"You kids have fun - I'll be out back if you need anything," Jacob shrugged his eyebrows up and down before letting himself out the back door, heading towards my father's broken down shed where he stored tools for lawn keeping. "Please don't burn the house down."

"We'll do our best," I retorted, going to reach for a tray that could fit the meal Seth and I were about to make in it. "Thanks Jake."

The screen door closed, and then it was just Seth and I in the kitchen. I didn't feel the overwhelming anxiety that I thought I was going to feel, but there was a decent amount of nerves present regardless thanks to the fact that I was about to partake in an activity that I had used to perform all the time with my mother. It didn't help that my father had stacked the tray so high up in the kitchen cabinets that I was having trouble reaching it, cursing my 5'5 frame.

"I got it," Seth came to my rescue, the familiar shocking warmth greeting me as he shifted me out of the way with a gentle hand on my hip, only to grab the tray moments later. "Here."

Again, I found myself shamelessly eyeing his forearms and murmuring a quiet thanks while I fought the heat in my cheeks.

"I don't know why he has to stack things so high." I muttered, a slight blush rising as I cursed my genetics for not giving me my father's height.

This coaxed a smile from Seth, who no doubt thought it humorous that it was such a struggle for me to reach certain utensils. Thankfully the rest of the objects needed for this baking session were not so hard to attain, and I gathered the materials on the counter after a few moments of searching. Seth had brought all the cheese needed, ground beef, sauce and the lasagna noodles, which I quickly set to cook.

"Can I do anything?" Seth asked, obviously knowing that there was work to be done but not able to do anything at the moment but hover.

"Yeah," I nodded, remembering that he was not so great in the kitchen but had a great will to learn. "You can stir three cups of the ricotta, three cups of the mozzarella and half a cup of the parmesan together."

I handed him the measuring cups and we got to work, mixing the cheese in with two eggs when he finished grating. I was fairly clear in my instructions, making sure to cook the beef myself but letting him give it a try. He stirred the sauce into the saucepan, and I made sure to layer the pasta into the four quart tray before letting him place some of the cheese mixture on top. We began to layer the lasagna bit by bit along with the meat as well, and I was proud to see that Seth was gaining confidence as he went.

As we worked I noticed that it was hard for me to take a breath; this was not because of nerves but rather because I recognized that I was stressed. As a psychologist, my mother had taught me several symptoms of heavy stress - one of which being shortness of breath. I felt like an idiot that it had taken me this long to figure it out, but I finally put two and two together and realized that I was more stressed out than I had believed myself to be. Being numb had made me ignorant to some very deep personal truths, it seemed.

"The last of the cheese goes on top?" Seth questioned, ready to put the the last bit of grated cheese and eggs onto the lasagna.

"Yup," My lips popped at the sound of the 'p', and I continued to wipe down the countertop that we had accidentally spilt some egg on. "Go right ahead."

I preheated the oven, realizing that I had forgotten to do so twenty minutes ago, and finished wiping down the counter before turning and finding the lasagna finished. It was hard to fight a smile; the finished product looked good and I was sure that it was going to look even better cooked. It was a pity that I wasn't going to eat a lot of it, but I was sure that my father and Sue were going to be thankful for all the extra food. Also, based off the way that I had seen my friends eat so far, Jacob and Seth were going to have no problem wolfing this down.

"It looks really nice." I admitted, looking up at Seth who gave me a dazzling smile back.

"It does," He agreed. "Thanks for teaching me."

"Not a problem," I shrugged, trying to push impeding memories of my mother and I baking similar dishes in the past. The break in the numbness that Seth's presence provided was actually granting those painful memories access to slip in, and I winced as I was reminded of earlier this morning. "Not a problem at all…"

"How long does it need to cook for?" Seth interrupted my thoughts, as if he could read that my mind was trying to run away with my sanity.

"Usually thirty minutes," I thought for a moment, glad for the distracting question. "But we have to check on it every once in awhile."

He nodded, and we lapsed into silence only interrupted by a large grunt from outside. Both of us turned to look out the kitchen window, finding Jacob attempting to pull apart the wood on the ceiling of the shed with his bare hands. Both Seth and I let out a large chuckle at that image; a large Jacob on a tiny stepladder pulling at the old mouldy wood with all his might. To my surprise, with a rather violent tug the wood gave out moments later, and Jake threw the wood down by his feet before carrying on.

"At least he's occupied," I murmured, still smiling as I shook my head. "Dad's gonna be real happy."

"And Jake gets to let out all his pent up anger, so that's good." Seth added, leaning against the table.

Again, there was a flash of something in his eyes that I could not recognize but noticed recurringly. Because of this, I ended up eyeing Seth for a moment longer than I would have liked to, and quickly turned my gaze downwards as soon as I caught myself. I had to ponder what was going on in my own time, instead of making it blaringly obvious that I knew something was up. So I slid the heavy lasagna into the oven and set the timer for thirty minutes, letting Seth know that I was going to turn on the TV in the living room.

He followed me into the room almost immediately, sitting himself down on the couch I was fairly certain my father had not swapped out since my childhood and we quietly began to watch a very stupid reality TV show. I didn't even bother to look at the name, as 'Real Housewives of (insert name here)' sort of blended all together at a certain point. Same shit, different channel.

The back door opened about a minute into the mind numbing show, and both Seth and I turned from our positions are opposite ends of the couch to see a sweaty Jacob wiping his shoes off on the rug.

"Lemme get you some water," I rose from my seat and went to fetch a bottle from the fridge, handing it to my damp friend. "Thanks for working so hard."

"No worries," Jacob reassured, taking a large gulp of his water. "The shed needed it - how's the baking going?"

As he eyed around the kitchen I explained it was in the oven, and would take around half an hour to bake. We had cleaned all of our mess and with the promise of food on the way this satisfied my friend, who seemed very happy at the prospect of eating lasagna for lunch. We were quiet for a moment, which was just enough time for a shriek to come from the TV in the living room.

"The hell are you guys watching in there?" Jacob made a face, clearly wondering what on earth could have made that noise.

"Real Housewives of Atlanta," Seth responded for me, tone sounding transfixed as I shook my head and scoffed. "One of these girls just pulled another one's hair!"

"Fascinating," Jacob responded sarcastically, taking another sip of water and making his way back outside. "I'm going back out to the normal world - you guys have fun with that."

He exited and I headed back to the living room, reaching for the remote and turning to a very captured Seth, who was watching the television open mouthed as two women yelled at each other from across the room. I wasn't sure whether or not to change the channel; he seemed genuinely fascinated, so I had to ask.

"Do you want me to keep this on?"

"Uh," He seemed to be stuck in a trance between horrified and interested. "It's interesting, but I think my eardrums are about to burst."

"Message received," I quickly changed to the nature channel, happy to find that Planet Earth was on. "Sorry about that."

There was a pause as David Attenborough's voice flooded through the speakers into the living room, speaking about the habits of the caribou in the arctic. I had always found the narrator's voice to be very pleasant and calming, casting a peaceful wave over the house whenever Planet Earth was put on.

"Are girls really like that?" Seth turned to me, curiosity and a bit of fear written all over his face.

"Well," I began to respond, then suddenly stopped as I realized that I didn't really know. My only friend had been my mom for many years, and any interactions I had had with the girls at school had been short and relatively unpleasant. The last girl I had met - Leah - had been extremely negative towards me, and so I was inclined to answer negatively. Still, something stopped me. I knew that there were pleasant girls out there - girls like Sue and Emily and my mother who had transformed into wonderful women - and so I was keen not to lead Seth astray. "No. Not all of us."

Seth swallowed carefully and nodded.

"I mean," I began to add, trying to be rational. "Think about the girls you go to school with, are they rational?"

"Sure," Seth shrugged. "I don't really talk to them much, but they seem okay."

"Wait," I frowned for a moment as a strange acknowledgment dawned on me. "Aren't you supposed to be in school right now?"

"Uhm…" He made a weird face, causing me to do a double take. "Our system is a bit alternative."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning it's okay if I don't show up every day," He explained, but I still felt like something he was saying just wasn't true. "If I get my work done, it's alright."

I didn't want to press him on the subject, so I merely nodded and we both tuned in again. I would have had to have been a fool if I didn't notice that our positions on the couch had grown a bit closer after I had gotten up to place the remote back on the coffee table. The documentary was now talking about the scarce amount of food in the harsh arctic tundra winters, and what sort of animal life was tough enough to survive in these sorts of cold habitats.

Eventually, Seth rose from his seat to raise the volume on the television, something that I did not protest as it brought him to sit even closer to me. I appreciated the heat, as this house always seemed to be cold, and brought my knees up to hug them against my chest.

"Cold?" Seth asked, eyeing me curiously.

"I'm always cold." I affirmed, nodding my head up and down.

"Here," Seth pulled a blanket off of the top of the couch and draped it over my shoulders, making me look like a complete fool as I hadn't even realized the blanket was there in the first place. "Better?"

"Much, thank you." I gripped the blanket tighter around my shoulders, grateful for the extra heat.

He offered a nod in return, and we continued to watch the hour long program in silence.

The narrator had now gone on to speak about wolves, and this immediately sparked my interest. He began to describe their feeding habits and how they survived in the arctic tundra, hunting with all of their might to allow their den of cubs and mates to survive. Their ferocity, leanness and what seemed like sheer will to survive the brutal winters and allow their families to survive struck a chord inside of me, and it didn't help that the last thing I had seen before passing out in the woods yesterday was a giant wolf. As a result, I was now relating that hallucination to safety.

It took me a moment to notice, as I had been staring at the screen in such apt concentration that I hadn't caught it, but out of the corner of my eye I could see Seth's gaze on me. It wasn't curious or fleeting, but heavy and meaningful this time. I could feel it like a weight in my chest; his attention could not be ignored like the rest of the world I was trying so hard to shut out.

"Do you like wolves?" He asked suddenly, and I turned to him before nodding. "What do you like about them?"

I paused for a moment before answering, feeling sort of meek at the moment. I chose my words carefully, not knowing why he was asking besides to gain more knowledge about a friend.

"I don't know, they seem really protective and survival orientated - like any other animal I guess," I tried to explain, attempting to find a reason for why I was more interested in wolves than caribou. "There's just something more to them."

Seth didn't respond to this, but he didn't have to - I kept going, to my own surprise.

"They're also really beautiful," I tilted my head a bit as the narrator on screen went on, analyzing their pure white fur color. "I like how their fur changes color depending on their habitat, that's pretty cool."

My answer seemed to please him, as it pulled a lopsided smile from him before he asked his own question.

"Want to know what my favorite animal is?"

I nodded.

"I like Robins."

"Robins?" I questioned, picturing the orange bellied bird in my mind. "How come?"

"Because they're the happiest birds I know," Seth smiled, and I found myself smiling as well as he continued explaining. "They sing first in the morning and generally are the last ones to sing goodnight. They always sound so happy, and carefree."

"I've never thought about them that way," I admitted, trying to think of a Robin's call but not able to come up with anything. "They sound much nicer when you describe them."

This put an even brighter smile on his face.

This time I found myself growing tired as the narrator had moved on to speak about climate change. His tone gently lulled me into a nap, although I didn't realize this until my head began to fall forward and I was fighting to keep my eyes open. I didn't want to fall asleep with guests in the house, but I was exhausted from waking up so early even if I had fallen asleep very early the night before, and my body clearly wanted rest. So, trusting that both boys would manage themselves well I allowed myself to fall into the trap of sleep.

"Tehya?"

I jolted upright with a start, away from a very warm shoulder that I must have fallen asleep on.

"Oh crap, I'm so sorry, I -" I immediately began to apologize for falling asleep on Seth's shoulder, but was smacked in the face with a tidal wave of nausea.

I did not heed to his reassurances that I did not need to apologize as I rose from the couch, nor his questions of concern as I bolted to the bathroom. I didn't bother closing the door behind me as I threw open the toilet seat and retched into the bowl, stomach acid tearing my throat apart yet again.

My entire body seemed to clench and unclench painfully, and I was only able to be thankful for my tied up hair for a moment before my stomach forced up another portion of acid. This process was extremely painful and I couldn't help but grimace each time another awful heave tore its way out of my body. I hated this process with a burning passion.

I felt the heat on my back before I realized it was a hand, but did not shy away from the contact. I could only guess this was Seth's hand and that he had followed me into the bathroom, making the moment even worse as the terrible experience of me throwing up basically every time I woke was not something I had wanted to share with anyone. Nevertheless the disgusting noise did not seem to deter Seth, who to my disdain only called for Jacob.

I heard the back door shutting moments later, and heavy footsteps rush to our location.

"What happened!?" Jacob all but yanked my head out of toilet as gently as he could, as it had gotten dangerously close to the mixture of water and stomach acid sitting at the bottom. "Tehya?"

"She woke up and just got sick," Seth explained, and even through my heavy breaths I could hear the worry in his tone. "I don't know what's going on."

"It happens every morning," I croaked, finally able to speak and panting heavily into the porcelain bowl as I tried to control the nausea. "Please, just….just give me a second."

"Drink," Jacob shoved his water bottle into my hand, and I weakly grabbed at it before pouring some down my throat. Although thirty percent of it missed my mouth, I got a good amount in and flinched at the sting in my throat. "There you go."

It took a couple more drinks for me to back off the toilet as the nausea continued to recede, and the two boys had me sit against the tub while Jacob flushed the toilet and went to fetch more water. I directed Seth to the medicine cabinet behind the mirror to grab Gravol and an Advil for my oncoming headache, and thanked them both. As embarrassing as this whole process was, I still had to be grateful. They hadn't signed on for this.

"We should call Sue," Jacob suggested as soon as we were all back in the bathroom and I had taken the pills. "She might be able to help."

"She's working same as Harry and your dad," Seth looked up at him in a sort of desperation, as if he was begging to interrupt their work day because of this incident. "Can we do that? I've never called her on a busy day like this."

"No one is calling anybody," I clarified, stopping their conversation and a bit miffed that they had been talking as if I was not sitting right there. "Please. I don't want anyone to worry - we can tell my dad when he gets back."

"But -" Seth began to protest, silencing when I shook my head.

At this, Jacob huffed and seemingly gave up, as though he was agreeing that with Seth on my side there was no point in arguing. So we sat in the bathroom, cold and uncomfortable, as my two friends monitored my condition until I confirmed that I was okay to stand. Not wanting a repeat of yesterday Seth helped me up and actually walked me to the couch, hand planted around my waist. I didn't mind this, and reluctantly let go of him as I sat back down on the couch. I was handed a bottle of water from Jacob, who sat on my other side.

I was now flanked by both boys, and felt a little overwhelmed as the TV continued to blare. It was now showing a different program on food production, and as soon as I grimaced at the screen Seth lunged forward to change the channel. I was startled by his quick reaction, but could only spot a smile on Jacob's face. Again, there was the frustration of not knowing why he was reacting in such a way.

"How are you feeling?" Seth asked moments later.

"Better." I admitted, sipping more water slowly. I didn't want to overdo it on my poor stomach. "Did anyone take out the lasagna?"

"Jacob did," Seth nodded. "It's cooling down - why, do you think you can eat?"

"No," I shook my head, almost like a guilty dog. "I just didn't want to burn it."

"You just threw up stomach acid and you're worried about burning lasagna?" Jake laughed after a bit of silence. "Jeez, Tehya - you've really gotta sort out your priorities."

It took a moment for me to crack a smile at that, and then a chuckle, but I let the laughter fall out of my lips and the whole couch let out a good chortle. Soon we were all laughing while I smacked a hand against my forehead, ridiculing myself for my own audacity to be concerned about such small things in the big picture.

On a sadder note however, neither of these boys knew the weight of my problems and why I was always more concerned with smaller things rather than the larger issue, and so in reality my laughter was just a sad, sad way of my own attempt to comfort myself with humor. I was stuck in a vicious cycle with no end in sight, and few people had a realistic idea of just how deep my troubles ran. Nevertheless, the only positive note I could acknowledge was that I was not alone; my friends' stubborn presence had proved that, and I was more than happy to begin accepting that fact despite my silent suffering.

I was not alone.

 **A/N: Again, sorry for the late update! When Christmas break rolls around I will have far more time on my hands and will most likely be updating faster!**


	8. Satellite Heart

**'Satellite Heart'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 _You know I haven't slept in weeks,  
_ _You're the only thing I see.  
_ _I'm a satellite heart, lost in the dark,  
_ _I'm spun out so far, you stop, I start,  
_ _But I'll be true to you._

-Anya Marina, 'Satellite Heart'

"So vomiting in the mornings and panic attacks are what you would describe as your only symptoms so far?"

Despite my heavy protest, Seth and Jacob had immediately informed my father of my poor condition upon his arrival at home and instead of being rushed to the Forks Community Hospital, I was instead transported to the Clearwater house where Sue was examining me. My father had called her and upon her request I had been brought here, as she was not due to arrive at the triage until four in the morning. I didn't know how the hell Sue was capable of working such horrid shifts.

"Yes." I ground out, still bitter that my newfound friends and only family were forcing me to expose my problems like this. I hadn't exactly wanted to talk about everything out in the open, and it sort of felt like someone was forcibly taking me by the shoulders and shaking me until information fell out.

I didn't mention the black inside of me, or the strange pinches of general... _wrongness_ I felt out of the blue.

"Every morning?" My father looked down at me from his place standing by the couch, clear concern painted all over his face. He was still trying to piece together what was wrong with me, but I had a feeling even I didn't know.

I sighed, "Most."

I really didn't want to do this.

Seth was looking more and more guilty with every passing second, as if he knew how reluctant I was to be sitting in his house on his couch being interrogated by his mother about my medical issues. I didn't know how to react to that; he clearly wanted me to get help, but he so clearly felt guilty for pushing me as well. I felt like Seth and I could relate to each other that way - we were both constantly trapped in limbos.

"Do you think any changes in your diet or lifestyle other than the recent loss of family could have caused this?"

I winced at that, and on the other end of that strange invisible string Seth and I still held I felt a strange tug.

"She doesn't eat properly, or sleep properly," My father answered for me, hands on his hips and a tight frown marring his face now as Sue checked my ears, mouth, eyes and nose. "Her sleep schedule is all over the place, and I only ever see her eat liquids."

I wasn't sure how I felt about my dad answering for me, but I let it slide. I hadn't exactly had a burning passion to answer that question anyway, and the familiar exhaustion was suffocating me again. Sometimes I felt okay; like when I was baking with Seth or watching a show that I liked. Even those moments had their touch of darkness, but for the most part they were the brighter part of my days.

"I'm just going to take your blood pressure - the band is going to tighten a bit, so just relax and don't move your arm." Sue reached for a drawer and pulled out a sphygmomanometer, wrapping the cuff around my arm and pumping the small balloon until she could get a clear reading of what my pressure was.

She didn't say anything at first, removing her glasses and placing them on the nightstand as she inflated the cuff one more time. She then pursed her lips and recorded the number on a nearby notepad, which I realized now had other notes scribbled on it.

"Tehya, are you prone to dizzying or fainting spells in the mornings or after you get up from lying down for long periods of time?"

I took a moment to respond, even though I knew the answer. "Yes."

"What about lightheadedness, aside from the vomiting in the morning?"

"Yes." This time I responded faster.

"What does that mean?" My father quickly jumped to the worst case scenario, reading my pressure off of the small screen. "Hypotension?"

"Well," Sue tipped her head, slipping the now-loose band off of my arm. "She's reading ninety over sixty which fits right into the category of the World Health Organization's definition of arterial hypotension. The short answer is yes. She needs to get proper nutrients in her - anything from Ensure drinks to smoothies that she can digest will help her heart regain the energy that it needs to support her body."

The two then turned to me, and expression of pity taking over Sue's face that made me feel even more sick to my stomach.

"Tehya, I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable here." Seth's mother tried to backpedal a bit, but it was already too late for that. "You're already underweight, and if you don't take care of yourself you're going to be at risk for a lot more than fainting and lightheadedness."

How could I take care of myself? I had so many other things to think about.

"I think this is chemical related," Sue eyed my father carefully as I narrowed my eyes. What did that mean? "With recent events, it's fair to assume that you've been put under a certain amount of stress. The chemicals in your brain - neurotransmitters - might have actually suffered a bigger blow than you might have thought, and we need to take care of our minds just as much as the rest of our body."

"What are you talking about?" I was bold enough to outright ask, unclear on what she was getting at.

"You're exhibiting classic symptoms of depression and anxiety," Sue was honest, which I appreciated, but I scoffed at her answer.

As everyone knew, my mother had been a psychologist and general knowledge of mental health issues had been ever so present in our household. I didn't want to be taken for an idiot who didn't see symptoms in myself; I knew I was in pain, but I disagreed that I was depressed and despite knowing that my signs and symptoms matched up with the disease did not agree that it was the problem. I thought it was something else - _anything_ else other than anxiety or depression.

"I'm not joking," She continued, frowning gently at my response. "These are serious conditions. Your nausea in the mornings, sleep schedule, weight loss, panic attacks; these are all important clues -"

"I'm not depressed." I interrupted stubbornly, having tuned out Seth and Jacob sitting on the other side of the living room up until this point when Jacob spoke.

"Just listen to her, Tehya." He pleaded, and I inhaled ready to respond until my breath caught in my throat.

My eyes had landed on Seth, who looked as though someone had just kicked him in the gut. His eyes were downcast and dark, as though someone had snuffed out the light in them and smothered his positivity with a pillow to the face. I felt a tug of something in my stomach that resembled remorse and found my mouth opening and closing like that of a fish. I didn't know what to say; I felt horrible for clearly making him feel this way by my medical results, but at the same time I truly didn't believe that I was depressed. I didn't know why Seth was behaving this way or why he cared so much, but the strange string between us was vibrating and very much alive. I felt it like I felt heat or warmth; it was real, and for some reason I knew I was hurting him.

Perhaps I was wrong.

"I agree," My father interrupted this moment, placing a hand on my shoulder and ripping my gaze away from Seth. "Please Sue - go on."

"Denial is common at first," Sue went on very warily, capable of acknowledging the tension in the room. I wasn't sure if she was clear on how her son was doing towards her far right, but she kept her eyes trained on me. "But acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step to solving it."

I still didn't necessarily think that depression was the problem, but I agreed with Sue's general logic and nodded slightly. This caused my father to let out a small sigh of relief.

"Reaching out can be a big step, and no one is going to push you to do it but yourself, but right now your nutrition can really make a difference in your mood," She began to list off suggestions, all of which my father took down heartily. "Things like fruit smoothies and soups - even a certain brand that you like at the store, can really help. Food is something that you have control over, and I think that's something worth paying attention to."

I really couldn't believe the surreality of this situation. Here we were, discussing the probability that I had clinical depression and we had somehow narrowed down our conversation to drink flavors? This couldn't have been possible. I felt a lot of things all at once; anger, shame, stupidity, frustration, nausea. I knew that focusing in on my nutrition was a small way for Sue to try and direct me towards the right road to travel down, but she knew that she couldn't push me into anything that I didn't want to do myself. This was all in my hands, as it was my problem. Everyone in the room seemed to acknowledge that, and despite my attitude there was a part of me that didn't want to let anyone down.

"I know Seth has a lot of recipes that he's too scared to try on his own," Sue tried getting me to speak after I had been silent for several minutes thinking, and I blinked a couple times before looking over at her son. "Seth?"

The boy looked as though he had been woken from a trance, but the light did not fully reach his eyes. I felt another tug of guilt in my stomach. "Y-yeah, I do."

"In terms of next steps," Sue began again slowly, obviously not wanting to overwhelm me. I firmly believed it was too late for that as well as I continued gazing over at Seth in concern. "Since you're covered by the reserve's healthcare I would go see a doctor when you're ready and discuss talking to someone about what's been going on."

As much as I was pro-therapy in terms of patients that definitely needed it - my mother had been a key influence in that opinion - I didn't consider it an option for myself because I still wasn't accepting that depression was the answer to my problem. It felt like something else entirely, but when I pictured my mother working with patients exhibiting symptoms similar to mine I stopped and was forced to think. For the first time, a pang of something other than numbness shot through me at the thought of what my mother had dedicated her life towards.

"Tehya?"

"We're thinking," I replied automatically, not catching how dissociatively I had stated my contemplation just then until about a minute later. "I mean - I'm thinking. Sorry."

"That's alright," Sue replied easily, rising and taking off her gloves. "I'm just going to have a word with your father in the kitchen, if that's alright."

She pulled my father off after he gave me one final supportive look, and my eyes followed them for a bit until Jacob stole my attention. He rose from his position near Seth on the other couch to come sit near me, not saying anything for a short while. It seemed he was waiting for me to speak, but I refused to say a word and this pushed him to talk first.

"You know we're doing this because we care about you, right?"

"Who's the 'we' in that sentence?" I looked up at my friend dubiously, afraid of the answer but still having forced myself to ask the question.

Jacob merely gave me a look as if to suggest that I should have already known who he was referring to, and although I didn't want to admit it I knew the response. Whoever was in this house was the general answer, as whoever had pushed me to come here obviously didn't want me losing my mind.

Before he could get another word in however, our attention quickly diverted to the conversation going on in the kitchen as soon as we heard the mumbles.

"Usually in grief victims we see five stages," Sue was explaining in a low tone, unaware of our eavesdropping. "Denial generally comes first, then anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Tehya is showing a mix of denial and depression, which is normal but obviously still a cause for concern. Usually we don't see a dip to depression until the end stages of grief which leads me to believe she was predisposed to illnesses like this."

"I didn't hear about any illnesses in the family," My dad quickly retorted, tone revealing surprise. "Her mother was a psychologist...I suppose I stupidly assumed that would protect her from things like this. Of course when she passed..."

He seemed unable to finish the sentence, and I locked eyes with Seth.

"Let's talk about something else," Jacob butt in. "The council bonfire is tomorrow tonight - are you guys going?"

He waited for a reply from the both of us, who did not seem as though we were going to respond until I spoke up about a minute later.

"I haven't been invited." I revealed, not bitter about it but not too thrilled at the same time; I would have liked to know what the council meetings were all about.

"What about you, Seth?" Jacob turned to his other side. "It's your first one."

"I'm not sure," The boy removed his palm from his chin where he had been leaning on it. "Mom invited me, but…"

"But you're not sure," Jake nodded. "I get that. I think I'll bring Bella."

"What?" I rose a brow, distracted by this reveal of information. "I thought she was causing a lot of...trouble for you."

"Yeah," Jake shrugged. "I hung out with her a couple times and things are going alright."

"Kudos to you," Seth made a face, suggesting that perhaps Bella wasn't all that Jacob chalked her up to be. "I bet she'll light up your night."

"Hey -" Jake immediately went on the defense, prepared to shoot back some sort of silly insult before my father and Sue walked back into the room.

"Ready to go, Tehya?" My dad went to grab his light jacket, and I pulled my sweater tighter around me before nodding. "Thank you for everything, Sue - and we'll see you tomorrow."

I couldn't help but notice the 'we' in that sentence as well, and my heart picked up the pace as I wondered if that meant I was informally being invited to the bonfire. I had always felt twinges of curiosity about our tribe's sacred legends and could have only dreamed of discovering them, so learning that I had a good chance of actually hearing them improved my mood a little.

"Thank you," I went to say goodbye to both Seth and Jacob, who were already standing as if they were preparing to leave as well. "And I'm sorry - for making such a fuss."

"No problem," Jacob wrapped me into a hug, putting the cherry on top of this cringe worthy, awkward afternoon. "Take it easy."

As soon as Jacob let go of me I was enveloped in another set of arms, this time seeming a little more desperate to get their hold on me than the set beforehand. I recognized Seth's smell and comfortable folded myself into the gesture, letting out a shaky breath as I acknowledged just how nice it was to have him pressed up against reluctantly let go of one another after another moment knowing that we couldn't stay in such a position for too long without it becoming strange, and backed away.

"Get some rest." Seth swallowed heavily, visibly looking better as he stuffed his hands into his pockets.

After another goodbye from Sue we took our leave, and I shot one last weak smile at the two boys behind me before following my father out the door.

We walked in silence for a bit, the short distance between the Clearwater's home and our own becoming emphasized. At first it seemed that my father was going to say something as he took a deep breath in, but he then closed his mouth and continued to walk without a word. The restless anxiety in my stomach grew. It wasn't until we arrived home that he said anything, and to my surprise it was actually good news.

"The council decided that they would like to reach out to you and formally invite you to the meeting tomorrow night." My father spoke up, hanging up his jacket on the coat rack by the door.

"What?" I nearly fell over untying my boots, gripping the wall for support as I looked up at him. I hadn't expected him to actually ask me himself; I had supposed that he would simply just bring me one day and that would be the end of it.

"They want to know if you'd like to be at the fire tomorrow." My dad restated, walking towards the kitchen to put the kettle on the stove. "Do you?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed a bit loudly, before lowering my tone and apologizing as my father looked at me in surprise. "Sorry - yes, I would."

"I didn't know you had such an interest," My father chuckled. "Well, wear something warm - April nights get chilly by the beach."

I nodded as I ducked away to my room, thoughts about the previous conversation with Sue shoved to the corner of my mind. My father had not said anything about the exchange and although it looked like he was on the brink of doing so on the way home, he didn't try to force me into a conversation. I figured it was for the best after a meeting like that, as I had a lot to think about and most of it had to be done independently. This was my problem, and it would be my choice to try and get help for it. Therefore, my father obviously understood that pushing conversations about it wasn't going to help my case in any way.

Upon checking the alarm clock in my room and seeing that it was around eight or nine, I brushed my teeth and made sure to wash my face with extra cold water - I felt the shock actually helped me sleep better - before changing into comfortable clothing and trying to get some sleep. Tiredness didn't come until about an hour after my father had bid me goodnight, at which point I tossed and turned thinking about the day's events and Seth.

That string was becoming more and more taut with every time I saw him.

The last thing I thought of before I drifted off was my mother's face, staring down at me with a soft smile and lifting a soft hand to my face as if to ready herself to say 'I love you'. The memory, somewhat vivid, actually lulled me further into sleep rather than traumatized me. I felt nothing of the numbness that usually accompanied the memories of her, and welcomed this newfound fuzziness and warmth until I was fast asleep.

The next morning was surprisingly calm.

In fact, the whole day was suspiciously moderate. Time flew by as I carefully rose out of bed with a shocking amount of very little nausea, got dressed, made some tea and drew in my sketchbook. My dad was in and out of the house doing groceries and putting a finishing coat of paint on our shed out back, so the house was fairly quiet. I only got a small headache around late afternoon, which an Ibuprofen fixed quickly.

All in all, I was fairly surprised that I hadn't dropped dead by seven o'clock.

"Ready for the council?" My father popped his head in my door, surprised to still find me in sweatpants.

"I'll get ready now," I pushed myself up and off of my bed, grabbing the jeans hanging out of the dresser and a fresh pair of socks. "It starts at eight, right?"

"Eight sharp." My father confirmed before closing my door and letting me change.

I wrapped myself in a long sleeved shirt and a sweater underneath my jacket, knowing that although the weather was growing warmer you never knew how cold you were going to get down at the beach.

I felt a strange sort of preparedness for this meeting, although I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that council meetings were very secret and selective, with the people attending only being those who the council was sure they could trust. This included children of the council's family - or so I supposed - and any other members of the community that were mature enough to handle sensitive information.

I hadn't even known what the council's criteria for judging me as a 'mature individual who could handle sensitive information' was, but I was taking this offer to listen in on some of my tribe's oldest secrets.

My father and I began to walk down to the beach at around seven thirty, wanting to arrive early to help with the setup. Only Jacob, Billy and the Quil family was there when we arrived, seated already on two logs.

"Evening folks," My father greeted, going to embrace Quil Ateara III as I shot Quil a smile. "Nice night out."

He introduced me to Quil's grandfather, who shook my hand as I made my way around the semicircle. It was strange to think that our entire tribe was related to each other in different ways, with family lines criss crossing here and there. I didn't like to think about it, as it was confusing and I didn't really enjoy acknowledging what would have had to have happened to allow such a small community of people to all become related.

"Hey Tehya," Jacob caught my attention as I began to zone out, watching the waves further down the beach as the sky grew darker and darker. "Want to help Quil and I with some more logs?"

"I'm not very strong," I warned, but followed the two boys through the sand anyway. "But I can try to help."

"You can help us roll it," Quil suggested, and I let out a snort. "What? It's usually how we do it."

"Oh yeah?" I questioned as the boys circled around a very large log around twenty meters away from where Sam - having just arrived - was setting up the fire. Because of his wheelchair the pit had been placed very close to the trail, a courteous gesture that I noticed only now. "Does this happen often?"

"Sort of," Jacob didn't even let out a grunt as he and Quil lifted the log off of the smaller damp wood pile it had been resting on, dropping it a meter away from me. "They tend to happen every two or three months or so. Sometimes they're skipped."

"That's why everyone gets so excited," Quil grinned, and I noticed that he hadn't had any difficult lifting the log either. "We haven't had a meeting in at least five months."

To my surprise, instead of asking for my help the two boys lifted the log one more time and began to walk it back over to the fire pit, leaving me reeling in a slight bit of shock as I tried to gauge how they weren't struggling with the big piece of wood at all. Jacob definitely had the muscles to do this job, but Quil was a significantly smaller boy with less of a build. It didn't seem to make any sense to me how he was doing this, unless he was absolutely pure muscle underneath his jacket.

"Clearwaters are here," I heard Sam's distinct rumbling baritone before we even reached the fire pit, and my head snapped towards the trail leading to the beach where I couldn't spot Sue's family anywhere.

Perhaps Sam had been mistaken, I thought, watching Quil and Jacob set down the log and go to retrieve another one. I bid my greetings to the recently arrived Sam and Emily, and stood awkwardly by the fire that was now being lit by Sam and my father.

Within another twenty seconds however, Sue's familiar voice could be heard and I turned in surprise to find Leah and Seth trailing after their mother. Behind them came Paul, Embry, Jared and Brady walked in a group, discussion halted as soon as they breached the circle of elders.

"Good hearing." I raised a brow towards Sam, who shot me a strange look back.

Seth found me easily, and I was glad to see that whatever unhappiness he had held in his eyes from yesterday had been - for the most part, at least - extinguished. There was still a twinge of something in his eyes, although I couldn't decipher what it was and I couldn't get a chance to analyze it before he pulled me into a hug. It was extremely warm and felt more comforting than anything else at that moment, and because of the bustling movements of all of our friends and family around us it was easy to stay in our embrace for longer than normal.

"Feeling a bit better?" Seth asked once he finally pulled away.

"A bit," I nodded honestly, trying to use a smile to hide my lightheadedness at the moment; being so close to him always gave me a bit of a head rush. "Thanks. No graveyard shift for Sue?"

"Not tonight," Seth shook his head. "Ever since she took over after my dad the hospital's been really understanding of her off time."

"It must have been really hard…" I began, catching myself beginning to say something empathetic and stuttering a bit as I was uncertain if I wanted to continue with my statement. If I didn't, I risked being regarded as insensitive; if I did, I would become just as annoying as everyone else who constantly expressed their sympathy for me. I chose to stay sympathetic for the time being, as it seemed to be the safest bet. "...for all of you."

Seth nodded and his eyes went downcast for a split second before he changed the subject, and I felt that we both benefited from the topic switch.

"Excited for your first council?" Seth smiled at me, the gentleness of the gesture so pure and kind that I found myself smiling right back.

"A bit," I was again very honest. "Mostly just interested to see what all the fuss is about. Isn't it your first council too?"

Seth nodded, laughing somewhat nervously. "Yeah - Leah's as well."

At the mention of his sister I gazed around the circle in search of her, only to find her directly across the now lit fire - thanks to Paul and Jared - glaring towards the two of us. I immediately diverted my gaze, terrified of confrontation and even more terrified of making an enemy.

"Does she hate me?" I questioned very quietly towards Seth, as if I had a sense that Leah could hear me whispering from five meters away.

"Leah's just generally sour," Seth shook his head, eyebrows curving in understanding. "Everyone has to feel her wrath."

"Her wrath?" I questioned, frowning at the heavy word. "What, so I didn't do anything?"

"No," Seth reassured, sitting down on the log behind us. I quickly sat next to him - ensuring that I wasn't too close for comfort but still close enough that I could feel his warmth - and listened intently. "She's just hitting a hard time in her life."

Most of the council was now seating themselves, and I noticed that Jacob darted off back up the trail and off into the dark distance. Billy, seated at the head of the circle, seemed unready to begin whatever announcements or ceremonies the council was waiting for, and so I held a firm belief my friend would be back. In the meanwhile, our friends and family chatted and I paid the utmost attention to Seth.

"She was actually seeing Sam for a long time," He began to explain, and I took pleasure watching the lines in his face contort to tell his tale. "They were close - closer than most. And Sam ended up falling in love with Emily the minute he saw her."

"Jeez," I pulled a face, stomach twisting at the proof that nothing was set in stone. "Poor Leah."

"Broke her heart," Seth continued on, as if this was an occurrence that couldn't have been helped. "But Sam couldn't stop his feelings."

At this he stopped, eyes meeting mine for a moment before he diverted his gaze and looked back towards the fire. I regarded him for a bit longer, eyes trailing over all the features of his face and thinking back to the first time I had met - or re-met, rather - him. I could understand Sam's feeling of helplessness, especially when your emotions threw you for a loop, but I could also understand Leah's agony and frustration over the fact that she couldn't control what she had wanted the most.

"Does Leah still love him?" I looked back out across the fire, watching Leah stare sullenly down towards her shoes and finally seeing how frustrated she must have been every single day seeing Emily and Sam interact so closely. There was a reason for her anger, although I wasn't sure why she seemed to express so much towards both Seth and I.

"One hundred percent," Seth nodded, expression now a bit pained. "It's hard on everyone; we all see it, and feel it."

"Feel it?" I began to question, but before he could respond Jacob was back with a pale brunette girl, one whom I could only assume was Isabella Swan.

Both Seth and I stayed down as the two breached the fire pit, Jacob slowly introducing his friend to the whole circle. Most of the group already seemed to know her, as they shot her smiles and/or waves, with Leah being the only one who said nothing to her. I was no longer surprised at the rude manners Seth's sister exhibited. Bella didn't seem surprised either, except when she turned to find Seth sitting with me.

"Oh!" She stuck out her hand somewhat awkwardly, and I got the sense this girl was just as socially challenged as I was. "Sorry - I don't think we've met yet."

"Tehya," I grasped her hand and tried to be kind, noticing the iciness of it. I didn't realize how warm my hands had gotten inside of my jacket pockets, but the fact that Seth was basically a walking hotbox certainly helped.

"Tehya Bryant?" She questioned, and my stomach dropped as soon as I could tell she was going to say something more. "I heard about your...sorry. I'm just - uhm,"

She stuttered and obviously didn't know what to do, so feeling sorry for the girl, I stopped her.

"It's okay," I waved a hand, trying to avoid the feelings. "You don't have to…"

"Sorry - uh, I'm Bella," She nodded and tried to smile, although I could tell she was nervous. "Nice to meet you."

Jacob pulled her away after she said hello to Seth, and they ended up sitting on the other side of him after greeting my father. Bella was intelligent enough not to say anything to him, and as soon as they sat down Billy cleared his throat.

I continued to be astounded by the man's authority; as soon as he made the noise the entire circle fell into silence. Seth leaned forwards on his haunches, and I felt a little warmth disappear as I was exposed to the cold air on my side. This chill would actually end up being the death of me, as it set the mood for Billy's tale.

"We have been a small tribe from the beginning, but we have always held strength in our numbers; and what some call magic in our blood," He began, breathing deeply as he stared around the circle. "The legends call us the great spirit warriors...shapeshifters who would transform into protective and powerful wolves."

At this I let out a gulp, mind immediately flashing back to my time in the forest where my little fainting spell had resulted in my vision of a wolf.

"This enabled us to scare off our enemies."

 _The wrongness. The black._

"...and protect our tribe." Billy locked eyes with me across the fire as I stared, transfixed, towards my friend's father.

"One day, our warriors came across a creature," Billy moved on, looking towards the next person, and then the next. "It looked like a man, but it was hard like stone, and cold as ice. Our warrior's sharp teeth and fearsome claws finally tore this creature apart, but only fire would completely destroy it."

At this, he stared into the middle of the circle towards the raging bonfire. It seemed to burn even brighter with this part of the tale, and my mind went reeling as there was a pause in Billy's tale. What was this Cold man? Obviously the legends were exaggerations and personifications, but what did this Cold man represent?

"They lived in fear; as the Cold man was not alone," I frowned as the tale deepened. This was getting confusing. "For he had a mate, and they feared she would strike back with all the fury and might of a thousand men. She took her vengeance out on the village, attacking and killing as many as she could reach."

At this my heart rate picked up slightly, as I imagined the vicious image of some savage woman murdering as many of our tribe as possible and felt a twinge of protective instinct in my heart, hoping that somewhere in the story there was a savior.

"Our elder chief, Taha Aki, was the only spirit warrior left to save the tribe after his son was killed," Billy leaned back, respectfully bowing his head a bit. "But after continuously battling the Cold one, Taha Aki's Third Wife could see that he would lose."

My heart sank a bit, and I could feel myself clench up in expectation as to what was going to happen next in the story; the wife had to do something, right?

"The Third Wife was no magical being with no special powers but one," Billy paused at this, lifting up a solitary finger as he made sure to look at everyone. "Courage."

 _Sacrifice_.

"She took a dagger and plunged it into herself, distracting the Cold woman long enough for Taha Aki to destroy her. She had saved the tribe."

At this, I frowned and looked down at the sand in confusion, the magic in the tale breaking momentarily as I tried to understand how the Third Wife stabbing herself would have made any difference in the chaotic battle between the spiritual warrior wolf and the Cold woman.

"Over time," Billy stole my attention again as he began to speak once more, this time looking directly at me without breaking his gaze. "Our enemies have disappeared...but one remains. The Cold Ones."

What? How? What did he mean by Cold ones? And how would an ancient fictitious creature still exist, regardless of whatever form Billy was describing it in?

"Our magic awakens when they near, and we sense it now. We feel the threat in our blood; we must be ready. All of us."

Billy had not gazed away from me for a split second, and as I tried to stare deeper into what seemed to be bottomless black eyes I attempted to understand the meaning of this message. These legends that Billy had translated were trying to tell me something; he was trying to tell me something - that much I could tell.

 _Think, Tehya. Think._

Cold ones. Mates. Magic.

Spirit warriors - shapeshifters - wolves.

Visions - the fainting. The vision I had seen of a wolf. A grey wolf.

The same grey I had seen in Paul's eyes - a shade of the exact match.

Protectors. Warriors. Spirit warriors, shapeshifters...wolves.

The protectiveness of the men on the reserve; of the boys around me, my friends...who stated it was their duty. The incomprehensible strength of the select group of boys; the strange looks, strange questions, strange topic choices. The last standing warriors.

The National Geographic documentary; Seth's questions - questions about the wolves. The strength of the wolves; their resilience, their toughness, their capability to withstand harsh elements and the attacks of other _creatures_. How much did I like wolves?

Wolves.

"Oh my god." I murmured, all liquid draining from my mouth as I looked up to see a circle of people all staring back at me. A headrush like never before hit me like a ton of bricks. "Oh my god…"

This was what Billy had been trying to tell me, and I looked up to see him sit back triumphantly, as if he had known all along that I would figure it out.

"Tehya," Seth tried to stop me gently, holding out a hand. I jerked away, heaving a painful breath as I tried to take in air with my lungs. "It's okay."

I caught my father's expression, one caught between pain and guilt, before I returned my gaze to the sand. The only thing I could tell at this moment was truly sand and nothing else. It couldn't lie to me; pretend to be normal and human and then flip into something else. It was just that; sand. It would never change.

"I'm going for a walk," I announced breathlessly, pointing down the beach without looking towards anyone. "Alone, over there."

No one stopped me, and no one said anything. I didn't look at Seth; I didn't look at anyone. I assumed someone might follow for my safety and was certain that the slight noise I heard behind me was my father, but I didn't turn back. I trudged through the sand and clutched my jacket closer to myself, refusing to turn back.

Legends were not supposed to come to life, and so I refused to let them.

 **Seth P.O.V.**

"So _that's_ the 'right way'?" Harold Bryant clasped his face in his hands, leaning forward onto his knees. "That's it, Billy?"

"I'll go after her," I jumped up immediately, the signal from Sam having stopped me the first time after she had gotten up. I could no longer see her in the darkness down the beach, and the urge to disrespect my Alpha's orders and tear after her was unbearable.

"Seth -" Sam tried to stress, but Billy interrupted him.

"Go, Seth."

I immediately bounded after where I could catch Tehya's scent, resisting the urge to erupt into my other form as to track her faster. She was a fast walker, and this was actually cause for concern not only because it was night, but because the threat of the Cold ones was very real.

"Tehya?" I called out, her scent having gotten stronger as it led closer to the water. "Tehya!"

At first I didn't hear a response, but then a soft whimper of my name was heard.

"Tehya?" I inched closer to the sound, and I was able to see the soft outline of my imprint near the water, beckoning for me to come closer,

"Seth," She sounded curious, but not of me. There was something else. "There's something out there - in the water."

"What?" I quickly closed the distance between us, afraid to touch her as to startle her and following to where her finger was pointing. "Where?"

As it turned out, I didn't need to ask any other questions. The smell of the ugly blood suckers hit me full force, and I grimaced before freezing completely. I could see the outline of a head rising above the water in the distance, surfacing and then submerging once more before coming up a bit closer to us. My heart rate started to rise.

"Come on," I grabbed Tehya's arm and began to pull her with me, surprised when she met me with a bit of stubbornness. "We have to go - we're not safe here!"

"Not safe from what, the C _old ones_?" Tehya sneered as a joke, and I was taken a bit aback. "What if it's someone who needs help? Or a buoy, or something?"

This caused some deep seated frustration inside of me to rise, as it seemed that she had understood the danger and legends of our tribe a mere ten minutes ago and was now making a joke out of it.

"Trust me, it's not." I deadpanned, trying to take her with me yet again. "Come on - please!"

"I don't want to go back!" Tehya shook her head, tugging against me yet again.

The smell of the bloodsucker grew closer, and I found myself panicking as I knew that we were not going to make it back to the campsite on foot by this point. The Cold creature - male or female, I couldn't tell - was too close for comfort, and I began to prepare myself to do something that I was sure I was going to regret.

"You're going to have to run," I instructed my imprint, sure that she would not follow the rules but giving it a whirl anyway. "Fast. As fast as you can."

"Where? Absolutely not!" She shook her head, horror growing as I began to back away from her. "Don't leave me here alone!"

"Don't look - please!" I shouted as I pushed any sort of anger I had inside of me as far up as I could, breaking the seal inside and allowing myself to shift into my second skin.

A roar broke out of my throat at the pain of it all; it was still a fairly new process as my first time shifting had been when my father had passed, and the ripping of my skin still came as a bit of a shock. Muscles ripped and bones shattered, phasing all I had into my most protective form.

I tried to locate where Tehya had gone and caught her backing away from me with the expression of petrified mental patient about to pass out. It was about the worst feel in the world, having your imprint terrified and not wanting anything to do with you, but I knew it was the only thing I could have done to protect her. I knew she wasn't going to last long on her own, and so I moved in front of her and faced the water where loe and behold; the bloodsucker was finally showing himself.

He was tall, thin and dripping wet, black eyes glistening in the night and white teeth shining. A Cold one in all his hideous glory.

 _Sam!_ I cried out, knowing that since my Alpha was not shifted he would not hear my telepathic cry. I was going to try anyway. _SAM! CODE RED!_

Nothing. Fabulous.

"What the...what the hell is that? Who is that!?" Tehya was panting, hyperventilating behind me, but saying still. I had to at least commend her for doing so; in these circumstances I wouldn't have blamed anyone for running. "What the fuck is happening?!"

I ignored her, steeling myself and prepared for a fight. My hackles raised as I faced the bloodsucker boldly, trying with all my might to appear more intimidating than I actually was. It was clear he wasn't getting to the human without a fight, and his black eyes revealed he had not fed in some time. This suggested he was weak, and attacking a human protected by a shifter while weak was not a good bet for him. I hoped that he understood this logic, and was prepared to make a move, but as it turned out I didn't need to.

 _Seth!_ Heard Sam's shouts in my mind and heard the distinct sound of his paws hitting the sand, the rest of the boys following. _Hold tight! We're coming - don't move!_

It was a shock for my poor Tehya when she spotted the rest of the Uley pack, bounding towards our location and immediately putting themselves in defense mode against the vampire still standing in the shallow water.

"Oh my - oh my god!" My imprint had apparently had enough of this evening, and with a final hyperventilating breath she slumped unconscious on the sand.

I whimpered at this and begged for permission to tend to her, but Sam barked orders to all of us to stay put until the bloodsucker was gone. The vampire, obviously overwhelmed and overpowered, retreated back into the water with a low growl. It seemed that a conflict had been avoided, even if it was just for today. The conflict between my imprint and I however, raged on.

 **A/N: Sorry for the late chapter, guys! Again, I have been busy with schoolwork, Christmas and such! Will be trying to upload more regularly now! I'll try to edit this chapter either tonight or tomorrow and within the next couple of days get a new chapter out. Thanks for all of the new followers and favorites! :) and a special thank you to SweetestSarcasm who left me some very nice reviews as well as edits - which we all struggle with at times.**


	9. Map of the Problematique

**Chapter 9, 'Map of the Problematique'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: Sorry for not updating in awhile - I thought I would have more time during the break, but life just got busier over the holidays :( anyway, enjoy!**

 _I want to be free_

 _From desolation and despair_

 _And I feel like everything I saw  
Is being swept away  
Well I refuse to let you go  
I can't get it right, get it right  
Since I met you_

-Muse, 'Map of the Problematique'

"How long has it been?"

There was a sudden burst of light behind my eyelids, and I inhaled sharply as I abruptly came to my senses out of what felt like a very deep sleep.

"About three and a half hours."

 _What happened?_

"For Christ's sake, Sue - is there anything you can do?"

Everything came rushing back faster than I could handle; the bonfire, the legends, the beach...the _wolves._ I had passed out. On the beach. After a random man had walked out of the North Pacific Ocean and my friend had turned into a giant wolf, only followed by what seemed to be a whole pack of gargantuan wolves. Had I been dreaming? This had to be a dream.

"Harry, there really isn't anything I'm willing to do to her to shock her out of unconsciousness."

"She'll wake."

That was Sam. I still hadn't opened my eyes, but as soon as a whiff of scent hit me I knew that I was back at the Young household.

 _Oh, for the love of God..._

"I'm awake." I still refused to open my eyes, but I heard Emily jump and take a breath in surprise as I grunted and tried to regulate my own breathing rate. "I'm awake…"

"Oh Tehya!" My father, who had already been by my side, was gripping my hand in seconds. "I'm so sorry sweetheart - I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I'm just -"

"Let me get her some water." I heard Emily's footsteps dart out of the room, no doubt to grab the closest water bottle in sight.

"Can you open your eyes for me Tehya?"

That was Sue, nearby but not as close as my father. I wasn't sure about the rest of the presences in the room, but I could feel them. The invisible string that attached Seth and I still existed, although no matter how hard I tried to tug I couldn't feel that magical rope move. It was as if someone had shut off the connection, even though the bond was still intact. This unnerved me almost as much as the legends I now had to confront.

Billy.

Where was Billy? That was the man I needed to see.

"I need to talk to Billy," I croaked, not realizing my mouth had been so parched up until now and trying to sit up. "Where's Billy?"

I squeezed my eyes shut before opening them, groaning as the light wrapped itself around my eyeballs and pulled at them harshly. I hated waking up in this house. It felt as though I had passed out one too many times here, and I was sick of everyone tending to me as if I was a wounded animal. It felt like I didn't have time for this; like I was rushing to do something or reach a conclusion fast.

"He's here, don't worry...take it slow," Sue urged, and through my blurry vision I could see her moving closer to my father and I's position on the couch. "I'm just going to take your blood pressure, if that's alright."

"Sure." I grumbled, wiping at my sore lids with one fisted hand as I tried to focus my vision. What greeted my eyesight was practically the same handful of people who had attended the bonfire, give or take a few. I noticed that a majority of the people my age were gone. Seth was gone, Jacob was gone, Bella was gone...Jared, Brady, Quil, Paul. All gone. Sam was the only one who remained, the brawniest of them all.

Emily burst back into the room, quickly passing me a cool bottle of water and staying close by.

"Her blood pressure is a bit lower than what it was yesterday," Sue announced, and by now my vision had cleared. "Emily, do you have any drinks with sugar in them or easily digestible sweets? Maybe granola bars? She just needs something with sugar in it to give her a boost."

"No problem." Emily darted back into the kitchen, immediately casting guilt into my stomach and reinstalling the hatred I had for the moments when people talked about me as if I wasn't right in front of them.

As Sue release the sphygmomanometer from my arm she assisted me, alongside my father, in sitting until I was in an upright position with my back against the cushioned side of the couch. I connected eyes with my father first, allowing him to sit beside me on the couch, and then proceeded to scan the whole room. Amidst the dizziness I felt, I was able to stay sitting up straight and look for my target; the only man I felt that in this moment could level what was going on. Eventually, I found him wheeled into the corner of the room near the bookshelf and didn't take my eyes off of him, equaling his intense gaze until Sue cleared her throat.

"We'll give you some space." She began to usher Sam out of the room, waiting for Emily to pass by as the younger woman handed me a granola bar and a glass of juice before all three of them completely retreated from the living room.

A long moment of silence passed, where both my father and Billy sat completely still.

"What the fuck is going on?" I broke the ice with as much vulgarity as I could muster, although in this state - as I clenched an oat and raisin bar in one hand and some sort of fruity concoction in the other while my hands still trembled and I felt like I was breathing gasoline - I wasn't too sure I was that intimidating.

Some more silence.

"Well don't all talk at once," I set the drink and bar down on the side table, switching my harsh gaze in between my father and Billy. "I need an explanation, please. This is impossible; all of this is absolutely impossible."

"I didn't know how to do this," My dad admitted, causing my gaze to snap to him. "I'm truly sorry - but this was bound to be stressful no matter how you found out."

"How..." I huffed, covering my face with my quivering fingers and regretting it immediately, as the cold sweatiness of my fingertips cast a shiver on the rest of my body. "I mean - okay, let's say this is possible. How would it even be logical...like _medically_?"

"It's been in the genetics of the spirit warriors for a long time," My dad explained, although that still didn't make sense. "I wouldn't concern yourself too much with the reality of the situation; many things that occur on this planet are surreal, but we accept them as they are."

"Sure, but people turning into wolves!?" I spat, lifting my arms in disbelief. "I mean, how the hell…"

I lost my trail of thought, frustration fizzling out into nothingness. Why was I frustrated? I had been lied to. By everyone. But what had been their choice? What _was_ the best way to tell someone that they could explode into terrifyingly enormous mutant werewolves at will? I had never been put in danger, always been cared for, protected.

"Is there a reason why you all felt compelled to let me know this information?" I sighed, hanging my head and staring at the floor. My new best friend. The ever normal, ever unchanging floor.

"You're part of this tribe," Billy finally spoke, slowly wheeling himself closer to the couch until he was an arm's reach away. His black eyes, much different than the eyes of the man who had emerged from the water this night, bore into mine as his baritone sank into my eardrums. "That means you are pack. And as pack, it is part of your duty to be informed."

He wheeled himself backwards until he found an old copy of _The Jungle Book_ , written by Rudyard Kipling, on Emily's bookshelf. I recognized the old cover page from my mother's bookshelf, as she had read the book many times to me when I had been younger. Wheeling himself forwards yet again, he opened the book and flipped several pages until he found what he was looking for. Clearing his throat, he began to read.

"Now this is the law of the jungle, as old and as true as the sky," He took a pause here, and I found that just like several hours ago on the beach, I was utterly captivated by his way of speaking regardless of the circumstance. He held me in a limbo, numb to the rest of the world as I listened to him recite the words I had once been so familiar with. It was coming back to me... "And the wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the wolf that shall break it must die."

"As the creeper the girdles the tree trunk," Billy continued, and suddenly a load of memories hit me like a freight train. My mother reading this poetry to me; my mother and I cooking dinner the same night, her lullabies she would sing to me when I couldn't fall asleep. It was all coming back. "The law runneth over and back…"

"For the strength of the pack is the wolf," I murmured, forcing Billy to pause as he and my father looked up at me. I ignored them in favor of continuing the poem. "And the strength of the wolf is the pack."

"Mom used to read that to you, didn't she." My father whispered after a moment, unable to lift his gaze from the carpet. It wasn't a question, so I only nodded mutely.

"Did she know?" I replied, now bravely facing my father. "Any of this?"

"She was always aware," He nodded slowly, a fog clouding his vision. It was as if he was trying to retrieve some distant memory he had locked away somewhere; a memory that he needed to dig deep down into the crevices of his mind for. I knew that fog. "She had a very deep understanding of human nature, and so naturally she became curious. She was always sympathetic, always wanting to help."

A sudden burst of emotion exploded in my stomach, and I realized that the rope Seth and I held between each other was growing taut. A tightness overcame me, making me fidget slightly in discomfort before I tried to reign myself in and regain control of my body. It was extremely difficult; it felt as though I was fighting a whole other body struggling against mine, but as quickly as it came this strange sort of struggle between myself and nothing left. The bond was shut once more, and I felt more alone than ever.

I just wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep forever.

I knew, however, that I could not. I couldn't ignore this, nor could I deny it. This was a reality that I had to live. My mother and my father had both known the information I had just received, and I had been entrusted with this sensitive content. Content that I assumed not many others were aware of, unless there were wolves scattered all around the globe I didn't know about. Billy was right; this was my tribe, these were my legends. I had nothing left to lose at this point, so there was nowhere else to go but up. Why not accept?

And so I did.

There was, however, one very pressing issue among other things. I knew I had to speak with Seth - that was certain, but the man emerging out of the water troubled me.

"There was a man," I spoke up, abandoning the conversation with my father in favor of this new one with Billy. "Before I passed out - he walked out of the water straight from the ocean."

"A Cold one." Billy put it simply, but added nothing else.

"Okay…" I frowned, the lack of information creating suspiciousness. "And who are the Cold ones?"

"Maybe that's enough for one day, Billy." My father tried to interject, putting a hand out towards his friend.

"No," I stopped him, frowning even more deeply at his attempt to halt the flow of information. "He was watching me, and I'd like to know why. In the legend tonight, it talked about how the Cold one slaughtered a whole village and the Third wife sacrificed herself - how would her sacrifice have saved the tribe?"

"The supernatural is difficult to explain," Billy warned, but with a pressing look from myself he continued. "It was a creature, different from human but a master of disguise within our species. Their strange traits are a marker of their difference."

"Their eyes?" I added, for no reason other than to confirm that the man exiting the ocean had really been a 'Cold one' - even though it was still unclear what these sorts of people were. A hidden cult of dangerous psychopaths, perhaps? For some reason it felt much more sinister.

"These feed on the living, although they have animal alternatives to survive on - a coven of these creatures exists near us, but they have devoted themselves to veganism."

"Veganism?" I frowned, a sick feeling spreading throughout my body. "'Feeding on the living'? You're joking me."

"Unfortunately not." Billy shared a pointed look with my father, as if they both agreed that my pushing would not be worth the stress in the end. "Forces exist in this world far greater than human kind have existed for centuries. These creatures can survive for as long as they are not ripped apart."

"Sure," I scoffed, pretty certain that he was kidding around with me. This was too much. "And he decided to stop by to munch on some limbs."

"Why else would someone be coming out of the North Pacific ocean at eleven at night?" My father quickly interrupted harshly, and my face immediately fell.

"L-late night swim?" I gulped, mind scrambling for reasons.

"He was hungry." Billy answered my dad's question.

"Well, why is no one killing them!?" I blanched in horror, nearly retching at the thought of people getting killed in the streets and family members going missing. The hairs on the back of my neck now stood up. "Does the government - the President, know about this?!"

"Not many people are aware, no. For the most part, they remain respectful - some attack each other," Billy tried to explain. "It's a grey area; most stick to themselves, and we have no say in what happens as we are the only ones of our kind. There is a sort of underground government that exists, preventing the worst from happening in certain extreme scenarios."

"Like what?" I whispered in horror, my mind immediately jumping to the worst possible example of an 'extreme scenario' involving a Cold one. "If a whole city is slaughtered?"

"Cases like that haven't happened in centuries," My father shook his head. "Most of them know that if they behave in such a way they'll get killed in a heartbeat. The Volturi don't mess around."

"Volturi?" The name sounded old, and evil in itself.

"Their 'government' - that's what they call themselves," Dad clarified, passing a hand over his face in stress and what I assumed to be exhaustion. I hadn't even checked the clock to see what time it was, and was shocked to see two o'clock in the morning plastered on the digital clock sitting on the bookshelf. "Look, this was my whole point with going out into the wilderness; there have been cases of some random attacks as of recent, but with the boys on constant patrol you have protection. That doesn't mean however, that you can run off whenever you please."

"The boys?"

"I didn't mean to say that," My dad looked a bit sheepish, but continued anyway. "...our spirit warriors."

I paused for a moment, understanding why my father had been so concerned with me running off into the woods two days ago. I had put myself at risk to be attacked by these creatures, and it explained why everyone had shown up at Emily's afterwards. With a patrol running each night it made sense that Paul had found me, and made sense why everyone had been adamant about letting me know how serious the situation was.

"And what about the Cold ones nearby?"

"Our legends, passed on through generations, hold the proof that a treaty exists between the coven close to us and our reservation," Billy tipped his head forward. "They don't come onto our land. However, other covens exist. Rogues are possible; nothing is static. Things change."

I didn't really know what that meant.

"Are things changing right now?"

Another heavy gaze passed between Dad and Billy. At this point, I was able to understand what all those weird glances had been that I had spotted a while ago. It was worry and concern for an attack, for anything; news of any kind. I still didn't know what was going on, but it was big. And with these forces of insa

"Something is happening, isn't it?" I tried again, but it seemed as though my information had reached maximum capacity for tonight. "What's going on?"

"You've already taken in a lot today," Billy sighed, placing a hand on my knee. "It's a lot to absorb, and it's late. There's also a very anxious boy waiting to speak to you outside, and I think if he paces any more he's going to make a crater with his bare feet."

"Just one more question," I pleaded, despite my brain screaming at me to go find Seth. With a huff Billy complied, and stayed still. "You said the Cold ones live off of humans - how?"

"That's really enough for one day," Billy's eyes flickered between my father and I, and my glare hardened. "...it's disturbing."

"Try me." I scoffed, shaking my head at the notion that I might be disturbed by the next thing I heard. With everything I had been forced to understand today, I doubted that there was much more he could tell me that would knock me back on my ass in shock.

"Blood."

A shudder ran down my spine. Perhaps I had been wrong.

"You're kidding me," I nearly retched, holding my stomach and shaking my head. "That can't possibly be true."

"I told you it was disturbing," Billy's eyebrows rose, as if he expected me to challenge him. "You can be comforted by the fact that our spirit warriors are our main line of defense. It is unlikely any Cold ones will enter the reservation with them on patrol each night."

At this I quieted, watching Billy place _The Jungle Book_ back on the shelf as I thought about my friends running laps around the reservations risking their lives. That explained their strange schooling habits, and the fact that they never seemed to stick to the same schedule. Everyone was so flexible on the reserve; now that I had more knowledge I was finally starting to understand why. It was a system based on protection and one that allowed everyone on this land to continue living their lives safely. It briefly hit me that most people on the reservation likely knew about these 'spirit warriors'.

"Seth is waiting for you," My Dad placed a warm hand on my back, and with a rather large gulp I slowly got to my feet. "Take it easy, yeah? We'll be in here."

I made a noise of agreement as I grabbed the glass of juice and took several large gulps. Pocketing the granola bar, I passed Emily, Sam and Sue in the kitchen who fell silent as I walked by them. I could feel their eyes on me as I pulled the large sliding glass door open, and as I walked down the porch steps towards Seth's human silhouette in the dark. The string between us was taut again, pulling tighter and tighter as I carefully closed the distance between us.

We didn't say anything at first, as I busied myself with analyzing him. I didn't know what I was expecting, but there was no fur on his arms, no big claws instead of fingernails; for all intents and purposes, Seth looked one hundred percent human standing right before me at that moment. So…

"How is this possible?" I breathed, trying to make sense of it all.

"I don't know." Seth rumbled back, eyes betraying his guilt to me. Maybe my father had been right; trying to understand this strange phenomenon was proving more difficult than helpful. "But I'm so sorry."

"For what?" I muttered, recoiling a bit in confusion. "This isn't your fault - I'm just...in shock."

"As expected," He inhaled shakily, hands in his pockets no doubt twitching nervously. "I mean I'm sorry that it had to happen in front of you."

I was quiet for awhile, thinking about his already large figure exploding into the giant mass of fur in front of me a mere several hours ago. It was difficult to accept this occurrence as real; my brain was tempted to lock it away as a strange dream and have that be the end of it. I knew that I needed to push through that urge however, because this was definitely real - none of this was a dream, and I knew it would be even more of a shock when I was confronted with it further down the road. I needed to accept.

"Was I in a lot of danger?" I sort of already knew the answer.

"Yeah," Seth nodded, head bobbing as his expression fell into one of worry. "I can't control it when it's like that; the situation makes it hard to hold back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I -"

"Stop apologizing," I ordered, and to my surprise it worked. "I should be thanking you."

A beat of silence passed.

"So...thank you." I continued awkwardly, wrapping my arms around myself to shield my body from the chilly breeze.

Seth nodded mutely, although guilt and anxiety was still scattered all over his face. I realized he hadn't taken his eyes off of mine, despite my gaze dropping towards the ground several times. He seemed to have little to say, or was just as scared as I was at the moment, but within a couple of second he was removing his sweater and wrapping it around me.

"You didn't have to do that," I murmured, looking up at him as the warmth and smell of his sweater surrounded me. It was very comforting, especially because the garment fell halfway down my thighs. "Thank you."

He shrugged again, a light blush tinting his dark cheeks as he led me towards the porch stairs. I sat down slowly, taking the granola bar out of my pocket and beginning to pick at it. I offered some to Seth, but he smiled and turned it down.

"You need it more than me."

I chewed and slowly ate the sweet bar, thankful for his kindness, and pocketed the trash. We sat in silence for a bit longer, staring out into the dark yard and listening to the crickets chirp. I didn't exactly know what to say, but expected that Seth had something to say. He was clearly nervous, as he couldn't sit still and kept opening and closing his mouth.

"Whatever it is you want to say, you don't have to tell me now," I tried to ease his nerves, turning towards him as I wrapped his sweater further around me. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Really?" He scoffed, looking down at his hands where he picked apart a blade of grass. "I thought you'd run for the hills."

"You guys are my only friends," I sighed, despite his humorous tone. "This is all I have left. This is my tribe - I can't leave now."

It was therapeutic talking to Seth; I hadn't admitted the strong connection I held to this place up until now, and it felt like he really listened to me. Maybe it was because he refused to move his gaze from my eyes, but he was different from the others. I felt much closer, much more comfortable to Seth, as if I had known him for many more years already.

"I hope you don't feel trapped." Seth replied glumly, spreading one of his long legs out down the stairs while the other stayed tucked in near him. It hit me again just how much he had grown. No wonder these boys had wolf genes in them; they were already twice the normal size of boys their age.

"That's not it at all," I shook my head, trying to bury myself further in Seth's sweater. The heavy thing was incredibly warm, and I couldn't get enough of his smell. It was embarrassingly addictive and really soothing, but I tried my best to focus on the conversation. "It was just such a quick transition, especially from…"

I trailed off there, grimacing and not really wanting to confront the topic of my mother at all. It was still incredibly sore, and I wasn't ready.

"So no, I don't feel trapped." I finished, wiping my face with a spare hand. "I appreciate everyone."

We were silent for a bit longer, until Seth finally took a deep breath and began speaking with purpose.

"There _is_ something I want to say," He began, sniffing quietly. "Do you remember that story I was telling you on the beach? The one about Leah and Sam?"

I nodded in confirmation, not wanting to break his rhythm.

"Well, it wasn't just Sam being a douche and falling in love with someone else over Leah," Seth swallowed heavily, and I rose a brow. More secrets? "Sam imprinted on Emily."

"What's an imprint?" I questioned immediately.

"It's a connection that can't be helped between a human and a shapeshifter," He explained, eyes meeting mine with the same imploring expression that Billy had held at the bonfire. He wanted me to understand something. "It's this phenomenon among us; a bond that happens after you phase for the first time."

I was quiet as I thought of the invisible string between us, memory snapping back to our first encounter since I had returned to La Push. I thought of the strange feelings I had felt, and still felt.

"Nothing else matters except for them," Seth went on carefully, knowing fully well that I had already been loaded up with information way past my boiling point today. "You'll do anything for them - be anything for them, even if that means staying away. It feels like everything else falls into second place, and that bond is for life."

At this he stopped, his concerned gaze revealing more to me than he probably expected. I thought of the string, the way his eyes lit up like New Year's Eve fireworks when he spotted me, the way he listened with everything he had when I spoke, and the way his eyes refused to remove themselves from my face. Like a puzzle, it all suddenly fit together in my mind.

"You imprinted on me, didn't you?" I whispered, mouth falling open half in shock and half in disbelief.

He was quiet, watching my changing reaction with caution. It crossed my mind how scary it must have been for him to try and let me know about his imprinting on me, as there was a chance of rejection. I couldn't imagine the pain that someone like Seth would have felt if I would have rejected him. Based on the kicked puppy expressions painted on his face when I sent so much as a glare towards him, I couldn't even picture what a complete rejection of an imprinting would have looked like.

I felt an even deeper connection between us then, and a thrum of energy flowed through the string between us. I shuddered, wondering how the hell this boy had managed to evoke such feelings from me.

"Why?" I just didn't understand. I was a boring, broken, tasteless choice.

"It's not up to me," Seth shook his head and laughed slightly, as if I was asking him something ridiculous or couldn't see my own worth or something. "It's confusing and it can happen with anyone, even people you knew before phasing."

"And no one knows why it happens?" I swallowed gently, trying to digest this information.

"Billy thinks it's designed to make us stronger," Seth offered, shaking his head. "But there could be a million reasons. Sam thinks we imprint on the one who we have the best shot at reproducing with."

"That's nice." I grimaced.

"Right?" He smirked.

"What happens if we say no?" I suddenly asked, curious as to this whole gentler side about shapeshifters.

"The imprintee?" Seth clarified. "Well, we have to respect that choice and hope that you'll come back, but if it's a rejection...it's tough. It's like meeting your soulmate, and finding out they want nothing to do with you."

 _What a horrible way to live._

"Does that happen often?"

"Not really," He shook his head. "It's hard to reject someone who is so committed, compatible and worships the ground you walk on."

Both of my brows rose at that. I wasn't aware of how serious this imprinting stuff was. Seth was making it seem like the most intense love story I had ever heard, which was quite a shock especially if your imprinting happened on someone who you didn't know at all, or had known your entire life and then were forced to deal with starting your relations all over again as a lover.

"It happened to Sam at first." Seth spit out, as if this was something that he wasn't supposed to share. "Emily wanted him to work out his problems with Leah - she didn't understand the imprinting part of it, and when she told him he was just like his dad he lashed out and phased too close to her."

"Oh my god…" Shock smacked me in the face once more for what felt like the millionth time in the last twenty four hours. "Those scars weren't from a bear…"

Terror gripped my heart. The realization that these boys were killing machines was a blaring concern in my mind for about ten seconds, before I acknowledged that they were not a threat to me. Sam's incident had been an accident, and these boys had protected the reservation - my father - up until now. They were not a threat to me.

"He didn't mean to be standing so close - he thought he killed her," Seth shook his head and actually dropped his gaze from mine for several seconds, staring down at his hands. "He was hysterical; when he visited her in the hospital he asked her to tell him to kill himself."

"Jesus Christ." I didn't know what else to say to that. "What happens if someone hurts someone else's imprint?"

"Pack law says we can't," Seth shook his head. "It's only happened once, way back when. There was a fight to the death, and then a suicide. It's hard to live when your only reason for living is killed."

My mouth hung open.

"Yeah, it's...pretty serious," Seth bit his lip in what I assumed to be more anxiousness. "But Sam and Emily are okay now - they're living proof it can work out even from a bad start. It's whatever the imprintee wants it to be. We don't push to be anything more than a friend if that's what they want."

"What happens if you imprint on someone too young?" Questions were appearing in my mind faster than bullets falling out of a machine gun, so I tried to rein myself back and control the avid curiosity I now held.

"Usually we act as siblings," Seth explained kindly. He seemed happy, if not eager, to answer my questions, and now seemed a bit more at ease than moments ago before he had revealed his truth to me. "We don't feel any attraction until our imprint becomes much older, but it's almost impossible to stay away from your imprint."

"Has this happened to anyone else?" I wondered out loud, thinking about all of the other boys on the reservation.

"Well Sam and Emily, for one," He counted with his fingers, and I found myself gripped with a sudden urge to run my fingers over his dark skin. "Paul and Rachel, Jacob's sister - do you remember Jacob's sisters?"

I nodded, heartstrings tugging at the thought of Jacob's parent's death as well.

"Yeah - Rebecca lives in Hawaii with her husband, and Rachel goes to Washington University, so we don't see too much of them most of the time. There's also Jared and Kim - that one happened recently. She goes to school on the reservation, so it was bound to happen after he shifted. Quil and Claire are relatively new too - he imprinted on her when she was two."

"Two?" I blanched. "I hope those feelings were strictly platonic."

"They have to be," Seth nodded. "The imprint doesn't work in any other way."

Another pregnant pause.

"And then you…" I chipped in quietly, refusing to meet his gaze and instead staring towards his shirt.

"Yeah." He agreed quietly.

"Everyone knows, don't they?"

"Pretty much," Seth sighed. "We made it pretty clear last Thursday - everyone saw it happen. The pack is also all linked telepathically when we shift, so it's hard to keep a secret."

"You can hear each other's thoughts?" My mouth fell open at that, and I was half expecting Jared or Embry to come out of the bushes and tell me that this was all a prank.

"I know - it's ridiculous," Seth raised a hand and stopped me from ranting any more. "I find the best way to cope with all of this being a reality is to just accept it as quickly as you can. It's all bananas."

I let out a sharp huff of laughter at his way of phrasing that , leaning against the stairs behind me and looking up towards the stars. Someone up there was staring down at me, probably with a huge grin on their face, as they continued to unload the shit festival upon my life.

We sat in silence for a bit, and I was glad to see that Seth finally moved his gaze from my face to the sky, where the thousands of silver stars glinted on ignorant to our troubles. I thought back to when Seth had walked me home, and how he had miserably tried to hide his desire to be around me as much as he possibly could. I thought about how I felt when I was around him; how I felt now, surrounded by his warmth and by his scent. I felt safe.

"This might be a weird question," I started, intent on getting to the bottom of this feeling between us two. It occurred to me that over the course of a simple week, I had become much bolder than I had intended to. I was getting parts of my old personality back. "But do you feel a string? Like a rope, between you and me?"

Seth nodded slowly, a sort of drunken smile overcoming his features. It nearly made me smile, and I realized how happy Seth's happiness actually made me. I couldn't really help it.

"That's the imprint - the bond," He began to speak once more, voice having dropped a bit as he lowered his tone. I shivered involuntarily, but whether it was from his voice or the sudden chill from the wind, I was unsure. "It's that connection that's always there. I pulled it back a bit at Emily's when I first imprinted on you to help you with the shock level, but it's not always that easy to control."

"I feel it," I spoke up, wrapping my arms around my legs. "I feel it all the time; sometimes it gets tighter, like the rope is pulling."

"When we get stressed or there's a problem on either end, the other imprint can feel it." He explained. "The connection itself is really powerful - I haven't even let go of it on my end."

"What do you mean?" I frowned, concerned that I was being cheated out of a real connection.

"I've been holding back some of the connection on my side," Seth looked a bit sheepish to admit this. "It's really overwhelming and you've already been dealing with so much that I just didn't want to add any other feelings to the mix."

"Well what does the whole thing feel like?"

"It hits you pretty hard," He laughed, actually making me smile slightly at the sound. "I felt like I got smacked with a brick when I first saw you, and you just get this indescribable urge to be around your imprint _all the time_. Jared talks about how Kim feels...incomplete when he's not there. He didn't even know how to control the bond when he first imprinted, so they had to take a couple weeks off of school to figure things out."

"And you?" I murmured, realizing that I had leaned a bit closer to him as he told this story.

"It came naturally to me," Seth shrugged slightly, smiling as he tilted his head slightly to look at me. "I didn't want to hurt you or scare you away, so I just grabbed the string and pulled."

"I felt that." I breathed, bewildered that this was even possible. The connection felt so deep and so true that it was like meeting a soul you had encountered in previous lives you lived; like you had already known this person for centuries. "I can feel it when you tug or when you're stressed - I felt it before I came out here."

"Sometimes it can get hard to control," Seth admitted. "Sometimes that's the wolf."

I gulped. "The wolf?"

"He likes you. He likes you a lot - as much as I do," My imprint smiled again, this time a sort of secretive and bashful smile. "And I was just worried, especially after tonight…"

"I'm not going anywhere." I was truthful, captivated by Seth's honesty and the fact that today everything had finally clicked into place. I had to admit, even if I wasn't experiencing the bond at its full capacity, I still thought of Seth frequently and held different feelings for him compared to all the others on the reservation. He was still special to me, and if this was the imprint at its minimal, I couldn't imagine what it would be like at its maximum.

"I hope so." Seth's innocent gaze zeroed in on me, chocolate orbs locking with my dark brown ones as I shivered once more.

He was so pure, and so kind - I could hardly believe it. I couldn't believe that someone so beautiful had imprinted on me. How could I have gotten so lucky? I was a complete mess and had never thought much of my romantic life before this point; I had always assumed I would eventually devote my life to science or my tribe or something, but never another person. I had never imagined my life being so much worth to someone else.

"It's starting to make sense, isn't it?" Seth asked, and I slowly nodded smiling with him. This made him grin, which made me grin at the beauty of his expression. I didn't have many qualms with him holding parts of the bond back until I was ready to feel them; I understood why and felt that taking it slow was a good option, as I was already being forced to accept a lot of information and feelings already.

"It feels good knowing what's going on," I eventually responded. "But there is one thing you could do for me…"

"Anything." Seth offered, and I nearly swooned at his readiness to perform whatever I wished despite the horror I was about to ask of him.

"You could phase for me."

 **A/N: Alright, so we're off like a herd of turtles! Hope you guys liked this chapter - I'm exhausted and it is 4 AM so I will be editing in my spare time throughout the week. Feel free to leave constructive criticism or if you spot any mistakes, please let me know!**


	10. Eyes On Fire

' **Eyes on Fire'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: I always appreciate you guys waiting, and I definitely appreciate you guys catching any mistakes I make while writing :) don't be afraid to give me constructive criticism or let me know about any typos. Enjoy!**

 _I'm taking it slow  
Feeding my flame  
Shuffling the cards of your game_

 _And just in time  
In the right place  
Suddenly I will play my ace  
_-Blue Foundation, 'Eyes On Fire'

"Y-you want me to what?"

I didn't know if he was pretending he hadn't heard me right, or if he wished that he hadn't heard me right. Either way he didn't look too thrilled about the prospect of phasing in front of me, and was fixing me with a torn expression that almost made me take back my request.

"You don't have to right now, but I would like to see it...eventually." I remained resolute, determined to see this supernatural event occur before my eyes once more especially now that I had accepted this insane truth.

"But it...it didn't bother you the first time?" Seth tried to reason. "It didn't scare you? I don't want to do that again if...I mean it's traumatizing, Tehya."

"More for you, I would imagine," I rationalized, shaking my head. "I don't know if it's painful...and I don't want to force you into it. But one day, I would just like to see it."

"Why?" He seemed absolutely gobsmacked.

"It's a whole other part of you," I shrugged, the answer coming easily to me. I was briefly reminded of my own disbelief when it came to Seth's imprinting on me. "I'm curious, and I _did_ just find out about this twenty minutes ago."

"Well..." He ran a hand through his short hair, messing it slightly before breathing out slowly. "I mean, just as long as it's not going to upset you...I don't want to upset you."

Authenticity poured from every inch of his being. He was so true and simple and bright that I could hardly believe he was actually sitting right in front of me and I wasn't hallucinating. How could a person so perfect and tailored to my every need actually exist? I didn't know how I was going to get to sleep tonight.

"I'm still here, aren't I?" I cracked a smile for the first time in what felt like millenia, unused muscles in my face tingling gently at the feeling.

"Yeah," Seth smiled back, and I felt some of the warmth that had been escaping me ever since my mother had passed return in a miniscule piece. "You are."

Seth was thawing the numbness that had settled inside of me. I wasn't sure how, but it felt as though someone was taking a candle and holding it to my frozen insides, slowly melting all of the gunk and goop that had made itself a part of me. This included the blackness that I had felt make its way over my lungs, suffocating me and forcing me down a mere couple of days ago in the forest.

I let out a shudder.

"What is it?" Worry overcame the smile on Seth's face, and I desperately wished for anything to put it back on.

I shook my head as if to say that I refused to talk about it.

"Don't shut me out, please." My imprint begged, and with that tug on my heartstrings I conceded.

"It's just this icky feeling that I get sometimes," I tried my best to explain, wringing my hands together inside the sleeves of his sweater. "I don't know what it is, but it feels like this black stuff that's eating me. It's bad, and gross, and it just feels so wrong."

"You feel it now?" Woeful, puppy eyes met with mine for not even a split second before I began shaking my head again.

"No," I quickly assured him. "I'm just thinking about it. I'm trying to figure out what it is."

"It sounds like anxiety," Seth guessed, and I bit my lip as I thought about the possibility of that being true. It was likely that my subconscious had come up with a physical description for the way my anxiety was making me feel on the inside, and because of this my mind was projecting images of this animal like creature trying to crawl its way out. I just wasn't one hundred percent sure. "Do you get a lot of anxiety?"

"More depression," I sighed, wrapping my arms further around my legs. I noticed that Seth had inched closer and closer to me with every passing second, and that we were now nearly pressed side to side. I could feel the heat being emitted by him, creating a nice radiator effect that kept me warm. "Or so your mom thinks."

Maybe it _was_ time to speak to a psychologist.

My heart gave another tug at the word.

 _Or maybe a psychiatrist._

"Her offer still stands," Seth practically read my mind, and I sighed again as I looked his way. "We're all pulling for you."

"I know." I murmured, staring back down at my shoes. It was hard to wrap my head around the idea of attending therapy, despite everyone's support. As a psychologist's daughter, I had never felt the urge or need to attend counseling as I was cocky enough to believe I didn't have anything wrong with me. Perhaps I had been right at the time, but now there was definitely something wrong with me.

Maybe I should have thought about therapy more seriously. Maybe from time to time, everyone needed some counseling to stay somewhat sane.

"I still can't believe any of this…" I reeled as I tried to summarize today in my brain, locking it away for storage in the overstuffed filing cabinet that was my mind. "I can't believe the legends, the Cold ones, the wolves...I can't believe you imprinted on me - I mean..."

Seth was silent at that, and it briefly hit me that he might think I was going to reject his imprint. To avoid this confusion, and to show him that in fact I was doing the polar opposite of his fear, I placed a tentative hand on top of his. The excitement in his eyes could have rivaled that of a two year old visiting Disneyland for the first time, but he tried to contain it within a shy smile.

"I'm so boring," I reiterated, not halting his hand as it took one of my fingers captive and making sure that he understood I sucked. "I'm the most boring person you could have imprinted on."

"You're not boring to me," He was all honesty again; an open book that was all smiles and enthusiasm. "You're smart, you can cook, you like watching documentaries, you like drawing…"

"How did you know I like to draw?" I rose a brow, smirking slightly.

"Your dad has a sketch of a dreamcatcher with your name on the bottom right corner," He seemed almost reluctant to tell me this, but at my grin he finished. "...in the hallway."

"I guess I'll have to keep learning about you." I retaliated, and I felt a strong pulse flow through the string between us. He must have liked that. After all, I was accepting him.

I still had so many questions - about the tribe, the wolves, the other creatures that existed in this world - but I knew that now was not the time to ask them. Answers would come, likely sooner than I expected, but today was finished and my brain was pretty much finished processing information. I needed sleep.

"We should get you home - you should get some rest." Seth spoke up softly seconds later, seemingly reading my thoughts again and placing a large warm hand on my back that made it very hard to suppress another shiver.

I pretended as though I didn't see the half smile light up his face after that.

I didn't know what this thing we had going on was, but it was something warm and safe that made me feel normal again. And as far as I was concerned, in such abnormal times, this could only be a good thing. So I took the hand he offered and allowed myself to be pulled up as if I weighed as much as a feather, choosing to stay tucked into his extremely warm side as we made our way back into Emily's home.

I didn't think that five people could have looked happier to see us in such a position at two thirty in the morning, but sly grins were etched into each of their faces. The ones who hid it the best were Billy and my father, who tried with all of their might to remain stoic. Nevertheless, I could see twitches of a smile on each of their mouths.

"Feeling better?" Emily asked from her place at the table, taking a sip from her mug.

I nodded, silently urging the only other woman in the room not to say anything with my eyes. To my relief she obeyed, a sneaky expression overtaking her face as she tossed me a wink. I nearly blushed again, but managed to stop myself.

"Sorry for keeping everyone up," I apologized, fully remorseful. "Today was a shock."

"We know," Sam spoke up from his place beside Emily, uncrossing his arms and rising from the table alongside my father who allowed him to speak. "We appreciate you being patient and listening. It's not easy learning about this."

I nodded again, suddenly reminded of just how giant Sam was and how he seemed to commandeer any situation he was in. Billy and my father were the only ones I could think of who he actually listened to, and even Seth was quiet by my side. With one glance at him beside me I could see no other expression other than the one of utmost respect and alertness, which puzzled me a bit.

I turned back to Sam, who spoke again.

"You'll always be welcome here."

A feeling of safety washed over me, and I was smacked with a change of heart for Emily's home. While I had always felt like an intruder in this house and quite frankly annoyed by how often I seemed to end up back here after some sort of crisis, I now felt wanted and protected. The feeling of discomfort was replaced by the feeling of serenity, and as I went to thank Sam another realization hit me.

This was the Alpha male.

I was speaking with the leader of the colossal wolves back at the beach, who had come to my aid after a Cold one had intruded on their reservation. Well, _our_ reservation.

I gulped.

"T-thank you." I was gripped with some nervousness and a bit of righteous fear, and it was likely clear to everyone else in the room that I had come to another educated conclusion by myself.

"Now," My father cleared his throat, making his way around the table to no doubt usher me back to the house. "Let's get you home."

I nodded and looked up towards Seth, who looked a little reluctant to relinquish me from his side. We shot each other brief but loaded smiles, and I was happy to hear him say that I could keep his sweater for the journey home. I thanked him along with everyone else for their kindness, and with one last squeeze of my hand he watched me exit Emily's home. I felt the connection more than ever with every step I took away from him, and when I briefly turned to look back at the home all that I saw amongst the five faces was Seth's smiling back at me.

"So, cleared your head a little?" My father broke the connection, and I turned to him as we continued to walk.

"Yeah - as much as I could."

"I know it's not easy," Dad responded, placing an arm around my shoulders and kissing my head. "And I'm sorry you had to figure out this way - but you're dealing with it better than I've seen anyone deal with it."

I nodded softly, and briefly wondered if I could ask my father about any of the questions I had.

"If you have any other questions, you know you can ask me."

What a great feeling; knowing that you were an open book everyone could read.

"I do, actually," I sighed, the burning desire of tending to my curiosity winning over all of my other urges. "Do you know if it hurts them?"

"The turning?" My father had to clarify, hands now in his pockets. "Seth didn't tell you?"

I shook my head.

"Well," He continued. "His answer would probably be more accurate, but the short answer is yes. It's brutal - every bone in your body snaps and rearranges itself."

I shuddered, now pondering how I was going to apologize for requesting that Seth undergo such a change on command. How could I have been so selfish in asking such a thing? With my invisible hands, I reached for the magical little string we held in common and tried to convey some sense of guilt. I wasn't sure if it registered, as it was still strange to comprehend that I had this constant connection with someone I couldn't see.

"That sounds terrible." I admitted.

"They get used to it," Dad reassured me. "Eventually."

"Have you ever seen someone phase for the first time?" I immediately wondered, thinking of how terrified and alone someone like Seth must have felt when their body completely changed on them.

"A couple times," I was surprised to hear that answer from my father. "It usually gets triggered during or after puberty, in moments of anger or deep pain."

 _Like a parent's death_ …

"But they have each other at the end of the day," My father continued, smiling softly down at me. "And they have us, too."

I thought of Seth, and how important he stated our connection was. I thought of the other boys he surrounded himself with - Jacob, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil...all of the boys I could hardly believe had wolves inside of them as well. They were their own little family, and I was actually privileged enough to be a part of it.

"Try to get some rest, okay? I'll let you sleep in tomorrow." Dad planted a kiss on my forehead as soon as we got to the house, and I nodded solemnly.

Sleep took a long time to come, even after I showered and tried to draw to relax myself. I ended up checking my cell phone, finding a message from Seth asking if he could see me tomorrow and responded with a very positive yes. Despite the imprint happily buzzing inside of both of us, sleep still wouldn't come after that and I had to resort to making a tea. It wasn't until the alarm clock read six in the morning that I managed to lay down my sketchbook, several pages worth of drawings done, and fall asleep.

The morning was an absolute disaster.

First off, I couldn't even call it the morning because my father had let me sleep in until half past two. Second off, the nausea wouldn't go away even after vomiting, and I had to resort to taking Dimenhydrinate - a stupid anti-nausea medication that rarely worked for me as my tolerance with it was now sky high - with my tea.

"Feeling better?" My father asked around three o'clock, seated at the table where he had been working for the day.

"Not really," I mumbled, finished my tea and shuffling back to my room in my moccasins. "This sucks."

"Try to eat something!" Dad called, and I snorted before changing into my jeans and lazily braiding my hair to the side. Fat chance.

Despite the terrible nausea, I still had the desire to see Seth and wanted to ask him more questions that I hoped were not too personal. Besides, he wanted to see me - and I didn't want to let him down. He had been right yesterday; I definitely felt the lack of completion when I was around him, especially now that he had pointed it out. It was difficult to stay away.

I wrestled myself into a tank top and donned myself in Seth's sweater, not bothering to hide my sigh of contentment at the smell and warmth that it brought. Quickly grabbing my cell phone and spare key to the house, I started to make my way out of my room before my eye caught something. The distinct shine of the urn that had held my mother's ashes twinkled from its place in the closet, briefly illuminated by the sun shining through my window.

My heart sank to my feet, and pushing against every instinct I had, I opened my closet door and grabbed the metal container. Even though we had scattered her and there was little actually left of her in this jar, I still felt the grounding sensation when I held it in both of my hands.

I tried with all of my might to feel; I pushed through all the barriers I could sense I had created for myself to stop from hurting so much, but I still couldn't access any emotions. They seemed to be locked away, deep inside of me in a chest that I didn't want myself to find. I had created walls around any part of me that felt anything towards my mother's death, and I didn't know how to get them down. The numbness my subconscious had created to protect myself from the pain was now actually hurting me more than feeling that pain. I wanted to feel something - I wanted to try and get over this hump, but I couldn't push past my own self.

This was sheer torture.

I set the jar down on my desk with a heavy sigh, trailing my fingers over the smooth finishings one last time before exiting the room in a significantly worse mood.

"I'm going to see Seth." I announced, not stopping as I walked past the kitchen and headed straight for the foyer.

"Oh?" My dad rose himself from the kitchen table and watched me put on my shoes. "You're getting out more, that's good."

"Sure." I grunted as I swung the door open, prepared to take off across the lawn and make a beeline straight for Sue's house.

"Got your cell phone?"

"Yup!" My last word was called rather angrily as I tore through the grass in front of my house, leaving my father standing in the house in a rather confused state.

I didn't blame him; he had no idea why I was so upset and it wasn't as if I talked to him about my feelings very often. I had been dumped on him out of the blue with a heap ton of emotional baggage as well, and it wasn't his fault that he didn't know how to best handle this situation.

My lord, everyone was right. _I really did need a therapist._

Stubbornly refusing to think about that option at the moment, I continued my confident strides towards where I remembered Sue's house to be, thinking of the reddish colored home and its light brown porch. I hadn't even bothered to text Seth that I was coming, assuming that he was expecting me at any time and hoping that he wasn't preoccupied with something else. The word 'patrol' briefly registered in my head, and I faltered in my steps a little as I wondered if he might have been somewhere in the woods, bounding along the barriers of the reservation and making sure that no other Cold ones snuck their way in.

I hoped that wasn't the case. I didn't know how often the boys patrolled, but perhaps they had given Seth a break after such a late night.

As it turned out, I was in luck. I didn't even knock on the door before it was swung open by none other than Seth, who was already grinning like a madman. I felt at least sixty percent of my stress melt away at the sight of him, another ten when he spoke after about ten seconds of us smiling at each other.

"Hi." He breathed, swallowing once and then resuming his cheery expression.

"Hi." I echoed, biting the inside of my lip nervously. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah!" Seth ushered me inside all too happily, and called to his mom that I had arrived. "Uh, actually...I have to visit Jake at the auto shop today. Would you wanna come?"

I nodded my head in affirmation, knowing that I would have agreed to anything he wanted to do today as long as it involved him. Truth be told, I hadn't even known Jacob was operating an auto shop - ever since Quil had explained to me that the boys planted bushes in their spare time, that was all I could imagine them doing. I was sort of relieved to find out that horticulture wasn't the only thing they were into.

"How long as Jacob had an auto shop?" I questioned, following Seth has he led me to the kitchen.

"A bit," Seth grabbed orange juice out of the fridge and drank it straight from the carton, a quirk that I couldn't help smiling at. "We're working on -"

"How many times have I told you not to drink out of the carton?!" Sue suddenly rounded the corner and interrupted her son, making me jump slightly as Seth whined.

"I'm the only one who drinks it, Ma."

"I don't care," She bristled. "Pour a glass - Tehya might have wanted some."

Seth took this point in, looking guilty that he hadn't asked, and I shook my head briefly. "I'm okay - thanks Sue."

The mother of two nodded before gently slapping her son upside the head, and grabbing her coffee mug from the kitchen counter.

"You're going to the Black's to get my new carburetor?" She confirmed with Seth, who nodded. "My shift starts early today, so I'll be back around twelve. Dinner's in the fridge if you want it."

After a kiss to the forehead and goodbyes from both Seth and I, Sue was out the door and we were alone. I was unsure where Leah was located, but at the moment I didn't particularly care nor did I want to find out. Having Seth all to myself was just fine by me.

"Are you sure you didn't you want any orange juice?" Seth double checked with me, making me let out a laugh at his expression. "Or were you just scared of my mother?"

"Not scared!" I defended, leaning against the counter. "Intimidated, maybe. And no, but thank you."

"In that case, let me find my keys and we can get going?" He placed the carton back in the fridge before closing it and stretching, shirt riding up slightly and exposing some skin. It was very difficult to rip my eyes away from the muscles I spotted there, and eventually I had to bite the tip of my tongue to give him an answer.

"S-sure," I gulped, clenching the countertop tightly as the butterflies in my stomach started doing barrel rolls. "Yeah."

He shot me a last grin before leaving me in the kitchen, and I heard jingling moments later that indicated he had found what he was looking for. I tried to calm the sensations in my stomach, assuring it that everything was going to be fine and that yes, indeed, there was a very good-looking boy who was interested in me waiting for me in the living room and that I wasn't hallucinating this whole experience.

He held the door open for me and locked it behind me, which lead to me assuming Leah was not home at the moment. I followed him past the yard and expected to walk right onto the path, but Seth veered right and I was surprised to see him walk towards a car and proceed to unlock it.

"You drive?" For some reason I was shocked.

"It's my intermediate license, yeah." Seth seemed proud, and although I had no reason to be I felt proud as well. "Not bad, right?"

"That's really cool," I took some hesitant steps towards him, remembering that in Washington kids as young as fifteen were able to earn their learner's permit at fifteen. "Is this your car?"

"Mom's." He shook his head, laughing a bit as he opened the door for me to hop in and slid into the driver's seat himself. "It's from the 70's - they call it a Gremlin. Ranked one of the top fifty worst cars by Time magazine, and she refuses to sell the freakin' thing."

"It's totally rad." I joked, the old lingo making Seth release a breath of laughter.

"Yeah, totally - Jacob hates it; everyone does, including me," He started the engine and cruised, as smoothly as he could with the uneven road, out of his mother's makeshift driveway. "We keep having to repair it since it basically falls apart every three or four times she drives it."

"'We'?" I questioned. "You know how to fix cars?"

"I can't fix everything," Seth admitted. "But Paul and Jacob are teaching me."

We lapsed into silence as I tried to imagine what it was like being taught by brooding Paul, who couldn't seem to retain any patience no matter how hard he tried. The image was quickly replaced by Seth working in the auto-body shop, covered in grime and sweaty from a hard day's work.

 _Get a hold of yourself, you freak._

It was hard to take my eyes off Seth while he was driving (although it was hard to take my eyes off of him in general), as he just seemed so natural at the wheel. I didn't know what it was, but there was just something very attractive about someone very well in control of their vehicle. I wasn't doing a very good job of being discreet; in fact, I couldn't care less about myself staring. My eyes ran over everything; his hands clenching the wheel, fingers that turned the blinkers on as he turned, and muscles in his arm that rippled slightly when he changed gears.

"I hate driving this car," Seth whined as the Gremlin's engine complained for several seconds straight. "The balance throws me off every time, and there's half the suspensions on it because this is basically just half of a car."

"Like a smartcar?" I offered, sounding rather oblivious as I knew nothing about motor vehicles.

"Like a really old, really stupidly made smart car." Seth agreed, and I let a giggle or two slip that looked like they made my driver very happy. "Yes."

We pulled up to the Black household two minutes later, driving straight into the garage attached to the small home that really did look like it had turned into an auto shop. I could spot Jacob, Quil and Jared seated in different areas of the garage and hunched over their own little projects, none of which were familiar to me. It was like I was driving into another dimension, filled with little mechanical parts that I couldn't name.

All of the boys looks up as soon as Seth pulled in, Quil and Jared grinning when they spotted me in the passenger seat. It was hard to fight my blush.

"Oh good lord - not the gremlin," Jacob groaned as Seth cut the engine with a smirk. "Let me guess - you couldn't install the carburetor so you want me to?"

"I didn't have it!" Seth defended, easily hopping out of the driver's seat and opening the door for me before I could get out myself. "You ordered it, smartass. You install it!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Jacob grumbled, greeting me with a hug and a smile. "Hey Tehya - feeling better?"

"A bit," I admitted. "Thanks. How are you guys?"

"We're great," Jared hopped up off of the stool he had been sitting on, placing his arm around Seth with a sly smile. "I bet you guys are great too."

"Oh, shove it." Seth shook him off and rolled his eyes, popping the hood of his mother's car so that Jacob could take a look at it. "How's Kim?"

I zoned out Jared's response as I grew distracted by all of the different mechanical parts all around me, sitting on shelves alongside more unidentifiable objects that looked like space garbage to me. Oh, what a simpleton I was; I couldn't even guess as to what all of these things little parts around me were. It was moments like these where I felt so small and insignificant, with my lack of knowledge and my meek attitude making me a small pawn in the chess games of the world. I knew so little, and there was so much knowledge out there. It really made me want to -

"Tehya?"

"Mm?" I turned on my heel at the mention of my name, away from the shelves of strange car parts that looked like scary torture devices. My thought process was lost.

"I asked if you wanted anything to eat or drink." Jacob repeated himself for me, still bent over the hood of the engine alongside Seth. I politely turned down his offer.

"So is this all you guys do when you're not patrolling?" Feeling brave, the question shot out of my mouth faster than I could control it. "Besides plant shrubbery?"

All four boys looked up at me, Quil smiling slightly as he no doubt remembered the conversation we'd had upon my first several days on the reservation again. It took a moment for anyone to actually answer, as they likely assumed I wouldn't be inquiring as to their habits. I briefly wondered if it was rude for me to be this curious, but Seth came to my rescue.

"I think Quil got a little too creative with that cover up," Seth grunted as he unscrewed a particularly toughed bolt, pulling a gulp out of me. "We fix other stuff sometimes, like your dad's shed."

"Or we sleep." Jared pitched in.

"Or eat." Quil tossed in his two cents as well.

"Mostly it's patrolling," Jacob summed up. "Paul, Sam and Embry are running rounds right now."

"How's Bella doing?" In my desperate attempt to keep conversation going, as I did not want to be swallowed up in an awkward vacuum of silence, I mentioned the girl that I had met on the beach last night.

"She's good," Jake responded as the other boys snickered, leading me to believe that most of the boys knew about Jacob's history with Bella. "Shut up, guys. She's fine - I'm seeing her tomorrow."

"Oh?" I let a sneaky smile overtake my expressions, and sat on a cut off tree stump that someone had rolled into the garage. "That sounds fun."

"Yeah, it's hard enough to get her away from that bloodsucking freak -"

"Jake!" Seth snapped, and my mind turned from teasing mode to immediate concern. What was this? "Could you not?"

"Sorry, what?" Too late; I had caught onto what he was saying, and the itch for new information had gripped me. I was like a bottomless pit with this stuff; I couldn't help wanting to learn more despite the disturbing nature of the knowledge I had absorbed in the last twenty four hours.

"Bella's seeing one of the Cullens," Jacob spat a moment later, and I noticed all of the other boys had fallen quiet as the jolly expressions on their faces melted away. "The coven of vampires that lives in Forks."

I shuddered. The actual word 'vampires' was hard to digest in a regular conversation, but then again this was not a regular conversation, and these were clearly not regular times I was living in. I had been duped to believe that the world was seemingly normal, and I had to get used to this kind of vocabulary if I intended to keep my sanity.

"Why are they in Forks?" I heard myself ask, as if my mouth was a million miles away from my brain.

"Their skin changes in the sun," Jared explained, looking less than happy to be talking about this. "So the weather here is ideal for the vegan freaks."

"Well, what's her story?" I was immediately drawn to why a human like me would ever want to be close to a vampire. "Why is she with him?"

"Vampires have mates," Quil looked disgusted to be talking about this, but he did anyway. I wasn't sure for who's sake it was. "Not even a quarter as powerful as imprints, but Edward obviously likes her."

"There was a whole thing that happened last year, and the year before that," Jake started to explain. "She came to Forks and there was an attack; the vampire got killed and the coven he was a part of didn't quite like it. He was a mate of one of the members. Then, we killed another member last year, when Edward left her to 'find himself' or some shit. Broke her heart, and left her in danger - which turned into a mess we cleaned up."

"And now?" I was captivated by this tale of horror, wide eyed and terrified.

"And now, that fucker wants to change her," Jacob practically growled, and I felt a strong pull of nausea in my stomach. Change her? Into a Cold one? How? And why?

"Jake!" Seth whined once more, this time looking over at him in exasperation. He obviously didn't like Jacob using harsh language or letting his personal feelings change the mood, but I didn't have any qualms about it.

I felt Seth's discomfort through the imprint however, and caught his torn expression.

"You didn't imprint on her, did you?" I asked Jacob with true sadness in my heart if that was the case, and the other three boys momentarily stopped tinkering with their respective little projects before resuming their actions quickly. I noticed the dip in movement, and narrowed my eyes.

"No." Jacob slumped his shoulders, pushing himself off of the engine to take a swig out of his water bottle.

He wiped his hands on the rag and walked away from the car, stopping in the corner of the shop where a photo hung of two small children. I didn't see it until now, but when I looked more closely at it I could see the outline of a long haired girl, thin and extremely pale, and a long haired boy. Bella and Jacob - how could I have been so blind? He obviously had feelings for her.

"No, I didn't."

I dropped the subject, ashamed that I had ever brought it up seeing as how sensitive of a topic it was. I considered apologizing, but knew that now was not the time to bring more attention to the touchy subject. So, resolving to stay silent, I took to picking my nails instead.

"I'm sorry, Jake." The apology slipped from my lips, and although my friend did nothing but sigh in response I suspected I was forgiven.

"She's graduating soon, and then she'll be his." Quil apparently didn't want to let go of the topic, and while I expected some sort of argument to break out Jacob was surprisingly calm.

"Not if I can help it."

For the next twenty minute the boys worked in silence, installing the new carburetor and closing the hood of the car without another word. I cursed myself and my lack of sensitivity, as well as my incapability to keep my trap shut and being able to ruin the mood of four wonderful people sitting under this roof. Thoroughly ashamed and sorely disappointed with myself, I was all too ready to hop back in the Gremlin with Seth and be charted off to my house where I could hopefully sit in my room and not ruin anyone else's day.

"Sorry about all this." To my surprise, it was Jared who apologized to me before I hopped back in the car. "We know it's not easy."

"I can't imagine what it's like for you guys," I shook my head a little in disbelief, gripping the cold metal of the car door harshly. "So…thanks for being patient, and sorry for ruining the mood."

It was a bit like a phone conversation with a company who was experience a high volume of telephone calls. _We are sorry for the inconvenience...we thank you for your patience...your time is valuable to us!_ I was beginning to think they had just recited lines to themselves and spat them back out whenever they had to explain their secrets to someone. Oddly enough, I still felt privileged enough to hear said recited lines.

"It's all good," My friend echoed, pulling me into a tight hug. "I'll see you soon, alright?"

We bode farewell to the other boys and set off once more, this time in significantly less excited moods than before. Our spirits had been dampened by the negative conversation that had taken place, and although it didn't really affect us personally I understood the connection that Billy had been speaking of now. I was pack, and that was a whole other family to be a part of. Through Seth, who clearly felt awful about his friend's sorrow, I could feel emotions that I would not have otherwise had if not for the imprint. It was like a part of us had been taken from each of our souls and swapped places, allowing a constant flow of emotional communication to take place.

"Sorry," Seth was apologizing for no reason again, and I shook my head before he could finish his sentence. "For -"

"It's not your fault Seth, technically it's mine."

"For what?" The boy scoffed as he continued to drive, and this time I kept my eyes on his face. "I can hear the guy's thoughts when we run patrol together, for Christ's sake. He's head over heels in love with Bella and he can't accept that she doesn't want him."

"That sounds familiar." I mumbled, reminding him that his sister was in an equally unfortunate situation. Seth was quiet.

"It's not your fault - you were just curious," My imprint reassured, although I still felt part of the blame was on me. "You can ask me anything, you know that?"

I nodded, and resolved to direct any other specific questions I had to Seth from now on. I didn't need to take any chances with angry werewolves with a buttload of emotional baggage, and pushing them to talk about soft spots like Bella and the Cold ones seemed unfair. I was beginning to understand the mentalities of the pack, but something told me that I still had a lot of learning to do.


	11. The Chain

' **The Chain'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 _Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light  
_ _And if, you don't love me now  
_ _You will never love me again  
_ _I can still hear you saying  
_ _You would never break the chain  
_ -Fleetwood Mac, 'The Chain'

"So what happens if you break all the bones in your body? When do you phase back after something like that happens?"

About a week of questions had gone by, and I was surprised that Seth hadn't collapsed with the sheer amount of talking we had managed to do. We were constantly together, whether it was at my house cooking dinner, his house making smoothies - Sue's fridge was now overflowing with different kinds of concoctions - or taking walks, the conversation never stopped, nor did the questions. I had been reaching for every single fact that Seth stored in his head, desperate to fully understand every single thing about him, the tribe and the pack.

So far, I had learnt that the pack had a sort of increased healing ability, that every single boy had the Quileute tribal seal tattooed on them as a tradition after they first phased, that Sam had a lot to do with making sure the younger boys did their schoolwork, and that the cause for the ravenous appetite and high temperature was because of 'something to do with science and genes', as Seth put it ever so simply. I had also discovered that each and every member of the pack needed to tie a piece of cloth around their ankle to ensure that they still had clothing after phasing, as jumping from wolf to human form guaranteed the ripping of all clothing.

Today I had finally allowed Seth access to my room, which he was still marvelling over. While I was not particularly thrilled about the place he seemed to pour over every detail, and I wondered if I was going to marvel over his room just as much as he was marvelling over mine.

"They're just blankets, Seth." I held in laughter as he continuosly ran his hand over the soft purple sheets.

"I know, but they're so soft."

Sitting in silence from my place in the middle of the bed, I watched him rub his hands on the sheets a couple more times before he refocused himself.

"Uh - sorry, what was the question?" He was a bit distracted by our proximity, and I smiled gently before repeating myself. "Yeah, it would hurt like a bitch. It's easier to fix breaks in human form, but as soon as we phase back the bones realign themselves."

That sounded truly horrific. "Has that ever happened to you?"

He shook his head, and a burst of relief issued from my stomach. I couldn't imagine Seth ever being in that sort of pain, and although I would have never wished it upon anybody it was particularly frightening picturing him in that state. The imprint pulsed once, causing Seth and I to shift a bit in our cross legged positions on my bed. We didn't acknowledge the tug, but I knew we had both felt it.

"What do you think about when you're shifting?"

He thought a moment before answering, looking a little reluctant. "It comes easier when you're angry or someone's in danger. That's why Paul has such an easy time shifting; he's so angry all the time."

I drank this information in, utterly fascinated by the ways this whole spirit warrior thing worked. The protectiveness related aspect to phasing explained why Seth had phased so easily the night on the beach last week, as he must have been motivated by the possibility myself coming into harm.

"Is Paul second in command?" I wondered aloud, remembering the first actual wolf I had seen on the reservation.

"Jared is Beta," Seth corrected, and my brows rose in surprise. "Paul is third in command."

That was an interesting point, as Paul always seemed to be the next person in command to me under Sam. Perhaps it was his stature, or the way he was able to quickly strike fear into someone's heart, but Paul just had the air of a Beta around him.

"There's something else I might have left out," Seth looked up at me through his lashes, and my interest piqued once more. "Did Jacob or anyone tell you about what happened after my dad died?"

"Well…" I stuttered a bit, approaching this as an obvious question I was meant to answer. "You phased, no?"

"It wasn't just me." Seth shook his head, and waited for me to connect the dots.

"Leah?" I reached the conclusion almost immediately, more pity grasping my heart. "I thought the spirit warriors were all male?"

"Apparently not," He explained. "This is the first time that it's happened in Quileute history."

"Poor Leah." If she didn't already have enough problems and emotional stress with the whole Sam situation and her father dying, now she had the pressure of being a spirit warrior placed upon her shoulders. I didn't want to drown Seth with too many concerns about his sister however, so I changed topics as soon as it seemed appropriate.

"Are you scared? Of what might happen with the coven?"

Seth was quiet for a moment, and I wasn't sure if it was because he didn't want to admit his fear for the creatures who were a major threat to him and his people, or if it was because this topic was just generally unliked for all of the pack.

"I'm more scared of what they can do." He answered honestly. "Which I guess is a 'yes'."

"What can they do?" I had been under the impression that these creatures were staying away from us

"They're not all just abnormally fast, strong," Seth began to explain once more. "Some of them have gifts. Foresight, mind reading, extra strength and speed - they have abilities on top of their enhanced features."

The more and more I was learning about these creatures, the more I didn't like them. I didn't care if they were vegan, or tried to keep to themselves; it already sounded like they had affected Bella (despite it being a choice of her own involvement) and if they didn't have a compassionate bone for wolves in their body, it meant tension in the town of Forks.

"And it doesn't end there," He went on, shoulders slumping even more. "All of their senses are heightened, and the only way to kill them is by chopping them up and throwing them into a fire - they're the perfect killing machines."

Another beat of horrified silence passed as I processed this.

"Well, what about you guys?" I was hoping to get a positive answer, as the wolves at the beach looked as though they could have taken on a Cold one any day of the week.

"We have some abilities," Seth didn't seem too confident in himself, which made my heart sink a little. "We're fast, we're strong, but only some of us have enhanced skills. Leah's got her speed, Jared has enhanced eyesight...all I can do is hear stuff really well."

"What do you mean?" I nearly laughed out loud in awe. "That's an amazing gift!"

He smiled at that. I was intrigued by this new little tidbit of information. Enhanced hearing? I would kill to have any of my senses be supernaturally enhanced. I couldn't imagine how exciting it was to be able to hear the leaves rustling in the trees from inside your home, or the water running from a river miles away. These abilities were gifts, given to the spirit warriors by nature to allow them to protect their tribespeople more efficiently, and Seth had every right to be confident about his.

"It's cool sometimes; I heard you coming all the way from your room to open the door today," He began to share, and his growing self-assuredness only served to further lift my spirit. "I can hear my mom coming from pretty far, but I can always hear you coming the furthest. It's much easier to hear you, but I listen for you more."

Against my very stubborn will, I blushed and looked down at my hands in my lap. I had decided to color my nails a light blue several days ago, and busied myself with picking the remaining polish off of my fingernails as the butterflies were getting a bit too drunk off of Seth's words. Knowing that he was always thinking of me and searching for me was overwhelming, although I very much liked the attention. He had been right; an imprint was hard to refute when the person was tailored for your specific needs and desires.

"What can you hear right now?" I looked back up at him, finding a very dopey expression plastered across his face. He was happy, and I was happy about that.

"L-like outside?"

"In the room." I clarified, curious to test his abilities.

"I can hear the water running under your room from the washing machine," He offered, and my smile encouraged him to continue. "I can hear the gears in your alarm clock, and I can hear your heartbeat."

"Really?" My gaze ripped itself away from my electric alarm clock and rested on my own chest before finding Seth's face once more.

"Yeah," He grinned, now accepting that I found his gift to be unique. "It's nice. Soothing."

I had certainly never heard a compliment like that before. The butterflies were now absolutely shiftfaced, plastered off of the comments Seth was giving them and way past doing barrel rolls. They were performing acrobatic tricks like no tomorrow, and bouncing off of all the walls on my stomach in a sort of happy harmony. Or so it felt.

I had been thinking about the imprint recently; the way that it felt every night sitting within me and how it would feel when Seth finally let go of the end he was holding onto. I didn't know how powerful the actual feelings were, but if I was only feeling about a tenth of them at the moment I could only imagine the power of the full imprint. I was rather torn about asking him to relinquish the hold he had on those feelings, as he had stated I already had a lot on my plate and he didn't want to overwhelm me. However, it was more stressful knowing that Seth was holding something back from me, as I would have appreciated feeling the full imprint for a bit longer before he tugged it away. I felt like I was being leashed, ironically enough.

"Have you heard anything from Jake?" I inquired as to our mutual friend, wondering if there was any news from when they were on patrol together and wanting to distract my train of thought.

"Bella punched him," Seth grinned, and I released a huff of laughter at that. "He tried to kiss her, so I think his invitation to her graduation party has been revoked."

I briefly thought of what Quil had mentioned in the garage last week, and how she was going to be changed after her completion of high school. My stomach clenched, and Seth must have definitely felt it because his expression fell a little.

"Collin phased," Seth offered, sensing that I didn't want to talk about it. "So we're up to ten now."

"Ten?" It was getting hard to keep track of these pack members.

"Sam, Jared, Paul, Jacob," Seth counted on his fingers. "Me, Embry, Leah...Brady, Collin and Quil."

"That's a lot of wolves." I wasn't sure whether all these members of the Quileute tribe phasing was a good or bad thing, but Seth answered that question before I could even ask it myself.

"Billy says that if more protection is needed, the gene will unlock and more kids will phase."

Billy seemed to be a very spiritual, mystic man with a lot of mystery behind him. On one hand I wanted to believe him and say that yes, perhaps all of this supernatural crap was one hundred percent not bogus. On the other hand, I wanted to scream that this was all insane and that none of it made any sense. Sure, abnormal things happened on the planet every day that caused people to question reality; but this seemed to be a step too far.

 _Relax...breathe, and accept._

I took a deep breath and refocused myself, forcing my thoughts not to run away from me.

"You okay?" Seth asked, one side of his mouth quirking up into a smile.

I nodded, and gazed out of the window that Seth had opened the drapes to. It was the first time that I had actually had light shining into my room instead of through drapes, which I refused to touch like the plague. I had been living like a vampire - the irony was killing me at this point - and practically hiding with all of my might from the sunlight.

My eyes slowly trailed over my room, looking across every detail in possible. I traced the dresser, then the closet and my desk. I looked over every trinket I had placed on top of this furniture, baubles and earrings that I never wore combined with papers and papers of sketches and candles that were never lit. All of it was infinitely more beautiful in actual daylight. It was like Seth had opened up a door that made me see everything so much more brightly; he had forced me into a whole other perspective, and it wasn't just in my room. I was starting to see it when I heard the birds chirping in the morning - I hadn't forgotten about his favorite animal - and when it was pouring rain. There was a beauty in the world and a beauty in living, and that was worth celebrating each day.

All of those thoughts vanished as my gaze crossed my mother's urn.

I frowned, peaceful moment interrupted.

Stupid urn. I wanted to throw it away. Smash it. Throw it in the ocean. All it did was remind me of something I didn't want to be reminded of. I couldn't stand the thing; it just sat there, being useless and bringing up old memories that caused further pain. It was garbage; just like my life without my mother, and -

"Tehya." Seth snapped me out of it, and I blinked a couple times before fully focusing on him. "Stay with me."

He had followed my vision to the urn, and I could see it in his expression that he understood how I felt. We had both lost a parent; both lost a figure in our lives that had meant the world to us, and we were still learning how to cope. The loss impacted more than I thought it did - my brain wouldn't let me forget, and I was sure that it was the same with Seth. I hadn't spoken to him about it as I was certain he would react the same way as I was doing right now. There was little I could do to get away from losing my mother. I would eventually have to confront that. Up until then however, I was going to try to push away the thoughts as much as possible.

"If you want to talk, I can -" Seth began to offer, and I could feel my heart start to clench up in panic.

"No!" I exclaimed a little too loudly, causing him to recoil by the tiniest bit.

 _Distract!_ My brain screamed at me. "Sorry...uh, no. I'm good. Could we maybe go for a walk?"

It took him a second to re-calibrate, but as soon as I got up off the bed he was rising with me and I was yet again reminded of how much taller he was than me. Then again, most average people towered over me. I cursed my poor genetics for my tiny frame. I also cursed myself for not being able to eat much solid food, because before I knew it black spots were swarming my vision and my knees were weakening.

Instinctively, I grabbed onto Seth and swayed in my spot for a moment little alarm bells going off in my head that told me I was going to pass out and vomit and get swallowed up by a big black hole. I willed myself to focus on Seth and his arm that I was grabbing, to focus on his hands as they grabbed back at me and stabilized me.

"Woah," The air flew out of my lips in one large huff as I brought myself back down to reality. "Sorry - light headed."

"It's okay," I was three hundred percent certain he didn't mind me leaning on him, as his satisfied features revealed. He was obviously proud to be fulfilling his role, and I was happy he was here. "How about we go get one of those smoothies from my place?"

"Good idea." I went to grab for his sweater and made sure to take my keys and cell phone from their place on my nightstand.

Dad was working today, which meant I had to lock up behind us and make sure to tell him I had left the house in the company of Seth. My father had taken to recently assuming we were always together, and instead of addressing me in his messages he had begun to address the both of us. My least favorite texts were the ones where he asked us to do the dishes or mop the kitchen, which I was always very grumpy about. Seth was the polar opposite, always happy to do whatever my father asked for around the house.

"Is there a council meeting today?" I asked Seth, unaware of what my father was actually off doing today.

"Town hall meeting," He shook his head. "Council is tomorrow. They're applying for more funding for the tribal school so that we can have some extra curricular activities. It's hard enough getting kids there in the first place, but it's awful for everyone when they're bored."

That sounded like me in school. I chose not to comment.

I knew that we only had a bit of time in our day left, as his patrol usually started around four or five depending on when Quil and Jared finished their run. I had figured out some of the schedule, but some days it was completely switched and Seth would do morning patrols with his sister, who usually ran later at night. With Brady and Collin newly phased however, I hoped that they would learn the ropes soon enough and allow me some more time with Seth. Nevertheless, I didn't ever make a case for myself as being lonely, as I didn't want to put myself before the safety of my tribe.

"What's the flavor for today?" Seth asked as we walked, hands in his pockets.

I noted his proximity, which was definitely closer than the first time we had walked together. I could imagine myself reached out and grabbing onto his arm, but I stopped that thought before it got too carried away.

"Strawberry banana," I announced, glad that I had found a food I could digest that was actually appetizing to me. "I really think we should throw that carrot cucumber one out, it smells awful."

"It wasn't my idea," Seth grinned, making me think back to when we had made those several days ago and googled some recipes. Most of them were decent, some of them were great, but there were some that we had to throw out on the spot. "The internet is full of crap like that."

"Hey, in my defense - I wasn't the one that wanted to try making one with kale in it." I bumped him with my elbow, watching his face light up.

"It's healthy!" Seth laughed, and our playful banter continued as we kept walking.

We reaching the house, we ended up settling on the couch watching television where an episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air was on. Although I preferred my nature documentaries, I was partial to Will Smith and enjoyed re-runs of the old comedy show. Seth did too apparently, as he would laugh from time to time at some of the jokes. My smoothie was long gone after thirty minutes of our arrival, and Seth had been kind enough to give me a blanket from his room, fuzzy and warm. The gesture was kind, and it definitely helped as I seemed to always be getting cold no matter what.

"Better?" Seth plopped back down next to me after I had donned the blanket, and I nodded in gratitude before thanking him.

I didn't miss how his arm found itself wrapped around the back of the couch behind me, and I most definitely appreciated the extra warmth that drew me into his side. With a shiver, I boldly shifted closer into his side and sat still, waiting for him to comment or at the very least drop his arm down. When he didn't say or do anything, I was compelled to sneak a look up at him and found a shit eating grin smeared across his face.

"Oh, shut up." I rolled my eyes at his expression, coercing a chuckle out of him that reverberated quite nicely through me. "You're warm - that's all I'm after, Clearwater."

"Sure." Another cheeky grin, and although I scoffed I could not hide my smile.

It was then that he dropped his arm, and at that point I didn't think either of us were paying attention to the show. We stayed like that for another while, enjoying the high of simply being around each other. It wasn't just his warmth that I could feel in such a close proximity; I could feel the imprint pulsating and thrumming deep inside of me, satisfied and complete. It was a feeling that felt somewhat close to being drunk, although I had only felt that once after getting into my mother's wine cabinet when she had been out at a board meeting. Long story short, she had found me vomiting red into her toilet and nearly called the ambulance before I explained to her that in a bout of self pity, I had dug through her stash of Merlot's and decided to indulge.

 _You really need a therapist._

Angrily willing my inner self to shut the hell up and let me enjoy quiet time with Seth, I was about to mention grabbing another smoothie before his front door opened and his sister came marching through the foyer. Gripped with momentary fear, I moved myself away from Seth and rose beside him as she rapidly approached us.

"Jacob's got some news - Sam wants everyone to meet at Emily's," Leah spat, eyeing me harshly. "Everyone's on their way."

"What news?" Seth questioned, taking the folded blanket I handed to him.

"How the hell would I know?" His sister fumed, turning to me momentarily. "Also, you're not invited. So you should just go home."

Not wanting to get into any sort of argument with her, I barely contained a small scoff of disbelief and prepared myself to get the hell out of there.

"Leah, could you not be a bitch for once?" Seth actually raised his tone a little bit, and shoved past his sister to gently tug my arm. "I'll meet you at Emily's."

I was surprised at his demeanor, and genuinely impressed that he was sticking up for me against his own family. I could only assume Leah was protective of her younger brother, but her offensive words were not needed and her crude stance was getting old. My soft spot for her was fading fast, despite my knowledge of what she was dealing with. I knew she had it rough, but when someone was that awful right to your face, it made you think of a million ways to snap back at them instead of striking a compassionate bone in your body.

"I'm sorry," Seth apologized as soon as we were out the door, and I shook my head. "She's awful."

"She's just having a rough time." I tried to defend, pushing away the bad thoughts.

"We all are," My imprint reasoned, and I tilted my head to acknowledge his good point. "But we don't all take it out on each other. She can be unfair."

Something clicked in my mind, and I realized that it was likely Leah didn't enjoy having me around her little brother. She was probably afraid I was going to hurt him, reject him, or just altogether unhappy that she was going to have to relinquish her little brother to another female. She had been guarding him for all her life, and now there was another girl in the mix - one she would eventually have to accept into the family. I didn't think Leah was ready to do that, and it was definitely contributing to her behavior. Still, I tried not to blame her for it. She was just have behavioral problems, and over time I was sure that it would straighten itself out.

"She doesn't like me, does she?"

Seth was quiet, before huffing and shaking his head. To my surprise, he wrapped a long arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side, causing me to let out a squeak of surprise.

"I don't care, let's not talk about that."

My mind scrambled to find something else to speak of, and it landed on Leah's exclamation only minutes ago. "What do you think Jacob's news is?"

"Not sure," Seth shrugged. "I guess we'll find out. I'll send you a message when it's over."

I had to agree to those terms, as unfortunately I was not one hundred percent in the inner circle like my father. I expected that he, Billy and Sue were already almost there based on Sue's absence from the Clearwater home and my father's absence when Seth and I approached my house. Slightly disappointed that I was going to be spending some time alone, I thanked Seth for walking me and unlocked my door.

"Keep your phone on." He reminded me, closing the distance between us and growing bold enough to take a step forward and lean against the door frame. "I'll see you in an hour or two?"

He towered over me at close proximity, causing my breath to hitch in my throat as I actually acknowledged he would have been close enough to kiss me at that point. I gulped, nodded dumbly, and tried not to lose myself in the two chocolate pools that were his irises. I had always hated my own eyes, as they seemed like pools of black tar that held absolutely no appeal in them, but staring at Seth's eyes felt like the most relieving feeling right then and there.

The soft smile he wore forced my attention down to his mouth, and I traced the soft pink outline of his lips to try and memorize every detail on them. He leaned a bit closer, which threw me off and caused me to actually lose balance for a bit before he took a step back and began to step down the porch.

"Alright, I'll see you later!"

I was left dazed in his flurry of movement, caught in some sort of parallel universe where he had and hadn't kissed me at the same time. He had thrown me for a loop, the sneaky bastard.

"Motherfucker." I murmured as he made his way across the lawn, before slapping a hand over my mouth. Of course I had already forgotten about the enhanced hearing, and my brain was now taking the chance to make a massive fool of itself.

Seth turned, grinning once more. "I caught that. Easy tiger!"

He easily spotted my blush from the porch, and I swiftly shut the door in the heat of the moment. My body hadn't reacted like this to any of the boys I had experimented with back in Vancouver, as most of those had been awful experiences at parties that I hadn't wanted to attend in the first place. My mother had been adamant about me having a social life, and had pushed me to several social events that I hadn't exactly been over joyous about going to. Rarely invited to these extravaganzas made me an outsider, and apparently this contributed to the aura of 'mystery' around me. I always received questions left and right about my heritage, and while some jokes about my ethnicity (upon its discovery) really made me cringe while others made me downright furious, I eventually found some middle ground with some moderately respectful boys who just wanted to have fun.

I thought about this sexual past, unfortunately sparked by Seth's all too delicious looking lips, and shivered. This imprint thing was really getting to me.

Deciding to take a shower to clear myself of these thoughts, I quickly hopped into the bathroom and left my phone on the counter before stripping and stepping into the tub. Apparently I had no luck in avoiding the memories of my awful sexual partners, as they popped up pretty much as soon as I turned the water on.

I thought of all the boys I had been with - I could only count three in total - and shook my head in disgust as I tried to remember what I had seen in them. I had never gone too far - oral was the farthest I had been, and I wasn't exactly proud of those experiences either. They were usually done by drunk, sloppy boys at parties where I'd been invited along as an afterthought and that my mother had convinced me to attend, with attitudes had been fed one too many shots and apparently one too many confidence building comments. I never really felt that whole 'magic' that everyone was always in awe over when they had their first oral experiences.

As for my own performances, I had my biology classes to thank. Although boring, I managed to pay attention during the anatomy part of the course and after some horrifying experiences with trying to gather information from the internet - I could safely count one in total there - I got the point of what boys liked. It was all the same, and all of them had roughly the same reactions. I hadn't gotten much practice, but I was a hands on person when it came to learning and it wasn't so hard to get a hang of. Still, it was nothing great or magical, and I didn't get that confident feeling that all the girls talked about. I just felt filthy.

Shuddering once more as I washed my hair and scrubbed every inch of myself, again feeling as though there was dirt I still couldn't get to. I tried to wipe those memories from my head, but it seemed impossible; the only moments I could truly block everything else out was when Seth was around me, relaxing both my brain and my body.

I tried my best to pass the rest of my alone time productively while everyone was having their secret meeting, and took to organizing my room even though I knew it would end up in a very messy state about a week from now. I was not an organized person, and I figured this untreated depression or whatever Sue and my father wanted to call it, was not helping that case. Either way, I didn't care; my room was my territory regardless of who paid the bills, and it was my choice how to run it.

I regretted this conclusion when I slipped on a pen I hadn't spotted on the dark floor seconds later, cursing my stubbornness as I rose from where I had been practically mowed down by the Bic product.

"Screw you." I glared at the object, and tossed it towards my desk. "Let me live in my garbage nest in peace."

"Screw who?"

I jumped and yelped as I turned towards my father standing in my doorway, hands on his hips at he regarded me carefully. I was almost certain he was considering whether or not I had actually lost my mind this time and if he would actually have to phone the ambulance to take me, kicking and screaming, to the Clallam County 'Red River Behavioral Health hospital', or whatever it was called. The loony bin, as I liked to put it. I wouldn't have been surprised if dad was considering sending me to the psych ward right at this moment.

"Nothing," I sighed, actually glad to see him as it meant the meeting was over. "How was your little uber secret meeting?"

I wasn't sure if his smile was out of mild offense or surprise that I knew what was going on. "Fine. I'm sure Seth will tell you all about it."

I frowned, not liking that my dad knew so much about Seth and I's closeness. Although it was nice to have everyone on the same page, I saw his comment as a little condescending and demeaning, as if it insisted that Seth was going to spill all the dirty secrets about the pack to me because he couldn't keep his mouth shut. I resented this implication, as I firmly believed all of the other imprints vaguely knew what was happening in Forks and the general activity of their imprints, which didn't make me feel guilty at all for wanting to know what was happening.

"You're getting some of your fire back, I see." My father commented before leaving the room and I made a face I wished he could have seen before sitting on the bed and grabbing at my cell phone.

I had received a text from Seth, that read 'have to patrol - wait at Emily's for me? She needs help making muffins'. I quickly messaged a response, stating that I would be on my way over to the Young household soon and that I would wait for him there. I hoped that when he returned he could explain what Jacob's news had been, as Leah had made it seem rather urgent.

Dad didn't give me much trouble when I made it clear that I was exiting the house, only inquiring as to the whereabouts of my cell phone. I motioned to him that it was in the pocket of Seth's sweater, and left the house without another word. I knew the route to Emily's fairly well at this point, and although a part of me was telling myself to go back and give my dad a hug I was much too focused on getting out of the house. I was beginning to grow a strong dislike for being alone, as my mind tended to escape to places I would have preferred it not to. And being with my father sometimes was just as bad as being alone.

It wasn't his fault, I thought as I walked. It really wasn't; he reminded me of my mother so much despite not having seen her for ten years. We were all that was left of a family torn apart by divorce and cancer, and I just didn't like to look at the ruins of what remained unless I was forced to.

My pace quickened as I felt the familiar tug of anxiety in my gut, and the imprint pulsed a couple times. I briefly thought of Seth running through the woods that circled the reservation, and Jacob running alongside him. I wondered if he could hear me, or feel the pull of anxiety in my stomach. I wondered if when he felt pain, I would feel pain.

"Tehya!" Emily's voice interrupted my thoughts, and I looked up from my feet to see her waving from her porch.

"Hey," I greeted her with a hug, the warm body language setting me at ease a bit. "I heard you needed help with some muffins?"

"That's right," She smiled. "There's also someone I'd like you to meet."

She led me inside, where a girl who looked my age sat at the table. Her russet colored skin, a bit darker than my own, highlighted the shining white of her teeth when she spotted me and grinned. I wasn't sure who she was, but I tried to give her an equal gesture and moved forward to shake her hand. To my surprise, she pulled me into a hug and began to introduce herself, at which point I learned that this was Kim - Jared's imprint.

"Jared's also out doing rounds, so I thought we could all have some girl time." Emily poured some coffee into her mug from the kitchen counter top, and I saw that she had set out all the supplies to bake with.

My stomach clenched at the term 'girl time', as I had never been too good at 'girl time'. Like always, I was more of a 'one person at a time' people person, and girls gossiping all at once had always been a bit daunting to me. I had nothing to share and nothing to gain from those conversations, and they always ended up generating a lot of anxiety for me as I didn't feel like an equal. At least baking was something we could do to pass the time, and if it involved less talking and more hand action that was fine by me.

"It's nice to finally meet you," Kim looked a little bit too excited to have me here, and I tried to calm my poor frayed nerves. "There's not too many wolf girls we can talk to around here."

"Wolf girls?" I quoted her in confusion, looking to Emily for clarification.

"She means imprints." My old friend was quick to explain, while Kim nodded happily. "We can't really do pack gossip with girls who aren't pack."

I hadn't thought about that. I already felt so alone most of the time that I had never considered speaking to anyone else about the difficulty of believing all of this supernatural crap, but it made sense that girls such as Kim were desperate to interact with others who understood what it was like knowing about the tribe's true secrets and the Cold ones without having any supernatural capabilities themselves.

I took to analyzing my new acquaintance as she chatted amiably with Emily for a moment, going to open the pack of flower to prepare to bake the muffins.

I briefly noted that unlike many of the other women's hair on the reservation, Kim's hair was cut even shorter than Emily's. It fell around her shoulders, and I tugged on the ends of my French braid nervously as I thought of how strange it must have been to live with short hair like that. I had always enjoyed how my hair was a bit like a shield, and the length proved itself to be versatile. I thought she looked beautiful with the style however, and was not one to judge anyone based off of their personal beauty preferences.

"Do you want to help, Tehya?" Emily prompted me to snap out of my thoughts once more, and I agreed to assist the two women.

I tried to mix the wet ingredients in silence, but Kim prompted me to answer questions that would have been rude not to answer. Emily must have let her know not to question my family life before I had come back to the reservation however, as she avoided the topic of my mother entirely. I wasn't sure how to feel about this; on one hand I appreciated it, but on the other I absolutely hated being able to spot when someone had been talking about me behind my back regardless of whether the outcome was positive or negative.

"You seem like a natural at this," Kim complimented as I stirred the batter meticulously, used to the motions by now. "Do you like cooking?"

I nodded and tried to smile, wanting to satisfy the girl enough so that she would redirect her conversation towards Emily. I had no such luck.

"She's teaching Seth to cook." Emily's tone was a bit devious, and I nearly rolled my eyes before bracing myself for the questions that were certainly going to come after that.

"Ooh!" Kim happily digested that information, and I tried with all of my might not to grimace at her noise. I knew what was coming now, and was not excited to be answering the questions. It wasn't that I didn't like the girl; I just wasn't used to these types of interactions. "How's that going? He must be so happy with you."

"Certainly seems to be," Emily greased the muffin trays with butter, and winked in my direction. I all but turned beet red. "Isn't that right, Tehya? Sam says he's been in a remarkably good mood."

"Yeah," I offered a small confirmation, not comfortable with bragging or sharing too much. I couldn't help the damn butterflies in my stomach from beginning to do flips however, as the conversation made me focus on my imprint. "He's really sweet."

Damned butterflies.

"You two make a cute couple," Kim continued, mixing her dry ingredients with my wet ones in the large bowl, letting me stir them while she added chocolate chips. "We all expected Seth would be one of the last ones to imprint, but surprise surprise!"

"It was a surprise?"

"Well, he's just so young and so outgoing that we thought the chance of him imprinting was pretty slim until he matured a little bit," She shrugged, and I had to agree with her that Seth was definitely not one hundred percent the mature adult that Sam was, although that was not necessarily his fault. I enjoyed his personality very much. "But of course there's no control over that."

"If my niece isn't a perfect example of that, I don't know what is." Emily butted in, taking the mixture Kim and I had prepared.

It was always slipping out of my head that Emily was Makah, and that Claire had been her sister's child. I assumed she had moved down permanently to the Quileute reservation when Sam had imprinted on her, but I wasn't sure. I was about to ask her, before I saw her pouring the batter into the two muffin trays. The mixture we had made reached the top of the moderately large bowl, and although I hadn't really taken it into account before as I had been distracted by the girls' questions, these muffins were going to be huge.

I frowned as I saw the amount of batter Emily had us preparing, comparing it to the trays she had. "How many batches are we making?"

"Enough to give them a light snack before dinner," She answered, shrugging as she began to fill the first tray to the brim. "So two or three? Jacob usually eats the most."

I blanched. That certainly didn't seem like a _light snack_ , but then again I had seen these boys eat. It was a bit frightening; their appetites rivaled that of some Olympians, but I supposed I could chalk it up to the genetics...if that was even scientific validation at all. It still didn't seem very believable to me, but whenever doubt rose in my mind my brain urged me to continue accepting.

Emily popped the muffins into the oven, and it was then that I spotted a large pile of ripped clothing on the table. I wasn't sure how my eyes had passed over that before, but my gaze was now glued to them. Kim caught me staring, and laughed a bit.

"Their clothing," She kindly clarified. "It rips when they phase, so I help Emily stitch them back up from time to time."

"Sometimes I just order a bunch of shirts online or visit a thrift store," Emily snorted, and I briefly felt sorry for all of the wasted clothing. "It doesn't matter either way; there's an eighty percent chance those clothes will get ripped off as well."

"Most of the time they go around shirtless," Kim wiggled her eyebrows, and I tried not to get flustered as various images popped into my head. "But I guess they've been more courteous as of late."

Both Emily and Kim sat down at the table after cleaning the counter top of flour, and I placed myself down across from them to watch them sow. I had only sown a couple times before and was utterly rubbish at it, so picking up a needle was not exactly something I had a strong urge to do at the moment. I preferred to watch them, and they seemed fine with that. Emily offered me tea, which I declined, and the conversation resumed.

"Is it usual for us to be out of the loop on what's going on?" I asked, receiving befuddled looks in response that forced me to expand on my question. "Like, in terms of information..."

"Oh," A light bulb seemingly went off in Emily's head as she threaded a needle. "You mean the meeting today."

"Usually not," Kim shook her head, patching up a shirt that was completely torn down the side. "Jared tells me everything. They're usually pretty open - secrets aren't welcome, and we already know so much that it becomes more about safety than anything."

That seemed logical to me, and I was content that this had been the answer. My father seemed to disagree with such a mind state, as if he believed that protecting me involved keeping secrets from me. I watched the two girls sow in silence for a couple more minutes, sort of astounded that sitting right in front of me were two people who had experienced the same sort of feelings that I held for Seth, but for other people. It was a bit bizarre thinking that these women would know exactly what I was talking about if I explained to them what the imprint felt like inside of me.

"I have a question." I shifted uncomfortably, not really prepared to ask what I was about to ask but knowing that these girls were likely the holders of the best answer I was going to get.

"Shoot." A cheeky smile from Emily.

"Do they...do they start to get, like…" I tried to find the appropriate wording for this, searching my mind for the linguistics that wouldn't allow me to embarrass myself. I remembered how Seth had phrased it last week when he was explaining himself on Emily's porch steps, and tried to use the same wording he had. "Do they start wanting more? I mean if the imprint just wants to be friends, for how long can they keep that up before their...wolf starts pushing them?"

To give the girls credit, they didn't stop sowing until after I had finished my question. I sincerely hoped that I wasn't about to get a 'birds and the bees' type talk, as I had already suffered that under my mother and didn't need any information like that, but I wanted a specific answer to my very specific question. To my surprise, it was Kim who answered me.

"They start getting...needy?" She tried to phrase it as politely as she could, but I understood what she was getting at. "It's hard to deny them - the imprint is really strong."

I stayed quiet, not wanting to reveal that Seth was holding back the full imprint from me as I had already opened myself up enough today. I knew that I wanted to feel those full effects, as despite the overwhelming nature of them I believed that more positive couldn't hurt me at this point. I needed all the distractions I could get, and if that meant more Seth I was definitely on board. Still, I was hesitant to push because I knew it was against his wishes. I was stuck in between...on the fence, as per usual.

"If you make it clear to him that you don't want that yet, he'll wait." Emily suggested, and although I couldn't imagine myself being able to hold off Seth's advances. "They have to respect your wishes."

"Sounds sort of like slavery to me." I was honest in my response, gaining the attention of both females once more as they looked up from their work.

It wasn't that I felt sympathy or pity towards Seth or any other pack members who had imprinted on women like myself, Kim or Emily. I just acknowledged that when you were inevitably emotionally chained to someone with a bond as powerful as an imprint, you lost a part of yourself to that person that you would never be able to gain back. Even through rejection, as Seth had mentioned, one could never take back an imprint. You were tethered to your imprint for life, and I supposed that a part of me was scared of that. A part of me was scared of that lack of choice that any other regular person with their regular love lives had.

"I felt bad at first," Kim spoke openly, the smile gone from her face as she tried to empathize with me. "I was head over heels in love with Jared at school for years, and he never noticed me. After he phased and imprinted, I felt horrible because I didn't even know if it was real - he didn't have any choice on who he imprinted on and he could have been sorely disappointed."

I tried to imagine someone like Embry or Brady imprinting on someone they hated, and dealing with those consequences. I didn't think Seth hated me, but it felt unfair that a random emotional connection such as an imprint picked its hosts soulmate without any warning. What if Seth had wanted to wait until he was older to engage in a relationship? I knew that if this was the case it wasn't my fault, but I still felt bad.

"They're not thinking about that when they imprint," Kim read my face, trying to soothe the side of my mind that I was certain she had no idea about. "It's the best moment of their lives - all they want to do is make us happy."

"But they didn't choose that," I argued. "Isn't half of the magic being able to choose who you want?"

Kim and Emily looked between each other as if they had experienced this conversation before, and I waited for some sort of solidarity or united front from them. I hoped that they had an answer of some sort instead of just sympathetic expressions, or I was actually going to scream and definitely be sent to the psychiatric ward.

"If you're really feeling that way about it you should talk to Seth," Emily offered, my rough view of imprinting not perturbing her in the slightest as the smile still remained painted on her face. "I'm sure whatever he says will set you straight right away."

I made sure to log that suggestion in my head for later, although I was a bit disappointed that Kim had nothing to say in response to my question. I imagined that more imprintees would have felt this way about the spirit warriors who imprinted on them, but now I wasn't so sure that this was the case.

Kim changed the subject after a bit of awkward silence, and I happily refrained from asking anymore questions as it seemed clear to me that if I had any discomforts about my imprint, I should take it up with him. So, I spent another two hours at Emily's doing my best to help her bake another batch of blueberry muffins in time for the boys to come back from Patrol. When they did, the silence was shocked straight out of me in one solid breath.

"Oh!" I stammered as three shirtless boys, Jacob, Jared and Seth, excitedly bounded across Emily's lawn with whoops and yells and ran straight for the batch of muffins that had cooled in the middle of the table.

They only managed to issue improper muffled greetings in between huge bites that I couldn't believe they were taking, the baked goods practically spilling out of their mouths with every chew. If anyone else would have tried to eat like this, I was certain that Emily, Kim and I would have been dealing with an overwhelming number of choking victims. The speed at which they inhaled their food was remarkable, but at the same time was a bit of a cause for concern. I understood they were hungry, and yes - they had just been running for several hours in the form of an animal that consumed proportions much larger than theirs, but for heaven's sake; one of them was bound to choke!

"It's alright - this is normal." Emily placed a hand on my back, and it was then that I realized my mouth had been hanging wide open.

"This is madness." I tried to reason, watching Jacob reach for his fourth muffin.

"This is pack!" Kim sang, placing milk down on the table that was gone in the next minute. None of the boys took heed to our conversation in the background until Emily pulled the last batch of muffins out of the oven.

It was gone in two minutes flat, easily. Until the last muffin had been absorbed by Seth himself, Kim, Emily and I sat in silence and watched them eat. It was like watching an insane eating competition, except at the end there were no winners and they all wanted more food. None of them seemed as though they were about to vomit, and Jacob even had the guts to ask if there was a fourth batch.

"There were three of you," I stared at the table where the muffins had existed ten minutes ago. I couldn't imagine the type of damage done after the whole pack ate at Emily's. "Three…"

"So no fourth batch?" Jacob took my awe as a no, and my mouth dropped open some more.

Seth took this chance to rise from the table and approach me, finally offering a hug to make up for the ten minutes in which he had chosen muffins over me. He didn't give me any time to process that I was staring at his very shirtless, very muscular form, and I believed the whole scenario was part of his plan. I took it, still in a little bit of a shocked state, and tried not to focus on his build practically folding into me. The warmth was overpowering, and I wrapped both hands around me with my palms flat to feel as much skin as possible. I wasn't even ashamed; he was a space heater shaped like a male model. When he finally released me, I gave him a cautious one over as he backed away because not only was he sporting a know it all grin on his face once more, but I was fairly certain consuming that much sugar in one sitting was going to make him explode.

"I missed you." He tried to draw me out of this state and did so successfully, as I shot him a competing smile which he reciprocated very nicely. Nonetheless, I could tell something was on his mind. "Could we talk?"

In my afternoon of interesting conversation with Kim and Emily, the pack's meeting had all but slipped from my mind and so I eagerly followed Seth out the door so that we could have a little privacy. I didn't know if Jared was going to do the same thing with Kim later on, or if those girls already knew, but all I cared about right now was being kept in the loop.

 _Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back_.

I willed my brain to shut the hell up.

"So don't freak out," He started, instantly causing my heart rate to spike. Big mistake - huge. "But there's these things called newborns - new vampires, apparently ten times stronger and faster because of some science-y reason about their human blood still being in their veins."

"And?"

"And they're coming here." Seth was apparently becoming illiterate in the worst time possible.

"For? To do what? Why?!" I wasn't sure if he was purposely dragging out his explanation to torture me, but I was about to have a heart attack if he didn't finish his sentences properly.

"For Bella," He finally explained, although this didn't answer anything. I motioned very clearly for him to continue. "One of the coven's members had a vision...and the newborns will be in Forks in about four days."

Jesus - this Bella girl was a real catastrophe. All of the anger and chaos erupting within the reservation, or in the general Forks area, seemed to have something to do with her. What was so special about this one freaking girl? Was a mastermind or the catalyst in a snowball effect? This whole situation didn't even seem to have a point; why would they be coming to get a random girl in Forks? It had to be connected to something.

"Okay," I still failed to connect the dots. "What does this have to do with you guys? They're after Bella, not the whole town."

"Sam agreed to a truce," Seth's expression suddenly tightened painfully, as if he really didn't want to tell me what was next. "Between the pack and the coven here...to protect the town. The newborns only know her scent, not where she is - they'll go through anything to get to her, so we need to meet them at the front lines."

"Wait," Horror dawned on me as I digested this, stomach all but ready to puke it back up. "That means you have to fight. You're fighting. You're fighting those newborn vampire hybrid things?! That are ten times stronger than those other regular vampire freaks!?"

Seth nodded, and I puked.

 **A/N: Sorry for the long chapter, guys. Let me know if there is anything you think I could improve on or change, and as per usual reviews and PMs are welcome! :) Hope you enjoyed.**


	12. Fire and the Flood

**'Fire and the Flood'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: Thank you so much for all of the continued support in the reviews section, guys! I'm very happy you like it so far and as always, constructive criticism is much appreciated. Enjoy this chapter!**

 _You're the fire and the flood_

 _And I'll always feel you in my blood_

 _Everything is fine_

 _When your hand is resting next to mine_

 _You're the fire and the flood_

-Vance Joy, 'Fire and the Flood'

It seemed I was beginning to develop a bit of a nervous puking problem.

"Maybe you shouldn't have told her in such a shitty way, moron."

"I didn't mean to!" Seth defended himself, as he and Jared huddled over my bent over form on Emily's lawn. I could feel warm hands on my back and imagined that they were both Seth's, although I was too dizzy to identify which hands belonged to which person at this moment. "I'm so sorry, Tehya!"

"Oh God!" The owner of the house stumbled down the porch steps and was careful to step over my pile of stomach acid so that she could rub my back as well. "Seth, what did you do?!"

"He told her about the newborns like he was asking her to brunch," Jacob announced, newly arrived on the scene, and I heard a soft slapping noise which I could only assume was his hand hitting Seth in the back of the head. "We heard it all, you idiot. Do you not know how to downplay anything, Seth?"

"I'm really sorry." Seth had ignored Jacob in favor of concentrating on me, who appreciated the attention as I hurled up nasty bile one more time.

"I'm fine, I'm good." I rasped, staring down at the disgusting pile of acid and grimacing. "Great, really."

"I'll get you some water!" Kim offered, running back into the house and emerging a couple seconds later with a bottle. "Here, drink it slowly or it might come back up."

I took her advice and drank slowly, accepting everyone's help as they assisted me in sitting on Emily's porch steps. Seth's apologies were never ending, and it wasn't until I physically placed my hand on his mouth that he stopped. It stayed there until I finished half the water bottle, at which point he removed my hand himself and simply sat quietly with a very guilty expression on his face. I tried not to think of the ways this situation was all backwards, as it was supposed to be me feeling terrible for Seth who was heading off to fight in some little war he had no part in. That was the unfair part; not me being told about it.

"Why are they coming for Bella?" I asked as soon as I could speak properly. "Why in God's name would they be interested in a random woman from Forks, Washington?"

"We don't know," Jared sighed loudly, hands coming up to run through his hair a couple times. "The leeches are trying to figure it out."

"Do you guys even know how to fight them?" I questioned, shaking my head as I clutched the water bottle and looking around the little group that had surrounded itself around me.

They looked at each other nervously, and then back at me. The consensus seemed a bit too negative for my liking, but at least everyone knew what I was talking about.

"The Cullens will teach us," Jacob offered as a weak response. "They've offered to train with us, and we agreed."

"And this is all for Bella." I clarified, frustrated that other people's lives were at stake for a cause that wasn't very dear to their hearts.

"It's for the town," Jacob argued, which quickly shut me down. "If we don't stop them right when they get here, they'll tear Forks apart looking for her. And the vegans can't fight that army on their own."

I bristled a bit at his phrasing, also intercepting the name of the coven living in Forks. At least there was a title to assign to those partially responsible for the chaos reigning. Even with Jacob's words of truth, I saw that this entire situation wouldn't have been happening if it weren't for Bella I wasn't in any position to guilt trip the girl, but I hoped that all of this madness had an end somewhere as it sounded like it had been happening for quite some time. This was also unfair to those in the pack that may not have wanted to fight, as they didn't necessarily have the opportunity to refrain from battle under the rule of Sam.

"We'll be fine." Seth murmured, but his tone held no traces of confidence or faith. My heart nearly broke, and my shoulders slumped as I tried not to vomit again.

I was gripped with a sudden hatred for everything to do with vampires, evil or not. Right to the very core I wished they didn't exist, but I knew it was a selfish thought.

"Why do you guys keep saying vegans?" I suddenly wondered, astonished that such a question could have slipped past my mind and remembering Billy having mentioned something similar. "What does that even mean? How can a vampire be vegan?"

"It's their little joke," Jacob sighed, rising from his place on the porch steps and crossing his arms as a signal that he was nearly finished with this conversation. I didn't intend to push him. "They live off of animal blood, so they call themselves vegans...unlike their carnivorous friends."

To me, that raised them a little higher on the moral scale, but obviously my tribe felt differently. At least the Cullens tried to keep to themselves in this desperate little rainy city of Washington and actually blend in with humans. Regardless of the mess they had gotten themselves into, I was certain they were wishing for an end as well. Although they were still very different from us, at least our views were the same. No one wanted an ugly ending.

"I think I'd like to go home." I requested after a moment, looking up at Seth who all but jumped up in response. "Thanks for having me, Emily."

No one questioned my leaving as it was to be expected at this point, and Emily approached to give me a hug in response as I apologized for barfing on her yard. I extended my goodbye gesture to Kim, who told me to feel better and that it had been nice meeting me. I big my farewells to Jacob and Jared, and the last image I had of the Young household was Jacob manning the hose to wash whatever I had thrown up away. I cringed, and faced the road that I was now walking down with Seth.

It was late, and I inadvertently stayed closer to my imprint due to the anxiety generated by the latest conversation we'd had. The near attack that had occurred last week at the council bonfire didn't help either, as now my nerves were really frayed. There was so much on my mind my thoughts were moving a mile a minute, but somehow whenever Seth spoke everything slowed down.

"Sorry." The exact opposite thing I had hoped he was going to say.

"If you say 'sorry' one more time, I'm going to make you drink that disgusting carrot cucumber thing rotting away in your mom's fridge." Much to my triumph, he stayed silent after that and we walked most of the way in silence until we were close to my house.

We stopped at my door, clearly both reluctant to part ways with one another. I hated being alone, and we both hated being without each other. In addition to this, such a dramatic evening made me really want to convince him to stay so that we could stay up and bake more stupid things that would end up getting eaten by him or watch National Geographic. I knew I couldn't. I needed to try to sleep, to try to heal a bit in the short amount of hours between now and the next day. It was impossible, but I tried every night.

"I'm really s -" Seth began, but I shook my head adamantly and surprised both of us by pulling him into a tight hug.

"It's not your fault," I whispered, clutching his shirt and feeling the imprint push to try and mould itself together with him. "None of this is, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it."

In a way, we were both sorry. Sorry in that sort of sense that we couldn't stop what was going to happen, and we both knew that. Sorry in that sort of sense of the word that although it wasn't anyone's fault, we just kept wanting to apologize. Seth had to reap the consequences of actions that had nothing to do with him, and that really reinforced the truth in the fact that he had very little power over what he chose to protect. Even if his heart chose most things, like me, his tribe and his family, Sam was the leader of the pack's decisions and it was clear that disagreeing meant trouble.

"It's going to be okay." I tried to soothe, and my words seemed to crack whatever dam was holding him back from accepting my gesture of comfort.

Seth collapsed himself into the hug I was offering, nearly lifting me off my feet and forcing me onto my tippy toes as he squeezed me just enough so that I could still take a breath. There, with my face buried into his neck and with his hands wrapped around my middle, things actually felt like they were going to be okay. I was surprised by the returned vigour I received in the gesture, but I didn't stop him as he threaded a hand into my hair or squeezed at my middle. It felt like the best hug I'd ever gotten. I didn't know how long we stayed there for, tied up in each other's embrace, but it felt like a millenia and I would have been happy to have stayed there for longer. I didn't want him to go fight, that was for sure...but if Jacob was right and the newborns were really going to be rushing through the city looking for one little human, it was the right thing to do to pair up with the Cold ones and protect the town.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I made sure to confirm as we slowly let go of each other.

He nodded tightly, jaw clenched and eyes burning bright with what I could only truthfully define as passion. Raising one hand, he slowly traced his hand from where my french braid started all the way down to its tip, thumb grazing the side of my face as he did so. He didn't let go of the end for a minute or two, just stared down at it and played with it in between his fingers as delicately as if one were to play with silk. We were suspended in time for those two minutes, but we knew it had to end.

He dropped my braid, letting it fall back down into the crook of my arm, and looked back up at me. In a moment of courage, I stood up on my tip toes and placed my lips on his cheek just long enough to offer something that might get him through the night. In hindsight, this probably just made the situation worse as it likely became even harder for him to hold himself back, but I felt that my level of affection was appropriate for someone who wanted to push the imprint forward a little bit.

To my surprise, his hands took me by either side of my face with gentleness that made me feel as though I was made of glass, and I felt the imprint pang in complaint. It was then that Seth's face revealed his inner conflict, torn between taking this further and keeping it safe, and I knew I had to say something.

"I know," I consoled him, understanding that holding back whatever it was he was holding back was likely extremely difficult. "I know."

He let out a shuddered sigh, returning the kiss on the cheek that I had delivered on my left temple instead. As soon as his lips left the spot it burned warmly, and in a way it almost felt as though he had meant to clear my brain with the little gesture. After a moment I offered him a genuine smile, which he returned, and we slowly parted peacefully without any other words. I watched him walk off into the distance and down the road to Sue's house until I couldn't spot him anymore, at which point I entered my own home and welcomed all of the thoughts that came along with an experience like that.

Unfortunately, a certain family member thwarted my moment of serenity.

"Tehya?"

"Dad!" I shrieked, not expecting my father to have come out of nowhere in his robe and pajamas. With his disheveled hair and bags underneath his eyes he truly looks like the grim reaper on one of his off days, and I felt my heart beating at about a mile a minute. "Why?!"

"Sorry." He waved, waddling into the kitchen with his little slippers, making shuffling noises all the way. "You're home late."

"Yeah, I was at Emily's." I explained, following him into the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of water and watched him begin to make a tea. "Seth walked me home."

Dad grunted, and I rolled my eyes at the caveman noise as if there was any expectation of him to make any other sound at midnight. "He's a nice boy."

That stopped me right in my tracks, and I made sure to carefully place the water glass down and put the jug back in the fridge before I turned to look at my father. I wasn't sure if he was kidding or simply trying to make a sideways statement of some sort; he knew about the imprint, but I also hoped he knew that I didn't like to talk about it or confront it with anyone - most of all with him.

"So, I didn't know you turned into Big Bird when you fell asleep." I tried to divert the conversation, and it worked as my father playfully swatted at me with a newspaper sitting on the counter. "Hey! You're a grouch, embrace it."

"I am _not_ a grouch." My father grumbled, waiting for the water in the kettle to boil.

"'I am not a grouch'!" I imitated in the gnarliest voice I could produce, shocked to actually see a smile pop onto my father's face. I paused at this, acknowledging that the playfulness of the conversation was bringing him joy.

I supposed in a sense he was getting his daughter back, and we both had Seth to thank for that. My mood was up after being around him for awhile, and perhaps Dad had been right; I was getting some fire back in my personality. I liked this father-daughter repartee, as although it was new it felt very natural to me. He was the father that occasionally annoyed me and pushed, but was ever the watchful figure, and I was the daughter that caused his hair to thin and pushed him even more than he pushed me. We were getting our relationship back - a relationship that had been lost to time and distance but was most definitely not gone.

"I love you, Dad." The words were pure and honest, inspired by the feelings of wholeness that were coursing through me at the moment.

My father turned, smile still active on his face but different. It had changed to a more relaxed and pleased sort of smile, one that I was sure came easier to him later at night than early in the morning or throughout his stressful days as a council leader.

"I love you too, sweetheart."

We bid each other goodnight, and I retreated to my room feeling much more wholesome than when I had left it. Despite the one object sitting on my desk urging me to pay attention to it, I changed and managed to willfully ignore it until exhaustion overcame me and I fell asleep. It was the easiest time I'd had going to bed since I had arrive back in La Push.

Of course, that wouldn't last.

Day one was calm, like I hadn't fully accepted an impending doom was coming.

The pack had apparently been to several days of training with the coven that resided in Forks, and I had waited at home sketching away in my workbook until Seth had come knocking on my door to invade my father's home once more. Dad didn't really seem to mind; Seth was the only thing between his daughter becoming a zombie anyway, and at least we did housework.

"So you met them?" I asked on the first day he came back from training, curious as to what these Cullens looked like.

"Yeah," Seth scrunched up his nose. "They were funny lookin', yellow eyes and all. We thought they smelled, and they thought we smelled."

"Well," I upturned my nose a bit at that last part. How haughty of them. "I don't think you smell."

This made Seth laugh, which made me smile and remember to try to rejoice in these four days with him before utter hell broke loose. His patrol was later today, which was fortunate and meant that we had some time to ourselves in the house before he needed to leave. So we had all the time we wanted to laugh, and that put an even brighter smile on my face. So despite the awful events bound to occur in four days time and despite the dismaying countdown that had begun in my head, we were able to enjoy ourselves.

"Can I learn how to braid your hair?" He suddenly requested, causing me to raise a brow.

"You don't know how to braid?"

"I know how to do a regular braid," He bit his lip, unknowingly forcing my eyes down to his mouth at the action and causing me to struggle to stay focused on the topic. "I want to try a French one."

I pursed my lips as I tried to think of the easiest way to teach him, and settled on grabbing my barely used laptop out of its place under the coffee table. At a certain point I had connected to the WiFi to search cookie recipes here at my house, and now I quickly typed 'French Braid tutorial' into Youtube's search bar. Several videos came up, and I chose the longest and slowest one so Seth could take his time and learn.

I let my hair down and sat in front of him, laptop to my side on the coffee table so that he could have a clear view. I expected him to get tangled within the first five minutes, but he took the video's advice and grabbed a brush from the bathroom to actually comb my hair first. I had to admit, it was nice to have someone else combing your hair and Seth was being as gentle as possible. We hadn't spoken about the tender moment outside my door last night, but I had felt the imprint tighten ever since he had left, a bit like a knot that was going to break with all of the pressure being placed on it.

"I'm already so confused," Seth's puzzled tone broke my concentration, and I eyed the video out of the corner of my eye. "This part goes...here?"

Apparently he got it right, because my hair didn't tug painfully nor did it feel awkward at all. He took it slow, rewinding the video a couple times while I held my hair in place. Eventually he had to get off the couch and get on the floor behind me, legs crossed and heating my lower back. It was quite pleasant, and I closed my eyes as I began to get rather sleepy. My long hair gave him ample time to truly get the hang of the braid, and he finished it once before shyly asking to try again.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Seth asked as he watched his hard work unravel in front of him.

"I don't mind," I shrugged with a smile, relishing in the feeling of his hands smoothly entangling and detangling themselves from my hair. He couldn't seem to get enough of it, and neither could I. "It's relaxing."

That seemed to fill him with enough confidence to continue, and he brushed through my hair one more time. The action made me hum happily, and I supposed that he picked up on that because he took his time brushing. At the end of another ten minutes I had a decent looking French braid, which Seth was very proud of and I was very satisfied with.

"Tomorrow should be a nicer day," He spoke up as we sat back down on my couch, regarding the rain pouring down outside. "I hope."

I hoped so too, but a lot of things I seemed to hope for didn't happen.

"I'd like to go to the beach." I expressed my desires to shift the recent memories I had of La Push beach from negative to positive, as I would have much rathered to remember a pleasant afternoon with Seth over nearly being drained alive by a vampire.

"We can skip rocks!" Seth immediately began to spout ideas off the top of his head, spurned on by my request. "And bring food!"

"We can do anything you want," I assured, bring an even wider smile to his face. "Anything."

Day two was when something actually happened.

Dad was gone for the day, off with Billy and their police Chief friend Charlie Swan - who Dad had told me was Bella's father. I didn't know what they were doing, but it meant another day alone with Seth. We followed through with our plans and set off to the beach as soon as we awoke, always at odd times as he revealed his snacking times were all over the place and we both knew I didn't get to sleep until five or six in the morning some nights. We scheduled the best we could, and regardless of if we ended up doing what he had planned on doing, we easily adapted. Everything was easy, smooth, calm. Seth made everything easy, smooth and calm.

"Do you not know how to skip rocks?" My imprint was losing himself watching me attempt to properly toss the flat skipping stones, unable to hold in his giggles any longer.

"No, so shut up and help me, you loser!" I grinned and hurled an innocent stone as far as I could out to the Pacific, watching its splash from my position on the shoreline.

I hadn't expected him to really come up and help me through the entire process, but apparently my challenge had been issued and Seth grabbed a skipping stone from one of my hands. At first he showed me and had me try to imitate, but upon realizing that I was going to do no better than before with that teaching method, he resorted to physical manipulation.

"You've gotta relax your wrist," Taking my hand in his, he put a foot between my legs and his chest against my back to guide me through the correct hand motion. I tried to ignore the feeling of him so close to me, but it was impossible to pretend that a teenage boy this close to you and this warm wasn't real. "And...flick."

My rock skipped twice, and I rejoiced with an open mouthed grin.

"See?" Thrilled with my elation over the stone's success, Seth encouraged me to attempt on my own. "Try again!"

My second rock flopped horribly, momentary pride gone as I sighed. "This is hard."

He returned to my aid, this time even closer than before as his body molded itself against mine, movements identical as he guided me through the motions once more. I could feel him clench and his breath on my ear as he exhaled, the rock releasing itself from my hand only to bound across the water and skip three times.

I tossed my hands up in the air, high-fiving Seth who was now grinning goofily.

It took a couple more 'walkthroughs' before I finally got the hang of it - not that I minded being walked through it step by step - and eventually grew tired of the activity altogether. We ended up sitting side by side on a log Seth had dragged closer to the water, sides glued together all the way down to our feet while we stared out towards the ocean. Figuring we still had a good two or three hours before Seth had to go to another round of training with the infamous coven of pale faces, neither of us was too eager to get back to my house and do more work for my father who never seemed to stop asking for favors.

Seth eventually grew hungry, having forgotten food this morning as we had both left our houses in such a hurry to see each other that we didn't bother thinking to even bring a water bottle. The result was a very whiny puppy, and so I escorted him to Sue's so that he could eat his weight's worth of lunch before we slowly made our way back over to my home. I was still surprised that he was up and running with the same amount of energy we'd had before he'd eaten, as I was expecting him to nap with the amount of sandwiches he'd consumed. This wolf stuff was truly remarkable...and concerning.

To my utter displeasure, my father managed to snag Seth and I before he got out the door to go to the Black's for beers, and right as I sat down on the couch and reached for the remote to turn on National Geographic he popped his head into the living room.

"Guys?" His entrance prevented me from settling into Seth's very warm and comfortable side, which already pissed me off sufficiently. "Dishes?"

"Kill me." I groaned, as Seth happily bounded up from the couch. "You can't run a house like this Dad, it's tyrannical!"

"Mhm." My father replied as he pulled his boots on and closed the door calmly behind him, ignoring my comment completely. I sighed, still refusing to move from the couch. I didn't even eat in this house; how was this fair? The price to pay for living under someone else's roof, I supposed.

"Come on, sunshine!" Seth sang, pulling me up from the couch by a hand and grinning as I was shoved to the kitchen. "We'll play music this time."

"'Sunshine'?" His nickname pushed a snort out of my lips, as I was anything but sunshine.

"It's an ironic nickname," He sniffed indignantly, acknowledging the flaw in it. "I'll keep working on 'em."

I shook my head and chuckled as we began the process of washing and drying. Usually I washed first while Seth dried, but if it was a big load we would let the dishes dry on a towel and wash at the same time. This was a case of the latter, meaning that we were in close proximity once more. Seth flipped on the radio, and flipped the channels until I nodded at a somewhat tolerable station. We worked in relative silence from there, and although I wouldn't realize it until later, to an outsider we would have looked something like I'd seen Sam and Emily look like the first time I saw them work together. A well oiled machine, passing the soap back and forth when needed and sharing the water running from the spout without a problem. Easy.

Spurned on by this silence and easiness in the air, my thoughts drifted towards that part of the imprint that I could now feel Seth holding back from me. I could see where there was a hole in what I was supposed to be feeling; could see that I was missing something, and at the end of the day that was taking something away from the bigger picture. I didn't like that. I wanted to feel everything I could, and in a way it felt like I was being cheated out of the whole picture here.

I wasn't sure if I was motivated by the moment we'd had at the beach, or by the part of me that wanted to push him to release his side of the imprint, but I was motivated to try and solve this imprint puzzle out myself. There was more to this mystery than what was being given to me. So, in a moment of not-so-rare impulsivity and utter selfishness, I took whatever side of me controlled my end of the rope between us and gave an experimental tug - hard.

Had I known what I was about to get myself into, I might have stopped. I might have suffered several lines of internal dialogue and cause my loved ones to question my sanity a couple more times. I might have even waited until a later date to get myself and Seth into this whole mess. Ultimately however, I would have liked to believe that I would have made the same choice.

What felt like a surge of electricity immediately pumped through me, and my frame went as rigid as stone while I tried to ride the intense shockwaves. It was as if battery acid had just been injected into my bloodstream, breathing life into me again. It felt like I'd died and come back. It felt like nothing else mattered but him. It felt like something I'd been looking for my entire life had just found me. It felt like heaven. Seth consumed every one of my senses, got into my head, got into my blood; got into me. I could breathe in all of him, breathe with him, breathe for him. I was him and he was me and I could feel and see and hear everything that he could. It was like a whole other person sharing a body, or like we'd swapped places for a split second. It felt like an overdose on the most powerful drug known to mankind, even though we hadn't taken any drugs at all. I felt him coursing through my muscles, my head, my brain, burning my fingertips and speeding through my veins. He was in my blood, he was in my soul, he was everything all the time and everywhere; there was no truth, no reality available in which I would have wanted to exist without him.

And then, as suddenly as I had tugged on the rope, the rope tugged back, and the imprint fell back into its previous place once more. It was then that I realized my predicament, and the consequences of my actions.

What felt like one hundred and eighty five pounds of Seth had me pinned up against the kitchen sink, muscles tense and warm on my back as the boy who played host to them breathed erratically. It took another moment to notice that my breath rate matched his. I felt like I'd had an out of body experience, mind still reeling from the feelings I had felt five seconds ago. I hadn't even seen or heard him move; it was like I'd blacked out.

"Don't move," Seth uttered, hot breath fanning out against the back of my neck. "Please."

I obeyed, remaining still as he tried to collect himself and very slowly - very carefully - at the speed of a snail, began to move away from me. I didn't know which parts of him were pressed up against me, but I didn't bother to guess as he tightened and loosened his hold on my hips with large, warm hands. A shudder that I couldn't keep out tore through me, and with a low growl Seth's body slammed back into mine.

"Dammit," He cursed, and I squeezed my eyes shut at the feeling of his chest press into my upper back and his exhale hit my left ear. This was all too much, and my own body was responding to Seth's advances in ways that I didn't even know how to deal with. "Fuck."

I couldn't really say I was surprised by the expletive, but the moment was to tense that we couldn't laugh over it. With everything I had, I hoped that he wasn't angry with me, and that he wasn't going to shove this moment under the rug to suffocate it and never speak about it again. I wanted those feelings - I wanted the full imprint. I didn't see how it was fair to hold it back from me and I didn't see how any of those feelings were going to make me less stressed. Still, I saw the fault in my actions when Seth finally ripped himself away from me with a final grunt.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, slowly turning to face him as he leant against the kitchen table.

He held up one finger in response, asking me for a minute to recover. I granted him it, keeping my hands down by my sides and twisting my fingers together in anxious fear as to what was going to come next.

"Why?" A frazzled Seth questioned, hands still clenching the table weakly as he sought out support from the stable furniture.

"I'm sorry," I muttered again, remorse coating my tone. He was clearly shaken, and it was my fault. "I just...I know you're holding it back and I wanted to feel -"

I cut myself off, knowing that I had no idea where my sentence had been going.

"I just didn't think it was fair," I tried to start again, refusing to look up at him as shame flooded through my system. "But you didn't choose this and you didn't choose me…so I guess you're right in holding it back."

"What?" Seth quickly advanced on me, drawing my attention back up to his face where his expression revealed his confusion and hurt. "What are you talking about? Of course I chose you."

"No, you didn't." I argued, looking up into those chocolate orbs that now held so much sadness in them thanks to the catastrophe that I had just unleashed. "The imprint chose me - you had no control over that; you were forced into this."

"Is that really what you think, Tehya?" He scoffed, but the action and noise was not malicious. It came from a place of desperation, like the sort of scoffs made when someone doubted themselves and couldn't see their true worth. "What do you think an imprint is?"

"I don't know!" I cried, finally breaking as I held my hands over my face. No one had ever told me what the actual purpose of an imprint was; it was all guesses and crapshoots. This entire concept didn't seem fair to the imprint nor to the imprintee, and so I would have understood why Seth may have decided to hold the imprint back.

I felt was warm fingers gently prying my hands away from my face where they had not moved, and when I was forced to open my eyes, Seth's form towered over mine where I was still stuck in between him and the kitchen counter.

"I'm not holding the imprint back because I don't want you," He murmured, still holding my hands in his significantly bigger ones. If this had been any other moment I would have been comparing the sizes of our hands, laughing at how different they were. "I'm holding it back because I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" My mouth fell open a tad at that.

"I'm scared it'll be too much for you," He admitted, wincing. "Or that you won't want it. I don't want to force you into something like this; I don't want it to go too fast."

"Too much? That I won't want it?" I nearly laughed. "Seth, it's even worse knowing that you're holding something like that back from me. Whether you release it or not still gives me the choice to say 'no',"

He thought for a moment, absorbing my point of view. I could almost see the gears turning in his head as he tried to puzzle the situation out. "It's not too much? It doesn't give you any pressure?"

"If I didn't want this I would have already made that clear." I pointed out, praying that he would cave in. I'd had enough of this waiting around; if all this soul matching bullshit that Billy and Sam believed in was true and this imprint was for life, then it was only fair that I got to feel the full effects of it.

"I can try," Seth offered, and while that was not very reassuring at first I could see that he was sincere. I hadn't expected this problem to be solved in a day, but bringing it into the light had helped significantly as I was now sure Seth understood how seriously the lack of imprint was affecting me. "I can try - I promise. I still think I should take it slow, but I'm sorry for holding it back. I didn't know that made it worse."

Hoping my eyes conveyed enough of what I was feeling towards that statement, I settled on remaining silent and appreciating the closeness we shared at the moment. I agreed that taking it slow was also a good idea, but I couldn't help the desire for the full imprint.

"I'm sorry for…" I didn't know what to label what I had done. "Pulling."

We both fell into silence then, looking at each other through invisible veils of insecurity and fear. I was both mortified and glad that I had done such a thing, if that was even possible, and more relieved than anything that he had taken what I'd wanted him to take from the moment. It had been selfish of me; there was no doubt of that, but his decision to hold the imprint back had been made on his own and I felt that I had a say in such a choice.

"Was that...was that the full imprint?" I bravely questioned.

"Not all of it," Seth shook his head, and I gritted my teeth a bit as I tried to remain positive. "But you got pretty close."

Day three was weird.

His behavior had become much more flirty as of this morning, and Emily and Kim's verbal warning from a couple days ago had not really prepared me for it. The most natural assumption was that this behavior was influenced by our big moment in my kitchen yesterday - which had not been mentioned since he had gone on patrol the night before and we had awkwardly said goodbye - as his original friendly behavior had evolved into this stage. He seemed pushier, as if I had unlocked something in his mind that told him it was okay to push.

"Could you grab me the soap, Seth?" Today I had been assigned the task of cleaning the oven from my father, something that I personally felt was long overdue and was actually supportive of myself. Dad had also promised me ten bucks for it, which helped even more with motivation.

"Sure thing, pretty lady." Fast and agile hands passed me the bottle of dish soap seconds later, and I rolled my eyes at yet another nickname he had tossed out for me.

Holding true to his word about 'working on' the nicknames he was conjuring up for me, Seth had gone through several rounds of Beta testing. So far, he had come up with 'doll', 'hot stuff' (that one flustered me the most out of all of them, which was apparently the desired effect), and the one I hated the most - 'sunshine'. I figured he was saving the worst for last, or at least his brain was saving the worst for last, but I prayed he would never think up any of the embarrassing nicknames I'd heard throughout my years of high school.

"I'm going to give that one a negative thirty," I ranked, and Seth feigned hurt, clutching his chest while mocking heartbreak. As much as I wanted to squirt him with dish soap to get him to go focus on something else, his act drew a grin out of me. "Oh, shove it."

He was unusually cheery today, and I believed it was because he was just as nervous to think about the rapidly impending doom as I was.

I finished cleaning the oven, much to my surprise as Seth seemed to constantly think of conversational topics to throw me off. Among my personal favorites were 'what would it be like if humans were in zoos and animals were on the outside?', 'how would someone vomit upside down?' and 'there should be a term for when your body thinks it has to sneeze but it doesn't, or when it tells you you have to pee but you can't...you know what I'm talking about? Yeah...that - there should be a name for that'.

Truly captivating.

"Why don't we go back to your house?" I suggested, seeing that Seth needed to burn off some energy and that I was done here for the day. I had showered, made my bed, and didn't want to spend another minute in my house.

Also, while I didn't like to make this connection, the boys were very much like dogs; they needed to be let out every once in awhile after being cooped up for so long. Of course, this wasn't something that I would ever say to Seth's face - apparently the pack took dog insults and comparisons to heart as this was something the Cold ones used as an insult. Still, just like I predicted, Seth agreed to my plan and I happily let him out the door minutes later after letting my father know where I would be.

The imprint danced itself dizzy as we arrived at Sue's house, and excited itself even further when Seth actually allowed me clearance to his room. It was the first time I'd seen it, and I was mildly surprised by the general cleanliness of it all. His bed took up a good part of the room, squished up in the corner between the wall and the window. Various objects were scattered here and there, including plates on top of his dresser and miscellaneous clothes, but for the most part it was fairly tidy for a boy's room. Seth had perched himself on the bed, anxiously awaiting my opinion with a timid smile and an expectant look.

"It's nice," I reassured, cautiously stepping into the room from the doorway where I'd been hovering. "Neat."

This set him at ease, and he watched me slowly walk around the dimly lit room examining the photos stuck to the tackboard - he had several of the boys cliff diving, one of a birthday cake, another of two motorcycles and a picture of a frog in what seemed to be his hands - and the little objects here and there. A lava lamp, an old oak tree leaf and a tiny toy dinosaur, which I would have to remember to ask the story behind later, all made themselves present. What stopped me however, was the picture frame that I spotted last on his dresser. It was his father in his very formal and traditional council member attire, standing dignified and tall with his hands together in front of him. Every bit of him looked proud and ready, and I found a lump forming in my throat at the thought of his life ending so quickly and unexpectedly.

I turned back to Seth in hopes that he hadn't spotted me looking at his father for so long, but it was too late. He was already lost in his own head, staring off into the distance with an anguished expression stuck on his face. With his eyes void of any sort of emotion, it was as if I was staring at myself at my mother's funeral from an outside perspective. I didn't know if he was blocking out his feelings as well as I had, but he'd had a year of recuperation that clearly hadn't amounted to much recovering at all.

Trying to hold myself back from apologizing, as we'd both apologized entirely too much in the last several days, I slowly padded my way over to him and quietly sat down next to him. He didn't flinch until I took my hand and placed it on his upper back, rubbing back and forth a couple times there until I felt some of the tension in his muscles relax. The imprint clenched and unclenched unhappily, anxiety and discomfort clear through the connection. I desperately wanted to do something more for him, but I didn't know what was going to help besides a physical touch.

"It wasn't fair." Seth quietly mumbled, voice so small that I had to strain my ears to listen to him.

I took a moment to absorb what he'd said, and clenched my jaw at the truth of it. He was absolutely right; no part of death was a fair deal. It ripped families in two, ended lives that had no business being ended and created endless collateral damage for those involved. I hated and feared death, which was a strange limbo knowing I would have to do business with it later down the road.

"I know." I muttered back, taking the hand off his back.

Despite his elongated chance to heal from the loss of his father, it looked like Seth hadn't really gotten that chance. Sure, he could uphold a conversation with a sympathetic speaker who wanted to talk about how great his Dad had been, but that didn't mean he was any more emotionally healed from the situation than I was about my Mother's death. We were almost equal when it came to this, which was every bit as depressing as it sounded.

"Life isn't fair." He huffed, and with every ounce of me I wished that I could take the dejected look off of his face.

Since I didn't know what to say - I didn't have any words of wisdom or comfort to offer, and I knew that I was probably going to make him feel worse by forcing him to talk more than he wanted to - I settled for taking my hand and placing it on top of his. The action conveyed a sense of togetherness that I wanted to remind him of; the fact that we weren't so different wasn't a bad thing, in fact it was the first time in the month and a half that I had seriously thought about the death of my mother. There was another person right beside me that was feeling the same agony I was feeling, and while it was easier to provide support for someone else like Seth, the ordeal was nudging me towards thinking about my mother more and more.

Out of nowhere, the imprint gave away just a fraction of an inch, and a sliver of those beautiful emotions poured into every part of me. I inhaled sharply, looking up at Seth and seeing the doubt light up his eyes almost immediately. I would have liked to think that the relief in my face was what stopped him from double guessing himself, but in reality it was most likely the tightening of my hand on top of his. It was then that he gripped back with his own, and I was elated to find that the pleasant feelings he had just released stayed happily in between us, now existing in both of us.

"Did I ever tell you how he got a heart attack?" Seth suddenly spoke up, his willingness to speak about the depressing topic surprising me.

I shook my head and allowed him to proceed with the explanation, stomach tightening with nervousness as to what was about to come. Engaging in a conversation about his father's death no doubt meant that I would think even more heavily about my own mother's death, even more deeply than I was originally comfortable with minutes ago.

"Leah phased right in front of him," Seth's hand clenched on mine, and I could tell he was holding himself back from squeezing it to the point where it would have broken, which I really appreciated especially since I loved having usage of both of my hands. "Sent him right into cardiac arrest."

"Oh Leah," My sympathies went straight to Seth's sister, whose everyday struggle and attitude was making more and more sense to me the more I learned about her. I immediately switched to consolation mode. "Poor Harry...I'm sorry, Seth."

"The worst part was I couldn't even help him," Seth shuddered, visibly trying to remain neutral as with his eyes cast downwards and the sides of his mouth twitching towards the ground. "I phased early, right when shit hit the fan."

"That wasn't your fault," I murmured, feeling that his tone conveyed a fair amount of responsibility for the incident. "I know it isn't fair."

He was quiet at that, and said nothing more for the next fifteen minutes. He did however, slowly come to lean on my shoulder. I watched his head droop and droop further and further until finally it came to rest on me, which I didn't complain about at all. I happily supported him despite his weight as best I could until he huffed, sat upwards, and with a groan flopped onto his back. The bed shook with his actions, and my eyes widened a bit as I actually bounced once along with the piece of furniture.

"I really don't want to go to training today," He admitted, and I went along with topic change as I shifted on the bed so that I could look down at him as he talked. "I can't stand another second of wrestling with everyone."

I didn't know what to say to that, as I would have preferred if there was no training at all and no fight whatsoever. I was also pretty certain that Emily, Kim and the other imprintees would have all wished the same, but I didn't say that to Seth. Instead, I chose to inquire as to the two newly phased members of the pack.

"Are Collin and Brady fighting?"

"Not this time," My imprint replied, and though this provided temporary reassurement it forebode some gloom in the younger boys' lives. "Sam says they're too young."

" _You're_ too young." I whispered, believing I was barely audible before mentally smacking myself as I remembered, yet again, that Seth had enhanced hearing.

His pained expression and the harsh pang from the imprint immediately coaxed an apology out of my lips, which he shook off. I sensed that he knew I was right, and I was certain that his mother would have believed the same thing. On the other hand, this was what his genetics had prepared him for; protecting the Quileuetes of La Push. Since La Push was surrounded by Forks, that protection undoubtedly sometimes extended to the town. Still, I felt that this was unfair as it was the first time in history that something like this relationship between a coven of vampires and a pack of wolves had happened, and there was no law in the treaty that stated the wolves had to extend their protection to a town and a family of vampires that had nothing to do with them.

"Theoretically, this is all Jake's fault." Seth pointed out, and I was a bit surprised at his blame game. I remembered a very young Seth idolizing an older Jacob, following him around and copying whatever he did; I could still see glimpses of it in his behaviour now, which was why this sudden change was unexpected. "If he wasn't so head-over-heels in love with Bella, we wouldn't be so involved with the Cullens."

"They might have still asked for your help," I pointed out, but he shook his head. "No?"

"No - the leeches wouldn't have gotten so close to us if Jacob had just stayed away."

"'Leeches'..." I repeated quietly, getting used to that word in reference to a group of creatures that weren't actually leeches.

"Because they -" Seth started, but I cut him off.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. Another offensive nickname."

He smirked, and I couldn't ignore the pang in my lower stomach at the sight of that. "They're gross - they deserve it."

"They got any mean names for you guys?" I retorted, seeing if he could remember any. Maybe they believed the pack deserved offensive nicknames as well, and although I didn't believe they did I was obviously biased.

"Mutt, dog," Seth threw out, hoisting himself up onto his elbows from his position lying down. "I can't think of any other ones."

"Well, it sounds like fifth grade all over again." I took a chance and lay myself down next to him at a safe distance, hands crossed over my stomach as I looked up at the plain white ceiling.

Seth took interest in my position, not removing himself from his position but merely turning himself so that he was still supported by one elbow and facing me instead. I sensed a sarcastic comment incoming based on the look on his face, but I didn't stop him and let it land.

"If we were in fifth grade, I'd pull on your pigtails so you'd pay attention to me."

At first I didn't react, but gradually a grin exposed itself and I let out a scoff. "That's called bullying, you ass. I'm telling Sue."

"Whatever you say, hot stuff," His compliment drew that awful blush that I hated from wherever it came from, and I smacked a hand to my face to avoid looking him in the eye as I turned red. It was a bit exasperating, not being able to control how flustered I got with these types of comments. I blamed it on the imprint that injected excessive amounts of...well, _everything_ into Seth and I's interactions. "Tattletale all you want - you know you want me."

"You're embarrassing." I dropped my hands from my face and prayed for the crimson pigmentation on my skin to fuck off.

"Am I?" He grinned, distracting me for a moment as I looked up at him. Was it just me, or had he gotten much closer?

 _Focus yourself, you idiot._

"Yes." I didn't realize I'd been holding in a breath.

He laughed and pushed himself up off of the bed, walking towards a shelf near the corner of his room where, amongst several rows of books, a laptop was buried under a pizza box. I was momentarily given a minute of time to recover from that attack before he was back, hoisting himself up onto the comfortable mattress and opening the computer up.

"You shouldn't listen to me, then." He looked over at me and winked, leaving me spluttering and searching my vocabulary for words to assign to his attitude. 'Overly-flirtatious', 'pompous' and 'purposely playful' came to mind. I didn't know how, but he could read me like a book and he seemed to know exactly what got me agitated, if that was even the right word for what I was feeling at the moment.

I settled for watching him type in an address I wasn't familiar with into the search bar, and what looked like a host website for links to illegally downloaded TV shows came up. I watched him type something else into the search bar for that website, and with a couple of clicks, he had Planet Earth up and running.

"Am I forgiven?" He leaned back against the corner as the Jungle episode began to play, hands behind his head.

"Uh-huh." I was a bit dazed at the sight of his biceps in such a position, and tried not to make my stares too obvious. I didn't think I got away with it, but willfully ignored his knowing smile.

"Well, come here then."

After a timid moment or two and an extra gentle coax from Seth, I made my way over to where he was lying and placed myself in the crevice between his arm and his chest. Nestled there in the very welcomed warmth, I felt the piece of the imprint he had shared with me spread itself to every single section of my body. It melted through my capillaries and made its way down to my toes, through my fingertips and right up to the tip of my nose. I could feel it everywhere, just a fragment of the fervor I had felt when I had tugged and gotten a taste of the fuller imprint. Still, as Seth had mentioned, even those feelings hadn't been the whole imprint, so I was technically still in the dark.

Either way, he had given me a piece of something bigger that was allowing temporary relief, and for that I was grateful. He was trying, and it was still moving slow. We'd reached a compromise.

So, happily sated with our imprint's current condition, this was how we spent the rest of our last day of peace; drowning out the rest of the world in David Attenborough's baritone and appreciating the lack of chaos.

Day four went about as badly as I had predicted it would go.

Seth had come to collect me early in the day, much to the pleasure of my father who was clearly anxious I was going to make a stupid decision while Seth was off fighting. I didn't know what he thought I was capable of doing with Emily watching over me, but clearly there was fear that I might have been reckless enough to run into the forest after him or something of the sort. Dad's lack of faith in me was unsettling, but I shrugged it off with an eye roll and told him to stay safe as I was carted off to Emily's. Truth be told, I would have wished my father to stay close to me, but when faced with the question of staying at the Young house with me he expressed his desire to remain here and hold down the fort.

"You, on the other hand…" He'd eyed me up and down with a knowing look. "Need some distraction."

I didn't really know how Emily was going to provide that, but apparently Seth thought so too.

And so, with a decent amount of grumbling and a lot of begging for Seth to stay as safe as possible, I was brought to Emily's where Kim and another woman I didn't recognize were already seated in her kitchen.

"Promise me you'll be careful - I mean _really_ careful!" I gulped heavily, not liking the anxiety that had settled itself deep into my stomach since I had woken up. I hadn't gotten any sleep, and as a result I was exhausted and ruined with distress.

As soon as we'd reached Emily's porch, I'd turned back to Seth in fear that he would have already been bounding away towards the woods. Sam had ordered the entire pack to be up early to allow for extra training time before the attack hit, and to discuss final plans with the coven. The entire thing was still a little surreal, especially since the only time I'd ever seen vampires before was when one had appeared out of the ocean to try and eat me. I hoped that I wouldn't ever see them again - at least that way I could continue to partly deny their existence - but to have Seth go and fight them was worse than I could ever imagine. I didn't want myself or any of my friends and family to have anything to do with those beasts ever again.

"I promise," Seth assured, holding me by either side of my upper arms when we had reached Emily's porch. "I'll be fine."

"Don't take a single unnecessary risk." I urged, not realizing that I'd been clenching my hands thanks to the anxiousness. I was still donning Seth's sweater, having washed it earlier this week, and refused to remove it.

"I won't," I saw his mouth pull up into a slight smile as his warm hands clenched my arms a bit tighter. "Tehya, I'm always careful."

I supposed my facial expression revealed that I believed otherwise, because he shook his head and pulled me into a tight hug. I was forced into his shoulder and placed my two hands on his broad back, pulling at the thin shirt as if it was going to make him stay on Emily's porch any longer.

I recognized for the first time that I had actual fear in my heart; fear for something I couldn't control, and I hadn't felt that since mom. The fear gripped my heart, tightening and tightening until I thought it was going to pop. Seth must have felt this in the imprint, because he took the back of my head in his hand and gently stroke my scalp with his thumb. Although small, the action was soothing.

"Don't worry about me," He cooed, and I inhaled shakily. "I know you're scared, I know."

"I know _you're_ scared!" I retorted, holding him tighter. "Just...please, please, please be careful."

"I will." With a last kiss on my temple, Seth let go of me and relinquished me to Emily, who had emerged from her house.

Taking my hand in hers, we watched Seth take off and jog towards the woods, where just before entering he turned and waved one last time. Waving back was hard, as if I was accepting the possibility of never seeing him again. I didn't like to think of the possibility of that happening was large, but he was going into a lot of danger; the whole pack was, and in a sense perhaps the reason why I was so upset and terrified was because I was so unprepared to accept the possibility of something like his death.

I watched as the dark blue of his shirt faded into the green of the woods, and with a couple last bounds he had disappeared. I was alone.


	13. The Resistance

**'The Resistance'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: All of the reviews and continued support is touching, guys. Thank you so much for sharing your feedback - I appreciate each and every one of your reviews! Also I've been sick as a dog so that may explain the lateness of this chapter! Enjoy.**

 _Love is our resistance_

 _They keep us apart and they won't stop breaking us down_

 _And hold me, our lips must always be sealed_

 _If we live our life in fear_

 _I'll wait a thousand years_

 _Just to see you smile again_

-Muse, The Resistance

Emily had tried everything under the sun to keep me occupied, but my mind wouldn't stop running back to Seth. Several times I had caught myself shaking and stopped, only to start up again in a couple of seconds.

The introduction of Rachel, Paul's imprint and a new face, didn't serve to be a useful distraction either. She had tried to ask me questions at first, such as whether or not I wanted to study something in the future or what my favorite music was, but I had answered these in short quipped sentences that made it clear I had something else on my mind. Emily was running out of carrots and sticks, and reaching her wit's end with me.

I found myself wondering if all of these other girls were just ignoring the possibility of their imprints coming under the shadow of death, or if they were just two thousand steps in front of me and had accepted it. I didn't see how anyone could accept something like that, which was probably what was contributing to the growing amount of paranoia I was holding inside.

Emily let me sleep on her couch until later in the afternoon, as she knew that Seth had woken me early and that I hadn't gotten a full night's sleep. By the time I woke up, sweaty from the heavy blanket I had been given but well rested, several hours had gone by and I groggily padded into the kitchen to try and wake up.

"How do we know when it's started?" I asked after greeting the three girls seated at Emily's table, hackles raised as I listened for noises that I knew weren't going to reach my ears. "Does anyone ever tell us anything?"

"If anything major happens, Collin and Brady are patrolling." Rachel smiled, but I could see the falseness in the gesture. "Try not to think about it - they're big boys, they can hold their own."

Not all of them are that big… I thought as I watched her go back to stitching more clothing, thinking of Seth and Leah who were the smallest of the eight wolves fighting today. I still hadn't seen Seth phase, but with his age and his height comparison with the other boys I knew that he definitely wasn't the strongest link.

Kim's sneeze briefly broke my trail of thought, and I twitched before trying to pay attention to something else in the room.

Emily had taken to preheating the oven so that she could have food on the ready for when the pack returned to the house, and I tried not to think about Seth or Jacob getting torn to pieces by the hideous creatures I'd only heard described. The worst part about this whole process was not only that my own imagination kept taking me away with terrifying images of rabid human beings attacking my tribe's spirit warriors, but that Seth and I had undeniably grown closer to each other in the last four days. It was a bit of a curse in the sense that the emotional attachment caused the rift in the physical closeness between us to be very difficult to deal with, and the fact that he was in a high risk situation added to the difficulty.

There was one upside however, which was that I still felt the imprint sitting in my chest like a warm ball of light, the only source of comfort and guidance in this dark day.

I hadn't felt any particularly concerning feelings travel through the bond, but I made sure to keep my eye on the faces of all the other women around me as they occupied themselves with cooking and sewing. I knew that they all must have had access to the full imprint in between themselves and their respective mates, making their connections much more in tune. I couldn't imagine what they were feeling at the moment. Did Sam, Jared and Paul sent them a distress signal when something went wrong? Was the imprint sort of like an emergency broadcasting service at that point? I was in the dark.

"Tehya, why don't you help me with the ribs?" Emily had four huge sections of ribs cut and separated, and was covering them in marinade.

I cautiously rose from the table where Rachel and Kim were still sewing, the former mending pants with a machine that Emily had dug out of her closet and the latter sewing a shirt by hand, and traveled over to Emily.

"You know how to marinate things, right?" My friend handed me a bowl of the mix she was spreading onto the meat, and I nodded before picking up the utensil out of her hand and covering the ribs with the marinade myself. I figured she would let them sit for awhile until cooking them as to let the flavors sink into the meat, and so I washed my hands and returned to her side after I'd finished.

Quiet as a mouse, I assisted her in the familiar process of making her famous giant muffins and two loafs of bread. We took our time to make a tray of vegetables as well, which we set aside in the fridge for later. I tried not to pay attention to the clock as we worked; it was awful thinking that so much was going on while we were forced to stay here in this little den of safety. It didn't feel like safety - it felt like we were working in the pits of hell.

Not knowing whether Seth was alright or not was hell.

"While the bread is cooking how about you help me with some housework?" Emily was clearly trying to keep me busy, which I actually appreciated. I knew that it wasn't difficult dealing with me in this particular situation and I was grateful that she was trying so hard.

So I agreed, and she busted out the vacuum so we could get to work. She swept while I cleaned the carpets, and we switched to cover every room of the house. We dusted, mopped the linoleum kitchen floor, cleaned all of the windows and ended up organizing the kitchen cabinets just in time for the bread to be finished, at which point I declared that I wanted to reorganize Emily's library as to alphabetize it.

"No!" She stopped me before I could leave the room, alarm coating her face at the severity of my desire to distract myself. "Tehya, how about you help Kim instead?"

"I'm crap at sewing," I was blatantly honest, which made Kim giggle. "I'd probably just make it worse."

"So was I until someone taught me," She admitted, and I begrudgingly sat down next to her. I didn't want to do this - I wanted to be updated on what was happening, as I hadn't felt anything in the bond between Seth and I for hours and it was already four o'clock. How long were we expected to sit here and do nothing? "Come."

Against my will, Kim instructed me on how to thread a needle, and how to properly sew along the stitch lines of an article of clothing so that it looked as normal as possible. Some shirts in the massive pile - I now knew what was in that giant cardboard box Emily always had in the corner of her kitchen - were unsalvageable, and had to be tossed. Those went in the garbage can next to Rachel, who was still operating the big sewing machine I was very terrified of.

"The machine is best for pants, but Rachel goes fast so she uses it for everything," Kim explained, watching how my eyes ran over the machine warily. "Don't worry - we won't make you use it."

She handed me an average sized needle to help me practice threading it, and after a couple of attempts I managed to put the string through the tiny hole at the top. It made sense that this was considered an 'art'; if the first step was already this difficult I couldn't imagine what was coming next.

"Alright, now do what I taught you with the string," Kim continued, watching me as I tied the two ends of the string that the needle was suspended on. "Good. Tie it a couple times so that you have a base."

She then taught me how to properly go in and out, back and forth in a tight formation along the stitch line of a shirt, and how to tie criss cross to make sure the stitch was nice and tight. It took many tries and I ended up poking myself much more than I would have liked, but eventually I ended up somewhat getting the hang of it. My stitch jobs were pretty messy, but Rachel reassured me - just as Emily had last week - that these shirts would likely be getting burst open tomorrow or the day after anyway.

"That's why we've always got stuff to sew!" Emily patted me on the shoulder, smiling warmly.

She had begun to brew tea for us after having placed the ribs in the oven, and after finishing my first shirt I realized with glee that it was around five thirty. The fight couldn't be much longer now, could it? I prayed everyone was safe, and that included the Cullens.

"How is University?" I asked Rachel as I awkwardly tried to get used to the action of sewing. It definitely wasn't easy, and I had to be careful not to keep pricking myself with the needle.

"Good!" She replied, peaking my interest as I once had visions of myself studying at post-secondary as well. "I love all of my classes, the Professors are great and the Residence isn't too bad."

"What are you studying?"

"Computer engineering," She smiled, the response shocking me. "I got a scholarship from Washington State University, so I pretty much just took it and ran."

"Wow," I didn't try to hide my congratulatory expression, but couldn't help thinking of how much Paul would have missed her while she studied in the town of Pullman. "That's amazing!"

"Thank you," Rachel accepted the compliment sweetly. "The only downside is I don't get to see family as much, but I make up for it when I can."

"Speaking of family, how is Rebecca?" Kim cut in, inquiring as to Rachel and Rebecca's sister.

"We were on the phone with her yesterday," Emily reached for another shirt as she folded the one she had just finished. "Solomon won another competition in Australia, and she said she sold a couple more oil paintings at her show."

"That's nice." Kim nodded as I digested all of this information.

"My sister's husband is a pro-surfer, can you believe that?" Rachel wiggled her eyebrows at me as she explained courteously, although it was clear and a bit humorous to be able to tell that she wasn't at all thrilled with her sister's choice of spouse. "I couldn't believe it - she just ran off as soon as she turned eighteen with some random Samoan guy."

"Is she happy?" I asked, hopes high for the woman I'd likely never meet.

"Yes," Rachel admitted. "But it was right after mom's accident; I guess I hoped for her to stay a bit longer to help Jacob through it."

Some silence followed, leading me to believe that this was a bit of a sore topic for these ladies. I wasn't surprised, as the death of Sarah Black had been brutal and harsh on everyone. There was the impossible fact to ignore that her death and its collateral damage was undeniable similar to my mother's passing, except I had escaped back home to La Push instead of away to Hawaii or University. I seemed to have shut down and moved in the opposite direction instead of pursuing education or love, which just further lead me to believe I was doing worse compared to siblings Rachel, Rebecca and Jacob who had experienced equal loss.

I let the silence drone on a bit more until conversation resumed, not wanting to be the one to break the quiet moment. Another ten or fifteen minutes passed until my next question surfaced, curiosity winning over once more.

"Where's Bella?" Thoughts of Billy's shy daughter came to mind as I worked some more, the rhythm of sewing having become much more familiar and allowing me to actually think.

"She's up in the mountains with Edward and Jacob," Emily explained, bringing the steeped tea in a pot to the table and pouring us each a cup. "They've got her in a tent and away from all the action - thought it would be safer for her."

"Edward?" I inquired as she went to get sugar.

"Her boyfriend," She explained, picking up a shirt and a needle for herself upon her arrival back at the table. "One of the Cold ones of the Olympic Coven. Jacob is there for extra protection...I wonder how that's going."

I was quiet for a bit, thinking about how much peril someone had to be in for Edward and Jacob - two suitors who I imagined to be competing for Bella's affections - to be willing to work together in the same vicinity to protect them. Bella must have been very desirable for whoever was after her. It also struck me that the reason why the Cullens must have called themselves the 'Olympic Coven' was because we were in the Olympic Peninsula here in Forks, bordered by three bodies of water but still connected to the mainland. I had never thought about that.

"Did they ever figure out who was leading this...this army?" I swallowed hard, not liking the type of language I was using. Army seemed to real, too in-your-face-threat sort of thing, and I didn't want to admit to myself that the situation was that serious.

"Victoria," Rachel spoke up with a surprising amount of neutrality in her voice, and the three of us turned to her. "Paul told me the whole story. After Sam killed Laurent last year and Edward killed James about two years ago, she got pretty pissed and spent a year in hiding plotting this whole thing."

My god. This was an intricate web of complete bullshit.

"Can't she just find a new coven?" I was still confused.

"James was Victoria's mate," Rachel went on, finishing the set of pants she'd been working on and folding it only to pick up another tattered pair. "That's the real driving factor in this whole thing."

"Oh." I fell silent, trying to imagine what it would have been like to have an equal counterpart such as Seth killed.

Why, oh why did I do this to myself?

Snap out of it! My brain spat as pictures of a mutilated body started to appear right before my eyes. Focus...focus!

Unfortunately something had been clicked on deep in my brain, and before I knew it the trigger was pulled. The room began to twist, sight blurring as I felt my lungs strain to take in oxygen. The meticulous motion of my hands had stopped, shirt all but forgotten as the panic settled into every bone in my body. Hands, once steady as they moved the needle in and out of the soft fabric, were now shaking more and more with every passing second.

"Tehya?"

"I'm…" I tried to explain what was happening, but the words felt like they were stuck on my tongue. I couldn't spit them out; everything was in slow motion and the vowel I had just spoken was like molasses spilling out of a jar.

All I could hear were my breaths, hard, fast and heavy as I tried my best to intake oxygen. There were hands on me that I couldn't focus on, on my hair and on my back and on my chin trying to do something with my face that I didn't want touched. It was all a jumbled mess as I tried my best not to get swallowed by the horrible blackness that was emerging out of the black hole in my head.

 _BADBADVERY_ _ **BAD**_ _EVERYTHING_ _ **DARK**_ _WRONG_

There was a ringing in my ears just like the time in the forest when Paul had found me, growing louder and louder with every passing second and drawing all of my focus towards it. I lost myself in the noise, reeling from the disorientation and dissociation it was causing. Everything was numb and far away, in a whole other universe I had been removed from.

 _oUTGET MEOUT_ _ **GETME OUT**_ _god pleEASE_

I tried to yell, tried to scream, tried to do anything but it felt like I couldn't even find my own mouth. It felt like I'd been swallowed up by a giant sea creature, forever lost in the dark depths of endless disgusting inner organs. I really felt like I was dying. Maybe I was dying...

"Tehya!"

I didn't recognize the caller of the voice, muffled and distant.

"Tehya? Can you hear me?"

It became clearer, ringing in my ears fading and the sound of what seemed to be rushing water replacing it. I realized then that these were auditory hallucinations; my own mind tricking itself after having being triggered into panic. I tried to push through it, thinking that perhaps the visual hallucinations would stop as well and that the blackness would fade if I just withstood this massive wave of whatever the hell I was riding. I tried to breathe, see, hear, feel - do anything, but nothing came to me. I tried to cry, but there were no tears and no tear ducts to be felt.

"Keep breathing, just keep breathing - can you hear me?"

I tried to respond as the voice was clearer now, but something was sitting in my throat and preventing me from speaking. It was astoundingly uncomfortable and disorienting, and with a start the sense of feeling came back to me. Something hard and cold was against my back, contributing to the discomfort and making me shift as soon as I regained control of even the slightest muscle to move myself.

"Oh!" The voice which I now recognized belonged to Emily sounded closer. "Hello? Tehya?"

I still couldn't speak, but I could feel myself breathing. I was heaving heavy breaths, in and out at the speed of light. I figured I had passed out or something, as it was all coming back to me now - sowing, the conversation about Bella, about why Victoria was coming for her, about her mate, about Seth's potential death. Although the thought sent another ripple of anxiety through me, it did not have its previous potency and died off somewhere in the corner of my mind as I tried to regain control of the rest of my senses.

Any focus or brain power I had left went towards trying to open my eyes and see, or straining my ears to try and hear anything else that made it clear I was ascending towards reality once more. I received nothing of the sort for several scary moments in which I believed I was never going to regain any senses and live the rest of my life as a terribly blind and half-functioning woman, but what felt like a breathe of fresh air lifted I gasped, eyes flying open only to close again due to the brightness of the room I recognized to be Emily's kitchen. I'd only seen outlines of three people who I could assume to be Emily, Kim and Rachel, likely crowded around me in worry as to what was going on.

It was then that I noticed the imprint, clenching terribly in my chest as if it itself was in some sort of deep pain. I couldn't tell if this was because of the attack I'd just had, or if this meant that Seth was dealing with something on his end. Either way it send me reeling into another pit of worry and panic, which made the hands around me wrap themselves even tighter. I couldn't decide whether this was more discomforting or less discomforting.

Physical feelings and voices all came to focus slowly but surely, and after another minute I could hear my own breathing again, erratic and harsh. I had escaped the odd limbo I was in, escaped from the suspension between time and space where I was so terrifyingly small in my own brain.

Mumbles became clearer, and with another push that felt very much like swimming towards the surface of an ocean after deep diving, I surfaced.

"Tehya? Tehya!"

"I'm here!" I grasped for something to hold onto, anything, and caught a hand midair that I held onto for dear life. "I'm awake…"

"Alright, just keep breathing - try to breathe out of your nose when you inhale," A voice I recognized to be Kim's, spoke. "Just like that. Keep going."

"Let me get her something to keep warm." The voice I believed to be Rachel grew further away as she said this, and returned only a minute later. I felt a soft blanket being draped over my body, and made the deduction that the hands rubbing up and down my arms to try and provide extra heat must have been Emily's.

As my breaths gradually slowed and my heart rate grew more and more regular, I tried very cautiously to open my eyes. I knew it was going to be bright and bothersome at first, and so I tried to do it very slowly as to put myself through less pain. This didn't exactly work, but I pushed just as I had done a minute ago and surfaced again, this time greeted by bright dining room lights hitting my pupils.

"You gave us a right scare there, Tehya." Emily murmured from above me, patting my shoulder gently as I continued to try and breathe normally. "You're alright now."

In through the nose, out through the mouth…

I still couldn't speak properly, but at least the terrible feeling of nausea and vomit rising in my throat was going away. The imprint burned, scalding the insides of my chest as it complained as loudly as it physically could. I grunted once at this, trying to lift myself up as to ease the ache. Emily quickly tried to help, and as my eyesight finished adjusting I was able to sit up against the kitchen island. With a couple gulps and some water down my throat courtesy of Kim, I cleared my throat and thanked all of the women around me.

"I'm sorry," I shook my head, rubbing my eyes and taking in the details of Emily's kitchen once more as her, Kim and Rachel stared on in concern. "Didn't mean for that to happen."

"Well of course you didn't," Rachel's eyebrows pulled themselves down in sympathy. "It's not your fault - you have nothing to apologize for."

Such a statement was sweet of her, but I still felt like I had to apologize.

"Do you need anything else? Fresh air? Food?" Kim asked as I clutched the blanket closer around myself. The shivers had started, and it was certain that the sweats would soon follow, so going outside would have just thrown my body temperature off even more.

"I'm good." I shook my head, closing my eyes as I tried to keep my head from spinning. "What time is it?"

"Around six," Emily glanced up at the clock before letting me know. "How come?"

I paused for a moment, stomach clenching in fear. "Any word from anyone?"

The girls shook their heads, and I successfully rode another wave of anxiety that tried to rock me. I knew this battle had to end soon; I didn't know when it had started, but I thought it was fair to assume that fights didn't last long when vampires and werewolves were involved.

It was strange, being so removed from Seth. He was out there somewhere in the Forks wilderness, engaging in a bloody battle he had no part in whatsoever. To be quite honest, I would have much rathered travel back in time to when life on this reservation was much simpler, and all the Quileute tribe was busy doing was whaling. Hell, even Emily was welcome on this hypothetical travel through time; the Makah were once whalers as well. But of course none of this was possible, and I was stuck in this unbelievable time in which the supernatural reigned superior.

"Do you think you can get up?" Emily inquired, and I nodded slowly as I prepared to lift myself.

All three girls came to my aid, and though I was a little unstable and dizzy on my feet first, I was gradually able to walk on my own and drink some more water. Emily gave me some leftover soup and tea, which helped restore some sugar levels in my body, and I was sitting back at the table by six thirty. What pleased me was that the sun was still out at this time, as during April the sun did not set until around eight in Washington, so at least I had the light to comfort some of the nerves.

"It should be over soon." Emily assured as she poured me another small cup of tea, and I hoped she was right.

Kim and Rachel continued to sow as I sat in silence, unable to pick up the project I had started before my panic attack. The pile of clothing was almost down to nothing, having been shrinking steadily for the hours these girls had been working with little breaks. It was amazing what their hands were capable of; I was certain that if I'd done the same amount of work my fingers would have fallen off within about two hours.

For another twenty minutes as I sat at Emily's kitchen table I didn't believe that her prediction had been correct; time seemed to drag on as we existed in a whole other universe where the fighting was not exposed to us, removed from the threat and not in any predictable danger. It seemed I was too quick to jump to conclusions, because seconds after I caught myself thinking of how bad it would be to go make sure no one was hurt wherever the fight was going on, I heard a shout.

Rachel, Kim, Emily and I all burst out of our seats at once, sewing needles all but forgotten as we scrambled to get outside where Collin and Brady's forms became visible. I could only assume the former was Collin because of his significantly smaller stature, even smaller than Brady's yet equally out of breath.

"Jake's hurt." Brady gasped as soon as we'd burst out of Emily's house and ran down her porch to meet the boys. Brady looked sickened and a little pale, but ultimately nothing could distract me from his words. "He's hurt real bad."

Food and housework all but forgotten, Emily closed her door and we hurried after the two shirtless boys towards Billy's home. My heart raced, feeling as though it was going to skyrocket out of my chest at any moment as we passed house after house, getting closer to the Black's. It felt like another century went by as we traveled at the fastest pace we could, Collin and Brady hurrying ahead but still lingering courteously. I couldn't help but feel even worse for Rachel, who's panic would have been sky high compared to anyone else's at the moment other than Billy's. As we finally neared the house I prepared myself for the worst of news possible - I didn't know what Jacob or any other members of the pack had suffered through, and figured that if I came into it expecting the worst I could limit my upset.

I couldn't describe the feeling running through me when we finally opened the door to the home and caught a glimpse of six boys gathered around Jacob's bed, head raising at our arrival. Jacob was grunting through a scrunched facial expression, chiseled upper body coated in sweat as his lower half rested underneath a blanket.

"Em, get some more cold cloths!" Sam called almost immediately, and my older friend sprung into action. I wasn't really shocked that they didn't greet each other, as in times like these there were much more important matters to attend to.

"What the hell happened?" Rachel questioned, having been pulled into the room by Paul who simply clutched at her wrist as she leaned over her brother. Jacob couldn't even open his eyes or omit any other noises other than pained grunts from his mouth in response to her. .

"Newborn," Quil answered tensely as Jacob shuddered and groaned in agony again. "Broke half the bones in his body trying to get it off of Leah."

"Holy shit." I was gobsmacked, unable to imagine the miserable torture Jacob must have been suffering at the moment. From what I could remember, newborns had been described as ten times stronger than regular bloodsuckers; being crushed by one of them must have been liked having your insides squished by a hydraulic press.

Jared quickly shuffled out of the room at the sight of Kim behind me, giving me a nod as he ushered her outside. I assumed this was in an effort to keep her away from the traumatic experience of seeing someone in such a grave amount of pain, but my feet refused to move from their spot. At his Beta's leave, Sam turned to the rest of the boys crowded around their fallen pack member.

"Alright, let's not crowd him - the Doc will be here soon." He accepted the cold dripping cloths Emily had washed and with her assistance, laid them on Jacob's forehead and chest. The rest of the boys seemed hesitant to abandon their brother, pained expressions resurfacing with every one of Jacob's noises. "Seriously, guys - out."

I allowed myself to be gently led outside by Rachel and Embry, still shocked out of words for what my friend was going through. This was somewhat replaced by the momentary panic of where Seth was when I stepped outside, but I was again distracted by the sight of Billy being pushed up the driveway by my father, both looking equally dismayed.

"Where is he?!" The man in the wheelchair was in a cloud of panic, rushing towards the home and up the ramp in seconds after Paul opened the door for him. My father followed, but only one of them exited moments later. Emily, Sam and Billy were the only ones to remain indoors.

I took this time to hug my father, trying to push all of the anxiety I was still feeling down and away. His warmth helped for the minutes he held me, until the unbearable feeling of not knowing where Seth was any longer resurfaced and I knew I had to ask. The second Dad let me go I turned to the rest of the pack, swallowing heavily in worry as I acknowledged the fact that the reason he wasn't here at the moment could not have been good.

It was then that the distinct rumbling of an engine was heard, and my heart skipped a beat as I saw the familiar Gremlin's lights appear from down the street. The seconds it took for it to reach Billy's house were sheer torture, as I knew who was inside that car and who I was being forced to wait for.

As soon as Sue parked, my imprint all but exploded from shotgun out of the vehicle and made a beeline straight for me. I met him in the middle, our embrace rougher than it usually was as we collided with each other and causing me to make a noise at the impact which was muffled by his chest. His smell, the sight of him, his touch - everything I was feeling at that moment overpowered any other thoughts I had as I held him as close as possible. We swayed on the spot slightly before regaining balance, grasping each other as tightly as we could. It felt as though we had been apart for years.

"Please don't leave me again." I begged, the superhuman grasp on me tightening until it felt like I was being squeezed by stone. A very warm, very loving stone.

"I'm here," He assured, holding the back of my head in that way that convinced me everything was going to be okay. Seeing him and getting to touch him made the imprint jump for joy, leaping around in my chest in that familiar motion I'd grown used to. "I'm right here - I'm not leaving."

We pulled back after another minute, not wanting to ignore the situation going on all around us, but I was distracted from it yet again when I saw the bandage on his forehead.

"What the hell happened to your head?!" I held him on either side of his face, examining the area with care.

"Newborn knocked him out against a rock," Quil explained, crossing his arms and bringing himself to my attention. "Before he ripped it to shreds."

I turned back to my imprint who looked a bit uncertain to confess to this, and his acknowledgement of his first kill forced me to fully accept that these boys were very real killing machines. Their shifted forms were designed to kill as to become better protectors, which meant they were frighteningly lethal. I didn't know what to say; I wasn't scared, but I definitely wasn't about to congratulate him.

"He's alright," Sue reassured me from behind her son, and in a bout of relief I wrapped her in a tight embrace as well which she returned wholeheartedly. "Just some light head trauma."

As I let her go I noticed Leah climbing out of the other side of the car, the rest of the boys giving her looks of displeasure. I briefly wondered why - as she had not been at fault for attracting the attention of a newborn when Jacob had come to her rescue - before she caught sight of me and her frown furrowed even further, shutting down most of my curiosity.

"Can I see Jake?" Seth inquired, and Jared gave him the go-ahead with a gruff nod. I noted that Leah chose to stay quiet instead of follow her brother into the house.

He squeezed my wrist one last time before entering the house, and I remained near my Dad's side as the evening slowly drew nearer. The sun had began to descend from its high throne in the sky, etching closer and closer to the ground as the light started to fade from between the trees. I was tempted to ask of the casualties that the fight had brought, and inquire as to whether the army had surrendered or was completely destroyed, but knew that this was not the right time to make such inquiries.

Seth emerged from the house minutes later alongside Emily, looking just as pale as his pack had looked when seeing Jacob in such an extreme amount of pain. I was sure they'd had run ins with injuries before, but breaking half the bones in your body wasn't something you - or anyone else around you - took very easy. Each and every one of the boys also had a connection between them that solidified the pack relationship, and to see someone that close to you in so much pain must have been horrible.

I wondered if my Dad felt the same way about me.

Seth quickly placed himself back at my side, unashamedly grabbing my hand and holding it tight while refusing to speak. I looked up at him, unsure of whether or not to say something, and decided to allow him to sit in silence and allow the physical touch to soothe him as opposed to words.

Suddenly the sound of another vehicle approaching directed everyone's attention to the road once more, where a black Mercedes was rapidly making its way down towards Billy's house. I tensed, knowing that there was a doctor in the car who would likely have some serious questions about how Jacob's bones got broken.

"Just as a forewarning," Seth murmured into my ear, causing the hairs to raise on the nape of my neck. "The Doc's one of the Cold ones."

This immediately made my hackles raise, as I had been previously unaware of this information and it made the approaching vehicle seem all the more ominous. I knew the doctor was here to help, and Seth's tone seemed to be helpful instead of hateful, so I tried to keep a peaceful mind. This didn't exactly work when the car parked itself behind Jacob's Volkswagen Rabbit and the vampire actually stepped out of his vehicle in all his glory.

"Carlisle," Sam appeared in the doorway of the Black home at the sight of the Cold one exiting his car. "He's in here."

The pale undead man walked rather gracefully, without any special speed, towards the porch where the Alpha was waiting. He stopped at our circle, standing straight and high as we all regarded the one creature who could possibly help our friend in need at the moment very warily. We were helpless and desperate, some of us indignant to admit this, and he knew he had to say something; I could see it in his face. His yellow eyes ran over each and every one of his with a somewhat neutral but understanding gaze, stopping on me for longer than I would have liked.

It was the first time I'd seen a Cold one after my run in with the man who had slithered out of the ocean for a midnight treat, and I felt my heart rate rise in fear. I didn't want to feel this way; I knew the Cullens were trying to blend and I knew they had limited themselves to feasting on solely animals, but I couldn't really be blamed for feeling fear the second time seeing a creature such as Carlisle Cullen.

He shot me a small smile which actually made me do a double take in surprise, brain jumping into recalculation mode as I scrambled to further understand what this family of Cold ones was all about.

"I'm going to have to re-set his bones," The Doctor notified us all calmly, clutching his bag in one hand. I didn't know what was in there, and I didn't want to ask; I'd been afraid of the Doctor's office since I was little and had a general dislike towards healthcare professionals with the exception of Sue and my mother. "It won't be easy, and it won't be quiet."

Paul, among others in the small circle of worried pack members, looked troubled at the Doctor's heads up before nodding in understanding. Sam ushered him inside, and to my surprise Billy wheeled himself out moments later. I could only imagine he didn't want to see his son in a great amount of pain, and this opinion was reinforced when Rachel quickly took to his side to hold his hand..

Not even before I could open my mouth to protest what Carlisle had said and perhaps ask if there was a hospital we could take Jacob to, a bloodcurdling scream sounded from Billy Black's house that sent an ice cold chill through me. It was utterly terrifying, hearing that coming from what I assumed to be Jacob.

Seth, along with everyone standing outside of the Back home, winced harshly. I clutched his hand tighter, and watched Dad pat Billy's shoulder comfortingly as the man grimaced. Emily stood on his other side, simply laying a hand on his other shoulder. I was surprised I hadn't jumped a foot in the air or let out a scream of my own in response, but took on this new role of stability in this momentary scenario.

"This isn't my fault." Leah fumed from her spot away from everyone else, arms crossed resentfully.

"No one said it was." Embry responded with a glare, attempting to stop any more of her comments. I didn't even have time to think about their small altercation before another screech sounded out from the house.

Jacob cried out again, again and again, each cry seemingly more violent and upsetting than the last. Billy tried to remain strong, but he didn't try to hide the grievous and agitated looks when his son continued to express how tormenting the medical process was. Scream after scream grew more and more upsetting, and at one point Seth grabbed my hand so tightly I gasped in shock and pain. It took him a bit of shushing and consoling until he finally gave in and took it again, not wanting to cause any further harm. I wasn't afraid of him; in fact, in that moment I wasn't afraid of much. There were no weaklings in this circle, and if I was going to run with this group I couldn't possibly be an exception.

"I had that stupid leech - if Jacob had just waited one more second, I would have -" Leah began again after a particularly loud howl that seemed as though it had sufficiently rattled Billy's bones. She looked equally as bothered as everyone else by her friend's sounds, but obviously her guilt kept her going more than anything.

"Shut it." Jared seethed, nostrils flaring in anger as he tried to contain the only female pack member's comments. I assumed this was more specifically for Billy's sake, who was visibly trying to ignore Leah's harsh commentary while dealing with his son's noises under the hand of a Cold one.

After several more wails from Jacob, a car's engine humming in the distance stole my attention once more and I frowned as I gazed out towards the road alongside everyone else. A third car? Who else were we expecting?

The owner of the old Chevrolet pick up truck answered my question as soon as I caught a glimpse of her face; Bella Swan. She parked right in front of the house unlike Carlisle had done, and speed walked her way over to our circle before stopping.

"Hey, where -" She began, but was interrupted by another one of Jacob's shrieks of agony, followed by a second. The pale brunette released a shaky breathe in response, gazing in what seemed to be guilt towards the house and looking towards Billy who simply clutched Emily's hand on his shoulder in response. My father tightened his grip on his friend, looking towards Bella just as the rest of us.

"It's been going on for awhile." Quil broke the silence that had lasted for about fifteen minutes before Bella had arrived.

"Docs re-breakin' his bones." Embry leaned against the wall of the red house and squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head. He sounded exhausted, and very much pained.

"Why did he have to butt in?" Leah suddenly spat out, attention focusing in on her as she picked her nails in frustration. "I could've taken that tick -"

"Oh, give it a rest, Leah!" Paul interrupted, silencing the girl. Clearly, her attitude towards Jacob's quick response time and defensive actions had upset the rest of the group.

The door to the house opened, and my head snapped towards it as Carlisle emerged with Sam trailing behind him. I assumed the latter had been there to hold Jacob still; despite the superb strength from both creatures, the Doctor would have definitely needed some help holding down a two hundred pound plus Jacob from quite literally exploding while he re-set all of his bones.

"The worst is over," Carlisle announced, gazing over all the sickened faces in the small crowd. "He'll be alright. I gave him some morphine, but his body temperature will burn it off soon. I'll come back to set up a drip."

"Thank you." Billy murmured without missing a beat, offering his hand to the vampire as a symbol of gratitude.

There was a split second connection - a tie between two groups of beings that had not exchanged ties like this before in a long time and were just now experiencing the benefits of one. Billy and Carlisle shook hands, expressions more than neutral as they acknowledged a bond that had been inevitably been bestowed upon them.

"He's asking for you." Carlisle turned to Bella before he took his leave, and the girl cautiously waited for Billy's nod of approval before approaching the door and entering with another deep breath.

The Doctor left, car lights disappearing in the dark, and we were once again left alone with a very broken shapeshifter and no medical professionals. This situation made me a lot more nervous than I would have liked, and I expected to hear more pained screams within minutes from my poor unfortunate friend. To my relief this didn't end up being the case, and I hoped that Jacob and Bella's conversation was positive in direct opposition as to the negative things I'd been hearing from Seth about their relationship in the last week.

"Brady, Collin," Sue spoke up moments after Bella had disappeared into the house to the two boys who looked rather worn down. "I can drive you boys home if you'd like."

They took the offer and the mother of two let her cubs know she would be waiting at home for them, taking off in the Gremlin and rumbling down the street. Soon after, Emily must have heard a similar rumbling of one or two of the boy's stomachs and mentioned that there was food back at her house ready for consumption. All five boys, not counting Leah, looked towards their Alpha for a response, eager to fulfill their appetites. With a nod they were dismissed and began to move towards Emily's slowly, with the exception of Leah who ran towards the woods behind Jacob's and didn't look back once. The rest of the back paid no attention to her, and although I got the impression they really didn't want to leave Jacob's there was no denying that they were hungry and needed refueling. The fight had taken its toll on everyone; that much was clear.

"Tehya," My father approached me as I tried to figure out where I was going to go. "Are you tired? Or do you want to go back to Emily's?"

"Is it okay if I go?" I asked, hope lighting my features. I didn't want to leave Seth, not after I'd just gotten him back. "It's not that late, and Seth can walk me home."

I received permission after some reassuring from Seth that he would have me home at a reasonable hour, and we offered a final comforting hug to Billy before departing towards Emily's. Sam lingered at his brother's house for a bit longer, promising his arrival at his imprint's house later and explaining that he wanted to wait alongside the Black's for Dr. Cullen's return. That seemed reasonable, and so our large group made its way back to the Young's with a fair amount of gloom in the air. Seth refused to detach himself from me, large hand still completely encompassing mine in its very warm grasp as we trailed behind the large group.

"You had a panic attack, didn't you?" Seth spoke up when we were out of my Dad's earshot, and my stomach lurched in anticipation of the inevitable incoming conversation.

I didn't say anything in response at first, merely staring towards my feet as we walked in the dark. His tone wasn't angry or resentful, nor was it accusatory; it was mostly worried and I could see it in his eyes when I looked back up at him that he wanted an honest answer. It wasn't that I didn't want to share, but he already had so much on his plate that I feared telling him would just create more tension in an already tense time. Still, I knew that not telling him would likely hurt him more.

"It wasn't that bad." I sugar coated, trying to downplay the severity of it all.

"Emily just told me you passed out," Seth wasn't taking any of my bullshit, and I looked back down towards my feet guiltily at the fact that he'd caught me mid-lie. "I could feel it when I was up in the mountains."

"You felt that all the way from here?" I was a bit bewildered at that, as while I expected our connection to remain strong over large distances, Emily's house and the mountains seemed a little extreme.

"It was the worst," Seth's pace slowed as he admitted this, causing my heart to fall slightly as more frustration mounted against my mental illness. All because I hadn't been able to control my own anxiety, he had become distracted in the middle of a battleground. "I knew you were in pain and I couldn't get to you; Edward needed me."

"I'm so sorry, Seth." The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them, but he was quick to halt me mid-step and set me straight.

"It's not your fault," His gaze softly bore into mine, gentle and concerned. I actually shivered from the firmness of it, and how he towered over my smaller form. "Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault."

"Well, yeah, but I could have helped it." I thought about what had triggered it, and the awful gut wrenching nervousness that came along with such thoughts.

"How? What made it start?"

This was the hardest part. I didn't want to tell him - didn't want to admit that I had been so weak as to allow thoughts of him coming into harm fling me into a pit of panic. I wanted to be stronger than that; to believe that he could take care of himself and to have faith in his brothers to take care of him. To me, it was clear that my anxiety showed I didn't trust him on the battlefield whatsoever, and didn't think that he could hold his own at all. I saw it as an offense; an insult, rather than a display of how much I cared for him.

"It was me, wasn't it?" Set's expression fell, puppy features morphing into sympathy and remorse once more. "You were scared something was gonna happen."

"I didn't want to be," I almost choked on my words, choosing to look at his chest instead of his eyes. "But I kept imagining something happening, and…"

I cut myself off there and was rather surprised at Seth's next move, which was to take two of his very warm fingers and lift my chin upwards until I found his irises. "Tehya, none of this is your fault. Listen to me - you're right...something could have happened, but it didn't. I'm here now, and I'm safe. That's all that matters sweetheart, I'm here right now."

The added word of endearment unfurled some of the imprint's hidden feathers, ruffling them proudly at the compliment. His words made me feel a lot better, especially because he had justified my reason for worrying. I was not as skilled as any of the other women sitting in Emily's house had been to deal with being away from my imprint that long, especially when I knew he was in the face of danger. To be forced to sit inside in safety while someone that important to you was risking their life was a lot to ask for, and I was really glad he saw that. I didn't feel nearly as stupid, and instead of focusing on the brutal panic attack I'd withstood Seth had successfully brought me back to focus on the moment.

His fingers were still resting underneath my chin when the cloud that was my thoughts cleared, vanishing quickly as my brain narrowed in on the fact that this very shirtless and very gorgeous boy was rather close to me. Based on the last time we'd ended up in this position I couldn't exactly except for any miracles to happen, but the close quartered stance definitely elevated my heart rate. Which of course, Seth could hear loud and clear.

He made this point obvious with an elated grin, which was the last thing I saw before he bravely swooped down and placed his lips right on mine. At first I was shocked, emitting a low squeak in surprise at the action, but after I regained my senses I was slowly able to move my hands and respond to his gesture. The imprint was still intact, with Seth refusing to let go of the majority of the hold, but I could feel it straining against its bonds. In a momentary burst of fervor and affection, I felt my own side of the imprint - the side I had used to help me access the string that I'd pulled not even two days prior - pulse with an energy I'd never felt before.

I could hear a content noise ring out from his throat as soon as I pressed myself as close I could get to him, thick arms slithering themselves around my waist and pulling me closer as my own wrapped themselves around his broad shoulders and my spare hand ran through his short hair. I thirsted for more of that energy that was still making its way through my system, burning every single nerve ending it could as Seth carved his way into my senses. It was different than what we'd shared in my kitchen, but the fact that his lips were on mine and I could feel him not only physically, but through the imprint, made it equally as satisfying. The parched feeling in my soul had been somewhat quenched, filled by the point at which our souls met and intertwined. The embrace lasted only several seconds, but that was all you could expect from perfection.

And apparently, Embry and Jared - clearly in a better mood than they had been back at Jacob's - had a thing about ruining perfection.

"Oi, lovebirds!" I heard being exclaimed from down the road, just as Seth's lips had begun to move against mine. We broke apart with a start, sheepishly facing the two boys at the curve of the street illuminated by the streetlamp who had clearly let the relief over Jacob's significantly better health condition get to their heads.. "Havin' fun?"

"Yeah, thank you Jared!" Seth waved an arm sarcastically and flipped his friend the finger, scoffing loudly as he was forced to rip his attention away from me. We had put a fair amount of distance between us and the large group still heading towards Emily's, but apparently not enough distance for these two to catch us. I could already feel the blush vining its way up my cheeks.

Still, I couldn't do anything besides reel in the sensations that had been granted to me, head in the clouds over the fact that Seth had actually kissed me. My sated look seemed to quell the frustration that had festered inside of him at the sight of Jared and Embry.

With extreme reluctance, both Seth and I began to make our way down the road towards where the two boys were standing, clearly not intending on moving another muscle until we were with them. I didn't know if the rest of the group had already reached the Young's, but it was either that Jared and Embry had been lagging behind as well or they had purposely come looking for us upon realizing our absence. Either way, they had obviously meant to interrupt, but I couldn't really find it to be angry inside myself; I was much to elated after those ten seconds of pure bliss.

"Oh, I'm sorry - were you having a moment?" Jared continued, and I was certain that I could spot the huge grin on his face from my position at thirty meters away at this point. "Did you forget about us?"

"Did you forget about the food too, you moron? Get a move on, or get a room!" Embry teased, snorting loud and clear, the comment mortifying me even further.

"We're coming, you demented apes - do you ever shut up?!" Seth complained loudly in response, sending both boys at the end of the road into another fit of cackles.

I had to admit, all annoyance at having our little moment ruined aside, it was quite humorous to listen to the back and forth that the pack had gotten used to. The boys liked to goof around and pick at each other, but at the end of the day they had a camaraderie that was hard to come by and they knew it. Nevertheless this moment was still very uncomfortable, but Seth didn't hesitate to grab my hand once more as we joined Jared and Embry at the end of the road.

"Sincerest apologies," Jared grinned slyly as soon as we had come within five meters of them, Embry standing at his right with two hands on his hips. "We didn't know we were intruding."

"I'm sure." Seth failed to contain an eye roll as we all continued down the road, Emily's house now in view.

Thankfully the boys laughed and jostled each other about some other inane topics on the rest of the route, paying little attention to the scenario that Seth and I had just gotten ourselves caught in. I wondered if this was because they themselves were used to such precarious moments being interrupted or if they were so used to interrupting precarious moments that they had grown desensitized to them. Knowing the raunchy little minds of teenage boys, I wouldn't have been surprised if it was a case of the latter.

"Took you long enough." Quil mumbled as we entered the house, and I saw that although the attitude had generally improved with food becoming a bigger factor in the picture, faces were still mostly neutral or exhausted.

"Yeah, they got lost." Jared winked - not a part of the 'neutral or exhausted' category - as he reached for some ribs, and I took another deep breath to distract myself as I stared around the packed house full of shirtless boys. I knew it was pointless putting clothes on if they were going to rip off, but for the love of god - this looked like a gym instead of a kitchen. Was Emily putting steroids in their food, or had they all gotten bigger?

"Tehya, are you hungry?" The woman of the house motioned towards the entire table of food we'd prepared, forcing me to acknowledge some nausea in my stomach and making me shake my head 'no' in response.

"You don't want to eat anything?" Seth looked on in disbelief, and I found myself stuck between the two of them as they cornered me in. "Nothing? What about soup?"

"I'm okay." I pushed back, not wanting the sick feeling in my stomach to win for the day. Emily relented, much to my surprise and relief, and I was left alone with Seth who had given up on trying to feed me for the night and had already begun to chow down.

I didn't even see him pause to take a breathe in between bites, which made me all the more fascinated and compelled to continue staring at him to see whether or not he would eventually faint. It was still hard to watch these boys eat without letting shock overcome me; the sheer portion sizes they consumed like a vacuum had my stomach doing backflips in no time.

Despite all this distraction, guilt managed to creep up on me and whisper into my ear, urging me to think about the boy we'd left back in his sick bed with half of his body crippled. I felt shame over enjoying myself even for those few moments on the road with Seth; ashamed for not going back to see Jacob or even trying my hardest to think about him. I tended to shut out things that disturbed me, yes, but he was my friend; he'd been my friend since I was little, and I'd been shutting him out in favor of my imprint.

"Do you think Jacob's going to be alright?" My thought process prompted.

"He'll be on his feet in a couple days." Seth tipped his head, features momentarily downcast at the mention of our hurt friend.

"A couple days?" I made a face. There was no way a grown boy of Jacob Black's size was going to be back on his feet in a couple days. I would have imagined breaking half the bones in one's body would have been one of the most time consuming injuries in terms of healing of all.

"Did I never tell you?" A quizzical look appeared on Seth's face, and my equally quizzical look back confirmed he hadn't. "We heal abnormally fast...that's why the Doc had to re-break Jake's bones."

Sickening nausea appeared in my stomach once more as my mouth dropped open, realization dawning on me that Carlisle had not just been resetting Jacob's bones for healing...he had been breaking bones that had already been healed. "That's…"

Poor Jacob.

I was truly at a loss for words. The only thing I could think of that was more disturbing than that at the moment was the fact that there were creatures out in the world living off of human blood, and very definitely conducting series of murders to do so, but this advanced healing stuff definitely made it high up on the list. It seemed like as soon as I'd managed to wrap my head around one supernatural concept, another came smack out of nowhere to knock me off my feet. I was starting to have trouble keeping up.

"He'll be alright." Seth assured, reaching for another rib as I held my stomach gingerly. No wonder the attitudes were neutral instead of somber here; despite Jacob's incident being disturbing and unfortunate, the fact that he was going to be up and running again in a couple of days made all the difference in the world.

I made a mental note to visit him later on, as even though his advanced healing would take care of the problem, it wouldn't hurt to see some friendly faces along the way.

"Technically, this is a victory dinner." I mumbled, looking around the room at the drained pack and feeling sympathy bloom in my heart. These boys didn't look victorious; they looked empty.

"In layman's terms," Seth mimicked my motion, gazing around at the same spots I had seconds ago. "Yeah. But for all intents and purposes, it's more like re-fueling a fighter jet."

"Well put." I complimented, earning me a small smile in return. I supposed he actually had gone to school before they'd transformed into a colossal wolf; such vocabulary was not often found within those who were not prompted to pick up a book or attend an English lesson. "Are you done inhaling the entire dinner table?"

"Not even close." Seth's upbeat response didn't console me whatsoever as I watched him make his way through four more giant ribs, which were quickly disappearing thanks to the other boys in the room eating at the same rate of speed he was.

"Great." I chose to offer my cleanup assistance to Emily as opposed to staying near the table any longer, as the more I watched Seth eat the more inclined my stomach was to heave up any liquids remaining in it.

I was put to work washing dishes and cutlery that had built up over the last twenty minutes of a house full of people eating, relatively alone in the kitchen space until a very aware Seth located me once more. It was both strange and secure, having someone naturally gravitate towards your personal space, but I was partial to it mostly because it was...well, Seth.

"I'll dry?" My imprint offered as he placed his dish in the sink, body heat apparent as one of his pectorals grazed my shoulder.

"Are you sure?" I looked up at him meekly. "Remember what happened the last time we did the dishes?"

A rumble of laughter issued from his chest, paired with a heady smirk that had the butterflies in my stomach twirling happily.

"Last time we did the dishes someone pulled something they weren't supposed to, didn't they?"

I flushed red at his dirty undertone and the fact that his voice had just dropped an octave in an effort to stay quiet, distinguishing the difference between the playfully condescending part of his sentence and his opinion that I was too keen to feel the full imprint. Since I didn't feel like apologizing was the right thing to do but was not really in the position to defend myself, I stayed suspended in the awkward in-between and took to huffing slightly.

"You're cute when you blush." Seth teased, making me splutter heatedly for a minute before I forced myself to shut my mouth. "And you're impatient; I get that."

He picked up a dishtowel despite my protest and gave himself the job of drying, quickly stacking and setting aside the utensils, plates and cups when he was finished. I appreciated his understanding of my impatience; that reassured me that there was no real resent or anger behind the naughty 'pulling' I'd done some odd days ago, and that the last amorous experience we'd had was prompted out of pure affection, not guilt. Thinking about that made my heart happy, which in turn made me work faster.

I wasn't sure if Seth felt that through the imprint, and was still blushing too heavily to check his possible reaction, but we got the sink of dishes done in half the time it would have taken me on my own. So for all I knew, he was happy enough that his hands were moving at the same speed that mine were.

"Did anyone else get hurt?" I finally built up the courage to speak again as we cleaned and dried our last dish.

"Edward was pretty roughed up by Victoria," Seth explained, stacking the dish and turning the water off before my hand had even made it halfway there. It was remarkable how in tune our systems were. "But he took care of her."

"Victoria," I mused, remembering that the mention of her name and her story had contributed towards my panic attack. "She's the one that organized this whole mess, isn't she?"

"Mm." He confirmed, looks turning a bit dark at the mention of her. "Psychopath of a leech. The Cullens didn't do a thing wrong - her mate was the one that started it all two years ago."

He was careful to keep his voice down as he said this, knowing that there were many in the room who would disagree with the point of view that vampires were not in the wrong in any scenario, but it was surprising even for me hearing his sudden shift in attitude. From the minute I'd learned about them, wolves had been notoriously anti-vampire and seemed to hate the bloodsuckers no matter what. So what caused this one eighty degree turnaround on Seth's part?"

"What brought on this change of heart?" I was honest in my questioning.

"Mostly Edward," Seth admitted, leaning against the counter top and crossing his arms. "He was in my head a lot tonight."

I gulped as I thought of someone else in my imprint's head, reading their thoughts and mapping out their brain better than I could have ever done. I hadn't known that Edward Cullen - Bella's mate - had been the member of the Olympic Coven with the particular talent of mind reading, but the more information, the better. The very thought of someone infiltrating my thoughts made me shudder in disgust; I couldn't imagine anyone sneaking around in my brain besides Seth, who I would have been very comfortable with if not a bit tentative with at first. The mind was the most private part of the body - sharing it with someone seemed like it should have been illegal.

"They're not as bad as you think," Seth admitted, making me look up at him curiously. He'd read my face once more, making the educated and correct presumption that I'd been thinking about the Cullens. "They just want to be left alone - live normally in peace, like the rest of us."

At first I doubted that, thinking back to the bonfire when Billy had first described the creatures, but my mind quickly began to contemplate the notion that perhaps such logic really was not so hard to believe at all. I thought about it for a moment longer, mind replaying images of Dr. Cullen leaving the Black house after assisting Jacob and the smile he'd given me. It seemed less intrusive to me now, and much more proactive of him to engage in positive relations with the community of La Push. The old tribal stories had painted the Cold ones in a light that was very one sided. Yes; there was evil in the world, but there was also good as well. Things on this planet were not so black and white, and the people on it not so different from one another. Perhaps the Olympic Coven simply wanted others to understand this.

"They sound much nicer when you describe them." Was all I could manage to say after my whole mental speal. It was fair to say I was still hesitant about these Cold ones, but his description had warmed me up to them a little further. My comment made Seth smile softly, which successfully distracted me from anything else in the room. "Were you in the mountains with Jake the whole time?"

"For the most part," He confirmed, picking up a muffin from the tray on the kitchen island. "I was a link between Edward and the pack."

The desire to see his alter form bloomed from my curious side once more, but I held it down in favor of continuing the nice back and forth we'd developing. He'd said he would phase in front of me when he was good and ready, and pushing that like I'd pushed the fullness of the imprint on him would have been too much. He was right; this had to be taken slow. Plus, he'd just given me a fact worth talking about; he'd been in the mountains nearly the whole time, meaning that the kill he'd achieved would have likely occurred in the mountains themselves.

"Did anyone else come after you?" I chose to inquire, and his eyes all but gave his answer away.

"Riley - her backup."

There was a bit of silence after that. I didn't know where Jacob had gone in the moment that Seth would have had the opportunity to kill this Riley guy, but it had obviously happened. I wasn't placing any blame or pointing any fingers, as there was no use for that now and Seth gaining the experience of killing his first supernatural being would have eventually come either way.

"That was really brave of you," I pointed out, watching him lean over on the countertop as he devoured the chocolate chip muffin. At my compliment he finished chewing slowly, swallowing with a large gulp as he realized I was talking about his first kill. "I couldn't have done that, and you probably saved Bella's life."

He stood, discarding the empty muffin cup in the trash and standing at his full height in front of me. For the first time since I'd come back I couldn't read his face, as the emotions were flittering across it so quickly I didn't have time to place them. I saw pain, remorse, pride and what seemed to be fear all blend together into one confusing ball, until Seth looked down at his feet.

"Do you really think that? I mean, he couldn't have been saved?"

My confusion took over for a second before I understood what he was asking about. He was wondering whether or not Riley could have lived his life as the Cullens had been living; vegan and peaceful. Despite him seemingly being a slave for this Victoria woman, I supposed that deep down in my heart if he had really wanted to, Riley could have lived such a life. Therein lay the problem however; he hadn't wanted to.

"What else were you supposed to do, Seth?" I offered as consolation. "He was going to kill someone - Edward wouldn't have been able to take on two."

He was quiet, accepting the reality that it was the best way the situation could have turned out. I didn't know the details as well as he did, but I was certain that if Seth had been given the chance to spare someone's life, he would have taken it regardless of what sort of creature it was. I hoped Edward had seen that part of his mind.

"You did the right thing." I placed a hand on his, a gesture I'd grown very comfortable with and that he responded to very well.

With a lopsided smile, Seth placed a chaste kiss on my forehead that sent a thrum of energy flying through me, and gently rested his chin atop of my head as he enveloped me in a hug. I accepted the warmth happily despite being a bit overwhelmed at all the sudden attention, knowing that a therapeutic action like a hug was probably what was going to make him feel best at the moment. So, taking a deep breath, I wrapped myself around him and held on for dear life as I was all but transported to another realm of warmth and safety by him. We stood suspended in time in our embrace, noises around us fading to nothing as we listened to the beating of our hearts and the gentle sashaying rhythm of the imprint as it danced happily in our souls.

 **A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed! In other news, I'm getting my wisdom teeth out today! I'll try my best to work on the next chapter over the long weekend, however I cannot promise anything (I will be fairly drugged up).**


	14. Possibility

**'Possibility'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 _So tell me when you hear my heart stop,  
You're the only one who knows  
Tell me when you hear my silence  
There's a possibility I wouldn't know_  
 _Know that when you leave,  
By blood and by me, you walk like a thief  
By blood and by me, I fall when you leave  
_-Lykke Li, 'Possibility'

The next morning was not as much of a disaster as I'd expected it to be. I woke up just as late as I believed I would, and was greeted with a note from my father on the fridge after I rose to my morning tea. The nausea was the only thing that surprised me, in the sense that it was completely nonexistent. I'd only had a morning or two like this before since mom had left me, leaving me in a bit of shock and anxiety as I hoped that it meant the rest of the day was going to stay anxiety free.

Seth arrived at the house about an hour later, ready to visit Jacob and greeting me with a bright grin that threw me right back to our little moment on the road yesterday. I pushed myself to force the thought out of my head and focus on what he was saying, which was that he'd been up since early this morning getting some schoolwork done that Sam had badgered him about nonstop since he'd discovered the younger boys had been slacking on their lessons.

"It's terrible," Seth complained to me as I washed my face and braided my hair, reducing the waist length locks to chest level. "I can't stand history, and algebra is like a foreign language."

I sympathized with him on that one; math had never been my strong suit, although I couldn't remember anything besides English that I hadn't dreaded in school. Every other subject; P.E, science, history, geography and music just made me want to rush home all the more quickly as soon as I heard the last bell of the day ring out, and I wasn't too eager to jump back into the rush of things after hearing Seth's commentary just now. In a sense I was both thankful and resentful towards the low expectations that had come along with such a traumatic experience. On one hand, it gave me space to focus on healing, but on the other hand it offered no distractions when I needed them the most.

"You really don't want to let go of that sweater, do you?" Seth smiled as I reached for the familiar garb, and I hesitated on grabbing it.

"Do you want it back?" I felt a bit guilty, having taken his clothing and not given it back without warning for so long.

"Keep it, what's mine is yours." His cheery demeanour thoroughly convinced me, and we set out towards Jacob's in a relatively upbeat mood.

I didn't expect it to stay, considering what we were walking into, but enjoyed the positivity throughout the duration of the walk. Once again, it was easy to feel that everything was going to be alright when Seth was around.

It was around five thirty when we departed thanks to my late hour of rising, meaning that we only had around forty five minutes before Seth was due to go on patrol. We'd made plans to make dinner later tonight, having found a new pasta recipe that had had Seth practically drooling at the screen when he saw it, but I never underestimated the power of the day to botch perfectly made plans. So I tried not to jinx it, and instead focused on the fact that I was going to see Jacob very soon.

As soon as we neared the house my mind couldn't stop delivering recaps of what had occurred here, and the awful events that had to happen to lead up to such an occurrence. The thought sent a shudder running through me, and made me tighten my grip on Seth's hand as we finally knocked on the door.

It was Billy who answered, giving us a tight stressed out smile as he allowed us access to his small home. I wasn't surprised to see Rachel in the kitchen, wetting cloths for her brother who was no doubt still in a heavy amount of pain. Or so I thought.

"How's he doing?" Seth questioned as we entered the dining room, causing Rachel to look up at us in surprise.

"Better!" She actually granted us a smile despite her frazzled appearance, which was a right sight better than Billy's expression. "He's better - slowly getting over the pain."

"Does Rebecca know what happened?" I asked, remembering the third sibling in this familial relationship. It must have been awful to be so removed from the family, especially when such terrifying things were occurring back at home.

I caught a tense look that Rachel and her father shared, which immediately made me believe that I'd asked something wrong or hit a sore spot. As it turned out, I'd done neither, but Billy had led me to believe otherwise with his strange gazes and tired sighs.

"Rebecca doesn't exactly know about any of this…" Rachel awkwardly explained, preparing the rags for transport into Jacob's room. "The spirit warriors and the whole supernatural spiel. We avoided telling her for the better."

While I had a personal connection to being left in the dark, I could absolutely see how leaving Rebecca out of this whole mess was both courteous and actually more considerate. To reveal something so sensitive to someone who was so far away from all of this would have been incredibly stressful for all parties involved, not to mention trying. There was no doubt in my mind that Rebecca would have moved back to La Push if she had known the truth, as the curiosity and the worry would have driven her to stay close to her family.

"He's up, if you'd like to see him." Billy motioned towards his only son's door to break the silence, and Seth and I made our way towards our injured friend.

Rachel opened the door to the room and returned to her kitchen duties, leaving us with the only other boy in the room. Jacob was still lying in the same position he'd been in last night, still just as shirtless and still just as stiff. Minus the sweat and the pained expression, he looked relatively better. I noticed the morphine drip had also been set up in the room, attached to Jacob through a small needle inserted into his left hand that made me shudder. It was the only evidence that Dr. Cullen had been back, but even that sent a shiver down my spine.

"Hey guys." Jacob greeted softly, smiling at the sight of us. As much as the gesture was sweet, I could tell the fire behind his eyes had been extinguished, and this led me to wonder what exactly had been said in the conversation between him and Bella yesterday.

Seth was quiet at first, thanks to the nerves that came along with seeing one's idol completely destroyed and bed ridden. He had a lot of respect for Jacob, and although none of that had been lost I could tell my imprint was anxious to see his brother and somewhat hero in this position.

"Oh Jake," I shook my head, worry overcoming me as I went to sit on the end of his mattress. "I'm glad you're alright."

"I'm sorry my idiot sister got you hurt." Seth dug his hands into his pockets, a stormy expression taking over his face - I supposed part of that was to do with pride in admitting that his own family had been responsible for hurting his closest friend - as Jacob chuckled slowly.

"I'll pull through. And it wasn't Leah's fault," He replied, smirk incapable of lighting up his drained pale face. "I should have paid more attention at training."

"Well, what was distracting you?" Seth's tone was patronizing, leading me to believe he was talking about a certain someone who had also attended the training alongside the Cullen family, and the flip in Jacob's face revealed the truth in my assumption moments later. Bella.

"That's not going to be a problem anymore." He admitted, fists clenching. I gulped as I watched the needle in his hand respond to the action, a brief spurt of nausea erupting in my stomach at the sight.

"Why is that?" I had the nerve to question, feeling as though I was egging something horrible on but not being able to resist my curiosity. What had he and Bella spoken about? What else could this girl have possibly done to make his life more stressful?

"She and the leech are getting married." He spat, eyes ablaze with fury. "Before he changes her."

"What?" Seth's mouth dropped open at this, and I too found myself shocked. Marriage? At 18? What was Bella thinking? Could Edward really not have waited a couple more years until turning her? This was getting ridiculous. "You're kidding, right? I mean, you've gotta be kidding. Married?"

"I wish." Jacob shook his head, and my heart nearly shattered into pieces for him. Although Seth had a fair point about Jacob not being able to accept the fact that Bella only wanted him as a friend, it was still painful to watch him finally grasp the concept and be forced to internalize it.

I was still very shaky about this whole marriage situation, as tying the knot as early as possible was not a way to solve any of your problems, even if they involved two supernatural creatures with heavy affection towards you. I didn't know Bella at all; I hadn't spent a lot of time with her and I didn't know how her and Edward's relationship functioned. If it was anything like an imprint, I still didn't understand the reason behind an early marriage. Besides, hadn't Edward abandoned Bella last year? What were her parents going to say about this? There was very little to convince me that anyone besides Bella and Edward were on board with this plan, which from my perspective meant that this thing likely wasn't going to happen.

Apparently Jacob didn't agree, and was taking this very seriously.

"There's nothing left for me here." He kept repeating, bringing me out of my trail of thought with his broken mantra. "I can't take it anymore - I can't do this."

"You can." Seth encouraged weakly. "You have us."

"I can't do it without her." Jake shook his head, and I frowned as I tried to decipher the true message behind his words. If he couldn't do this, what _was_ he going to do? Snap? Run off? Kill Edward? Why was living without Bella so bad if he hadn't even imprinted on her? "It's too painful."

"I just don't get it, man." Seth shook his head and hung it in sympathy for his friend, who apparently couldn't function without Isabella Swan. It must have hurt him to see Jacob like this, almost trapped in this one sided relationship with a woman who was engaged to another man.

There had to be something about her that drew Jacob in; it just didn't make sense that he was so attached to her without there being some form of a spiritual connection. It wasn't an imprint, that was for sure. But there was something there that was more than an average crush, more than a lovestruck puppy feeling.

"I know." Jacob concluded quietly, eyes downcast.

We spent a moment in silence then, unsure of where to move next in the conversation. It was like a tense game of chess, except the board was all jumbled words. At least in my brain this was the case.

"Think you'll go back to school anytime?" To my surprise it was Jacob who resumed the conversation once more, making me stumble on my sentence a bit.

"Uh - I-I'm not sure...maybe?" I was firmly against going back to school anytime soon, but I felt like I couldn't let Jake down. Considering all of the other crap that he was carrying on his shoulders at the moment, the least I could do was pretend that all of my hopes and aspirations hadn't gone down the drain. "I'm thinking about it."

At least that last part was true.

"You should," He nodded, motioning towards Seth with a half assed grin. "At least if you go to the tribal school you'd get to see this nerd all the time."

The lighthearted comment drew a smile out of me, but I could tell that something had really taken the energy out of him. If he was telling the truth and it really had been Bella that had brought him down so much, I vowed to one day understand why exactly he had felt such a bond with this girl that he could have seemingly let go so easily.

"Me? A nerd?" Seth scoffed and tried his best to resume the pace of the laid back conversation. "Who's the one who aced calculus?"

Their banter faded away into a light buzz as my thoughts took off with my mind once more, towing it through endless theories as to how all of this crap was happening in Forks, Washington without anyone noticing. An eighteen year old girl engaged to a vampire; a newborn attack; a pack of werewolves patrolling an entire reservation bordered by roads on two sides. What god forsaken cretin had cursed this pathetic little town of Washington to such horrible conditions? And how many people in this stupid little county were blind to what had been going on? The list of questions was endless.

" - I'll be long gone."

I was ripped away from my head space with those four words, focusing back on what Jacob was saying and cursing myself for having missed the beginning of the sentence.

Seth looked horribly disappointed and guilty, as if he felt somewhat at fault for pushing Jacob away when he knew he had no part in it. Bella's rejection had everything to do with it, but there wasn't anything anyone could do to stop that. Any aspects of the upbeat conversation were gone, replaced once more by serious tones.

"You can't just leave 'cause she gets married, Jake." My imprint argued, tone holding almost no hope in it at all at this point.

"I won't." Jacob swore, but I could see the lie in his eyes. I wasn't sure what he was planning, but I hoped that his brotherhood caught it before it was too late.

We left the house with spirits slightly dampened at Jacob's attitude, bidding both Billy and Rachel farewell with straight faces and warm hugs. I chose not to warn Billy about Jake's attitude for two reasons, one of which being that he already had some sort of idea about what his own son's mindset was when it came to the particular situation, and the second of which being that ever since Jacob had gotten injured, Billy constantly looked as though he was on the verge of having a heart attack. I didn't want to be the one to push him over the edge and crowd him with unnecessary warnings that he was likely already aware of. Billy knew what a red flag looked like, no? I was sure he had already spotted his son's from a mile away.

So with that reassuring thought in mind, Seth and I began the walk back to my house. We intended on splitting up halfway so that he could meet up with Quil and Embry, who would be running rounds with him today, and I found myself dreading the point at which we would have to split up. I had grown quite attached to this boy; there wasn't a doubt about that, and it made moments like these quite frustrating.

"Be safe." I reminded as we neared the crossroads that would take him to his patrol point and me to my house.

"Always." He assured, pulling me in for a hug. I was engulfed in warmth once more, and nearly broke out in sweat at the sheer temperature of Seth.

"You're really hot." I grumbled, marveling over how his body was able to run at such warm temperatures before I realized what I'd said and groaned at what was to come. I knew he wasn't going to let me live that mistake of a comment down.

"Thank you, I think so too." He grinned modestly, in a manner that made it clear he knew I hadn't been serious but was flustering me just for the hell of it.

"Good god," Another slap to the forehead revealed my inner frustration with all of this lingo, but this only made Seth crack up even harder. "I didn't mean it like that - shut up!"

"You can't take it back now, princess."

"No, but seriously - how hot are you?" I put my hand back on his forehead in genuine concern that he was burning up, much to Seth's pleasure.

"Very, apparently." He wiggled his eyebrows in response, making me 'tsk' and attempt to take my hand away before he trapped it, engulfing it in his own large one.

"I run at about one hundred eight degrees fahrenheit, beautiful." He proceeded to kiss each one of my fingertips, pushing a shiver out of me that pulled one side of his mouth up into a grin in response.

"You are…" I lost my wording as all the air in my lungs vanished, only to be sucked back up a moment later with a rocky breath. "A major tease."

"I'm aware," Seth grinned fully, before dropping a kiss to my temple and backing off. "I'll see you after patrol?"

I nodded as I tried to hide my lovestruck smile, but I wasn't fooling anyone and Seth was clearly happy to see that. I watched him bound off towards his undisclosed meeting point until he was hardly visible, unconsciously biting my inner lip as I dealt with the fuzziness in my head that always seemed to accompany Seth's presence. Again, the word 'warm' came to mind as I thought of a way to describe the aura he gave off and the comfort he provided. Thanks to these distracting thoughts I could barely focus on the steps I was taking to get home, but I thankfully made it without tripping over my own feet. By the time I unlocked the door, the butterflies in my stomach had finished doing their daily workout and were fluttering calmly at the base of my belly.

"Dad?" I called, hearing a rustling of papers coming from my father's rarely used office, having expected him to be home at this hour. It was surprising to see him in his office though, as he did so much work outside of the house that the cramped space he kept all of his files in was hardly used, and thankfully so. That room was a downright fire hazard.

"In here!" He called back, and I ventured over to the office to see what was happening. "Just looking for this damned file…"

I watched him search and search amongst the cabinet and drawers until he found what he was looking for, glasses perched on the tip of his nose to read the fine print carefully before coming around the desk and giving me a hug in greeting.

"Good news," He announced, walking to the kitchen and causing me to trail after him in curiosity. "The Tribal School is now officially a charity organization!"

I didn't know what that meant, and my blank stare must have revealed that. Dad looked a little put out at my reaction, until he explained that it meant we would be receiving even more funds from the public and even through online organizations. This equalled more money, which equalled more opportunity and support for the students and community of La Push. Dad was clearly thrilled, and I tried to mirror his attitude which fooled him long enough until he looked away. In reality, I wasn't too excited for anything to do with school, but I recognized the value in more educational funding. I just wasn't going to display my appreciation for it with the same enthusiasm like my father was doing.

"Are you going to Billy's to celebrate?" I asked, eyeing the six pack of beer near the door. He probably didn't want to leave a council elder out of all of the fun, although 'fun' while your son's skeleton had just been half demolished by a vampire didn't exactly work out very well.

"You bet." My father slid the document he'd been looking for into his briefcase and placed it near the couch, where it would rest until the next time he would travel to the council building for work. I'd never been to his work office, but the thought of it now actually made me rather curious.

"He's really in the mood to celebrate?" I inquired as to the man I'd seen earlier today, curious about what sort of state he was in.

"He's taken some time off of work to help out Jacob," My father paused before explaining, "But he was still happy about the funding, so Charlie and I figured it'd be better to go down to the Black's; didn't want to take him away from Jake."

"That's nice of you guys." I nodded once in approval, sitting on the countertop and swinging my legs.

"We thought so too," Dad shrugged on his coat, pulled on his shoes, and picked up the beers before pausing at the door. "Try to eat something, alright? I bought yogurt."

"Oh? Thank you." This was surprising, as generally my father asked for lists of things to buy instead of relying on his impulsivity to pick things up for me. Especially when I didn't eat eighty percent of what he bought. "Oh, before I forget!"

I hopped down from the counter and tried to make my stance appear a little bit more innocent, hoping with every bone in my body that my father wasn't going to say no to the question I was about to ask. Although sometimes distant my father was quite protective, and this was a risk on all fronts. "Would it be alright if Seth came over a bit later?"

"'Later'?" Dad quoted, eyes narrowing in suspicion as he tried to poke holes in my body language.

"Not that late!" I corrected fleetingly. "And he won't stay for the night - he'll be gone by eleven."

"Eleven." I got as a reply, making me nod vigorously. "Alright, I s'pose. But if he's not gone by then, I'm throwing him out the door myself."

"Thank you!" I clasped my hands together and smiled up at him, ignoring the last part of his sentence in hopes that the imagery of Dad hurling a six hundred pound wolf out the front door of our tiny little house.

"Mhm." My father's familiar grumble was the last noise he issued before heading out the front door, closing it gently behind him.

It was then that I released a sigh of relief, glad that the trust was moving forwards instead of backwards between Dad and I. I turned around, prepared to get a glass of water from the fridge and congratulate myself on my victory when I noticed what looked like a slightly curled photograph on the table. I wasn't sure if it was something Dad had been looking at and forgotten about, but there was nothing else except for the small object.

As I edged closer to the table I could tell it was old, the black and white tints evening out once I got a better look at it. I could see it was a person, and a rather large one around the middle at that, but I couldn't tell who it was. They seemed to be hugging something, which didn't aid my confusion. With a final determined step, I reached towards the photograph on the table and picked it up with somewhat stable hands, finally able to see the image clearly. It was a pregnant woman, but more specifically, it was a pregnant woman I could recognize labeled only with a little 'S + T, 8M' in the bottom right corner.

Mom.

She was holding an eight month old me in her very pregnant belly, embracing it happily with two arms wrapped around her middle and an elated grin on her face. It was breathtaking, and instead of feeling the firewall of absolute blackness and rotted nothingness, I felt like I'd been punched in the gut.

"That's you and me, mom." I murmured in shock at the feeling of a thousand fires rising in my heart, tracing over my mother's face as gently as possible with the pad of my thumb before pulling my touch down towards her stomach. "That's you and me…"

And suddenly, just like that, the dam broke.

Tears, as if they'd just arrived from Niagara Falls, breached the barrier of my eyelids and tumbled their way down my face, gaining speed as they fell. At first they were silent tears as I rooted myself to the kitchen floor, unable to even comprehend all of the emotions coursing through me. Then, after what felt like a hundred years had gone by, the first whimper escaped and a symphony of noises followed.

I couldn't catch a breath, so I gasped. I couldn't unclog my nose, so I sniffled. I couldn't bear the pain in my stomach, so I sobbed. I had to grab the picture with any remaining strength I had and take it to my room, where I closed the door behind me and sank to the ground against it. There was nothing that mattered more in these minutes than this picture and myself. There was nothing more beautiful that I'd seen, than the possible exception of the one boy who I wasn't even sure would be able to lick these wounds clean.

I was reduced to tears and incoherent blubbering; the waterworks ran and ran until my tear ducts had nothing left to give, and then I cried some more. Months of shutting out how I'd truly felt about the death of someone so important in my life finally gave away, the walls crumbling into ash and exposing raw nerves.

How the hell was I supposed to live? How was I supposed to go on when the one source of all guidance and wisdom had been annihilated by the gruesome monster that was cancer? How was this fair? And why had it happened to me?

I stayed in my gargoyle position for hours, dumbly tangling my hands into my hair and not bothering to wipe any tears that manage to squeeze themselves out of my tear ducts anymore. My cell phone, squished underneath me when I had originally sat down hours ago, buzzed in my back pocket loudly sending vibrations throughout my right leg. I jerkily removed it from its spot and chucked it across my floor, not even flinching as I heard the dull crack ring out no doubt signaling physical damage of some kind. I didn't care.

All I could think about right now was the fact that I would never get to see or hold my mother again. I'd never get to feel her touch or hear her voice in person. She would never see me graduate, see me marry, see me get a job. We would never eat another meal together or take another walk together. We would never be able to vacation, see movies, or take those trips to the pet shop to look at the animals we were thinking of adopting one day. None of that would ever exist again, and there wasn't anyone or anything that could replace her. In fact, without her it felt like there was no reason to accomplish anything. What was the point? My mother had been such an impacting force in my life that having her ripped away from me was like someone had cut off one of my limbs. How was I expected to function? And how had I spent months shutting this out?

I could only stare down uselessly at the photo of us, knees holding either side of my head in place as if it was going to roll away any second. I felt like I'd been cut in two, and if I released the tight hold I had on myself in this position I was just going to fall apart all over my floor and become nothing but a bloody mess of meat, bones and organs.

There was no us.

There was just me; useless me, who did nothing but distract and wait until something else came along to take her away from the real problems. I was afraid to face things; I was cowardly, and how was I supposed to learn any different with my mother gone? I didn't want to learn - I didn't want to change. There was no point of change with her gone. No point in anything. There was only empty existence, filled with distractions and meaningless exchanges. I was breaking and cracking down on myself; anything I'd built in the last two months was being washed away in a flood of anguish.

It was like I could feel my heart literally breaking apart into tiny little shards, cutting into all the fractions of my soul and slicing me apart in a million different places. It offset and tilted any ounce of stability I'd gathered since I'd arrived at the reservation, liquefying it and dumping it down the drain. What remained was the icky black, filling up my lungs and my stomach and my intestines and clogging up my brain. Somewhere, in what felt like another body of mine existing in a different world, the imprint panicked frantically in my chest, but it was too distant to pay attention to at the moment.

Seth eventually found my father and notified him that I hadn't been responding to my phone - or so I assumed; I really couldn't have cared less at this point - which landed them outside the door to my room sooner than I would have liked. I could only ignore the pounding and thumping for so long, reverberating throughout my body as the door bounced on my back, but I lasted until Seth easily pushed the door open and forced my body to slide across the smooth wooden floor a bit so that he could get into the room. My father soon followed suit, both of their voices distant despite their proximity.

"Tehya? Tehya!" I could hear my name being repeated over and over again, and being shaken by my father quite roughly on the shoulder before I saw Seth pick up the photo that I had been curled over.

I let him take it out of my field of vision, undoubtedly to my father who mumbled something unintelligible and knelt down next to Seth to enter my field of vision. His voice was still muffled, like I had taken a mind altering drug, and I briefly wondered if this was what shock felt like before sluggishly raising my head to try and look at my Dad.

"Where did you find this?" I read his lips after he repeated it three times, each one more concerned than the last. I couldn't respond; my larynx seemed to be out of service at the moment.

There was shuffling in the room after I dropped my gaze back down to the floor, but I didn't look up for what felt like another ten minutes until two very warm arms were curling around my limp self to pull me up into a very warm body. I was involuntarily cradled there for a moment before we began to move, the soft sway barely noticeable. I didn't have to guess who this was.

I let my head slump against the muscled surface that was Seth's chest, accepting the ride to my bed with no qualms. Everything but Seth felt and looked black and white - like it had been dulled down and blunted, dimmed and stripped of sound. Muted. It was a relief compared to the excruciating burning happening in my stomach at the moment.

I was placed very carefully down on the mattress, loose spaghetti-like limbs dropping into place as my head flopped against the soft pillow. A blanket was placed overtop me, the thinness providing minimal warmth due to the permanent chill left behind in my veins. If it were not for my street clothes I still had on, I would have likely started shivering.

"You should eat something." I heard him say, but I still couldn't bring myself to say anything. "How long has it been since you ate or drank?"

My clueless stare spoke volumes, and Seth's expression fought not to crumble. A little closer this time, the imprint wailed unhappily.

"Can you drink some water?" Seth urged, but my eyes were already beginning to close, and with a stroke of my thumb he gave up.

I heard his footsteps retreat into the hallway where my father was no doubt waiting, mumbles revealing both of their locations. I pushed through the overwhelming exhaustion that was beginning to plow its way through me, focusing on what they were saying.

"She won't eat." Seth notified my father glumly, failing to keep his voice down in the hallway. "Won't drink anything either."

"Why don't you stay here the night, kid?" My father offered after a disheartened sigh, much to my dull surprise. That was very unlike him; he had always been strict about boundaries, but I supposed desperate situations yielded the quickest results. "She's better around you anyway, and I can set you up on the couch."

He agreed with a little bit of convincing, and I tuned out as I heard him use the phone to call his house. I hoped that he didn't involve his mother in this whole mess; the only thing I would have hated more than anything when I was existing in this state was having Sue come over to poke and prod at me.

I'd crossed a ridge I hadn't been ready to arrive at; pushed something I didn't mean to push by letting my curiosity overcome me today. I'd permanently altered the course of my healing, or so it felt. Thoughts of my mother consumed me and ravaged all of my senses as I wandered off to the land of dreams, the smell of her cooking and the memory of her touch coming to haunt me in the worst ways possible before I was roughly snatched up by the demons in my dreams.

Every second of my sleep was clear as day. I was reliving memories as a child; Easter egg hunts and birthday parties, shopping trips and the odd road trip here and there. A random present, entering middle school, entering high school. It felt like my life was flashing before my eyes, and in every scene my mother was present, encouraging me, smiling for me, leading me. The scenes went by so fast it was difficult to retain them, but I memorized each and every one. Years would skip past, and I would suddenly be back at the shoe store from three years ago, buying my first pair of heels. I would be back at my high school for a new semester, getting dropped off by mom the first day. We would be grabbing coffee after school, going to the new ice cream parlor, going to look at new cars. I would be at her company's picnic event, playing with her coworker's puppy, lounging about in the backyard with her when the weather was nice and we wanted a tan. I was at her office for a day, at her chemotherapy appointment, at the numerous doctor's appointments, at her deathbed, all at once.

The last scene was what did me in. I figured her deathbed would be the final place my dreams would push me to; the final frontier in this hurtful trip down memory lane...but my brain went plenty of steps further. In a flash of color and bright white lights, the image of my mother's formaldehyde filled corpse in the morgue shocked my system enough so that I awoke almost immediately, already screaming before I had opened my eyes.

Seth was in the room in five seconds flat, visibly having just awoken in a panic. My father was right behind him again, pulling a hand over his hair in stress while his face contorted in pain at my noises. I couldn't get rid of the vision of my mother's dead eyes, glassy and stoned over like two marbles, no matter how much my father tried to focus me with two hands on either side of my face.

"This is shock," I heard him repeat as he started to pace my room, rubbing at his eyelids. I shuddered as mom's eyes made another appearance in my head, like a slideshow I couldn't get away from. "It's got to be shock."

"Do you want me to call my mom?" Seth inquired from his position beside me, having situated himself nearby so that he could rub my arms to provide extra warmth and comfort.

"She's on a shift," My father waved a hand. "We'll call in the morning - this isn't normal. I shouldn't have even taken that god damned photo out - I knew I'd forget it."

Another flashback of the photograph he was talking about appeared right before my eyes, brain scanning every detail of the snapshot. My mother's joy filled eyes, her relaxed smile, her long hair and her long dress and the bump she was holding with all the care and love in the world. I flinched and let out a bit of a startled gasp, finding it difficult to take in any air.

"Tehya my love, listen to me - if you can," My father urged, kneeling down in front of me so that he was in my line of vision. "I love you very much, and this will pass. I promise you. Like everything else, it will pass."

The heaviness of my chest passed, and I found myself weary once more. My body needed rest, and after my father saw the decrease in my breath rate some of his worried expression faded away. He encouraged me to keep breathing deeply, and I managed to convince him that I was feeling alright long enough for him to release a kiss onto my forehead and tell us both to get some sleep.

"I've got you Tehya," Seth cooed as Dad left the room, seeing the return of the uncomfortable expression on my face. "You'll be alright, sweetheart."

Gradually, with my head in the warm crook of his neck, my breaths calmed down enough for me to be able to feel the exhaustion set in once more. I remembered Seth lying me down gently and staying next to me running a hand through my hair until I was sufficiently relaxed. Although all I could think about was my mother's voice echoing in my head and telling me how much she loved me, Seth's hands offered a distraction I was very grateful for at the moment. Since I couldn't speak, I tried to issue the feeling through the bond, and his kiss on my temple a couple seconds later gave me some sort of assurance that it had gone through.

I didn't know when I fell off to sleep again, staring up at my ceiling without the ability to speak or think. I didn't recognize when the fatigue overcame me, finally winning for the day. I did recognize however, when I woke up with a screech hours later and burst myself out of my own dream again. I couldn't remember what I'd been dreaming about this time, but the instant panic and nausea that filled me up to the brim made me shoot out of bed and bolt towards the bathroom as fast as I could. Seth made it to me before I got to there, already pulling my hair back as I tore my throat apart retching stomach acid into the porcelain bowl. A thin layer of sweat covered my body, hanging on me like a shed exoskeleton that my new skin refused to let go of. I puked and puked again, a trail of fire leaving my stomach each time my horrible noises echoed off of the washroom walls.

"It'll pass, I promise." Seth echoed what my father had said, helping me calm my hyperventilating by guiding me through some breath control tactics. "You're alright Tehya - keep breathing. Try it with me; in for four seconds, hold it for two, and out for four again."

I followed his instructions as best I could, over and over again until I was able to accept the bottle of water he handed me and take a sip. We kept breathing together as my muscles started to relax themselves once more, deep tiredness settling in and eventually making me flop against Seth altogether. The nausea receded to the point where drowsiness took center stage, and it was then that Seth took me into his arms and carried me to my bed for the second time. To my relief he stayed, allowing me to curl myself into him without a word and drift as gently as possible to sleep, the warmth and safety of his arms providing a cocoon of protection against the thoughts trying their best to plague me.

In the morning I heard Dad asking whether I'd woken again or if it had just been his own bad dream, to which Seth responded that I had, in fact, awoken and that I had promptly vomited my guts out afterwards. Dad sighed, and I stayed in bed. Eventually he left for work, a kiss on the top of the head being the only form of a goodbye he offered. He let Seth know when he'd be back, and the door shut minutes later.

I fell in and out of sleep the whole day, awaking here and there only to find myself so depressed and unable to move or find the motivation to do anything that I simply curled back up under my blankets and fell back asleep again. Sue came to see me and checked my vitals at one point, despite my grogginess, and informed her son that I needed to keep eating and left a page full of notes for my father. I fell back asleep after her visit.

At times Seth would be there, kneeling at the foot of my bed to wake me and prompt me to drink some water. Those were the most uplifting parts of the day, but he was still unable to drag me out of the catatonic stupor I had become stuck in. I usually drank like he asked, in small sips so that I ran less of a risk of upsetting my stomach. What really upset my stomach however, was not having my own mother to wake me up, and waking up alone in my room with only the memories of a ghost that my head was forcing me to face. I was trapped into a corner; brain unforgiving and unrelenting in its task to make me acknowledge and internalize mom's absence.

Seth would stay whenever I didn't drink the water, settling himself beside me and providing me a certain amount of security. Sometimes I would start to cry, big silent tears making their way towards the growing wet spot on my pillow, not able to control the rough jerks and ways my muscles tensed and spasmed periodically. Seth would hold me through the worst of it, murmuring that it would pass and that I was safe and okay and that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't believe a word of it, but that didn't matter; it was a distraction, and every time the waterworks turned themselves on he did a good job of limiting their damage. He was my rock that day, the day after that, and the day after that, too.

Mom was always in my head, her voice always on my mind right when I woke up each and every time. There was no avoiding her absence anymore; it was like her soul had felt that I hadn't wanted to recognize the lack of its presence and had become insulted in a sort of way, channeling all of its energy into catching my attention. Dad tried to help, by buying me new markers to color with and spending as much time with me as he could. He would drink his coffee in the mornings at my desk, whether I was sleeping or not, and always refill my glasses of water. He always left the radio on, always opened my bedroom door, closed and opened my blinds, made me soft foods in hopes that I could digest them. I could barely eat, but I appreciated his efforts.

"How long had it been since you've showered?" Seth asked while we were sitting on the couch one day. He had carried me out here in hopes that I would be interested in the BBC channel that was talking about humpback whales at the moment, but even David Attenborough couldn't pull me out of this rump.

I didn't know how long it had been since I'd showered; I was still sitting in the same clothes from three days ago and all I could do was shrug my shoulders minimally in response to his question. I didn't really care about showering. Why was being clean so important? What was the importance of anything right now?

"I'm gonna fill up the tub for you." Seth breathed deeply as he rose from the couch, unwrapping himself from the position we'd been in to travel to the bathroom. Apparently I had no choice in this matter.

Staying in my curled up position on the sofa, I listened as Seth began to run the water and grab a towel from the cupboard in the hallway. In the last two days he'd become fairly acquainted with this house, having been forced to do so as I was basically immobile. He was the one who made the effort to puzzle out our kitchen, find ways to adjust the heating, found my sock drawer, found where the blankets were stored. He knew where the first aid kit was, where the laundry machines were, where the cleaning equipment was, where my health card was in case I needed to be taken to the hospital. It felt like he was my caregiver, which would have been humiliating in any other situation, but I needed it right now and we both knew that.

I missed his smiles and his laughter and his general upbeat mood, but I couldn't blame him when I was in this state. I could see what I was doing to him; see how I was affecting him. He hadn't been on patrol in days, talking to Sam on the phone when he got the chance just to update him on how I was doing. Collin and Brady were able to fill in the gaps in the patrols, which I was internally thankful for.

Seth didn't come back until he'd shut the water off, at which point he gently tried to coax me off of the couch in hopes that I would be alright with walking myself to the bathroom. At first I didn't budge and stayed still as moss would on a tree stump, but when my gaze caught his pleading eyes I gave in. I took his hand and let him lift me off of the couch, steps shaky and uneven as we traipsed to the bathroom slowly but surely.

I gripped the doorway once I entered, making my way inside and staring dully at the filled tub. Everything felt so slow and heavy, like my muscles had been replaced with cement and it took everything I had to even lift my foot forwards to walk towards the water. Seth watched me until I turned back towards him in question, silently asking whether he was going to stay or go.

"I'll let you…" He motioned towards me and trailed off, gulping at the implication of nudity.

He exited moments later, door shutting quietly and leaving me alone in the room. I wasn't sure if he was coming back - that was doubtful - but I undressed myself at the pace of a snail. As I went to drop my clothes on the lid of the closed toilet, the mirror stole my attention from the small pool of liquid waiting for me.

I didn't know what I'd been expecting of my appearance, but if I'd been anyone else I would have thought I was possessed. Hair, greasy and long, shrouded shoulders bonier than I would have imagined and brushed ribs that were clear as day. My eyes sat in dark bagged sockets, cheeks having lost all their complexion to pallor. My collarbones were too visible, arms thinner than they should have been and my jawline didn't seem like it belonged to me. The gap between my legs had grown, my hip bones had become more prominent, and my wrists looked like they could snap with the flick of a wrist. I hadn't even been tracking how much weight I had lost since my arrival at La Push, but after seeing my spider like fingers I gathered that I had dropped a bit more. My gaze fell towards my feet, shame and anger coating me as I saw how disgusting I'd become.

Finally ripping myself from the mirror, I sat at the edge of the tub for what felt like years before finally sinking myself into the water. It was hot, but not hot enough to burn my skin as I had hoped. I wouldn't have minded sinking into a pit of lava at this point for all I cared; this way of living was torturous.

My jaw clenched and my eyebrows pulled together as I thought of my predicament. I hadn't taken into account the mountain of emotions I had been holding back on account of mom. Would this whole process have been easier if I had just accepted first and started to heal like Billy had said? Had it been my own stubbornness and ignorance that caused this whole mess? And again, how was it fair that I had been left alone in the world by the one person who was an expert at dealing with these types of feelings?

I curled myself into a ball in the warm water, trying my best to push and push these thoughts away with all of my might, but they just weren't budging. The blackness sat inside of me like a disease, eating away at the stability that made it easier to take a breath, or drink a smoothie, or speak like a regular person. It was doing its best to offset me, and it was succeeding.

My head hit the wall with a thunk as I leaned sideways in a bout of tiredness, which apparently notified Seth that I wasn't doing anything other that rotting in the hot water that he'd drawn. He was quickly at the door, obviously concerned.

"Tehya? You okay?" His soft knock on the door only made my eyes shift towards the creamy white wood.

Upon my lack of response after about thirty seconds, he inquired as to my well being once more, and when I didn't reply he announced that he was coming in and opened the door. I supposed he was rightful in doing this, as there was no way of knowing whether or not I was totally fine or if I had tried to drown myself in the last five minutes, but with his advanced hearing I assumed it made everything worse to not hear a sound from two walls away.

"Hey," He stopped at the doorway, catching side of my balled up form that I imagined looked like an injured bird. "Tehya?"

I could feel his gaze scalding me, trailing over my spine that jutted out far too uncomfortably and the boniness of my shoulders. He looked over all the features that I'd been looking at moments ago, shaky breath revealing the fear he felt about a situation he couldn't control.

I still didn't respond, and so he cautiously made his way over to me and knelt by the tub. I was slightly wary of how I was positioned, but the bath water covered me up to my stomach and my hands protected the most intimate part of my chest. Besides, I didn't really have too many concerns at this moment. I cared more about what was absent rather than what was present.

"Can you wash your hair?" He took his hand and placed it under my chin, like he'd done days ago before this whole catastrophe had gone down, but the reaction wasn't the same.

The imprint whined loudly, constricting my chest even further and shoving a harsh exhale out of me. At this, Seth took a deep breath once more and grabbed the shower head above both of us as well as the shampoo. I had a fairly good guess as to what he was going to do at first, but instead of forcing the objects into my hands, he instead started the shower and began to wet my hair. I sat still, concentrating on the sensation of the water running down my neck and allowing Seth to tilt my head back slightly so the water wouldn't get into my eyes.

He carefully scrubbed shampoo into my head first, using one hand to wash and the other hand to rinse. My hair was long, taking him two cycles to get through all of it and forcing him to empty some of the tub water so it could accommodate the extra. I tried to enjoy his fingers stroking my scalp, pulling gently at the hair and ensuring total cleanliness when he moved onto the conditioner. I tried to enjoy the remaining warmth of the water and the way the moisture hung in the air. I tried to enjoy the intimate moment for all that it was, but I still couldn't shake the uneasiness that had settled into me like ice. It felt like the same ice that Seth had originally melted away when he'd imprinted, but I wasn't so sure he could thaw me out this time.

After finishing with my hair, he made sure to wash all necessary residue of chemicals off my head and started to empty the tub, placing the showerhead back up on the wall when he was finished and crouching back down to my height.

"Think you can get up?" He inquired, sincerity and worry pulling some guilt out of me. He wasn't a slave, and he was basically being forced into the role of one.

Again, my eyes told my imprint the story for me; I was exhausted. Exhausted from living, living without something that was necessary to have. Exhausted from trying to shove it away. Exhausted from being forced to acknowledge it already. There was no way that Seth couldn't feel this pain through the imprint - it consumed every inch of me possible. He _had_ to have felt that; I could see in his face that he was trying to contain something just as much as I was trying to push something out.

To my surprise he allowed the water to drain before wrapping me in a towel, leaving us in a cloud of silence that would have been comfortable if not for the crippling depression I was battling at the moment. As the tub's water level gradually dropped, I found myself wishing that I could be swished down the drain alongside all of the liquid, swept off to places unknown where I would be moving too fast for any thoughts to catch up to me. When it became clear that I couldn't move on my own, Seth reached into the tub and gently removed me, uncaring of whether any wetness would roll off onto him and cradling me to his chest once more to take my wrapped up form to my bed. He set me down and went to collect my clothing, which he dumped in the laundry hamper before coming back to me in my bedroom.

He spent a moment too long staring at my legs before asking me if I wanted to change, to which I responded to by staring at his sweater hung on my closet door until he understood what I was getting at.

"You won't be cold?" He asked, brow lifting as I shook my head lightly.

Instead of waiting for him to close the door, I boldly lifted myself up off of the bed and padded over to my underwear drawer where I pulled out a pair of light blue panties - they still fit, to my surprise - and donned them under my towel. Whether Seth had looked or not I didn't know, but I really didn't care about that either; if he had just washed my hair while I was naked in the shower it would be surprising to see him flustered by the color of my underwear.

I had spoken too soon.

When I turned back around, prepared to grab the sweater from my closet door, Seth was looking around at every other spot in the room besides me in an effort to distract himself. The blush was what gave him away, but I supposed this was my fault as I hadn't given him an opportunity to leave the room before he knew what I was doing.

I grabbed the sweater myself and gave him a pointed look, as if to notify him that if he was going to lose any control now would have been a good time to either turn around or leave the room. He did the latter, turning to face my lamp while I dropped the towel and slipped into his sweater. I didn't miss his gulp at the light thump of the white furry towel hitting the floor. His sweater fell comfortably down to my knees, and I zipped it up before picking up my towel and placing it in the hamper. For only having eaten several bites in the last couple of days, I was shockingly not lightheaded. Perhaps I'd had a momentary bout of strength; I wasn't feeling so particularly distressed this second and I felt more leveled than I had an hour ago. The shower had apparently done me well.

Seth still hadn't moved, and so I approached him cautiously only to place a hand on his shoulder. He turned slowly at this, swallowing heavily again at the sight of my drowning in his sweater.

"Feel better?" He asked, voice still a bit shaky. I shrugged again. "Do you want to sleep?"

A small nod in response caused him to move towards the bed, and though images of my mother putting me to bed continued running through my head at the sight of him lowering himself onto the soft sheets, I used him as a distraction and eagerly followed. The sun was setting outside, casting hues of orange, purple and yellow into my bedroom as I slid under my sheets. Seth stayed above them, still fully dressed and ready to hop out whenever needed to grab anything.

In a motion that I had grown familiar with in the last two weeks, I nestled myself into the space he provided by lifting his arm. Like a puzzle we clicked into place, sated by each other's presence, and I closed my eyes to experiment whether or not I would be able to sleep. To my delight, I felt like I was in a safe bubble, untouchable by the voices and memories that were waiting behind the door in my mind that Seth had closed with his touch, trying their best to burst through. He held against them strongly, keeping me secure and far from their clutches in the heat that his body generated. It wasn't possible to get cold with this warmth pressed against my side.

I felt his lips graze my forehead, and leave a light kiss there before he let his cheek rest on my head. Although I was drained and weakened by the day's events, I pushed myself further into his side and placed a tentative arm above his abdomen. The hardened muscles there clenched in response, but I didn't waver and kept myself still. A soft sigh assured me that my action had been accepted moments later, and with a sigh of my own I felt myself begin to slip into sleep.

Everything about Seth lulled me and created peacefulness. Assuming the role of the rock seemed natural to him, and it had made a world of a difference in my life at the moment. So I did what I had been doing best in the last two months, and accepted the peacefulness. My rock worked his magic, and within minutes I was fast asleep, memories unable to access my subconscious.

 **A/N: Sorry I took so long to update! I got accepted to University so I've been trying to keep my grades up and keep my part time job up as well. Looking forward to March break so that I can update a bit quicker! :)**


	15. Guiding Light

' **Guiding Light'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: So first off, thank you so much for all of these lovely reviews and for your continued support! I appreciate them very much and they really make me happy. Secondly, due to some of the dates shifting in my storyline (only two weeks go by in my version between Eclipse and BD), the wedding will be in May instead of August, and the year will be different as well. Not really too much of an important difference; all of the scenes will still play out the same and I've taken pieces from both the books and the movies to pay just homage to the whole Cullen/Swan wedding.**

 _And come from and won't come  
Befouled I still reach for you  
But I'm lost and confused,  
With no guiding light left inside  
You're my guiding light  
_-Muse, 'Guiding Light'

It took a whole other week before I uttered an actual word.

Courtesy of Seth, I'd started walking again on my own after he'd all but shoved smoothies down my throat each and every day my father was forced to go in to work. On days that I felt well enough we would call Jake, Seth in high hopes that any of his pack brother's half hearted jokes or sarcastic comments would make me crack a smile. Only one of them drew a small huff of a breath out of me, the insult having consisted of slurs and curses aimed at the expense of Embry after he'd come to visit Jacob and eaten all of his potato chips while the latter was napping.

On days that I wasn't feeling so well, when the tears wouldn't stop or mom wouldn't quit talking in my head, or when the blackness suffocated me up to the point where I could barely take it anymore, Seth carried me through it. In this perpetually dark and seemingly endless time in my life, my only guiding light was the boy who never left my side and took my health into his own hands. Him and my father became the only two things I figured I had left to live for; I couldn't leave them behind when I'd gone this far, and suicide was just a permanent solution to a temporary problem...right?

I could tell Dad appreciated Seth's efforts; when he'd come home from work on Thursday and spotted the color that had returned in my cheeks as well as the dirty cups littering the coffee table, his palpable relief and the clap he gave Seth on the shoulder were telltale signs that he was grateful. My imprint jumped up to do the dishes, but my father pushed him back down with a smile and shook his head, taking the cups himself after giving me a kiss on the forehead. It was clear Seth was growing on him.

Sunday however, was when Dad became eternally grateful for him.

We'd taken to playing board games, as Seth had easily managed to convince me to take part in monopoly once he started playing the game by himself. Dad quickly lost in the first several rounds and excused himself to go make dinner, at which point Seth and I continued the game on our own. He was winning, but not by long - I was catching up fast and my properties were just about to outsell his when I saw him take a two five dollar game bills out of the box where Dad's money had been laying.

He knew that I'd seen it and that there was no other way of outing him other than speaking, otherwise the five dollar bill would become his, and I would run the risk of losing the entire game if he continued on this way. I had to out him.

We both knew I had to use my words, and although this wasn't really the ideal moment I'd expected for my speech to return, I knew that I'd have to face it sooner or later. So, with a sneaky smile and a wink, Seth awaited my reaction wholeheartedly.

"Cheater." I murmured through a voice that didn't sound like my own due to disuse, trying to stay quiet to no avail. My comment had been loud enough that my father came striding back into the room with wide eyes, gauging the situation to try and see whether he had been hearing things or if his daughter had really spoken for the first time in a week and a half.

Seth did nothing but grin back at me, overjoyed that his little plan had worked and that a part of me had returned from the depths. Slowly he was salvaging it all, gathering pieces from the wreck that I had become at the bottom of a very deep problematic ocean. I figured that if anyone was going to do it this way it was right for it to be Seth; nothing when it came to him felt wrong, and Dad's expression made using my hoarse voice very much worth it. I realized that I didn't like seeing the effects my stress had on those that I cared very deeply about, and this had been one of the reasons that I had originally ignored my grief in the first place. Now, facing it with Seth and Dad by my side, it didn't seem so impossible to conquer this pile of emotional junk.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you." Seth smirked devilishly, a competitive flame lighting behind his eyes with a sweeter undertone to it. Dad left the room with a smile and a shake of his head, leaving me behind with a beast of a boy who decided to tease something out of me once more.

"I said, cheater." My lazy respoken statement held less power to it this time around, but I could feel the imprint expand like a sponge with the happiness that was pouring out of Seth into it.

"Why am I a cheater?" He forced me to elaborate, making me roll my eyes as I pointed to the two five dollar bills he'd taken out of the game box. "What about 'em?"

"Thief," I'd taken his bait and the words were now tumbling from my lips, mental blockade having been blown fully open by his little game. I could only appreciate the water and food Seth had been making me drink since my little incident a week and a half ago; without that nutritional support I doubted my throat would have felt as good as it did right about now. "You stole them."

"That's right," He grinned wolfishly in a way that screamed mischief, low tone almost taunting me in a manner that seemed more indicative of his compassion for me as opposed to some malicious intent. "I did steal them, princess."

"No shit." I replied easily as I tried to reach and snatch for the makeshift bills in his hand, failing miserably when he quickly maneuvered them out of my reach. "You can't just rob the bank!"

"Why not, doll?" He laughed, that livening tinkling sound that I had missed so very much in the last several days. His smile was already satisfying enough to see, but the lights dancing in his eyes were the most rewarding of all besides the noises that came out of him when he was happy.

"Because!" I argued as I tried to reach for the bills yet again, lunging myself over the board towards him as his comments riled me up even further.

The sheer force of me throwing myself towards him offset all of his balance, and as he scrambled to get away from me in an effort to continue playing his little game of thievery we found ourselves in a bit of a precarious position. Legs tangled and cheeks flushed, I realized what I'd gotten myself into as soon as each one of my hands were forced to plant themselves on either side of Seth's head to maintain my balance. Gulping heavily due to the sudden tension, my eyes trailed up from where his collarbones lined up and over his face, each ridge and pore making itself clear to me due to the proximity.

We'd been this close before, but each time the distance was limited between us it was like discovering something new. No two times were the same; Seth reminded me of a remarkable piece of art with so many breathtaking angles you could never get enough of that you had to keep looking over fear of missing even one tremendously lovely aspect of him. Tracing over the softness of his lips with my eyes and drinking in the strength of his jawline, I figured I wouldn't have minded staring at him at every single angle possible all day.

"You're staring." Seth murmured, voice having dropped both in volume and tone. His comment pushed both the muscles in my abdomen to contract unexpectedly and my eyes to return to his chocolate ones, finding an expression on his face that I could only describe as both hungry and hesitant.

I opened and closed my mouth uncertainly, not sure how to address the desire to give in to whatever effects he was having on me or deal with the fact that I was practically straddling a very attractive boy that was apparently all mine in the first place. There was no denying the mounting tension in the room that one could have chopped with an axe.

Before I could say a word or make a move however, Seth had pushed himself up onto his elbows and I had responded by lifting myself up an equal distance, torsos moving like fighter jets. We flew in parallel, always staying an equal distance from each other but never touching. The same pattern displayed itself when he pushed up onto his hands, forcing me to lean back again. Now the only place we were connected was the legs, where I was still awkwardly entangled in a half straddling half sitting position. We were both hesitant to make a move and waiting for each other, momentarily suspended in time. That was, until Seth decided he'd had enough of it and purposefully collided with me.

Lips as hot as lava took me as their prisoner, pulling me in with one simple angle and leading me through a world of fire. Heat pooled in my stomach, quickly spreading to the rest of me until I became a lit match. Like he'd done before, Seth consumed every inch of me with his touch and his smell, infiltrating every last one of my senses. As his lips began to move against mine a soft gasp issued from me, one that I tried to contain to no avail. He boldly took advantage of this, tongue venturing past its usual barrier and making my head spin with its ministrations.

He kissed me in a way that should have been considered illegal, hot and heady hands exploring their way up my thighs until they reached my waist. I didn't even recognize that I was responding to his advances until my hands crept up his abdominal muscles out of their own accord, drawn to the solidity and firmness that they promised. I wasn't sure if I'd been hallucinating or whether he'd grown bigger, but there was definitely more bulk in areas like his arms and shoulders where he had been more toned down several weeks ago.

My shirt came up with his hands that gripped my sides, exposing skin that he quickly reattached his attention to. Warm fingers were now snaking themselves underneath my shirt and pulling shivers out of me, which in turn made Seth release a small groan of satisfaction. My head spun with an overdose of bliss as I felt the imprint's elation, riding the wave of indescribable feelings as best I could. With each turn and new angle our embrace grew deeper and tighter, both of my hands now having fully immersed themselves in his short locks and tugging slightly. One of my particularly hard and accidental pulls actually drew a growl out of him, which released a feeling of something entirely new and oh-so addictive in my lower stomach.

Seth's motions quickly grew thirstier however, and it became harder to keep up with him. I could feel pressure building like we'd been placed in a large cooking pot, bound to explode any second and overwhelming me entirely. He pressed against me harder, a certain franticness revealing itself as our lips and tongues danced with each other. It required no focus or extra effort to engage in this exchange with him, the movements came like second nature to me.

Still, I felt the block existing between us that signified the hold Seth still had on the imprint, invigorating me to try and push it out of him. The more I felt that lack of connection the more I surrendered myself to him in hopes that he would be willing to let go of a bit more of the connection. However, I didn't want to pull like I had done in the kitchen, because that had only distanced him from me and resulted in further inner turmoil.

Instead, feeling the spur of the moment adrenaline still fueling my very hyped up heart, I tried an experimental roll of my hips. It was a tiny action, meager and shy in itself, but again I had underestimated what sort of effects it would have on the hormonal boy underneath me when combined with a tiny nip of his bottom lip.

He ripped his lips off of mine with a gasp, head lolling back in what seemed to be satisfaction before letting out a low moan and shaking his head. I couldn't feel any of the imprint shift from its stubborn position, but the squeeze that Seth gave my middle shocked me enough - in his moment of surprise he had likely left finger print shaped bruises on my hips. I had stopped at this point, wide eyed and unable to feel my lips due to the numbness caused by our little interchange. What had I done?

"Tehya sweetheart," He rasped, pulling his head back up to reveal pupils blown to black with lust, sending another shudder running through me that reached nether regions. "s-slow down. If you keep doing that..."

I was tempted to question 'what', but I knew he was trying to hold himself back for a reason and that at the moment I was too excited about being distracted by something as marvelous as this that I wasn't thinking straight. With swollen lips and a heart beating at what felt like mach 1, I sat frozen on top of a gorgeous specimen that was apparently one second away from losing all control.

Seth's face went slack and he let out another groan as I shifted slightly, and I realized I'd created another problem for him that put us in a whole other situation of awkward. I could feel him underneath me, making me freeze in panic as I hadn't found myself dealing with a similar situation since years ago. I wasn't afraid of the human anatomy by any means, but Seth's body was a whole other experience that I needed to discover and learn about.

"If you keep doing that I won't be able to stop." He finished in that tone that made me want to roll my hips all over again, clutching at my hips desperately as his eyes begged for me to stop and start at the same time. "Take it slow, remember angel? No rush."

The sweet compliment made the butterflies do a flip in my stomach, and I found my mouth pulled itself up into a shy and satisfied half smile before I left a rather content last kiss on his lips. There was nothing better in that moment than the dazed look on his face, flushed and overwhelmed after such a frenzied ordeal.

"Tehya?" Suddenly my Dad was calling me from the kitchen, and his voice - which had sounded like it was growing closer - sprung both Seth and I into action.

We pulled ourselves apart and tried to straighten out clothing, flushed faces being the only revealing detail that could give us and the moment we had just shared away. Seth tried his best to deal with his rather sensitive situation down below, but I had a feeling nothing was going to be the same after this.

Thankfully, by the time my Dad took our silence as suspicious and ventured his way to the living room, we had organized the monopoly board well enough to fool him into thinking we were still concentrating on our very intense game. I blew my final stray hair out of place as soon as he walked in, looking up as if I'd only started to hear him two seconds ago.

"Everything alright?" Dad asked, waiting for my nod before relaxing a bit and sticking his hands in his pockets. At times he reminded me of Charlie; stiff, but trying his very best. "Dinner's ready in five."

I swallowed and nodded again, a bit of nausea rising in my stomach as I thought of trying to eat solid food. Even back in Vancouver I hadn't been the biggest eater, choosing to stick to yogurts, soups and oatmeals instead of bigger, heavier meals. Thinking of the different combinations of soups my mother had made me all of those times I hadn't wanted to eat anything else in the fridge sent me crashing into another wave of self pity, sorrow and depression, one that Seth noticed as soon as Dad let himself out of the room.

"You okay?" He double checked, eyebrows shifting in worry as he noted the returned silence as well. We didn't speak of what had just happened between us, but the tension had returned to the room, even thicker than before.

I only gave him a shuddered sigh in response, all jitters and butterflies from our little intimate session sufficiently diffused by the negative thoughts, and moved my board piece five paces forward after seeing my card. To my relief Seth didn't push, and we got through about twenty more minutes of well coordinated playing before Seth won by very little and Dad called us for dinner. Taking my imprint's outstretched hand and welcoming the warmth of it on my back as I rose, walking to the dinner table didn't seem so daunting.

"There's soup for you, Tehya," My father motioned to the steaming bowl placed in front of my spot at the table, and I nodded in gratitude with as much of a smile as I could muster. "Seth, I just slapped together everything I could find…"

I looked towards Seth's plate with a raised brow, wondering what the heck Dad was talking about and understanding when I saw the pile of food he'd compiled from what must have been all of the leftovers in the fridge. If Seth had been anyone else I would have thought that his first reaction would have been insulted or disgusted with the sheer amount of food, but he couldn't have looked any more grateful and immediately dug in as soon as we sat down.

Dinners with Dad were always informal and casual, which I actually appreciated especially with someone like Seth over. My father would open up a paper or flip on the radio, occasionally making chit chat here and there about whatever subjects came to mind. It was one of the many things I liked about Dad; although at times his informality could be a bit awkward, it was favorable in situations like this one. Plus, he had gotten fairly accustomed to Seth in the last week or so that he had been here.

My imprint had only left several times in the span of the nine days, picking up and dropping off clothing at his mother's house and bringing her back at times to give her a chance to check up on me. She often arrived with snacks and supportive smiles for my father and I, always giving her son the grandest of smiles when she saw how relieved he was to see me upon arriving back. Sue was growing on me, but seeing her always reminded me of mom nowadays, and that was uncomfortable.

 _Therapy_ … My brain cooed as I tried to mentally punch the little voice back down into whatever stupid cavern of my head it had come out of.

Today, dinner was just as casual as the rest of the meals had been during the week, with Dad having flipped on the television so that the news could play while we were eating. Amidst Seth's chewing noises, which he politely tried to quiet down as he continued to eat at the speed of light, a story about a new adoption center opening up in Port Angeles could be heard. I, on the other hand, was having difficulties taking my first several bites of food. Smoothies weren't so much of a problem for me as I had learned to craft them in a way that made them light and easy to digest, but things like soup were heavy and harder on my stomach. This was one of the most frustrating parts of my depression, but I tried my hardest to continue to eat despite my body's complaints. Just because mom had died did not mean that she desired the same fate for me, especially not by lack of nutrition.

The shrill ring of the phone made me jump, engulfing the kitchen in noise and even distracting Seth, who tore his gaze away from his plate for a split second while Dad got up to answer the call. At first I assumed it was some random telemarketer, and turned my attention back to the butternut squash soup in front of me.

"Hello?" Dad began, while I traced the outline of my napkin's design. "Sam?"

Both Seth and I's heads responded to that word, and the former rose out of his seat almost immediately in response. It wasn't a surprise if Sam had been calling for him; his cell and our home phone had been ringing off the hook for the last week from various members of the pack that wanted to update Seth or ask if there had been any improvements to...well, _my_ situation. I was very thankful of how understanding he had been towards what was going on, and the time that Seth needed to sacrifice to ensure that everything was alright with me over the time patrolling. I guessed that this wasn't the first time something dramatic had happened with someone's imprint, and that since this brotherhood was tighter than most, it was the pack's duty to take care of each other and be there for each other like brothers would. I believed that was the part that made me feel the most gratitude.

The part that his brothers could see everything that went on in his head, and witness telepathic playbacks of every single prominent moment since last phasing however, was the part that made me feel the most discomfort.

"Hold on - he's right here," Dad passed the phone off to Seth and returned to the table, a light frown detectable on his face. "Sounded a bit upset."

We both listened in unashamedly on Seth's conversation with his Alpha after he picked up the phone, mood changing from curious to tense as Seth's face darkened while looking back at us.

"He what?!" My imprint ran a hand through his hair, expression turning a bit frantic as both Dad and I set down our food utensils to stare up at him in concern. "When...how, why!?"

The reply from Sam sounded muffled to my ears, but Seth's face grew tighter. I could have sworn that I heard the word 'Jacob' tossed in there at a certain point, and felt my stomach clench in response. What if something else had happened to him? What if a Cold one had come back? What if he had finally run off?

"Okay - yeah, I'll...I'll be right there."

As it turned out, I was unfortunately correct.

"Jake...Jake ran away." Seth gulped the moment after he hung up the phone, arms hanging limp at his sides. My heart skipped a beat in horror. Suicide was the first thought that came to mind, but I violently shoved it away.

"Ran away?" Dad repeated, bewildered, our food completely forgotten at this point. "Where?"

"We don't know," Seth shook his head, his anxiety clear as day. "Sam wants to try and look for him - says Billy called him five minutes ago saying Jake ran off into the woods and didn't come back for hours."

"He should have called sooner," Dad grumbled, shaking his head as he rose from the table and took the phone from Seth. "I'm comin'. Billy's probably already halfway to a heart attack by now."

I looked up at the only two pillars of stability in my life gathering their things and getting ready to leave, fear coating my heart at the prospect of being left alone. The fact that Jacob was apparently gone also raised some panic in me, as there was no way of knowing whether he was safe or even alive. I refused to let my brain run with that trail of thought any longer, yanking it back with invisible reins that tugged and pulled against me as they attempted to divert my brain with thoughts of Jacob's death. I had already lost one; losing two was just...

"Tehya, you should stay with your Dad." Seth interrupted my thoughts, and the world came back into focus. "Emily will be there too."

I took a look outside, seeing that it was beginning to rain and that any sort of sunlight had been eliminated by the dark clouds forming. It didn't really seem like the ideal evening trip, but I knew that staying at Billy would have likely appreciated Dad and I being there, and Emily seemed to have a calming effect over me anyways. Or at least she tried to have one.

"It's a good idea, darlin'." Dad chipped in, grabbing his jacket from the coat rack at a rather hurried pace.

"Come on." Seth offered me a hand, and I took it only to have him help me shrug on his sweater, a coat, and put on my boots. It still amazed me that he had gone to the effort to actually map this house out from top to bottom, memorizing the location of every last object necessary to aid me. I didn't deserve this. "You alright?"

The look I shot him as Dad pulled on his own boots was enough.

"Stupid question. Sorry." He kissed my temple and held the door open for my father and I, all of us pulling up our hoods as the light rainfall turned a bit heavier.

This entire night had gone from insane to total lunacy. I had been forced to get past the emotional and physical roller coaster that had just occurred in my living room about fifteen minutes ago, gotten a shock to the system over a friend that had apparently disappeared into the vast Olympic Peninsula wilderness, and was now being carted off into the rain to assist in consoling a likely panic stricken Billy.

I sighed heavily as we trudged through the rain at a moderately fast pace, deciding that at the very least, this was all a distraction from...oh. Well that didn't really work when I thought about it that way, did it? I couldn't even relish in distractions because even thinking about how something was distracting me from mom brought all the thoughts of her back to me. What a stupid circle of bullshit.

I sighed again.

A hand found mine through the wetness falling from the sky, and I clenched it automatically. The imprint was getting to the point where it was easy to tell when Seth was around based on the way the little fuzzy ball of light inside of me began to dance. It was always moving, always alive and always present, but when he was around it had an energy that made my soul sing. Even through my worst moments it was always there, trying its best to lift me up with all the affection it could muster. I realized I'd fallen for him, and harder than I'd expected. The infatuation was impossible to ignore.

It only grew more bothersome when Seth took off once our little party had reached the final stretch of road leading straight to the Black's, my imprint only leaving me with another chaste kiss on the temple before bidding us goodbyes - with an additional reminder to stay safe - and taking off into the woods where he'd no doubt heard the rest of his pack waiting for him.

I watched him disappear into the deep thicket, trying not to trip over my own two feet as I wondered what it would be like to run with Sam's pack just for a day in a totally different body. Medically, it was still a wonder to me how all of this phasing stuff worked, but seeing as how Jacob was apparently healed up enough to run out of the house two weeks after half of the bones in his body had been crushed led me to believe that something was working right.

Dad wrapped a secure arm around me as we walked up to Billy's, a squad car in the driveway giving away the fact that Charlie had arrived, and he tapped on the door thrice until it was opened by Emily. She quickly let us in, warm hand finding my shoulders almost instantly after our wet coats were shrugged off and hung on the rack. I took a shaky breath and followed my father into the living room.

Billy was in a better condition than I had expected. He wasn't in tears - or near a heart attack, like Dad had expected - but was looking a bit stressed. He clearly hadn't anticipated this many people showing up; Kim and Rachel were both there, as well as Charlie, Emily, and now myself and my father. I felt as though this was overkill; Billy didn't need this much moral support, did he? He seemed to be doing alright. Then again, hiding things under the surface was a common card played by many.

"Harry, Tehya." Charlie stood to give us both hugs, and I made eye contact with the rest of the room before assuming a position between my father and Charlie on the couch Billy was near. It was a bit strange having Charlie here, knowing that his daughter was the person who had caused this whole mess. I felt like asking him where she was and how she was dealing with this, or why she wasn't here at the moment consoling Billy.

I didn't blame her for loving someone else; if she and Edward were meant to be I was happy for them. In fact, I was all for them enjoying the rest of their lives together. I just wished there was a way for her and Jacob to get along peacefully without all of this dramatic mess. There had to be a way, no?

"I'm sure they'll find him." Emily reassured, approaching the black haired man and laying a hand on his shoulder.

I frowned at that, my arsenal of unnecessary questions cocked and ready to go when it came to asking about how exactly Sam's pack was going to find Jacob in the vast Washington wilderness, but upon seeing Emily's gaze redirect itself to Charlie, I realized that I couldn't ask any of those questions. Charlie didn't have a clue about any of the supernatural crap happening in Forks; we couldn't utter a word about Sam even phasing alongside his brothers to go look for Jacob until he had left the house at risk of revealing the sacred secret.

"He's an adult now," Billy pursed his lips slightly, gripping the handles of his wheelchair tightly. "He can choose when to come and go. When he wants to come back, he'll come back."

"What made him take off?" My father asked, leaning forward onto his knees as he saw that the atmosphere was not as tense as expected and that Billy was a bit more standoffish on the subject of his runaway eighteen year old.

"This." His lifelong friend pulled out a small white card, and with a start I acknowledged that it was a wedding invitation.

The names 'Isabella Marie Swan' and 'Edward Anthony Masen Cullen' were engraved on the top, with an equally elegant silver scrawl beneath it inviting those belonging in the two families to attend the wedding sometime in May, although I stopped reading as soon as Dad took the invitation into his hands. It was actually happening; when Jacob had first mentioned Edward and Bella getting married I had been shocked and a little bit concerned, but nonetheless disbelieving. I hadn't thought that this would occur so suddenly, and I was obviously not the only one.

The fact that she was getting married so soon was a big red flag. Unless it was a shotgun wedding or Edward and Bella were eager to get away from their families, there wasn't really a good reason to get married at such a young age. Eighteen barely allowed you to live out any of the experiences necessary to live out to allow you to gain the maturity needed to get married, and I found myself wondering if something or someone had pushed Bella into this.

"Jake knew they were getting married," Billy looked around his circle of supporters, black eyes surprisingly steady. "I think it was just seeing the invitation that did him in."

All of our eyes flitted back down to the crisp white piece of paper.

"He was doing errands for me all week - he'd been feelin' better since Monday...I really think just seeing this," He motioned to the invitation again. "Was too much. Maybe he didn't think she was serious."

"He'll come around." Emily returned her hand to his shoulder, and the older man shrugged. "He will."

"I can put posters up around town," Charlie offered, clearly not knowing what to do besides offer help at this point. The uneasiness shone with the brightness of a thousand suns on his face, fidgeting hands giving away how uncomfortable he was with this whole scenario. "Maybe someone's seen him in the last couple hours."

Poor Charlie. If seeing his daughter get married at such a young age wasn't already bad enough, he now had to deal a conflict that wasn't entirely his to deal with. His daughter's choices had little to do with him, but Bella had clearly avoided coming to the reservation for a reason - perhaps out of guilt, or fear spawned out of the fact that she knew Jacob's brethren couldn't be at all happy with her at the moment - and her father had appeared in her stead.

Billy shrugged, and apparently this was good enough for Charlie to make a phone call to his station forcing them to put out a missing persons warrant despite Jacob not having been missing for twenty four hours. He seemed to really want to help, even though he knew the only thing to bring Jacob back was to cancel this unstoppable wedding that was bound to take place.

"Kim, Tehya," Emily stole my attention for a moment. "Come help me get some tea ready?"

We followed her into the kitchen, passing Charlie on his way back into the living room where he, Billy and my father resumed conversation at a low volume. Emily, Kim and I did the same as we took mugs out of the cupboards and prepared the water. We worked in synchronization, getting the tea bag ready and pulling out napkins and finding the sugar as if we'd done this for years. I was surprised at how in tune we were with each other.

"Do you actually think they're gonna find him?" Kim whispered as we stopped to wait for the kettle to whistle.

Emily was quiet for a moment, doubt coating her face before she gave an honest answer. "I don't know. Jake was really attached to Bella; this doesn't seem like your classic 'run away and brood for a couple hours' situation."

"But he didn't imprint." I found the words slipping out of my mouth before I could help myself. "Why is he like this if he didn't imprint?"

"No one knows why," The older woman replied in return, leaning against the counter top and crossing her arms. "We've all been trying to figure that out. It's never made any sense, but it's too late to make sense of it now. The damage is done."

We fell quiet, and I traced an old scar on the back of my hand, one that I had received from falling in the playground when I was eight years old, absentmindedly as I thought.

On one hand, I personally felt as though I could have been a bit more involved in Jacob's life and a bit more supportive in terms of being there for him in his times of need. With my own personal issues and Seth taking up most of my time in the last two weeks, I hadn't had the time to actually watch the concerning signs that had been building until this volcano of emotions had erupted and boiled over. This hadn't been a brash and un-calculated decision; Jacob had been festering in this stew of mental gunk and goop for a while now, and the invitation was simply the catalyst in the chemical reaction that was him isolating himself from his brothers.

I didn't feel angry towards Bella; she hadn't done anything but love and desire for two people to be in her life while playing different roles. Jacob was the one that had been unable to fulfill that fantasy, but on the other hand I couldn't feel angry towards him, either. It wasn't his fault that he was head over heels in love with a girl, and it wasn't Bella's fault that she didn't love him back. This was just an unfortunate and sensitive situation that had resulted in an unfortunate and sensitive breakdown of one Jacob Black. Everyone had a breaking point.

"How are you feeling, Tehya?" Emily pulled me out of my personal thoughts, and I caught the sympathy on her face before she could hide it. That meant she knew about what had happened a week and a half ago at my house, and that meant Sam had a big fat mouth.

Thank you Sam, and your big fat mouth.

"Better." I sugarcoated, acknowledging that at least I hadn't thought about my mother up until Emily had just asked me that question.

I was struck with the thought of how my mother would have reacted if I had run away, or what she would have felt like if I had died instead of her. If I had fallen ill thanks to cancer at the age of twelve and spent four years in and out of intensive care units, my organs failing and my hair nonexistent due to the chemotherapy sessions. If she would have been forced to watch me decay from the inside out, system rotting and eventually giving up on the fifth floor of the hospital in a terminal ward where doctors would offer her only therapy sessions and support links in the place of her daughter. I wondered what she would have felt like returning home to the house that seemed too big for only her and not being able to return to work for an unknown amount of time, feeling as though the grief was the only thing that proved she was able to feel. I wondered if she would have been able to shut out the world as I had done and become numb to any emotion, choosing distractions over confronting the fact that she would never get to see her daughter again. I wondered if she would wish to die herself or see any point in living; if she would have gone back to my father and moved back to La Push as I had done. I wondered if she would have met someone else and continued living in the same house, never to enter my room again, or if she would have gone somewhere else entirely and lived off the grid. I wondered if she would have celebrated my birthdays or the day I would have graduated, or if she would have drowned herself in alcohol and substances to cope with the loss of a person she would never be the same without. I wondered and wondered for what felt like ages, only to come to the conclusion that it was pointless to wonder, because I would never know, and pondering was what made it worse.

This was the first constructive point of sanity I reached all by myself.

"You sure?" Emily double checked, dragging the choo-choo train of thoughts backwards and off the rails into reality again. I was losing myself in my own head far too much for my own liking.

"Yes." I ground out, feeling the imprint well up a bit in my chest as frustration bubbled over. Somewhere out there, I knew that Seth could feel that too.

"Did anyone ever tell you the story of Jacob and Sam?" Emily asked in the same hushed tone we'd been using in the last five minutes, still waiting for the whistling of the teapot.

I shook my head, grateful for a distraction.

"Jacob's great, great grandfather is Ephraim Black - he was the one responsible for setting up the treaty between the pack and the Cullens," She began to explain, taking a sugar cube into her mouth and chewing it quickly before continuing. "Him, Levi Uley and Quil Ateara the second made up the pack, back in the day."

Levi Uley and Quil Ateara II...those were old names. These were the great, great grandfathers of all the boys currently shifted and protecting our land, except the lineage and the current Alpha situation didn't quite line up.

"Sam actually ended up taking over as Alpha, since he was first to phase out of the new generation and the other boys needed some guidance."

"He was the first?" I replied, confused. "The other spirit warriors died?"

"At a certain point, they stop phasing," Emily replied courteously. "They either live their lives out as animals or remain human, at which point the new generation has to pick up the pieces."

"Okay, so Sam was the first...and?"

"The elders explained to him what was happening and told him it was normal. The Cullens coming back to La Push was what started the phasing back up - usually the reason more phasings happen is because the reservation needs more protection, and the gene unlocks."

Conversations like this couldn't be taken rationally. It took a very open mind to listen to this and not scoff after every second word, and so I tried my best to do that.

"The point is," Emily kept going. "Sam took the role of Alpha, and when Jacob phased - the rightful heir to that position - he turned the role down."

I was lost. "Huh?"

"Jacob didn't want the Alpha position, even after Sam offered it to him." Kim gently explained, and I finally understood.

"Why not? Isn't that like a one time offer? Why wouldn't he want that?" I was teeming with questions, trying to keep my voice down while shooting them all out at once.

"He didn't think he was ready," Emily shrugged, hearing the kettle begin to complain and removing it from its hot spot. "He let Sam keep the position after he phased, but now…"

"Now you think he's building another pack?" I questioned aloud, thoughts running far ahead of me as per usual.

"No - I don't think so...I don't know." She grimaced as if trying to forget that she had even brought up such a subject, steeping the tea in the kettle and carefully pouring it into individual mugs. "Maybe, maybe not - it's just a thought. I guess we're all waiting for the day he accepts his heritage and the power of his lineage."

"He's got the blood of an Alpha." Kim added, tracing the table cloth design with her index finger while a thoughtful expression played out across her face. "He can't really shove that down."

 _And Sam_? I found myself questioning, but forced my mouth to stay shut this time. I was getting used to living with an endless line of questions in my head, all awaiting their turned to be answered.

I helped Emily and Kim carry out the tea, sugar and milk out to the coffee table in the living room moments later, plopping myself back down in between Charlie and my Dad and accepting the tea that Emily handed me. There was small talk with some positive murmurs mixed in for another hour or so as we awaited the arrival of any member of the pack; by now the boys would have had to have gauged whether Jacob was nearby or had gone far past their reach.

By the time this information did come, it was in the form of Brady, who seemed to be consistently out of breath when I saw him.

"They'll be...here in a second…" He huffed, having let himself in the front door of Billy's home. Although his sweaty shirtless form had gained a little bit of muscle in the last couple weeks, he was still just as winded as the last time he'd delivered information to a home full of concerned people. "Jacob's far."

"How far?" Billy grumbled, tossing Brady a spare shirt in a cardboard box I hadn't noticed by the fireplace. The younger spirit warrior wiped his face with it first before sliding it on, catching his breath and then beginning to speak again. I caught Charlie's raised eyebrow before anyone else did.

"We followed his tracks to a trail leading way up North - farther than we've ever hiked."

That was a specific and well placed word swap-out on Brady's part. Besides 'patrolled' and 'managed', there wasn't really any other word I could think of to correlate what the boys did in their shifted forms with any human activity. Good on him.

"We lost the tracks, so we think he kept going Northeast."

"Who was looking with you?" Charlie inquired from his place on the couch, quizzically looking up at this unfamiliar face.

"Some of the other guys on the rez," Brady quickly explained, knowing that he would have to cautiously navigate this conversation. "Sam, Jared, Paul, Quil…a bunch. We split up and everything - couldn't find any more tracks anywhere."

Again, there was the ever so obvious precarious wording that Brady had to navigate his way through that was clear as day to everyone in the room but Charlie. I had to hand it to the kid.

"I could get a squad involved, Billy." Charlie offered at that, turning back to his friend, but the council member shook his head in return. "Or notify the next town…"

"He'll turn up." Billy waved a hand and told Brady to grab some water from the fridge, minutes before the rest of the pack - thankfully fully dressed - showed themselves into the Black house.

Charlie seemed less surprised to see so many boys clambering through the door all at once, but I stopped taking tabs on him once I spotted Seth making his way into the living room after Jared, Sam and Leah - stoic and fierce faced as always. I rose off the couch automatically, going to embrace Seth same as Emily and Kim were doing with their respective imprints. If Charlie noticed this strange ritual, he didn't comment nor hold his gaze for very long on it.

"You really didn't find anything?" I murmured in his ear as we slowly let go of each other, pulling back to find his eyes clouded and discouraged.

He shook his head, and took the water bottle that Quil handed him.

"It's alright Seth," I tried my hand at comforting my imprint, taking him into another hug. I could feel the imprint sinking in both of our chests, a symbol that something was upsetting one of us deeply. Although I couldn't retain his emotions, but I could feel when he was upset and that was troublesome. "He'll come back - it'll be okay. I promise."

Although I couldn't promise that at all, and in fact there was no way of assuring that Jacob was going to come back whatsoever, I still wanted to try and make Seth feel better using any tactic I had. I had nothing else to offer besides that, and it was necessary to try as I felt part of my job as an imprintee was to be there for him in the same ways he'd been there for me.

"We'll see." Seth mumbled, seemingly drained as he curled his fingers around my hand. I pretended not to notice Leah's glare from the other side of the crowded room.

I watched Charlie take his leave with a last comment to Billy that he was going to start putting up posters after notifying his division back at the station, and that he would let the next town know to keep an eye out for Jacob. Billy nodded at that, but refused to hang up any posters around the reservation or allow Charlie to send a dispatch of officers to investigate the woods around the reservation. I could see Charlie try to understand, but the reason for Billy's behavior would never be as clear to him as it was for the rest of us in the room.

Once Officer Swan was gone, the room erupted into conversation. Sam filled in Billy on what they had heard when they had phased, revealing that no matter the distance, it was still possible for the pack to read each other's minds. Jacob was apparently heading to Canada and had not responded to any of Sam's calls, favoring his primitive and more animalistic side over the human one that was causing him a great deal of pain. I guessed that made sense, since the human world wasn't treating Jacob all that well at the moment. If I had the chance to explode into a giant wolf when my problems got too troublesome for me I would have been sure to do so more often, but you could never avoid your problems for eternity. Like credit card debt they followed you around the world mercilessly, and I supposed that was why Billy figured Jacob would turn up eventually.

"You decide where to take it from here," Billy told Sam after he'd been given a complete rundown on the whereabouts of his son. "I think he'll show up when he wants to show up. He's a big boy; he can hold his own."

Sam didn't seem too satisfied with this answer, but Billy politely let everyone know that he wanted some thinking time on his own, and that everyone was welcome to stop by later if they felt so particularly inclined. We all heard his message loud and clear, and within ten minutes everyone was back out the door and into the rain, heading towards their respective houses for some much needed down time.

The Alpha - I definitely regarded Sam in a different light after Emily's explanation, and listened carefully as he spoke - let Quil and Leah know that they would be running the next patrol in about an hour, and gave the pack a bit of space to absorb the reality that one of their pack members had just abandoned their reservation.

"We heard his thoughts," Seth shuddered out of nowhere as we trailed behind my father on the walk back to my home, instantly stacking my concern for his mental well being up higher. "It was so fucked up."

"What was he saying?" I looked up at him in worry, hand tightening around his.

"He was saying he wanted to kill himself, but at the same time he didn't - because he couldn't do that to Bella," Seth shut his eyes for a split second as we continued walking, jaw clenching as he shook his head. "And that he hated living - but he wasn't saying it to _us_...it was like this terrible growling voice in his head that sounded like him but it _wasn't him_. God, it was horrifying."

I let him continue speaking, not wanting to interrupt the flow of thoughts despite the content being so dark. I could tell he needed to let off some steam and tell someone about what had just happened; an hour with such disturbing voices in your head didn't just go away with the snap of your fingers. There was also the fact that Jacob had been a role model and a sort of mentor for Seth, which meant the loss of him would have been more traumatizing for Seth than it would have been for most members of the pack.

"He kept saying how badly he wanted to die, or disappear…" Seth continued, feet dragging along the pavement of the road. "He said he was never going back, and he just kept ignoring us no matter what we'd tell him. I couldn't do a goddamn thing."

This was getting more and more terrifying by the second.

"And all that time I just kept thinking to myself: what the hell would I do if you went after someone else, like Bella did?"

I gulped and looked up at him at that, stomach dropping as I finally acknowledged that he had attached himself to me a far sight more than I'd expected him to. While I had fallen for him, Seth had practically drowned himself in me, and was now completely dependent. I had underestimated the imprint, the bond - everything. This boy was one hundred times more immersed in me and whatever my soul held for him than I had originally thought he was, and he had just explained it to me in what was quite possibly the most depressing way.

I couldn't do anything in return but squeeze his hand tight and try to convey what I was feeling through the mutual bond, imprint squeezing several times in reply. I didn't want him to feel this way or think those thoughts, because such a horrid situation was never going to happen. I was never going to go after anyone else, but Seth had been prompted to feel this way out of an unfortunate circumstance and I didn't know what to do to show him that it was all going to be alright.

When we reached my house Seth had been reduced to silence, but after my father opened the door and we made it into my room he actually broke down. Seeing as though I'd never actually seen Seth cry before, I didn't know how to react when he first hunched over after sitting himself down on my bed. It was a bit surreal, and I couldn't do anything but rub his back at first, but I gradually began to feel the need to care for him and try to assist him in any way I knew how. There was a desire - or rather an urge - there that I hadn't felt before, which was screaming at me to show him that it was going to be okay and that I would be there for him through anything.

So, with a heavy heart and nothing to offer but silence and the comfort of my arms, I held him through the tears and through the pain, listening to the rain pitter-patter on the shingles of the roof as my imprint took the moment of healing for what it was worth. Although I couldn't swear to him at the moment that I was going to be here for the rest of my life right by his side, I hoped the warmth, the compassion, the affection, the desire to grow with and care for him that I felt made its way through the bond. Abandonment wasn't an option in my mind; I was here for the long haul, now.

Based on the way he buried his face into my neck and wrapped his arms around me as if I had just been delivered from the very Gods themselves, I had a sense he knew I wasn't going anywhere.

 **A/N: Hope ya'll enjoyed! Going to start working on the next chapter sometime this week.**


	16. Daughter

' **Daugher'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: IMPORTANT NOTICE: I'm going to put a content warning on this chapter, because it does involve some inpatient treatment and treatment of an eating problem/Tehya's depression (through medication). So if this triggers anyone, you can skip to the next chapter when I post it. The reason why I chose to include details about hospitalization and medication was because I have had personal experiences with both inpatient and the medication Tehya is on, so I decided including it wouldn't be a bad idea and for the reviewer who guessed it - good intuition!**

 **If anyone feels like anything was inaccurate, let me know and I'll review it - I usually end up going over these chapters 5-6 times on my own anyway. Enjoy!**

 _Shadows settle on the place, that you left  
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness_

 _Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time  
From the perfect start to the finish line_

 _And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones  
_ ' _Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs  
_ -Youth, 'Daughter'

Nearly half a month had gone by since Jacob's disappearance, and it was as if everyone was still holding their breaths from the day he'd run off into the woods.

The pack couldn't do much besides continue their patrols and hope for the best, although Seth continued to express how painful it was to be forced to listen to Jacob's wolf all alone in what Sam gauged to be Canada. Even Paul, the big tough guy who tried his best to pretend like his friend's disappearance hadn't bothered him, looked shaken after a week of runs with Jacob's voice in his head.

Overall, it was safe to say that everyone was frustrated with how neutral the situation in La Push was staying. Bella was still getting married, Jake was still gone, and there was that unbreakable tension in the air every time one stepped out the door. I felt it too, although the only times I stepped out of the house were when I visited Seth's home or when Dad convinced me to do some grocery shopping with him. I didn't like leaving the reservation, and tried to stray away from being coerced into hopping into a taxi that would pull me from the safety of Seth's reaches, but there were times when I was forced.

One of those times was on Thursday, when Sue had been over checking my vitals while her son was home sleeping and my father mixed batter in the kitchen in preparation for breakfast. I hadn't had the best of days - or weeks - and my caloric intake had been low enough for both Sue and my father to be prepared for anything. I, on the other hand, really didn't see anything coming.

I was sitting on the couch half asleep, barely able to keep my eyes open for Sue as she took my pulse and tried to ask me what I'd eaten yesterday and the day before that. I didn't respond, shrugging haphazardly as I tried to convey my desire to rest. She had wrapped the sphygmomanometer around my arm and taken the pressure, inhaling suddenly in worry before doing the test once more and shouting for my father. Apparently, upon seeing that my blood pressure was frighteningly low and recognizing that my signs of exhaustion were actually signs of my body shutting itself down to conserve energy, Sue jumped into action.

Something snapped in the temporarily peaceful dam that my life had become, and I was thrown into chaos once more.

I was shuffled into Sue's god awful Gremlin, lethargicness growing on me with every passing second, and driven to Forks Community Hospital while I tried to remember what the last thing I'd eaten was. I couldn't remember past an hour ago at this point, and it wasn't until my father grabbed my hands to try and focus me that I realized I was sweating. I tried to shake him off of me and pushed his hands away; tried to indicate that I just wanted to nap for a second or two while we drove to...I couldn't remember where Sue was taking me. Oh hell, we could have been going to a Chucky E. Cheese's for all I cared - I just wanted to freaking nap.

"Tehya - I need you to stay awake for me, can you do that?" Sue called from the driver's seat, voice sounding a tad further than it was supposed to. I couldn't reply out of sheer exhaustion, but I was forced to stay awake by my father.

We pulled up to a small hospital's parking lot in what seemed to be twenty minutes later, although with almost each of my senses impaired it was difficult to properly calculate how much time had passed since we'd left the reservation. I was so out of it that I didn't even think about Seth still asleep at his home in bed, or what sort of anxiety he would be forced through once he realized I wasn't at my house. My mind was blank, sluggish and seemingly turned off.

It wasn't until the staff at the triage in emergency rigged me up with an IV and a finger pulse oximeter that I began to consider what the heck was actually happening to me, and why this was such a big deal. The world came back into focus a bit, and I found myself growing annoyed that I was being forced to stay in a curtained room on a sick bed, courtesy of Sue and my father. I hadn't eaten for awhile; so what? My body could deal with it. Just because I was a bit tired didn't mean that Sue had to freak out and drive me all the way up to the closest tiny ass hospital in Forks.

"Tehya?" A smooth, calming voice of an ER nurse focused my attention on her, and I let out an involuntary shudder as my dislike for healthcare professionals shone once more. "Can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear." I winced, the colors of the room growing fiercer with every passing second as the nurse continued to check my eyes, hearing, and other vitals just like Sue had done back at the house. "Why am I here?"

"You're at risk of a heart attack," Sue answered curtly for the nurse, one that I presumed was her colleague based on the way she let the mother of two speak for her. "Your blood pressure is far too low. You were going into shock, and it's time to get you some help."

"I didn't ask for help." I muttered indignantly, shutting my eyes only to have them forcefully opened by Dad snapping his fingers in front of my face.

"Hey! This isn't a time to be fighting back, alright? Listen, Tehya - you're actually in very serious danger here, and we've let this go on for far too long."

Surprised by his sudden ferocity, I gulped and shifted slightly on the bed. The nurse shared a hesitant look with both of the other adults in the room, as if to silently ask if we needed more time, before proceeding with her spiel.

"We're giving you some nutrients through the IV, and we're just going to keep tracking how you're doing until the Doctor comes to see you, okay? Should only be another fifteen minutes - it's a fast day today."

I peeked behind the curtain that she had opened to my room upon her entry, looking past her to see a quiet triage with little to no alarming patients to be seen. Coughing, a child wailing and a senior speaking with a nurse in the room next door were the only things I could hear, but instead of commenting I chose to shrink further into the hospital bed. I hoped the Doctor wasn't Dr. Cullen. Despite his obvious medical skill, the fact that he was a vampire really threw me off, especially in a place like a hospital.

I was more awake now and able to think; I supposed I had whatever nutrients they were feeding me through the IV to thank for that. I didn't know my problem had gotten this far; I didn't know that my body could shut down this early from the lack of nutrition I was starving it from. I hadn't done it on purpose - it was too hard for me to keep things down on account of my mental state.

"Feeling better?" Dad checked with me, tone having softened from seconds ago. I nodded minimally.

This was very uncomfortable. I hadn't asked for help, and I had always been under the impression that patients suffering from mental disorders or problems such as mine had to come forward themselves and ask for assistance, not receive it unwillingly. That was how mom had explained it, at least. My stomach let out a small squeeze of complaint at the thought of her, and I shifted uncomfortably before resuming my thought process.

I wasn't unwilling to get better, that was for sure - I knew I needed help, but I'd been off putting the terrible trip to the Doctor's for as long as I could partly because of my distaste for Doctors in general, and the fact that I knew it was inevitable that I'd be put on some kind of medication. That was a whole other world of responsibility and taking steps to success. I wasn't totally against the idea of such things, but I supposed I just hadn't expected to be tossed into the snakepit this early in the game.

Depression hadn't really been a big thought in my head until Sue had mentioned it a couple weeks ago, and it had been bouncing around in my brain ever since. It wasn't really in focus until now. It was inevitable that I had to confront it; confront the loss that was royally screwing up my mental health, and confront the ways I had been giving up on myself. There was no way around it anymore - the problem, just like Dad had said, had grown to immense heights, and now I had to start tearing it down.

The unfortunate issue was that I didn't even know where to start. I was so lost in my head half the time with thoughts running as fast as the roadrunner that pinpointing where I went wrong in taking care of myself was, at times, impossible. I felt like a lost cause.

Sue spotted my expression from a mile away, and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder that my father had already beat her to as he grasped my right hand. "You're in the right place now, Tehya. It'll be alright."

That didn't really help calm me down, but I didn't try to fight what was being said to me.

"Tehya Bryant?" A middle aged Doctor, green eyes attentive and friendly as they searched the room and landed on me, entered the safety of my makeshift room through the curtain with a clipboard in hand. Clad fully in a long white coat with pens hanging from the pocket where an 'FCH' logo was engraved, and with his glasses perched neatly upon the bridge of his nose, he commanded attention with every step he took. "I'm Dr. Serdynski, nice to meet you."

I offered a small nod of acknowledgement, and Sue gave him a casual greeting - no doubt another one of her coworkers - before introducing my father who shook his hand.

"Would it be alright if we just had a chat?" The Doctor inquired, placing himself near the bed I was sitting on as I nodded again. "How are you feeling?"

A shrug was the only returned gesture from me.

"I know it's a bit of a crazy day for you," He smiled sympathetically, but it was a different sort of smile than those I had seen upon my first week back at La Push. This was a smile of someone who dealt with issues like mine every day; who saw real pain and real suffering and had to learn how to make patients believe in what he was telling them. "Do you know exactly what is going on or why you are here?"

I shook my head a little, realizing that I didn't have a full grasp on my condition or why Sue had been in such a hurry to get me here besides the fact that I was at risk of a heart attack.

"Alright, well I can explain that to you." He wheeled a stool over and washed his hands in the sink that the room held, beginning to speak again in terms that I could understand. "Basically, when our body starves itself of nutrients and our organs don't get the nice energy they need to function, they start to shut themselves down to save energy.

"Everyone has an ideal weight for their height, and to keep that ideal weight we need to eat. Now I know a lot of things have been going on in your life that might distract you from eating, and that's where we come in." He motioned to his chest, symbolizing himself and the rest of the staff at the hospital.

"You went into a bit of a shock state, and it's probably because you didn't eat enough in the last several days, or enough at all in the last several weeks. Whatever the case, your body got a bit...concerned, if that's the right way to put it, and was trying to look out for you. So Sue and your father definitely made the right choice bringing you here.

"Now I'm going to be honest with you," Dr. Serdynski continued calmly, fraying my nerves a little despite his tone. "Ninety six pounds for someone at a height of five feet and five inches is considered severely underweight. That puts you at a body mass index of sixteen, which means you're at risk for a number of things."

He began to list them off his fingers, making my heart rate increase with each one. "Anemia, bone loss, heart problems, lack of fertility, gastrointestinal damage - the list goes on, but the point is we want to help you before this problem gets too serious to stop. It's not too late, and I'm glad you came here."

All of those sounded way more serious than anything I could have thought of myself, and I found myself wishing that I had paid more attention to the types of clients my mother worked with instead of burying myself in my coloring book when I waited outside of her office. She must have worked with all types of people like myself, and perhaps if I had looked harder I would have seen the signs of their improvement or self destruction when they stepped out of her office. I wondered if the same signs could be spotted on me.

"What would you say is the main reason that you can't eat?" Dr. Serdynski stole my attention, and I frowned as I thought about it.

"It makes me sick." I was honest.

"And why do you think that is?"

"I-I don't know." Again, I was honest, a bit put off by these rapid fire questions. "I'm depressed?"

"Do you personally think you're depressed?" The Doctor continued, surprising me with his ability to keep a straight face. Was it usual for someone to question their depression?

"I think so." I looked up at Dad and Sue as I reluctantly pieced my problem together. If I really thought about it and forced myself to focus on the issue, like Dr. Serdynski was helping me do at the moment, I couldn't lie to myself about depression being the main issue here. I was obviously suffering from a lack of appetite and lack of motivation, obviously triggered by the death of my mom. It was all so clear; I just hadn't wanted to acknowledge it. Hadn't wanted to deal with this enormous problem sitting right at my doorstep. "I mean...yeah. Yeah, I think I am. My mom passed away a couple months ago and it's just been…"

I didn't know how to finish that sentence.

"Not so good?" Dr. Serdynski finished, giving me a supportive and understanding smile. I nodded. "Alright, and do you think you would want to figure out what's making you feel that way? Maybe talk to some people who understand and start to see if there's a way for you to get better?"

I didn't feel ready to heal, but maybe there wasn't a point in which I was going to 'feel ready'. My body was suffering; I was literally killing myself because I was ignoring the problem that had been festering inside of me for so long. If I didn't start the healing process now, I could risk my life. And that was something that I definitely didn't want to do.

This was the second constructive point of sanity I reached all by myself.

So I nodded.

I could hear Dad let out a quiet sigh of relief from beside me, and with my consent the good Doctor began to congratulate me. "Wonderful - that's a big step. Acknowledging that there is a problem is huge, and you're already on the right track."

Well, that was a nice sentiment, but I didn't really feel like I was on the right track at all.

"So there are several ways to go from here; and I know this might sound scary, but what I'd like to do is actually keep you here for three days so that we can try and nail down the issue with your food consumption, and from there we can hook you up with some great resources in terms of therapy, a nutrition consultant and other means of support that you might be interested in. Does that sound alright to you?"

That sounded great, in theory. Actually following through with all of this was going to require a hell of an effort. Yet, I nodded again and prompted him to continue explaining to me - in a voice that made this whole process seem incredibly easy - what was going to happen.

"We have an inpatient unit here on site, and you'll have access to therapy as well as all of the hospital's resources. You'll be close to home, safe, and secure the whole time you're here, and it'll give you a chance to have a fresh start and access some different skills sets to start working through what you've been struggling with."

I swallowed heavily once more, the thought of going into inpatient making my stomach twist with worry and distrust. I didn't want to stray far from home; far from the pack - from protection and the arms of real safety. Where Sam's pack patrolled I would not come into harm's way, and I had constant distractions I could choose to immerse myself in. Here, everything would be raw and out in the open - I would be like an exposed nerve, forced to withstand my own brain and battle my mind in a last ditch attempt to heal.

This was moving fast.

"Do I have to stay?" I murmured quietly in question, looking up through my lashes at the Doctor who stared back at me with a bit of a sorry look on his face.

"Well, it's really up to yourself and your father, but based on the information I've been given," He looked down at his clipboard for a split second before looking back up at me. "It seems like you're still quite a risk to yourself. The advantage of being in inpatient is that we can track your eating, get you the help you need right away in terms of your depression, and offer immediate support in the case of any emergency."

It was just not logical to argue such accurate sensibility. He was right, and I had no arguments left anyway. So with a heavy heart, I agreed with a final nod and became acquainted with the Baker Act, a means of providing individuals of the United States with emergency services when it came to mental health evaluation and treatment. Whether it was voluntary of involuntary, the Baker Act enforced that those who posed threats to themselves or others due to possible mental health issues underwent a seventy two hour holding period in what was most often an inpatient clinic. Which meant Forks Community Hospital was going to be my home for the next three days, and it meant that I was getting transported to the inpatient ward in about half an hour.

I had never been this nervous in my life, other than the moment two months ago that had shattered my world and reduced me to this mess.

"I can go get some things from home, maybe your toothbrush, clothes - Sue, do they let 'em keep any of that?" My Dad quickly tried to do some damage control after the Doctor left the room and I had changed into the hospital's pajama pants and light robe - to my discomfort, the nurse had taken my street clothes and put them in a large bag before informing me that they would be waiting for me on day three of my release.

"Nothing sharp, no belts, glass, shoes, shoelaces or electronics with a camera, and everything has to fit inside a locker that the staff open for you whenever you need something." Sue quipped, not surprisingly having memorized all of these rules. Great. That meant I would be doodling for three days.

Dad opened his mouth to ask her a question when her cell phone suddenly blared, the tone reverberating in the small room until she picked it up. Her little eye twitch did not go unnoticed, and my lungs lost any air they were holding inside when she stepped out of the room with a small greeting for her son on the other end of the line.

Seth. Crap - I had totally forgotten about what the hell he must have been thinking when he didn't find me at the house, gone alongside his mother and my father. He must have been sick with worry, probably presuming that I had gone into cardiac arrest or some sort of other terrifying organ failure. I felt terrible.

Sue stepped back into the room with a frazzled look on her face, and I felt myself tensing in anticipation. There was no need for me to voice the question on my mind, as she was already answering it within the next second.

"Seth's on his way." Sue slid her cell phone into her pocket, going to sit in the only other chair in the room that wasn't occupied by my father.

I didn't bother to question what he had sounded like or if she had told him any of the details, as it was certain he'd be able to see for himself when he arrived. The distance a twenty minute car ride covered was nothing for a six hundred pound monster wolf, and that thought comforted me as I counted down the time left before I was due at the inpatient ward and the time that it would likely take Seth to get here.

He arrived two minutes later, looking too panicked for comfort and having gathered a grand following of two nurses who were trying to get him to calm down and wait in the emergency room.

I sat up abruptly when I caught sight of him, careful not to tug the IV still attached to me as well as the finger pulse oximeter hooked up to the machine that let the room know what my heart rate and blood pressure was. As smoothly as I could, and not heeding to my father's verbal warnings, I slipped off of the bed and stood on shaky legs to go greet my imprint.

Upon spotting me, the only thing that slowed Seth down was the IV pole I was dependant on. I gripped it in one hand and with the other stabilized myself with the hospital bed, expecting the rush that came to my head after sitting down and finally absorbing the proper vitamins nutrients after so long. I imagined the sight of me wasn't too wonderful, with my frame swimming beneath the hospital robes and the way my socked feet could only shuffle forwards one slow pace at a time.

Seth let out a very long breath, and I took the time to notice the red rimming his eyes that made my heart constrict with sadness and obvious guilt before he dove forward and took me into one of the gentlest and fiercest hugs I'd ever experienced.

"Be careful!" Sue squeaked, as her and my father stood nearby to ensure that nothing happened that would put me in danger. "Careful, Seth - Christ."

In Seth's arms, I didn't think that danger was even possible. Now that he was here I felt safer and at ease, and the thought of anyone being slightly nervous that he was going to accidentally harm me was preposterous.

Again I was struck with the feeling of being made of glass; the way Seth held me was like no other feeling in the world. I always felt delicate in the first several seconds of him touching me, and then once adjusted to his form I felt unbreakable. Better, like I could conquer more with him by my side. Perhaps Billy was right...perhaps our imprints were designed to make us stronger. I definitely felt stronger with Seth around.

"It's okay," I assured him, pulling back to grasp either side of his face. "I'm okay. Or...I'm gonna be okay."

"What?" He frowned, not understanding at first but not having time to question as the nurses pulled back the curtain of my room, earlier than expected. Dr. Serdynski was waiting in the hallway, soft smile prompting me to try and explain to Seth what was going on before I was whisked away.

Too late. He'd reached the conclusion himself.

"You're taking her?" He launched himself into a mode I'd never seen before, head whipping back and forth between me and the Doctor's as he tried to grasp the reality of inpatient treatment. Anger and protectiveness rolled up into one tight little ball, displaying itself in his stance and the way his shoulders hunched up as if to prepare for a fight. "No, no...nononono -"

"Seth!" Sue barked, grabbing her son's wrist and halting the slight shaking I'd seen in him by fixing him with an extremely intense look. She spoke slowly, ignoring the rage her child was displaying and forcing him to pay attention to her smaller form in front of him. "She's in danger, she needs treatment. This is what's best for her."

"It'll be okay," I tried to reassure my imprint, placing my hands on his thick upper arms and surprised at the effect my words had on him. His shoulders relaxed, sinking as he focused on me and fixed me with a helpless look. "I promise, Seth."

"It's three days, son." My father tried to reason with him, empathy leaking from all sides. Seth was cornered, and I felt horrible. "You can do three days."

Seth gulped, and looked back down at me before seemingly forcing himself to nod. No matter how stoic he was on the walk to the ward, or how he forced himself to relax when we reached the polycarbonate glass paneled door, I could see through his facade and I could feel how powerless he felt. I supposed Dad and Sue could see through him as well, as they flanked either side of us while we had walked and now stood just as closely while Seth planted a sorrowful kiss on my temple in goodbye.

Choosing to give him a bit more than that for a farewell, I stood as high as I could on the balls of my feet and shared a brief actual kiss with him, hoping that the taste of his lips would get me through the first hour of this uncharted territory. The action seemed to warm him, but not for long. I hugged both my father and Sue as the Doctor unlocked the door, and after several clicks and a couple of friendly hands, I was through the entranceway and into a whole other realm.

I looked back one more time, successfully spotting Seth's warded and tense look at the sight of us being separated by a security guard and a thick door. I stuck out a hand and waved as best I could, softly smiling in hopes that it would reassure him enough to calm down and perhaps get something to eat. The last thing I saw before I was whisked down another corridor was Seth's hand pressed against the polycarbonate glass, looking as desperate as ever to follow me into the abyss. The imprint's pangs however, I felt for at least three hours after I saw him. The wolf wasn't happy.

The first day was hard, especially since I'd entered treatment at about ten o'clock in the morning.

I'd been introduced to the schedule of the inpatient ward, which was three regular meals a day paired with Ensure drinks if one did not reach their caloric intake goals. One on one therapy happened twice a day for me, as there were no group therapy sessions available due to the low number of patients in the ward. The patients included myself, a fourteen or fifteen year old girl suffering from schizophrenia, a young lady my age who was as quiet as a mouse and hardly left her room, and a blue haired boy who looked a little older than Sam (but apparently was eighteen as this ward only housed adolescents), whose parents visited every other day. I shied away from them and was grateful that they let me be; I wasn't in the mood to make friends, and they were intimidating as enough as it was. At least none of them yelled in the middle of the night, started fights or urinated in the corridors, which I was also grateful for.

Free time occurred between meals and therapy, with art usually taking up the period after lunch as well as the time after dinner. It was lights out at eight o'clock, which was torture for me as my sleep schedule was sure to disagree with such strange timing. Medical examinations happened randomly, although I noticed that I was usually first to go throughout the day and assumed that this was because of the first letter of my last name. Showers were also available, although there was no lock on the door and I wasn't too thrilled about that. I resolved to survive with greasy hair, figuring that it wouldn't be hard to stick out for three days without a wash.

Therapy however, was surprisingly easy. My psychiatrist Dr. Reyes, who didn't remind me of mom at all, was apparently a master of conversation. With quick wit and a good introductory session, she had me revealing points about myself that I hadn't known possible. After asking me some questions about my past, she'd asked me to bring forward three things I was good at, and three things I didn't like about myself, and helped me reach the conclusion that I was good at drawing, cooking, and showing affection for those I cared about. Those three points were what stuck with me for the rest of the morning as I tried my best to keep lunch down, instead of the multiple negative points about myself I had easily conjured. I appreciated that.

I didn't appreciate the chocolate Ensure that I'd been given, as although it wasn't too hard to keep down thanks to the smoothies I'd been drinking, I couldn't say the taste was something that made me want to keep drinking it. I did for the sake of completing my caloric intake for the day, feeling rather full after lunch and not too excited about dinner.

In my second meeting with Dr. Reyes we discussed medication, to which I replied that I would be willing to try anything - at this point, what did I have to lose? - and accepted a prescription to a medication called Zoloft. A brief explanation from Dr. Reyes regarding the possibly imbalanced serotonin levels in my brain helped me to understand why in many cases patients received relief from medications such as this seraltrine based drug. I vowed to try it, having been handed the prescription an hour later with instruction to take it with dinner. I also vowed to tackle my dislike for Doctors, nurses and all the like, desiring to construct a better relationship with those trying to help me.

It felt like a light had been turned on inside of me again, and no matter how dim it was, along with the small urges to take care of myself and heal, it was existent. That was all that mattered. So I continued to plow through the seventy two hour hold.

Throughout my stay, Seth did not move himself from his position outside of the lobby, faithfully having planted himself down in one of the chairs and surviving solely on coffee. I went to check on him whenever I could, pulling him to the door each time before the nurses called to me and let me know that it was time for the next therapy session, or meal, or whatever art activity we were doing. Seth didn't like it when they took me back, but he knew that I wouldn't be gone forever and he was dealing with it better than I'd hoped.

It felt like a week had gone by in a day already, and when the time to sleep finally came - I'd thankfully only thrown up once after having eaten dinner, and the nurses had been understanding enough to not give me another Ensure - I wasn't surprised to see Seth's form curled up on the uncomfortable rows of seats with his feet up on the row across from him, hand curled around the top of his cup as he napped out of sheer exhaustion. Seeing his large form sprawled out on the seats actually pulled a giggle out of me, despite the need I felt to apologize for putting him - and the rest of my loved ones - through this.

I'd been informed that a visitation slot was available for me tomorrow, and that my father had already confirmed he would be coming in to see me. Perhaps I could apologize then, when emotions were running high and I wouldn't shy away from my own words.

The second day was a little bit easier. To my relief it felt like time was flying, and the Zoloft had made me drowsy enough to get a good night's sleep before the wake up call at nine the next morning. The nurses in the ward were doing a good job of keeping me occupied throughout lunch, knowing that day two was when I would be granted a chance to step outside of the ward to see Dad and Seth.

I had discussed the blackness with Dr. Reyes, and she had assisted me as much as she could in helping me understand that sometimes through association, those suffering from illnesses such as depression assigned attributes - such as the ones I'd given to this 'blackness' - to assist themselves in coping with it. Instead of labeling the feelings as simply 'depression', I'd given those feelings negative adjectives and physical characteristics to unconsciously try and help myself. It was hard to accept the reality that this awful, goopy substance that felt like it was clogging my insides was actually just the depression itself, but Dr. Reyes explained that it often felt different for many suffering from the illness, and everyone had their own way of embodying the 'black' inside of them.

That wasn't so surprising, considering some of the stories I'd heard from my mother where patients with depression dissociated and thought of their illness as a whole other person, often giving it a name. How horrifying.

Out of everything that occurred during my stay in the inpatient ward, my appetite was actually what surprised me the most.

Despite Dr. Reyes having the opinion that it would not disrupt my eating too much and that I would have to focus on bettering my eating habits on my own, I found that picking at the questionable food trays until I found something that my stomach could handle was worthwhile, and that I could keep down a more food now. I vomited again after breakfast, but my appetite kept getting better the more I pushed myself. I wasn't tracking my weight, but the nurse who was running the medical examinations for the grand total of four patients had informed me that if I continued at the pace I was going, the Doctors here would be willing to compromise despite my body mass index still being low and let me out on the third day. That meant things were looking up.

Having conversations about my mother with Dr. Reyes was strange. On one hand, it was extremely painful to recognize what an impacting figure she'd been in my life and what her loss meant for me - I'd received heaps of coping mechanisms to learn how to deal with loss - and on the other hand, it got a bit easier to talk about her; to remember things and not be afraid of the memories anymore. I was learning to appreciate the memory of her as a person instead of what she had left behind, and appreciating what she had left for me in the form of all of the lessons and ways of living.

Sometimes the therapy sessions backtracked, and I left the office in tears and had to retreat to my room to pace and try to recollect my thoughts in peace. This only happened twice in the three days during my stay in the ward, and both of these times what drew me back out of my room was the imprint's severe panging and the fact that I had sworn to myself I was going to try to get out of here by day three. That meant I needed to push through the pain that was weighing me down, figure out ways to deal with the hole in my heart, and prove to everyone that I was stable enough to manage my own health when I got out of here.

This was something I planned to voice to my father and Seth as I was being let out for visitation by a nurse and the security guard - Stan was his name, and we'd gotten to know each other quite well thanks to the countless times I'd stood at his door in the last two days - but I was forced to wait when I was all but swallowed whole by Seth's form.

If I hadn't been disconnected from my IV earlier today thanks to the food I'd been eating, our embrace would have been a lot more complicated.

"How are you feeling? Are you eating? Did they put you on any meds? Are you getting out tomorrow?" Seth wasn't taking a breath in between his questions, and I had to remind him to breathe as soon as he let me go from the tight hug he'd enveloped me in.

"I'm alright," I smiled at the sight of him, and my father who had stepped off the elevator a moment later. We were allowed to go downstairs to the cafeteria, but leaving hospital grounds required another pass that I didn't have. I didn't care; just getting to see and hug the ones I loved was enough for me. "I'll explain everything."

A sort of calmness shrouded me as I went to embrace my father, and the three of us sat down in the rows of seats while Seth held one of my hands in between his. I started by explaining to them what my schedule was and how my eating was going, which raised Dad's spirits by a couple notches as he noted that I was trying. The fact that I was put on medication didn't seem to sit well with either of them at first, but to my relief they accepted it quickly and saw that it helped my sleep schedule as well as my appetite.

"You look much better, sweetheart," Dad seemed really proud of me, and that made my chest swell with pride. "Really."

"Thank you," I murmured, knowing that I had to apologize right now or I was never going to get my remorse off my chest. "And I'm sorry for putting everyone through this."

"It's not your fault," Seth quickly jumped in, reacting fast to ensure that I didn't feel guilty about anything I apparently wasn't supposed to. "You don't have to be sorry."

 _But I feel sorry._ My brain pushed.

"Well, I feel sorry." I echoed what my mind said for the first time, and this garnered two understanding looks.

"Well," Dad echoed, leaning forward on his seat and clapped a hand on my knee. "You can feel sorry, but you don't have to apologize for something you couldn't control. What matters is you're getting help now."

"Yeah…" I looked down at my socked feet, toes twisting together as I thought about the tough road ahead of me. This wasn't going to be easy. I was going to have rough days, just as Seth no doubt had on his road to recovery, and I was going to need a lot of support from those around me. It was nice to talk about coping mechanisms and adding 'tools' to my 'toolbelt' for dealing with the awful thoughts in my head, but applying them was going to require some work.

"We'll be here for you," My imprint, always the mind reader, reassured me. "Always."

Some silence fell over our small group then, before Dad revealed the tea and muffin he'd bought from the cafeteria downstairs and offered them to me. To both men's surprise, I voiced that I would take them both.

"You...what?" Seth stuttered, utterly floored.

"I'll take both," I repeated, happy that I was impressing him with my newfound habits. "Unless you want some?"

"No - no, no! Eat it!" He encouraged, a grin slowly etching itself on his face as he watched me slowly start to eat. One of the nurses had shown me how to properly chew my food and eat at a rate that I could manage, which had helped me greatly despite the narrow timespan. I was proud of myself; heck, two days ago I would have had a stomach ache for hours if I'd ingested a muffin and tea of this size.

"You look much better," Dad commented as I ate, which I assumed was basically his way of saying that I didn't look quite so much as a skeleton with a thin layer of meat slapped on it anymore. "I can see the color in your cheeks."

Seth didn't say anything to that, but merely stroked the side of my face once with a curled finger and a dazed expression to validate Dad's point. The gesture made me smile warmly, and I basked in the glow of feelings that came with my loved ones finally happy to see me healthier. It was a nice feeling and a bit of a relief, knowing that those around you were not so worried about your decaying innards because you'd finally discovered the logic behind taking care of yourself.

When I'd finished my food, slowly but surely, and had another forty five minutes of conversation with Seth and my father, the nurses took me back into the ward and allowed me to stay at the door with Stan for a couple more minutes until my father left.

He'd stayed in the waiting room with Seth for several minutes after I was out of earshot thanks to the polycarbonate glass, and I wondered what he was talking about as I watched them briefly embrace for a moment before Dad gave me a final wave and stepped back in the elevator. Seth stayed, fixing me with a secure and steady smile as he settled back into his familiar chair. If I didn't know any better, I would have said that it was either that Dad had just given Seth his personal blessing, or he had offered some more words of encouragement that were likely to get my imprint through the next twenty four hours of my holding. Either way, the imprint didn't complain so loudly when he fell out of sight and I was taken to Dr. Reyes' office.

The session went well, with our conversation consisting of some more ways that I could deal with my stress or generally crappy days, and she had me write down whichever ideas I liked the most when it came to distress tolerance. So far, the list consisted of hot showers, walks (or runs, when I was healthy enough and provided that I stayed in a safe distance of the house), keeping Seth closeby, playing board games, screaming into my pillow, drawing, cooking, seeing Emily, placing my face in a bucket of ice cold water, watching documentaries, counting up to one hundred ten times, listening to very loud music, holding ice in my hand, and cleaning.

Overall, I considered myself fairly well-armed with tactics by the third day.

It was nearly impossible to believe, but I felt that there was actually hope for me. I wasn't destined to stay in a depressed rump forever, and although there were going to be many challenges ahead for me I had to keep pushing, because the only thing between myself and a full recovery was, in fact, me. I had been the only thing blocking myself, and the only thing that could unlock my full potential was me.

This was the third constructive point of sanity I reached all by myself.

My little visit with Seth and Dad gave me the boost I needed to complete day three, and with the closing exit therapy session consisting of three different Doctors including Dr. Reyes and Dr. Serdynski, all evaluating me based on the answers I gave to questions such as 'what have you learned here?' and 'how has your outlook on taking care of yourself and getting better changed?', both myself and the hospital felt that I was ready enough to leave.

My weight had been revealed to me as per my request by the registered nurse case manager as one hundred and five pounds, and although she'd reminded me that some of this was water weight and to not get discouraged if my body had some trouble putting actual weight back on, I couldn't help but feel both relief and pride over the nine pound difference. I was still underweight, but I was no longer at serious risk now that my body was getting the food it needed. I felt a lot more alert and wake, except when I took my pill and the drowsiness overcame me enough to knock me out right at bedtime. The medication had helped me more than I thought it would in almost every aspect I'd hoped for, although I had to admit I was a bit on edge waiting for something horrible to go wrong with the side effects considering how much had gone right. I wasn't used to this much going right in my life without some downfall here and there.

I felt like a miracle case, even though Dr. Reyes assured me that she'd seen cases like myself in and out the doors within three days thanks to the life changing assistance the hospital provided.

Seth was very proud of me, although I could both feel and see how anticipated my release was going to be for him as he'd been pacing back and forth in front of the door so much during day three that Stan had even gotten involved and asked if he wanted to talk to Dr. Serdynski for his own reasons. Seth had politely refused, and continued to pace. It seemed nothing was going to sate him besides my discharge. By the end of the day, the rest of the staff were growing sympathetic towards his case.

"If he keeps pacing like that he'll put a hole in the floor." One of two nurses waiting for me whispered several minutes before I was due for discharge, arms crossed as she eyed my imprint curiously. I had changed back into my street clothes that now smelt like the pajamas I'd worn for three days thanks to the time they'd spend in the hospital locker, and was skittishly peeking around the corner to eavesdrop on the current conversation.

"He hasn't left since Thursday," The second nurse whispered, and although I knew I'd apologized to Seth directly, I still felt guilty. He hadn't showered, eaten a solid meal, or slept in a comfortable bed for the last three days, and I'd been given a chance to de-stress and heal. It didn't feel fair. "Poor thing."

"Are you ready, dear?" The first nurse asked, spotting me peeking out from the wall and wringing my hands. I would have to apologize to Seth again; sometimes I couldn't believe what he put himself through for me.

I nodded nervously and watched as she opened my locker for me, pulling out the rest of the items Dad had brought me in a small duffel bag and handing them to me. I thanked her quietly, and she smiled sweetly before resuming her spot beside the door. We waited until Dr. Reyes and Dr. Serdynski both arrived as well as my father, who was finally allowed to take a step into the ward to help me with my things. Seth eagerly made his way through the door when he was granted access as well, greeting me with an overjoyed and much overdue kiss before resting his forehead on mine.

The Doctors allowed us our moment, waiting until he'd grabbed my hand and all but dragged me out the door to make their last speech.

"Tehya's done some fantastic work while she's been under our care, Harry," Dr. Serdynski commented as he reported to my father, smiling happily at my progress report he held in his hands. "I'm glad she's feeling better, and she's got a lot of useful tools to start applying to the things she's been dealing with. We all feel she's stable enough to be discharged, but we've set up regular appointments with a counselor and her practitioner here on a weekly basis to make sure she stays on the right track."

In my excitement to leave, I'd forgotten all about the conversation I'd had with Dr. Reyes about continuing my therapy with her. I didn't mind it; I'd gotten lucky and enjoyed her as a psychiatrist, and was grateful that her schedule was flexible enough to fit me in every week. Although it was a reminder that the road ahead would be harsh and provide many obstacles, it was also a reminder of my strength and capability of moving forward in my path to heal.

So, with a last farewell and many 'thank-yous' on our part, I was released into the wild once more, equipped with knowledge, good tidings, confidence and a much larger amount of hope than I'd arrived with.

The lessons Dr. Reyes had ingrained into my head, lessons such as the fact that life was never static, and because of such improbability it was important to understand that it was okay to not be okay sometimes, would stay with me forever. Beating down on oneself and self punishing for not being able to deal with a stressful situation contributed to an even unhealthier mindstate, and that was something I hadn't recognized before my stay. I hadn't been able to stop myself and make myself understand that it was alright to say that things weren't okay, and therefore I hadn't been able to even begin to heal; I'd refused to acknowledge the problem in the first place and had spent all my time distracting from the issue instead of looking for it.

Her other lesson, that of patience and time being the some of the important key aspects of healing, really resonated with me. She'd made sure I'd understood that recovery was a never ending road, especially with traumatic loss, and that while my mother's absence would definitely sit with me for the rest of my life it did not mean that the road was going to be this hard the whole time. Things would get easier; the 'blackness' would recede eventually, and I would be able to start to enjoy things again as I once did. This transformation, Dr. Reyes had stated, actually allowed people such as myself to undergo a lot of emotional and mental growth, and sometimes allowed individuals to become totally changed people afterwards with more appreciation for certain things further down the road.

It felt good, knowing that growth was ahead of me. It felt good leaving the hospital and having real hope sitting inside of me. It felt good knowing that I had family and loved ones always beside me, and it felt good just thinking that I was making them proud. It felt like I was becoming me again, and the wetness visible in my father's eyes made sense to me as we made our way home. He was getting his daughter back, and I was getting myself back.

 **A/N: Sorry it took such a long time to update! Again, life is busy and I want to crank out the best for you guys, so generally that means 1.5 weeks or more of taking the time to construct ideas, plan, write and edit. So I hoped you guys enjoyed - as always, leave a review if you liked the chapter, and let me know if I made any mistakes! Constructive criticism is always appreciated.**


	17. Friends

' **Friends'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental. I also do not own any of the video games mentioned in this chapter.**

 **A/N: Hey guys, I am SO very sorry that it took months to put this chapter out; I know it's been far too long but sometimes life gets in the way of things, and so once my exams are over I am sure I will have more time to write. As of right now I am going to try to squeeze in writing time whenever I can.**

 **This chapter will feature Seth's point of view, as I decided to try out that writing style again. Let me know if you like it. I also changed Emily and Sam's engagement slightly, as I wanted it to be a part of the story sooner so I chose to include it in this chapter. Also, I am aware that many of the video games that I have mentioned in this chapter have later release dates, but for the sake of the story I needed a couple different games I could just list off.**

 _All my problems seem to disappear,  
Everyone that I miss when I'm distant,  
Everybody's here,  
I need love 'cause only love is true,  
I need every waking hour with you,  
And my friends 'cause they're so beautiful  
_-Band of Skulls, 'Friends'

Getting accustomed to ups and downs seemed to be a crucial part of my recovery. Over time, I was beginning to notice that healing was less about the end point and more about the actual road there itself.

I wondered if it was the same for Jacob.

Sessions with Dr. Reyes went on, where we focused on this fact and problem solved as best we could to try and map out constructive ways to channel my ungodly storm of emotions. With her added to my personal support team, I had an educated advisor that played a role just as crucial as Seth's, or Dad's. They were all helping me in more ways than one, but the professional assistance from someone like Dr. Reyes really made a difference when I felt the panic well up in my chest, or when I could feel the icky gunk make itself particularly known throughout worse days. Tactics learned in therapy were helping me combat this, and it wasn't until I started trying to get a hold of what was going on inside of my head that I began to see the stark difference between mental and physical strength, as well as the similarities between the two that had recently gone unnoticed.

One of said similarities was food. Food, coincidentally, had also been one of the areas of my life in which I'd seen that I had some sort of control over. My philosophy ended up being that if I couldn't control anything around me and therefore constantly had to adapt, I should focus on the things that I _could_ control, and use those things to help better myself in the long run. So long story short, I became a bit of a health nut. I looked for the best ways to feed my body and rediscovered things such as lean protein, good fats, vegetables rich in vitamins, and sources for carbohydrates that wouldn't be too hard for me to keep down.

Even over four days after being out of the hospital, I could see the effect my diet was having on my body. Energy was coming back, slowly but surely, and I hoped weight would follow. I was able to think faster, respond quicker, and walks to Seth's house didn't feel like the great Northern run anymore. Less lightheadedness came with standing up, and although waking up was still a chore because of the heavy nausea and the time it took for me to rise out of bed, vomiting was rare. I could feel my body waking back up again, as if it had just been risen out of a long nap and was ready to use its full potential once more.

"Hungry?" Became a common question in my home, and I could see that Dad was always very happy to ask it. My answer was usually yes in the mornings, and the pattern repeated itself today.

I grabbed my yogurt and berries out of the fridge, placed the full kettle on the stove to heat up and went to my place at the dining room table near my father. The mood was relaxed and airy, as there wasn't much on my schedule besides visiting Emily's and Sam's to check up on the rest of the pack. Friends, I'd realized, were a crucial part of my life that I hadn't been acknowledging or appreciating to the fullest as of late. Determined to change that, I'd made plans to meet Seth at Emily's later today where some of the boys would be.

"This came in the mail today." Dad spoke up after a minute of silence, flipping what looked like a white card in my direction. Upon it's landing, I wasn't surprised to see an invitation, identical to the one that had sent Jacob flying into the woods, staring back at me.

Charlie had been Dad's friend for some time, although it was always easier to forget that Bella was his daughter. There was no doubt in my mind that Billy would be in attendance on the special day towards the end of June, but the real question was whether my father was going to agree to go.

"You're invited too."

"What?" I did a double take, individual brow rising at the fact that Bella had remembered who I was. _That_ was surprising.

"It says right there - Harold and Tehya Bryant." Dad quoted the invitation, still sipping on his coffee. I couldn't tell what he thought of this whole thing.

It was definitely real; my name had been engraved in light silver onto the neat rectangular paper, and I was captivated at the beauty and elegance of it. Printed like that, my name didn't sound as dumpy as it did in my head. It looked like the way Seth spoke it - flowy, clean and enchanting.

Dad was waiting for my response, and I offered it to him after a moment. "Do you want to go?"

"Do you?" He returned.

"Well, I mean…" Was there any reason not to? Would any of the pack be upset if we did? Who else had been invited? "Is anyone else going?"

"Bella invited everyone, but I don't think attendance will be high. Billy and Sue'll probably go." He clarified, and I couldn't help but think of what all of my friend's reactions would have been when they had received the same invitations with their names so delicately printed. What they must have thought about Bella and Edward, or about what this whole ceremony was doing to Jacob.

The pressure to join the united front and not attend was insurmountable, but I reminded myself that I was entitled to my own opinions and that it wasn't entirely Bella's fault that Jacob had run away. Choosing sides was not a foreseeable option for me, and I wanted to show Bella my support. After all, I was very familiar with the feeling of having no one left by your side. It was haunting, and she did not deserve to go through that for an extremely hard choice she'd made.

"I want to go." My voice held its composure, even as Dad searched my face for clues as to why I'd made this decision. "I think it'll be...good."

He 'harrumphed' and went back to reading his paper for a moment, before agreeing with me and stating that he wished to show his support as well. Considering some of the other elders were going, it was in his best interest to show solidarity as well as be able to solidify ties with the Cullens despite whatever personal opinions he had of Bella's choices. I had a feeling that Dad wasn't particularly partial towards her because of his closer ties to Jacob, but since Bella was the daughter of Charlie, conflict arose. I didn't blame him for being unhappy with the situation, and so I let him simmer. There wasn't anything we could do now; the posters remained up, Jacob still remained at large, and life had to go on.

Seth woke around an hour after I'd finished breakfast, meeting me on the path at the midway point between our homes so that we could continue to Emily's together. The weather had been getting warmer as of recent, with May steadily turning into June and forcing me to adopt more shirts and tank tops underneath light sweaters. I didn't have a problem with showing more skin, but it felt strange while my body was undergoing a massive transition.

Seth, of course, was ecstatic that the seasons were changing and did not hide his blatant stares of appreciation as he continued to grin like a massive dope.

We'd made a point of wanting to spend the whole day at the Young's, as we hadn't been around much in the last two weeks. Seth had only just resumed patrols the night I'd gotten back from the hospital, and a relaxing day in with the pack sounded like a good plan to me.

"So I've been meaning to tell you something." My imprint began after we'd exchanged several happy kisses - some, on his part, sparked by my choice of clothing - and proceeded, hand in hand, towards the Young home.

"What is it?" I tensed, fearing the worst, and steeled myself for some grisly intel about Jacob or some other horrid supernatural force the pack had found in the woods.

"Bella's been calling me." Molten chocolate eyes found mine, sending a wave of reassurance alongside the innocent information that rocked me enough to make me lose the rigidity in my shoulders.

"She has?" Brows furrowed and displaying my puzzlement, Seth proceeded to explain.

"Yeah. Since Jake ran off. She's been asking about him...and you."

"Me?" Horror dawned on me for a moment as I realized that this meant someone must have said something. "Wait, what? Why would she have asked about me?"

"I may or may not have told her I was in the hospital," Seth rubbed the back of his neck nervously, awaiting my reaction. There was no doubt in my mind that he feared the worst from me, but I felt surprisingly empty at the moment. "I'm really sorry - it just slipped out; I was so stressed I didn't know what else to do when she called me."

"No, it's okay." I huffed, trying to figure out how to deal with this. Did it bother me that someone like Bella knew that I'd been in inpatient? Why would I have been ashamed or in any sort of mindstate to hide it? "I'm glad you talked to her, it probably helped you calm down anyway."

"Nothing really calmed me down until you got out." His face darkened a bit, and I gulped as I remembered his helpless pacing and the imprint's complaints. Guilt betrayed me, and I felt an apology already begin to slip out of my lips.

"I'm still sorry for putting you through that." I gently reminded, squeezing his hand in mine.

"You have nothing to apologize for." He returned adamantly without missing a beat, leaving the remorse awkwardly lingering between us and forcing me to pick up the conversation back where we'd left it. I didn't want to push an apology he wasn't going to accept.

"Does everyone know? About the hospital?" I asked after another moment, nerves splitting at the ends a bit as we grew closer to Emily's.

"Well, I went on patrol with Embry, Quil, and Jared…" My imprint trailed off, silently giving me the answer I'd been afraid of. I kept forgetting about their freaky telepathic connection.

It wasn't that I minded people knowing about the turmoils life was constantly throwing at me, but it was another thing dealing with the pitiful looks, sympathetic comments and general shift in attitude around me. I could tell when others felt sorry for me, and it wasn't a nice feeling. I didn't like being the centre of attention, nor did I like knowing that everyone was thinking about 'what I was going through' or making it their problem to always put me at ease. Sometimes I needed it, and there wasn't any shame in this, but other times, such as today when I felt some true strength for the first time in months, having everyone remind me that they knew what my situation was and what my weakest points were only tore me down.

"I'm sorry, angel."

"It's okay, really." I soothed, clenching his hand tighter once more as I thought about the worst that could happen. I was close with these boys; I'd grown up with them, at least partially, and there wasn't really any other group of people that I would have been comfortable sharing my mental health problems with other than them. "They're my friends."

Devoted to changing the subject now that we were almost at Emily's, I announced that my father and I had been invited to Bella's wedding, and that we had both decided we would be in attendance.

"Yeah, we got invitations too." Seth nodded, concentration blooming across his features. "Mom said she'd go with me, but Leah didn't take it too well."

"Nor did anyone else, I imagine." I diverted from conversing about his sister, who I knew couldn't take anything well at this period of time in her life.

"They're still pretty sour about the whole Jacob thing, so I think it's just us." Seth was trying to downplay it, but I could the built up stress from the pressures of the pack weighing down on him. I hoped that the other boys were faring better, considering not all of them looked up to Jacob as endearingly as Seth did, but I didn't get my hopes up. Things were rough all around.

On the bright side, I had a date to the wedding.

"And there's no news?" I quietly questioned, watching Seth's eyes grow even more downcast. I regretted asking as soon as I saw his gaze hit the ground. Shit. "Nevermind...sorry for asking."

"No, it's fine - there's no word. Everything is exactly like it was last week." He sighed weakly, and I grimaced as I felt what I could only describe as a tight twisting in my gut as the imprint quivered.

Again there was the insatiable desire to take care of him and comfort him; to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but we had begun to walk up Emily's porch and I only had time to give a reassuring rub on his back before we entered the house.

Almost immediately after entering we were greeted by Emily carrying a laundry basket full of clothing to the laundry room. The kitchen, surprisingly enough, was void of boys, but I could hear voices coming from the living room.

"They're playing video games," Emily sighed with a smile, setting down the laundry bin as she stopped to talk to us. "There's beer in the fridge, if you want."

"Do you need help?" I asked as Seth took her offer, travelling to the fridge to grab the cool alcoholic drink. I wasn't surprised that even at sixteen or seventeen these boys were drinking; I could only assume Sam had lectured them on responsibility, and they usually seemed to drink when they were all collected together which was a far site better than alone.

"I'll be okay - I'm on the last load," The older woman returned, eyes twinkling. "There is some news, though."

Seth and I both froze, hoping to God that she meant that there was some update on Jacob's situation.

"No, there's nothing new on Jacob," Her smile fell a bit, and I could feel Seth's disappointment without even looking at his face. He cracked open his beer and leaned against the counter, awaiting Emily's news with a slightly tighter expression. "Sam and I...we're engaged."

I mouth dropped in surprise as my eyes immediately fell towards her left hand, which now was showing off a lovely silver engagement ring that sported three shiny diamonds. It wasn't too flashy, but it was definitely beautiful and noticeable - like Emily. I wasn't surprised; Sam and Emily had been together for ages, and to finally have the love of her life propose to her must have been the best feeling in the world. I was very happy for her, so much so that the grin was beginning to hurt my cheeks.

"Congratulations!" One after the other, Seth and I embraced her, support echoing clearly in our gestures. A sort of quiet and bashful energy surrounded Emily, as if she was holding in the desire to jump up and shout for joy. I wasn't surprised - I would have been the same way in her position. "That's amazing, Em."

We followed her into the living room, where the first thing I spotted was Paul and Jared deeply embedded in a Halo: Reach deathmatch. We congratulated Sam, who smile widely before taking the laundry basket from his fiancee. The two disappeared into the laundry room, no doubt happy with staying in the small room folding clothing all by themselves, and we turned back to the living room.

Chips, cookies, and all other varieties of junk food littered the coffee table and the floor, leading my eyes to the couch where Embry and Quil were rested. Some of them had their feet up on the table, carefully placed in between the empty beer bottles as they snacked on Beef Jerky and Oreos, and the room's energy was not interrupted as Seth and I took our places amongst the crowd. We were greeted warmly, and although there was the looming fear that I was going to be the centre of attention and receive unwanted pitiful stares from my friends that surrounded me, such was not the case.

Seth had already dived into a conversation with Quil the minute we sat down, prompting me to do a full survey of the room before trying to converse with anyone myself. It wasn't that I didn't like any of these boys - but socializing at six years old was much different than socializing at sixteen, and even though they had made it clear that they were still my friends, the people sitting around me were more intimidating than they believed themselves to be. For that reason, it took a good minute or so before I was able to strike up a conversation with Embry beside me, who had been focused on the Halo match until now.

I knew a little bit about video games, as I had played several when I had been around fourteen and still had the Xbox discs buried alongside some of the movies I'd brought over from Vancouver.

"Do you play?" I started, motioning to the screen and figuring that since he had been so captivated with the game, it wasn't a bad idea to start the conversation there.

"Yeah, but Jared's been hogging the controller for the past half hour." Embry snorted and lightly kicked the back of Jared's head with his foot, propelling the latter's head forwards and causing him to lose yet another life in the game.

"Screw you, dude! You kept dying!" Jared retorted and released the controller for a split second to swipe his arm behind him. Embry neatly avoided the blind attack.

"Like you're doing any better." Paul snickered, and I was surprised to see him unfurl in the comfortable environment. Paul had been one of the boys I'd never been particularly close to, as I knew of his volatile behaviour and had always been afraid of taking a wrong step in any conversation we could possibly engage in. Seeing him joke around and getting to see him so often however, was slowly changing my perspective on the boy.

"Do you play?" Embry turned his attention back to me, and I wracked my brain to try and remember the games that I had played years ago.

"A little," Hoping I didn't sound like a complete idiot, I started to ramble. "I've played Portal, some Half Life, Left 4 Dead…"

"Oh yeah?" Paul spoke up again, to my surprise. "Left 4 Dead is pretty cool. Fun achievements."

"I can only play on easy," I admitted, feeling my social feathers slowly start to unfurl as I was more and more included in this group chat. "I'm not very good."

"Play any CoD?"

"Call of Duty?" I assumed, the answer obvious, and bobbed my head up and down before making a mental note to go through some of my belongings I had brought with me from Vancouver. If I found some old games, there was the possibility of playing them with these guys and actually doing something with my days. "A bit. I think I only own Modern Warfare 2."

"Well, it's great that you're not a totally clueless shut-in living under a rock like Paul thought." Embry remarked, smirking as if he knew that he was making a risque statement.

"I- what?" Why thank you, Paul, for assuming I was some psychotic anti-social muppet who was ignorant to all media or video games just because I got mildly anxious around a shirtless gaggle of teenage wolves and happened to spend three days in an inpatient ward after refusing to eat.

Dear God, that sounded much worse when I went over it in my own head.

I silently looked up at the ceiling in hopes that whoever was controlling the cluster-fuck and a half that was my life could show me some mercy at this moment. I also begged for whatever strength said entity could muster to get me through this conversation, as it was already proving itself to be difficult.

"I didn't say that!" Paul defended himself, refusing to tear his eyes away from the screen as he continued to battle vigorously with Jared. "All I said was that I hope she knows something about video games, otherwise I'm gonna have nothing in common with the chick."

"She's got a name, Paul." Seth flicked a chip in his direction in my defense alongside the issued warning.

"I'm aware, you walnut."

"Did you just call me a walnut?"

"It's his new thing," Quil groaned, not bothering to hide his burp mid sentence as he continued. "Rachel's trying to get him to tone it down with the insults."

"So you call people food names?" If I would have guessed for any word to have been turned into a derogatory or insulting term, the last word on my mind would have been 'walnut'. To each their own, I supposed.

"Hey, you make a stupid request, you get a stupid response." Paul retorted amiably, and I found myself giggling softly at the banter, amused by the strange yet intriguing turn in conversation.

The noise in the room diminished after that, the only prominent noises being Jared and Paul's combative button clicking and the steady crunching of snacks as they were devoured by Embry. About five minutes later Sam and Emily reappeared, the latter announcing that she would be ordering pizza and if there were any special requests the room would have to let her know now.

"No pineapple on it this time Quil, for fucks' sakes." Jared chucked down his controller as his character and team were declared losers, and faced his friend on the couch who tossed him another cold beverage.

"What, you really have a problem with picking it off? Plus, you have a whole other half of whatever you want!" Quil shot back, downing more beer that was chased by even more Jerky. I was reminded of the startling way the bodies around me were able to consume so much junk and turn it into sheer muscle. crap these boys could eat and pack on more muscle as opposed to fat.

"You can't just monopolize the pizza order, you tyrant."

"Fine, Jesus - put broccoli on one half of one of the pies then, Em." Quil gave in, but at the mention of the vegetable being placed on the ever so cheesy meal there was a synonymous outcry of complaints from the rest of the room.

Eventually it was settled that four family sized pizzas with a large variety of unhealthy toppings would be ordered - despite the impressive eating habits I'd witnessed, I doubted the boy's ability to finish four family sized pizzas, but Emily insisted the party coupons she was using had to be used altogether - with half of one pizza being sacrificed towards Quil's case.

"Almost ruined our dinner, freakin' health nut." Embry teased as he opened a second beer. Seth did the same, to my surprise. I hadn't known my imprint was much of a drinker, but the way he controlled himself calmed any issues I might have had about the habit.

"Yeah yeah, at least we get more pizza out of it." Quil tossed back, and Emily laughed quietly to herself as she made her way into the kitchen where the phone was located.

"Did you want anything to drink?" Seth turned to me, prepared to fetch anything I required, but I declined with a soft smile. I was still getting used to the feeling of practically having a personal servant with me twenty four seven.

"So, I heard you two are going to the wedding." Sam, who had remained relatively quiet after reappearing in the room with Emily two minutes prior, spoke up.

The attitude in the living space shifted once more, and the unsteady silence made me gulp heavily. It was clear who the statement had been aimed at and whose wedding he was referring to, but Sam's lack of animosity and strange ambiguity was not giving away any clues as to how he truly felt about Seth and I attending the Cullen's event.

"Uh…" Seth awkwardly cleared his throat, aware of the panicked look that had flitted across my face long enough for some of the other boys to catch it as well. I did not want to get on Sam's bad side, no matter how neutral I felt about the Jacob-Bella-Edward situation. "Y-yeah. That's true. With Billy, Harry and my mom."

At the mention of some of the elder's names Sam's demeanour seemed to change a bit, and any disastrous alarms going off in my head ceased to blare. The relief was almost palpable.

It was clear that the pack still held Jacob's disappearance too close to their hearts to attend the wedding, but the fact that no one was fighting Seth and I's decision to go restored a little bit of faith I had in their maturity. We didn't deserve bad treatment for agreeing that Bella's true love lay with Edward, despite the fact that Seth was straddling the line between pack and vampire friendly at the moment. I was sure that his phone calls with Bella had not gone unnoticed with Sam, although this was not brought up.

With all but a grunt of hesitant approval from the Alpha, the room relaxed once more and I felt Seth's fingers slide in between my own. Hopefully Sam's inquisitiveness would cease from hereon out, although I wasn't going to set my hopes up too high. Carlisle had caused Sam's opinion on the Cold ones to budge very little from what I could see, and because the Alpha held his pack so close to his heart it was difficult for him to watch someone such as Seth growing friendlier with the Olympic coven.

He had a lot to lose, and I couldn't blame Sam for that.

The next day I was surprised to hear that Sue wanted to take me dress shopping for the wedding and was prepared to decline, but upon my father horribly hiding his relief that he would not have to suffer through such an excursion himself I decided to agree to her offer. I didn't want to put my Dad through the kind of crap that Sue was probably about to put me through, and I doubted he would have been able to give me any fashion advice either way. Seth on the other hand, was so nervous about letting me go off the reservation without him that it took another day to convince him I would be alright alone with his own mother.

"I'll be fine - you have my number, I'll just call you if anything goes wrong." I reassured him for what was likely to be the twentieth time the next morning as Sue clambered into the car.

"Mhm." My imprint eyed the Gremlin nervously, right eye twitching when his mother turned the engine on. It spluttered, hiccuped oddly twice, and then finally began to rumble evenly.

"Seth, look at me." I placed my hands on either side of his face and narrowed his vision down. "I'm going to be fine. It's Port Angeles - not Iraq."

"Sure, in a freakin'...whatever the hell you can call this thing at this point." He motioned dejectedly towards the vehicle and drew a giggle out of me, which only brightened his face for a moment before it darkened with anxiety again.

I left him with a kiss and a forced promise that he was going to go straight to Emily's where he was due for a pack meeting, and finally joined Sue in the Gremlin. She took off without another moment to spare, waving out the window to Seth who looked less and less happy in the rear view mirror the further away we got from him.

"He'll be fine," Sue reassured, fixing me with a smile as she caught me still gazing in the mirror two minutes later. "He's very attached to you, you know."

"I know." I murmured, unable to hide the half smile that took control of my mouth. Thinking about him consistently forced the butterflies in my stomach to do flips, and I didn't ever think that I was going to get used to that lovely feeling.

"So, have you given any thought to going back to school?" Sue changed the subject, likely to distract me from the growing distance between myself and her son.

Truth be told, I really hadn't given much thought towards the idea of returning to school in the fall semester mostly because of the amount of distractions that had been going on in and around the reservation. The Tribal school was the most obvious option for me in terms of which school I would be attending, as it would have been hectic to travel all the way to Forks High every single day with no means of transportation clearly available and an anxious Seth fretting at all hours of the day.

"A bit," I was honest, and the mother of two beside me smiled at that. "I don't really know if I'll be able to handle it."

I didn't have to explain to her whether I was talking about school work or the general stress of being social with strangers once more, but Sue seemed to understand.

"Well, if it's any consolation - the Tribal school is very small, and the teachers are all very helpful. You get comfortable with people because it's such a small community."

I didn't really want to get comfortable with anybody but the people I was already comfortable with, but I couldn't deny that the Tribal school sounded like a much better option than whatever horrifying glob of drama and hormones that was Forks High. Plus, it was more likely for me to run into the Cullens when I was in the small town. Staying on the reservation meant safety - and Seth. That wasn't really a point I was eager to move away from, and so I concluded that if I was going to register for school next year, the Tribal school was going to be my best option.

"So, why haven't all the boys graduated?" I asked, realizing that Jared, Embry, Quil and Seth were nearing the age of completing high school but had not made any comment on receiving diplomas of any kind.

"Well, usually when they phase it tosses them for a loop and they have trouble re-focusing." She responded, but didn't reveal any names. I made a mental note to ask Seth about his grades later on. "Imprinting generally doesn't help with the concentration either."

"Sorry." I apologized half-heartedly, knowing that her comment had not been intended as a jab, but Sue merely laughed and dismissed my concern.

"Please - you've helped more than you could imagine. Now what sort of dress were you thinking of getting?"

Well, _that_ was a whole separate issue to tackle - I couldn't remember the last time I'd been shopping, and I didn't know the first thing about quality clothing or what was flattering on me. What the hell had I gotten myself into?

 **Seth P.O.V**

Despite it being the last thing I wanted to do after mom's car disappeared around the long bend that led outside of the reservation, I reluctantly made my way back to Emily's with Leah under the promise I'd made to Tehya. It would have been horrible to miss a pack meeting, but it would be even more horrible to disappoint my imprint or let her down on a promise.

As soon as we arrived at Emily's Sam began rooting through the fridge, not even giving me twenty seconds to settle in and ask how him and Emily were doing before I was presented with a large platter of leftovers. I began to protest, opening my mouth in question, but my Alpha interrupted me before I could say anything.

"You need protein. Eat." Sam rumbled, dropping the plate down in front of me. I didn't miss the way his eyes roamed over my face in mild concern, and I noted that I had been neglecting my health ever since Tehya's visit to the hospital. I was reminded once again of how deeply Sam cared about us all, and how hard he tried to protect and keep us at our best.

I reluctantly dug into the large plate of food, trying not to jinx the Port Angeles shopping trip in my head and instead focus on my minimal hunger. It was hard to shove the food down my gullet right then and there, but it got a bit easier after the first bite or two. I felt like I'd just been given my first meal in weeks, which wasn't necessarily true as I'd only spent three days at the hospital waiting for Tehya to get out of inpatient treatment.

"You're eating like you just phased," Jared noted, bumping me with his shoulder as he plopped down next to me before doing a double take of my stature and turning to Paul quizzically. "Did he get bigger?"

I paid little attention to what they were saying, continuing to consume everything in front of me as fast as I could manage. I felt like a bottomless pit; without even asking Sam passed me a second and third plate, both of which I ate just as heartily as the first. Jared was right - I felt like a newborn pup that was hungry as all hell after phasing for the very first time. More of my brothers had spilled in through Emily's screen door while I'd been eating, Collin and Brady having tagged along with Embry and Quil.

"That means the imprint's workin' its magic, eh?" Quil wiggled his eyebrows, referring to the second growth spurt that always hit members of the pack after they imprinted. "I bet that's gotta be fun."

Jared, Paul and Quil - and Sam, if he could have gotten any bigger - had all undergone what seemed to be a 'second half' of their phasing after finding their mates. Sam had explained that more muscles grew as a protective response, now that our bodies recognized we had more to lose in the form of our imprints. Quil's comment however, definitely had a hidden double meaning to it, and I really couldn't help but feel my blood boil at the thought of him thinking about Tehya in that way.

I also couldn't stop the low growl that issued from my throat as I hurled the bone of a leftover chicken wing at him. It hit him square in the forehead, leaving behind a greasy stain and a chain of laughter as I continued to scarf down as much food as I could hold.

"Oh yeah," Quil responded with only a grin, able to contain himself much better than I. "It's definitely workin' something."

I still didn't respond, and ignored Leah's huff of disapproval. The topic of Tehya wasn't one that I was willing to address at the moment, considering everyone knew of her trip to the hospital and apparently still enjoyed poking fun at me. Besides, I wanted to hear what Sam had to say about Jacob. It had been half a month since he'd disappeared, and there was no avoiding his absence. There was no way that running off into the deep Canadian wilderness was something that wouldn't come up during a pack meeting, and I wanted my best friend back. It didn't seem right to have a pack without Jake in it, and in fact when I thought about it, the whole rez felt off without him.

"I'm switching some of you to the Southern border again," Sam explained as he sat down at the table, drawing all of our attention and silencing the room. The Southern border had always been Jacob's route, but rotations were common now that he was up North and we all had to bear the brunt of his harsh words in our heads. Sam figured that if he kept us all moving, we would have other things to distract us besides Jacob. "Quil and Leah can run from Monday to Thursday, Seth and Jared Friday to Sunday. Paul and Jared; keep an ear out on those Northern trails in the mornings - keep trying to talk to Jacob."

An uncomfortable shift from Paul sent a ripple of discomfort through the table.

"I don't think he's gonna talk." Paul voiced his concerns, sharp jawline tightening as he looked up towards Sam.

"Doesn't matter," Our Alpha shook his head. "That's not the point. He's your brother - you keep trying until something works."

Silence greeted my ears, and I was reminded that we were all extremely disheartened by the abandonment we had suffered. Sure, we sort of understood where Jake was coming from, but running from your responsibilities, your family and your pack seemed a little extreme. We didn't blame him - in fact, Paul and the others placed more of the blame on Bella, which I didn't agree with - but we obviously wished he had dealt with this whole situation a bit more rationally. Then again, when you were in love there was a nearly invisible line between rationality and insanity.

"And I want reports from the West border from you, Embry." Sam bulldozed the thoughts from my brain.

I zoned out as they continued to speak all around me, trying to puzzle out why the hell Jacob had figured that running away would make any of his problems better. Not only did it mean that Edward and Bella were still going to get married, but he had hurt a lot of us in the process. We were giving him time to cool down and accept his love's decision, but his pain had blinded him and caused the people who mattered most in his life to bear the brunt of the whiplash in this situation. If I was being truly honest with myself, I felt a bit lost without Jacob here.

The only person guiding me anywhere other than him was Tehya, and that only made my stomach twist with more anxiety as I remembered that she was all the way in Port Angeles with the space cadet that was my mother, possibly being sized up by a bloodthirsty cocksucker that would jump her as soon as she left the store -

"Seth!" A bark of my name made me jump in surprise, and my head snapped in Sam's direction. I'd zoned out again. "Did you hear what I said?"

"He's in LaLa Land," Jared snorted. "Can't handle his girl leaving the rez."

"With my mother?! Obviously," I defended myself, shoving him in the shoulder hard enough to make the blow annoying. It was clear that Tehya was a bit of a sensitive topic at the moment, and I was feeling more ballsy than usual. "And when's the last time you weren't calling Kim six times a day because she doesn't live on the rez, huh?"

All I got was an eye roll in return and another bark of my name from Sam, at which point I dropped the topic and focused my attention on his instructions. The rest of the meeting passed slower than I could have ever imagined it to, and I counted at least eight separate times when I felt myself become distracted by the thoughts swirling around in my head.

I was dismissed about fifteen minutes later alongside my sister on the premise that I go straight home and stay put, which I obeyed with a bit of difficulty as it was hard not to take off into the woods and run alongside the highways until I reached Port Angeles. Leah, on the other hand, had been instructed to go on patrol, and effortlessly took off as soon as we exited Emily's. I was beginning to have trouble remembering a time when Leah hadn't been cold and unpleasant to be around. My sister - the visionary buzzkill.

Sometimes I felt like she was the way she was because she had nothing to lose. How else could she go through life so carelessly if there was nothing to care about?

Cleansing any thoughts of her out of my head with an abrupt shudder, I realized that I was going to have trouble getting through a day without Tehya. Not only was there a significant amount of concern for her and my mother's safety when they were so far away, but no amount of distractions would satisfy me. I tried everything - cleaning my room, organizing the fridge, washing the dishes and even rearranging the medical cabinet that mom had been whining about for weeks before huffing in dissatisfaction. I couldn't ignore the spasms of worry that continued to resonate in my chest and finally picked up the phone.

Tehya picked up on the first ring, silvery voice making its way into my ear and down my body before I could even whisper a greeting.

" _Seth? We're almost done._ "

I couldn't respond for the first couple seconds, utter relief immobilizing me as I bathed in the waves of euphoria that came along with hearing her. This was the first time we'd been so separate from each other, and although some trust had been returned for my mother to properly care for the one thing that mattered most in life there was nothing more that I wanted to do in this moment other than yank my imprint back through the telephone and have her right beside me.

" _Seth? Hello?_ "

"I'm here!" I replied with a start, realizing that I was gripping the fridge handle a little too tightly. The metal remained unmarked, but my hand gave a pang of complaint. "Sorry - I'm here. When are you driving back?"

" _Soon, I promise._ " There was something about that word that made me shiver, and I felt myself relax afterwards as if she'd cancelled any of my worries.

God - what the hell kind of magic did this girl have?

Whatever it was, it stopped me from doing anything else besides sit on my porch until I heard the distant rumbling of my mother's Gremlin. At that point it took everything I had not to phase and escort the car until it was parked safely in the driveway, but I balled my hands up into fists and forced myself to stay until they got close enough to hear the music on the radio.

I could already smell her by the time they were fifteen meters away, and if that itself wasn't tantalizing enough I was able to hear her soft sigh of what seemed to be relief as soon as mom turned the engine off. It was safe to assume she was starting to hate that car just as much as everyone else on this reservation.

It took me all of three strides to cross the small lawn and engulf her in a hug, picking her up off of the ground without any words. She gave a twinkle of a laugh in surprise, and the comfort of holding her at last was enough to make me let out a small noise of satisfaction as well.

"Nice to see you too." She murmured, sending another shiver down my spine as I set her down gently and offered her a soft kiss. It was returned warmly, and I relished in the seconds that it lasted before we broke apart.

"For how far I let you go today, this better be a nice ass dress." I finally spoke, thrilled to see her smile and laugh on account of the comment. Every time she did that I felt like a new man, and there was nothing more addictive than that.

"Language!" Mom reminded as she gathered the shopping bags from the back seat of the car, otherwise having ignored our interaction. "And it is a nice dress."

"Which you won't get to see until the wedding." Tehya returned playfully, not hindered by my crudeness and making me grin in exchange.

We made our way inside and eventually wound up in my room, where she took up a position on my chest much like I imagined a small kitten would while I played with her hair. A documentary on some obscure species of rare fish droned in the background, but neither of us were listening.

Spent from her activities of the day and limbs tangled as they usually were when we lounged like this, Tehya began to succumb to her growing exhaustion. Captivated by the grounding force of her presence, and completely soothed by her smell alongside the beating of her heart, it was hard not to lull myself to sleep as well. There was nothing calmer than this; I could feel her falling asleep on me and the sheer trust such an action displayed meant more to me than the entire world. So I gave in, letting my head eventually fall against hers as we both gave in to the peacefulness of the moment.

 **A/N: Again, I am very sorry for the slow update, and I will try to squeeze in some writing whenever I get the chance. Please let me know what you think of the chapter (I know small mistakes are common - please bear with me because I still have not made the effort to get a Beta)!**


	18. Neutron Star Collision

' **Neutron Star Collision'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: I am incredibly sorry for such a delay in terms of this chapter - I was in exams and my life got very busy as I was valedictorian for my graduating class and am now working 2 jobs. Either way I am trying my best to crank out chapters! I've also finally gotten a Beta; the very lovely The13thQueen, who has been helping me with my edits and helping me give you guys better chapters. Round of applause! :)**

 **On another note, we are back to Tehya's P.O.V in this chapter. Thank you for waiting so long you guys, and enjoy!**

 _The world is broken  
Halos fail to glisten  
You try to make a difference  
But no one wants to listen  
Then our hearts combined like  
A neutron star collision  
_-Muse, 'Neutron Star Collision'

Sue had not led me astray. The dress we had picked together was beautiful, and with the wedding only days away I made sure that I wasn't going to look completely out of place in between all of the flawless attendants. Seeing as how the Cullens were already virtually imperfect and their extended family was presumably equally as magnificent, I wanted to do my best to clean up and not appear completely below their level on Bella's day.

Appreciating the long royal blue dress in all its glory was difficult in the floor length mirror I had in my room, but I did my best to admire the soft sea of fabric. My toes barely peeked out of the bottom of the garment, which trailed slightly as I traipsed to my closet to pull out the only pair of heels I owned. Although they only added about five inches to my frame, I was able to see the dress actually sway along with my movements instead of catching itself on my floor after donning them.

I hadn't been very convinced on the deep plunging back of the evening gown - which exposed the majority of my back up to two hands above my tailbone - but Sue had managed to convince me to take a risk with my clothing choices and I had agreed partly due to spur of the moment emotions. Second guessing my choice now would only serve me even more insecurity, and so I tried to remain confident that I could pull this off.

The front of the dress was not as risque as the backside, but the decolletage neckline was doing its best to show off anything I had in the cleavage department. Only supported by two thin straps on either shoulder that twisted into an elegant design and flanked the bare skin on my back, the straps forced me to expose the parts of myself that I hadn't always been comfortable exposing before. I had to admit, the extra weight allowed me to fill out the garment quite nicely, as I no longer looked like a walking skeleton, but I still was not one hundred percent okay with the idea of spending a full night in this thing.

"There's a first for everything." I mumbled, trying to evoke any feelings of self worth that I could at the moment.

Mom would have loved this dress; she would have loved the risk that came along with wearing it. I had always clung to her side throughout life, rarely taking chances or playing the odds. So in turn, she had grown to love anything that involved me putting myself out there or pushing my boundaries, because she knew that to achieve great things I would have to challenge myself. I wouldn't have exactly called attending a wedding a 'great thing' per se, but it was a start.

The days leading up to the wedding were relatively quiet. The only news came from either Billy or Seth, who continued to report what the pack had heard from Jacob. Our friend had apparently fallen silent several days ago, and the boys hadn't heard from him since. It was driving them up the wall, but they were doing a mighty fine job of hiding it. My only contribution to their cause had been to donate whatever video games I had left to Emily's home, which Paul was very grateful for. I wasn't sure what else I could do besides that other than comfort Seth that Jacob would come back one day, and that this awful situation wasn't going to last long.

After several more days passed, even I began to doubt my own words.

Bella continued to call right up until the day of the wedding, asking about Jacob's whereabouts and how everyone was doing. Although she rarely mentioned my name, I was in Seth's room half the times she called and could hear her skirting around the question of my mental health. Seth always told her I was doing fine, which was partially true.

I had gained a bit of weight back but was still struggling with keeping my food intake regular, as during some times of the day I found myself very sick and could not bring myself to eat any food regardless of how appetizing it may have seemed. Dr. Reyes had informed me that this type of thing was normal, and that I could wait it out. Time, she had stated, helped with a lot of things. I hoped that was the case with my other issues in life at the moment.

The blackness had all but disappeared and it was getting easier to think about Mom every day, but the odd panic attack still occurred here and there and it would take a day of quiet with Seth to recuperate from those odd lapses in my mental health. I sensed that I was still very much weak, despite all the building I'd done for myself in the last month.

"You're not weak," Seth had reassured me upon hearing my complaint, gently toying with my hair with calloused fingers while we watched a special on Antarctica in my room. "You're just healing."

I had tried to argue that those two theoretically meant the same thing, but I was drowned in a sea of kisses that fortified my feelings of self worth and washed off any insecurities for a while. In those moments, it was easy for me to feel like a million dollars.

On the actual day of the wedding it felt completely backwards to leave the reservation. Sue and Seth had departed in the Gremlin before Billy, my father and I, who were borrowing Jacob's Volkswagen Rabbit. Billy looked less than happy to shift himself into the car, but did so without complaint.

I'd never seen Dad cleaned up so nicely before, and I had to admit it was nice to see him in a suit. It made me proud to call him my Dad - he looked as dignified as Harry did hanging in that picture in Seth's room.

The warm summers night seemed to promise only happy tidings as we drove, but there was a strange feeling in my stomach that wouldn't go away and wouldn't allow itself to be placed. My chest fluttered and gave a clench or two at the thought of something going wrong today, but was quickly silenced by my father's abrupt honking of the car's horn when a passing vehicle cut him off.

"Asshole." He swore, then quickly gazed in the rearview mirror with a fair amount of guilt written on his face as he remembered I was sitting in the backseat. Apparently it hadn't occurred to him that swearing was no longer a shock to me since I wasn't ten years old, but I understood his desire to conserve my innocence for as long as he could. "Sorry, slipped out."

Sparing an uncertain glance towards Billy, I managed to catch his wink just in time before his face reset itself to its usual orderly gaze. It was pleasant to remember that underneath all the firm and steady persona Billy always upheld, he was a playful soul.

Our path followed the map that had been sealed in the envelope alongside the wedding invitation, and we found ourselves traveling along a stretch of winding road surrounded by wilderness. I took the time to roll down the window in the backseat and stick my arm out slightly as Dad continued to drive, a smile slowly creeping across my face as the wind tickled the soft pads of my fingers and weaved its way around my palm.

We reached a breathtaking home minutes later, the sight of it immediately making my mouth drop. Constructed by what seemed to be mostly glass and wood, the unique structure boasted several levels and housed plants of all kinds in any spaces possible. It was magnificent; a dream of a home worth a million bucks to anyone with two eyes in their skull.

"Ready, kid?" Dad opened the door for me after having helped Billy into his wheelchair, and I nodded before taking his hand.

I only had time to gulp nervously before steadying myself on my feet, aware that my heels were going to cause me major discomfort by the end of the night. Dressing up had never been my favorite pastime, and this evening surely wasn't going to change that. I glanced around at the cars parked in the Cullen's driveway and alongside the street where we had left Jake's Rabbit, chest constricting once more at the thought of how many people were going to be here tonight.

I wished for my missing friend very badly at this moment.

"Harry!" Charlie stole my attention away from how nervous I was letting myself get, and the man in the tuxedo made his way down the front steps of the beautiful home to greet us. "Billy - Tehya, thanks for coming - all of you."

I wasn't sure how to read him at the moment; he looked just as anxious as Bella likely felt at the moment, but I could see some happiness in him as well. Nevertheless there was that sliver of fear or uncertainty or something of the sort lingering in his eyes that I could see. He knew he was unaware of something, just as I had known I'd been unaware of something before Billy had exposed me to the very real Quileute legends. I hoped that one day he would be able to rid himself of that horrible feeling.

"Congratulations." Billy wished his friend, and I watched carefully for any note of displeasure in Charlie's eyes at the blessing.

"Everyone's out back," He diverted the conversation, smiling and complimenting our appearances. "Alice did a great job of setting this whole place up."

I remembered Seth naming off a few of the coven's members, but I couldn't remember which one Alice was. Figuring it didn't matter, I followed Billy towards a small path that bent around the house, and as we approached the tinkling sounds of classical music and light chatter could be heard.

We breached the entrance into the backyard, although it was more like a forest as the entire area was surrounded by trees and there was only a small clearing that had been formed into the aisle that Bella would presumably be walking down. The entire place looked like it had been touched by an angel; white wisteria flowers had been hung from almost every available branch, and canopied the aisle that was bordered by the two family seating sections.

Again, nature made itself present, as the tables and pews were all accompanied by some sort of flower or plant combination. The giant wedding cake, which I could spot not too far from the refreshments table, had also been decorated with white flowers and soft green leaves.

I hadn't been expecting a decor of this caliber, and reminded myself to compliment Alice - and whoever else had put so much effort into this elegant ordeal - before the end of the night. This was absolutely flooring.

Seth and Sue found us almost immediately as we parted ways with Billy, and with his presence came the ability to breathe properly once more. The tightness that I had been trying to ignore released itself as soon as he approached, and I gravitated naturally towards him.

"Look at you..." Seth took a moment to hold me where he could see me as gently as possible, warm hands engulfing my smaller ones as an enamoured smile overtook his features. He looked as though he was going to say something else, but couldn't do anything else train his eyes over my appearance in dumbstruck awe. "It's like you just fell out of heaven."

"Really?" I smiled tentatively at his wholesome compliment, wanting to believe him but finding it difficult to reign back the ever present self-doubt.

"Yes," He breathed in a trance, eyes alive and burning with fidelity and passion. He gently trailed me closer until his smooth lips met my forehead, where they rested there for a moment or two before his hands found their way up my arms and left a trail of tingles in their wake. He fully embraced me after another moment of full fledged admiration, allowing me to wilt against his solid frame.

This kind of feeling couldn't be replaced with anything else in the world, I thought as he pulled me closer and left a warm kiss on my ear that shot tingles straight down to my toes.

His hands found my dutch braid, and traced the foldings until they reached the tips of my hair that desperately needed trimming. A shiver that I couldn't contain ripped through me, triggering Seth's hands to tighten around me automatically in response. I was reminded once more of the way our bodies attempted to work as one, constantly bouncing off of each other's reactions and ticks.

Seth released me from the hug when my father cleared his throat, sheepishly greeting him with a handshake and nodding towards Billy. His arm did not remove itself from around my waist however, as if he was trying to remind me that when I looked like this, straying too far wasn't an option.

I smiled at Sue, who complimented my dress and told me I looked lovely. I returned the gesture to her in regards to her simple black dress, accompanied by a set of pearls around her neck and matching earrings that she adorned. Despite her finished appearance, she seemed very unsettled and unprepared to submerge herself in a crowd of this type.

At this point I was able to get a good look around, and immediately noticed that at least half the people I was looking at were definitely not mortal, which explained Sue's discomfort. Although they might have looked strictly mesmerizing and nothing more to the majority of the guests here, I knew exactly what they were and acknowledged that walking right into a pit of them was a bit risky. Despite my brain's threat signal screaming at me to turn around and run back down the road I'd come, I allowed Seth to gently begin walking us forward.

I had to admit, it was easier said than done, but having Seth attached to my hip definitely helped.

Almost as soon as we neared the magnificent cake, two Cold ones neared us that my imprint recognized immediately.

Esme, the mother of the coven, and Alice, the small planner I'd heard about which would soon become a sister-in-law to Bella, greeted our small group. Esme was a vision of near perfection, with sleek brunette hair, honey yellow eyes and a complexion so clear you could have licked it and gotten away with a cleaner tongue than you'd started with. Her purple dress complimented her figure to a T, and she handled herself with a noticeable grace most likely practised over hundreds of years. Her daughter, on the other hand, was a bit more quirky. Alice's short hair and small stature along with her standout jewelry revealed a more youthful and playful personality than her mother. Little bobs on the balls of her feet here and there as her mother spoke led me to believe that she had a lot of contained energy, which I wished I could relate to.

"You must be Tehya," Alice assumed with a very friendly grin, cheery tone pleasing to my ears. I was obliged to reply with a nod, afraid to speak and compare my seemingly ugly tone to her wonderful one. "We've heard a bit about you, it's nice to finally meet you!"

Oh?

"Yes, we're very happy to meet you all." Esme smiled warmly, perfect teeth showing themselves. She no doubt was aware of the tension between the pack and her coven, and was likely grateful that at least some of us were supportive of the relationship between the two groups finally budding. "Thank you for coming."

"This is Harry, Billy and my mom." Seth introduced each adult and allowed them to shake Esme's hand, and I saw that Sue managed to release a shaky smile as she finally grasped Esme's hand. I hoped that she felt a bit better after that; Esme seemed incredibly friendly, and her charm almost made me forget all about her family's secret while she was talking.

It felt strange to ignore the elephant in the room that was all the supernatural contained in one backyard, but I it did as best I could.

"Everything looks amazing," Seth spoke directly to Alice, who beamed at his feedback. "This is some next level work."

"Thank you! It's not too much?" She replied chirpily, again threatening to place a smile on my face just by speaking. She had an attitude that reminded me of Seth's; lighthearted and carefree, which was perhaps the reason why I was so captivated when she opened her mouth.

"No, absolutely not. It's lovely." My father finished talking just as Carlisle entered the conversation, easily sliding into place beside his wife who welcomed his presence.

"It's nice to see you all," The Doctor nodded and shook hands with the men in our circle, exuding class and confidence with each action. Despite the feeling he gave off, there was also a humbleness in his approach and a way of modesty about him that I could get behind. "We appreciate you showing up - we didn't think anybody from the reservation would."

"We were happy to," Billy replied first to my surprise, black eyes honest and compassionate. The Billy that had spoken of the Cold ones at the council bonfire months ago was not the same Billy as today; his perspective had been changed by the Doctor that now stood before him, and as a consequence he'd opened his mind. "It's about time we start working together."

"You will always be welcome here." The Doctor replied to that, his usual tight controlled smile unveiling his satisfaction.

Dr. Cullen's blessing didn't hit as hard as Sam's blessing had hit me, but it was still a heartwarming gesture - as ironic as that sounded.

We were ushered towards the pews by Alice minutes later and slowly meandered over, taking up the last bench on the left side of the clearing where most of the non relatives had gathered. It was clear that more of Edward's extended family had made it over to the Cullen's home, raising my curiosity as to their usual whereabouts. I could see some darker skinned folk, with black eyes that made me question whether they'd worn contacts or whether they were in desperate need of feeding.

Before I could begin to think any offensive thoughts about the risk of being eaten alive tonight, the classical music changed its pace and Bella appeared with Charlie by her side a few moments after. As much as Seth would have liked to flatter me on the rare day that I had dolled myself up, Bella was the true fallen angel today.

A soft white veil and an exquisite lace dress that clung to her figure helped to seal the image, despite any hesitation that was seeping out of her. She was absolutely stunning, and I smiled instinctively at the sight of her.

She looked every bit as nervous as I would have imagined her to be, and clutched at her father's arm as tightly as she could as he slowly walked her towards the aisle. I could vaguely make out her whispering something to him as they neared us, and as soon as she caught sight of the crowd it only seemed to terrify her even further.

Then, as soon as she spotted Edward waiting in his tuxedo by the minister at the alter, any doubt that had begun clouding her face cleared.

The music changed pace again, and Charlie began the slow walk down the aisle to finally give his daughter away. A vigour seemed to have overtaken her, each step growing more and more confident as she grew closer to Edward. By the time she reached the aisle and kissed her father goodbye, there was no trace of any hesitation or fear left on her face. Everything had been eradicated; outshone by the love of her life that was now reciting his vows alongside her.

I found myself selfishly comparing this moment to the way I looked at Seth when I saw him, and the confidence I felt when he was with me. Inspiring myself to be headstrong and live as much as I could was easy when he was around, and like the moon had tethered itself to earth, I was slowly finding that the only way to properly survive was with him by my side.

As if he'd been listening to my whole internal dialogue, Seth gave my side a squeeze and pressed his warm lips to my left temple. I shyly wrapped my own arm around him as we listened to Bella and Edward recite their final vows and watched them slide their final wedding bands on each others fingers.

The minister's jowly smile and calming baritone helped guide the ceremony to a peaceful end, and as the groom finally kissed the bride the audience erupted into gleeful cheering. The two up front stayed separate and detached from the crowd for several moments longer, cached in their own reality where they likely felt as though they were the only ones belonging in the universe.

I couldn't help but compare the moment to how I felt when Seth kissed me.

Was that love? Feeling as though you were the only two people in the universe when you looked at each other? Or was it being able to single out the most important person to you in an overwhelming crowd? There was a push and pull that I'd gotten familiar with during my time with Seth that made me believe love was an uncontrollable force that moved people in ways they never thought imaginable. But was it simply a chemical reaction in our heads, or a tie between two people that was already predicted long before birth?

If I really looked at them closely enough, Bella and Edward certainly seemed as though they'd been sculpted for each other.

Even after the ceremony was said and done and the two were happily greeting their guests at the reception, they behaved as though they'd known each other for centuries. That was odd to think of, as I was aware of Bella's goal of transformation after marriage.

"Hey man!" Seth took the chance to approach Edward as soon as he saw the couple coming our way with myself, Dad, Billy, Charlie and Sue in tow. "Nice to see you - I'm happy for you both."

"Thank you." Edward responded, both newlyweds smiling happily.

"I hope you'll be happy, Bella." Billy took his chance to congratulate them next, although I suspected that his presence would only contribute to Bella's curiosity as to the whereabouts of our friend.

"Thank you, Billy." She tucked a runaway strand of hair behind her ear and focused on the black haired elder as my suspicions were confirmed. "Have you heard from him?"

"I'm sure Jake wishes you the best." Billy swiftly diverted the question, and I took the opportunity to congratulate the couple as to distract her from asking any further questions. I could tell Billy wasn't going to answer any more of them, and it was best to avoid an awkward situation.

"You look beautiful," I complimented, watching her beam in response. "Everything looks amazing - I wish you both a very happy future."

The statement was not particularly specific and I hadn't meant for it to have any double meaning, but I saw Bella's smile drop by just a fraction before the gesture repaired itself milliseconds later.

My own smile fell on its own accord once I realized how my comment could have been taken, however I wasn't able to repair it so quickly. I hadn't meant to suggest anything about their future together and certainly had not been insinuating that without good fortune wished upon them their future would be lacking, however I feared that was how my comment had been taken into stride.

Before I could even begin to make a fool of myself and apologize, Charlie indicated that he was ready to drink and offered Sue a glass of champagne. Billy, hearing the note of interest in his friend's voice, quickly turned his chair and - as inconspicuously as he could - rolled over his friends foot before loudly declaring that he had a desire for sparkling water.

I raised a brow at their antics, wondering if there was some drama I was missing between all of the adults. Dad wiggled his eyebrows at me in response, as if to tell me that he would explain later, and I smiled as I watched him trail after his two friends.

Seth and I also began to take our leave, but not before the happy couple in front of us could put in one last word.

"You didn't offend us," Edward murmured, and a chill subconsciously ran down my spine at his words.

How had he...? _Oh_. Oh God.

There was no other way Edward could have known what I'd been thinking unless he'd read my thoughts. Case in point; Edward must have been the mind-reader Seth had been telling me about.

Although we'd had many a conversation about the actual Cullens, we'd never gotten a chance to narrow down who exactly had which capability in the family. Learning these things out of the blue was daunting and not so helpful for my poor nerves, and so I couldn't help but let my eyes widen a bit.

"We're glad you came." Bella added, as if to help me grasp the fact that someone right in front of me could read everything that was going through my mind.

 _Don't think about gross stuff!_ The instinctual side of me panicked, instantly creating the opposite of the desired effect it was aiming for. Even though Edward successfully played down his natural reaction quite a bit, I could see that he'd caught a glimpse of what I'd been thinking of and was now giving me an odd smile.

I silently cursed my own brain for sabotaging me at the worst possible moment in front of the only person who could actually hear what I was thinking.

Face beet red at this point, I tried to focus on responding to Bella who was smiling knowingly.

"Y-yeah, us...us too." I tried to flail my way through a statement, but thankfully by that point Seth had begun to notice what was going on. He chuckled deeply before pulling on my waist and saying goodbye to Edward and Bella himself, aware that I wasn't going to be able to formulate a cohesive sentence until we were out of Edward's focus.

"That's so awkward - he could hear everything I was thinking; even the gross stuff I tried not to think of!" I babbled as soon as we were at a respectable distance, even though I knew that Edward could have heard me from a mile away if he wanted to. "Did I make it weird? Oh my god - he must have been so weirded out. I would be weirded out too, Jesus Christ -"

"Tehya," Seth gently grasped either side of my face and effectively quieted me. "You're fine. The only way this gets weird is if you make it weird."

"Mhm." I replied nervously, trying to focus on his chocolate orbs.

His resulting laughter managed to distract me for several moments, however I was still unsettled by the fact that at any given moment, Edward could easily tap into my head and bypass any aspect of privacy I had in my mind. It was one thing hearing about it from Seth, but actually being in such a person's proximity and witnessing his powers on me firsthand was different. I could safely say I didn't like anyone in my head after the experience.

"Come on, let's go find your Dad." He took my hand in his larger one and pulled me through a small crowd, back towards the table where slices of cake and drinks were being passed around.

I stayed close to him as everyone gathered refreshments and allowed him to pull me into his side once our small group situated themselves at the edge of the clearing that was the Cullen's backyard. Small conversation was made, and for a bit it seemed like the rest of the reception was going to go by smoothly. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before I could detect the familiar feeling of someone's stare on me, and when I turned to find the source I could clearly spot a blond woman - eyes yellow like the majority of the undead here - glaring towards Seth and I with utmost hatred.

I looked up at Seth in question, curios as to why a random woman would be so angry with him, and was surprised to see the hurt and guilt crossing his face.

The blonde was with two other women with hair as yellow as hers, and two brunettes seemingly older than she. They were conversing with Edward and Bella, but I could see that no one was smiling and could only assume that the mood had turned sour based on this woman's attitude.

I knew Seth could hear what was going on, but he wasn't telling me anything and was now looking at the ground with a conflicted expression. Billy started to eye the woman as well, watching as she spat something towards Edward and then stalked away, her family calling after her. Sue and Charlie seemed to stay distracted by each other, sipping off champagne flutes and laughing occasionally.

"Irina," Seth murmured suddenly, out of earshot from Charlie. His bottom lip curled upwards slightly as his brows furled, ears able to pick up on the faraway conversation and gears obviously turning in his head. "One of their relatives from Alaska. I helped kill her mate Laurent after he tried going after Bella."

Wonderful. Coven drama.

I wanted to say something to comfort him or make him feel better about having killed someone in defense of an innocent person's life, but I didn't even know where to start. I knew so little about this supernatural world already that it felt as though saying something might have just made Seth feel worse. So I settled for gripping his hand gently, hoping that my presence would comfort him enough.

Neither Sue or Charlie noticed the quiet that had taken over Seth and I, but luckily a different distraction came in the form of Bella and Edward's many relatives embarrassing themselves on stage as they tried to make different announcements about how happy they were for the bride and groom. Some of them were odd, some comical, and some embarrassing; I didn't know how to deal with Bella's mother trying to sing and cry at the same time, or the young bride's awkward high school friend stumbling through a toast that was vaguely passive aggressive. Overall, the only passable glad tidings were those made by Charlie or the members of the Cullen family, which were short and sweet.

Dancing followed the toasts, and after the newlyweds' first trip around the hardwood that had been laid out in front of the stage, the rest of the guests moved forward to join them. Alice and her mate Jasper, whom I'd learned the name of after I heard mumblings in the crowd about how impressive their dancing was, gave everyone a run for their money as they performed risque moves that would have surely landed me in the emergency room if I had tried any of them. To my complete and utter surprise, my father stood up from the table at which we'd been eating our meals after witnessing the couple show off their moves and offered me a hand.

"You know how to dance?" I asked, eyeing him strangely.

"You betcha." Dad winked back at me, and with a tug on my wrist I was whisked away. "Come on, I'll show you a move or two."

The music was slow, to my relief, and Dad showed me where to put my hands before telling me to follow his feet with my own. I tried my best not to step on his toes in my awfully inconvenient heels, and feel for the rhythm in which he was leading me, but it was hard to get a hold of slow dancing and I was fairly certain I stepped on his toes more than a couple times. Still, he continued, patience prevailing over frustration when I nipped his big toe for the fifth time.

"Sorry."

"It's alright." He smiled forlornly. "You'll get the hang of it, all in good time. As you will with many things."

I sighed back at him, as he was no doubt insinuating that dancing was somehow like the dance of life; you had to keep trying, no matter how many times life stepped on your toes. He didn't even need to say it - I knew he was trying to turn my awkward stumbling into some sort of positivity speech and my mind had already latched onto the message.

"You look really nice, Dad." I put aside my annoyance and complimented him, watching him smile proudly in response.

"And you look like a dream come true." He kissed the top of my head as we continued to sway, and I merely rested my head against his chest when I couldn't find any words to return to his praise.

I hoped I looked as nice as everyone was telling me I looked. Compared to all the beauty around me it was easy to feel like a dirty rag.

"I think someone would like to steal a dance with you." Dad's rumbling chest distanced itself from my cheek, and I missed the warmth for a split second before it returned to my face at the sight of Seth.

He waited with his hand out and that irresistible charming smirk on his face until Dad had let me go, backing off to the table to share a moment with Billy.

"Hi." I whispered with a giddy smile, falling into step with him easier than I had with my father. I had him to thank for that, as I realized that it was easier to be aware of Seth's toes after having practiced with Dad.

"Hi." Seth grinned back at me, planting a kiss on my nose that I was certain made me blush with vigor. "Did I say how pretty you looked?"

"Did _I_ say how pretty you looked?" I returned, trying my best to engage in repartee.

"You didn't, actually." Seth cocked his head teasingly and spun me clumsily mid sway, pulling a giggle out of me as I realized the champagne I'd been drinking at the table with the small dinner was doing its trick in the relaxation department.

"You look very pretty. Almost as pretty as Bella."

"Almost?" He feigned hurt and touched a hand to his chest, returning it to my waist almost instantly after the exaggerated gesture made its point. "I put on makeup specifically to trump the bride tonight. This is devastating."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall - who's the fairest of them all?" I let him pull me closer as we spun some more, ignoring the soreness of my feet as our playful dialogue continued.

"I think you can look in the mirror to answer that question." Seth winked, and I let laughter break its way out of my lungs.

The moment was unfortunately short lived, as although I would have been more than happy to continue dancing all night with Seth and conversing about nothing specific in particular, Edward interrupted us out of nowhere with a swift hand on Seth's shoulder.

"Sorry to interrupt," The groom gave me a tight smile and focused his sharp gaze on my partner. "Seth - there's a problem."

Without another word, Seth's eyes filled with worry and concern, and he turned back to me a moment later.

"I'll be right back - stay here, okay? Don't move."

"What? I -" I began to question, shaking my head at the notion of being left alone, but within seconds the two were already gone.

It wasn't really surprising; Edward moved at the speed of light, and within the crowd of people on the dance floor there was no spotting where Seth had gone. However it was unlike him to leave me so quickly, especially in an environment where he knew I was uncomfortable being alone and in the middle of so many strangers.

Unable to spot my table and feet unbearably sore at this point, I frowned and began to make my way off the dance floor and away from the music. Why would the two have scampered off like that? What could have been so urgent that it couldn't have waited any longer?

I made it away from the tables and began to scan around the large clearing, family members both mortal and undead blurring together as I tried to pick out exactly who I was looking for.

I tried to follow my gut, hoping that the little ball of energy that I held inside of me that I shared with Seth would help in this moment and venturing further and further away from the wedding reception. Listening for voices as best I could, I tried to pick out footprints in the dim light that could indicate where Edward and Seth could have possible gone. I couldn't see any footprints that resembled theirs, but in a path near the edge of the Cullen's home I could spot little footprints that could have been a woman's.

Deciding to follow those, I was relieved to finally hear voices when I grew closer to the corner of the home.

"Walk away, Jake!" I could hear Seth struggling and the sound of grunting, paired with the sound of someone hitting the forest floor seconds later. My heart jumped. What the hell was going on? Jake was back?

Deciding that if worst came to worst I could scream for help, I turned the corner only to find my long lost friend, the rest of his pack and Edward surrounding Bella. Jacob looked livid, albeit slightly distracted when he caught sight of me, and my mouth fell open a bit in return at the sight of him.

Why had he come back specifically on the day he'd been trying to avoid? Why had Seth tried to hold him back? Had he tried to attack Bella?

"Enough, Jacob." Sam commanded, himself and the rest of his pack standing ready in case their brother tried anything else.

Seth caught my eye, and it was easy to tell that he wasn't happy I'd found him. He hadn't wanted me to see this, and I wasn't sure why as I would have taken any opportunity to see Jacob - even if it was in this confusing context.

"Stay out of this, Sam!" Jacob growled, turning back towards his Alpha.

"You're not gonna start something that we'll have to finish." Sam replied.

 _What?_

"She'll die!" Jacob argued with fervor.

 _What?!_

"She's not our concern anymore." Everyone quieted at that, and I gripped the exterior wall of the house for support as I swallowed a rather large gulp. It was dawning on me that I'd intruded on a very personal and sensitive moment.

But why were they talking this way? Were they talking about Bella? Why with such anger? What had happened?

Always a million questions.

As if he'd issued a silent command, the pack began to file into the forest behind Sam one by one. I watched Jacob rudely push by his Alpha and disappear behind the treeline, before Sam turned and followed him with a lasting glance towards me.

The only one to stay behind for another moment was Seth, who I began to walk towards in an attempt to gain some closure. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but Sam's harsh cry of his name stopped him from taking another step towards me. I stopped as well, recognizing that because Jacob had come back I wasn't going to be able to speak with him until the pack had regained some stability.

"It's okay." I shook my head as he hesitated, clearly torn between Sam and I.

"I'll come see you tonight - I'll explain, I promise." He ran over to leave a heavy kiss on my lips, hands assuming their familiar position on either side of my jawline before he stroked one of my cheekbones gently and bounded off in the other direction. It warmed my heart, and so I tried to hold on to the tenderness of the action.

"Oh - okay, sure." I murmured before he got out of earshot, and watching him and Sam escape from my field of vision. I supposed I had to get used to these moments, as it wasn't the first time this had happened and it certainly wasn't going to be the last.

I was left alone with Edward and Bella, feet sore as ever and feeling as though I'd just intruded on a moment that had not at all been meant for me. I had the brief urge to apologize, before self-righteousness took its place in my head and assured me that I had just as much of a right to be here as anyone else, especially considering Edward had ripped my dance partner away from me and left me to fend for myself in a crowd of -

 _He can hear you, you know. Don't make a fool of yourself._

I gulped and looked up at the two several yards away from me, noticing that they were sharing a small moment of their own as Edward whispered something to Bella. I tried to turn and make my way back to the wedding reception, but Edward was quick to stop me.

"Tehya." He called, causing me clench my jaw before I turned around. "We're sorry about this. We didn't mean for you to get involved."

"It's alright." I was honest, and relieved that he wasn't angry. "It's not your fault. I'm just glad Jacob's back."

Bella still looked a little put out, but I wasn't about to ask any questions on the subject of the incident and chose to stay quiet as well all walked back to the reception together. Edward answered any curious questions about where we'd been and informed everyone that he and Bella had been showing me the rest of the grounds, to which I dumbly played along with. Charlie believed us without a sliver of doubt, but Billy could see right through our facade.

"That must have been nice. See anything pretty?" The elder cocked his head, obviously aware that more was going on.

"Yes. Very pretty...flowers. Nice flowers." I cleared my throat and tried to avoid glaring at the black haired man, aware of what games he was playing.

"Where's Seth?"

"Seth, uh…" Crap. I hadn't thought about an excuse for my missing partner.

"Said he wasn't feeling well," Edward quickly saved face once more, motioning to his stomach as he explained to Sue what was going on with her son. "He said he'd wait in the car for you."

Sue looked between Edward and I, and must have gotten more than enough of an explanation in my face to allow her to understand what we were getting at. She wasn't an expert in pack drama, but it was more than obvious from Bella's silence and my rattled expression that something had gone down.

"I should probably head out, then." She faked a smile and began to say her goodbyes, and I motioned to Dad that it was time for us to head out as well. "Thank you so much for having us."

We tried to say goodbye to everyone that we had met this evening, which counted for a total of about twenty people and took us ten minutes to get through. The Cullens were all aware of what was going on, as it was clear in all of their eyes when Esme called on her children to bid us farewell that they had either heard from Edward or from their own ears that Jacob had returned.

One by one I said goodbye to the members of the coven, and admired Emmett's hulking figure, Rosalie's looks, Alice's energy, Esme's attitude, Carlisle's composure and the newlyweds ability to keep it all together in such a night.

"Have a pleasant evening." After a long line of goodbyes, I finally shook hands with Jasper, Alice's mate, who would be the last member of the Cullen family I would speak with for the night.

After looking at him for more than a second, I was instantly washed with a feeling of relaxation and utter peace, and was bewildered for a moment before I acknowledged that the emotional manipulation ability that Seth had also mentioned a while back was this very sensation. With wide eyes, I turned to Jasper and felt myself smile.

There was no other way to describe the wonderful feelings running through me at the moment other than to say that they had somehow come from the heavens themselves. I felt like what I would have imagined an angel felt like; I was concerned about nothing and every single problem that had been weighing me down seemed utterly insignificant in comparison to the loveliness in my head. The large weight pulling down my shoulders was lifted, and I felt almost as good as when I did with Seth. Almost alive, instead of burdened and restrained by the losses and problems I had in my life.

Out of all the abilities gifted to the supernatural, this would have undoubtedly been the one I would have wished for had I ever been turned immortal.

How precious of a gift would it have been to feel like this whenever one wanted to? It was priceless; there was nothing better than this.

"Tehya?"

"Mm?" I was still smiling towards no one in particular, until Dad pulled me out of my little moment and my mood broke. We started to move away from the family, and I tried to recollect myself before moving alongside Dad.

I mouthed a quick thank you towards Alice and Jasper, who both shot me secretive little smiles in return. I was sure that I wouldn't be seeing the last of them; after _that_ moment, there was no doubt in my mind that I had to return at some point or another and pay visit to their wonderful gifts.

As soon as we walked away from the house the brilliant mood that Jasper had inflicted upon me with his emotional manipulation fell away, placing me right back to where it had started. Still, I was comforted by the fact that I knew where to come if I needed to get away, and that there was someone else I could depend on other than Seth to distract me enough if I ever got overwhelmed.

On the drive back to the reservation I tried to peek through the spots in between the trees for any signs of patrolling wolves, but my eyesight could not detect anything out of the ordinary as more and more shrubbery flew by. I tried to imagine one of my friends running beside the car, or Seth himself, their big paws hitting the ground and propelling them at speeds that matched the pace of the vehicle.

I swore I could have spotted a flash of something in the woods once we breached the reservation's grounds, but paid little attention to it and instead followed my father into the house after we had dropped Billy off at the Black residence. He'd been quiet on the ride back, unwilling to speak about his son returning to Forks. It seemed as though the silent unanimous decision was to let the two sort it out between themselves, so Dad and I didn't push Billy and retreated to our home.

I face planted on the bed as soon as I'd gotten my dress and makeup off, and rubbed at my sore feet before grabbing my sketchbook. Although Seth hadn't made it clear when he was going to pay me a visit, I wanted to make sure I stayed awake long enough for him to have a shot. However, as the time passed by, said task became more difficult than originally planned for. I was tired, and it was getting harder to stay awake.

Then, about two hours into coloring a turtle with a soft green out of my pencil crayon case while my head lolled back and forth in exhaustion, I heard a tap on my window and padded over to open it. I couldn't see very well in the dark, but I saw the familiar form of Seth couple feet away from the house.

"Move over!" Seth's whisper greeted my ears, and I stepped back as he propelled himself through into my bedroom, vaulting over the windowsill and landing softly on the floor. Even if Dad had been awake, I didn't think that he would have been able to hear the soft thump.

It took a second to acknowledge he was shirtless, but I didn't mind and hummed in satisfaction as he moved to give me a kiss. It also took me a second to acknowledge how sleepy I was, but Seth's warmth as he took me into his arms and guided me towards the bed helped with that. I could feel my eyes fighting to stay open, and the fatigue must have been written all over my face, because Seth was already smiling and shaking his head before I could even begin to ask where he'd been or what Jacob's return meant.

"I know you're tired." He murmured, chest rumbling as he placed me on the sheets and pulled me onto his chest. I'd gotten to the stage of sleepy where I no longer cared about anything other than giving in to the tiredness fighting to take me over. Seth was also wonderfully warm, meaning that I didn't need blankets and the heat was just guiding me closer and closer to slumber. "Sleep. I'll explain in the morning."

"I had fun dancing," I drawled lazily, burying my face into the crook of his neck and not bothering to ask if he was staying the night. I didn't care; he was extremely comfortable and very warm. "You looked good."

"Thank you," Seth laughed a bit at my tired tone, seeing that I was almost half asleep now. "You looked amazing. You always do."

"You still look good." I had just enough energy to plant a kiss on the base of his neck, making his arms tighten around me a little bit more. I couldn't see his face, but I could assume that his reaction was more than positive. "Please don't leave."

He laughed again, the pleasant rumbling coming from deep within his chest this time. "I won't. Go to sleep, angel."

I smiled drowsily at the feel of him, imprint sated and happily emitting waves of affection into every part of me. Soon Seth began to stroke his thumb up and down my waist in the meticulous rhythm I'd grown so used to in an effort to lull me to sleep, and it only took a couple more minutes until the action brought enough comfort that it put me to sleep like a light.


	19. Waste

' **Waste'**

 **Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to Stephenie Meyer, David Slayde, Wyck Godfrey, Greg Mooridian, Mark Morgan, Melissa Rosenberg, Summit Entertainment, Imprint Entertainment, Temple Hill Productions, Goldcrest Films, Maverick Films, Twilight Productions et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.**

 **A/N: I'm going to put a CW on this chapter, because although this fic is M-rated I want to warn any viewers that are uncomfortable with intimacy or sensitive/sexual content, you may want to skip this chapter. I sincerely apologize for the lateness of the chapter, as you guys know life gets in the way sometimes.**

 **I just want to give another massive thanks and shout-out to The13thQueen for her lovely work as Beta on this fic - I owe a great deal to her and she's been doing a fantastic job!**

 _And every day that you want to waste, you can  
And every day that you want to wake up, you can  
_ _And every day that you want to change,  
_ _I'll help you see it through  
_ -Foster the People, 'Waste'

"You know you can talk to me about the stuff that's going on in your head, right?"

I sighed. I'd been dreading the thought of having this type of conversation with Jacob.

It was our first time alone since he'd come back to Forks, and despite all the questions I'd thrown at him he had managed to weasel his way out of answering any. The focus was pushed towards me, which wasn't something I'd wanted. He was the one that needed to know people were present to support him at the moment; he was the one whose lifetime crush had just married his worst enemy and the one that had escaped into the wild for weeks alone in animal form...he was the one who was suffering.

You're suffering too. My brain tried to push, but I was having none of it today. Today was about Jacob. Or at least it was supposed to be; he was making that rather difficult.

"I know I have people to lean on, Jake. That's not what I wanted to talk about." I blew a stray piece of hair out of my face and tried to tuck it behind my ear to no avail, as the light wind on the beach was just enough to keep it out of place.

"Well, it's what I wanted to talk about." Jacob murmured from his place on the log beside me.

We sat ways away from the rest of the pack, which was situated on several blankets with food and their respective imprints. Everyone had decided on having a beach day the minute we'd seen that the forecast wasn't calling for rain, which meant that I'd been given a chance to have a moment in private with Jacob. The nature of our little current predicament had originated from Seth's suggestion that we take a walk together, to which I'd responded positively to. I'd been expecting to grill Jacob about leaving and talk about how he was feeling, but upon discovering how good he was at manipulating the conversation, I wasn't so sure that such a thing was ever going to happen.

I turned to look at my old friend and spotted a hardness in his eyes that I wished I could budge.

"You've been off the reservation alone for weeks because the love of your life married a Cold One, and the first thing you want to do when you come back is talk about other people? I don't buy it." It wasn't generally in my character to be brash, but I was feeling bold thanks to Jacob's stubbornness.

He didn't respond, and instead chose to gaze out towards the waves slowly rolling onto the beach. I tried to focus on the soft crashing sounds they made, or the 'kssh' sound as the undertow dragged the water back into the ocean, but I could only concentrate on Jacob. I wanted to help him and show him that I cared about him - I'd been distant as a friend and he deserved more. He deserved to know that people loved him and wanted him to be better.

"I was worried." I admitted, reluctant to play the guilt card so early in our interaction but found myself desperate to make Jacob talk. It hurt to see him this way; I wanted to know what was on his mind. "We were all really worried about you."

"I know." A muscle in his jaw clenched, and I could see the motion travel down into his neck. A memory awakened inside of me, reminding me of the way I'd seen Seth transform for the first time after Billy's speech at the bonfire.

I tried to shove away the thoughts of the Cold One walking out of the water, but an involuntary shiver ran down the back of my neck and shook me all the way to the base of my spine. From a ways away on the blanket near Emily, Seth caught my eye in response to my reaction.

I smiled to let him know that I was alright, assuredness filling my stomach at the thought of him being so in tune with what was going on with me. It was a miracle that I'd fallen into his hands; it felt like I had an angel watching over me every day, which was ironic since he'd started using that exact nickname for me.

When Jacob refused to speak again, I tried to think of something else to say. He was making me talk more than I was used to, but with him that wasn't a problem. I was comfortable around Jacob.

"Listen, sometimes it gets tiring to hear, and sometimes even I don't believe it myself when I hear it because it's hard to believe lots of things when stuff like this happens, but when we say we're here for you and want to listen to what you have to say - we mean it."

This got his attention, and so I kept going. I knew that he was aware that I was referring to both his stressful situation as well as my own, and not one in particular.

"...it's always nice to have people to come back to when you feel like talking, or being accepted, or being understood. So I just wanted to tell you that we'll do the same for you. I'll do the same for you."

He was quiet again, and I prayed that I could pull at least one word out of him before it was time for us to rejoin the group.

"You're not alone, Jacob." I took the liberty of resting one of my small hands on top of his, and, with that, some weight in his shoulders fell.

"Then why do I feel like I am?"

For a minute or two I didn't have an answer for him and simply continued to rest my hand atop his in an effort to console whatever thoughts were raging in his head. After a moment, however, I reached a conclusion that I believed could comfort him.

"I don't think you're accepting that we want to help you. I don't think you're accepting your own worth."

"What does that even mean?" Jacob scoffed, as if what I was suggesting was completely ridiculous.

"I don't know," I shrugged, taking a shot in the dark. "Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like you shove away a lot of help and attention. Like you're trying to convince everyone that you don't want it or need it. I'm telling you that you deserve it, just the same as me or anyone else."

He frowned a bit, and I almost beamed with pride when I saw him try to take in what I'd said.

"I just feel like there's this giant balloon sitting inside of me, and it's growing and growing...and one day it's just gonna pop."

How stressful.

"Well, if you want to talk about what might be making that balloon grow, you can come to me." I smiled softly, and for the first time since he'd returned I saw the beginnings of a small smile curl Jacob's lips.

"Thanks, Tehya...but I don't think I'll be able to live if she dies, or if he turns her." He finished, just before Seth, Embry and Leah made their way over to our log.

The rest of the boys were busy playing soccer with Sam on the beach, causing a bit of a scuffle as they showed off fancy footwork and tried to take the ball from each other without cheating. I could only assume that our conversation hadn't gone unheard by the rest of the pack, but I wasn't sure who was tuning in or not at this point.

"At least I'll get one thing out of it." Jacob murmured, a sick satisfied smile darkly shaping his face. I swallowed heavily and shuffled a bit closer to Seth in response, who draped a warm arm over me.

I tried to ignore the fact that he was shirtless, but the warmth that came with his bare body pressed up against my side did not go easily unnoticed.

"No, you won't." Sam's low baritone interrupted our private conversation as soon as he caught the soccer ball tossed in his direction, and all of our heads turned to him. "The Cullens are not a danger to the town or the tribe."

Both of my eyebrows raised after hearing the Alpha's words, as I hadn't expected his opinion of the Olympic coven to have changed so dramatically. I supposed it wasn't a complete surprise, as the family and the pack had been working together for quite some time, but their relations still seemed a ways away from neutral. Reaching the conclusion that it was for the better and not worth mulling over since I wasn't the one making the executive pack decisions, I lay my concerns to rest.

"Well," Jacob argued toughly. "He's either going to kill her or change her, and the treaty says -"

"I say, Jacob." Sam deadpanned in response, holding the soccer ball tightly between his two giant hands as he stared Jacob down. "I say."

With that final point nailed into our heads, Sam decided that he'd had enough of the conversation and went back to the game, a last parting glance tossed in Leah's direction. She'd been looking towards him with an air of disapproval, but perhaps I misinterpreted her mood for something more negative than it really was.

"You know if you wanted things different, you should have become Alpha." Embry stated with a bit of hostility in his tone, as if he was against the idea of Jacob having a conflicting opinion with the Alpha.

"Turning it down seemed like a good idea at the time." Jacob shrugged slightly, hair blowing in the wind and making him squint slightly. I yearned to know what was going through his mind at the moment. Did he wish for a leading position back? Did he want to replace Sam? Or create a whole new pack on his own?

"Jake," My imprint piped up from his position next to me. "You really think you can kill Bella if she comes back a vampire?"

I shuddered, the word still utterly foreign and incomprehensible to my brain, and Seth's grip tightened on me in return. His thought had come out of left field, and I frowned as I realized that Jacob's earlier statement could have easily implied that he wanted to kill either Edward or Bella. He hadn't stated which option he would have wanted, but either one seemed awful. I didn't think he'd have the guts or hatred to go through with such things. Or rather, I liked to believe that he didn't.

"No," Leah spoke, sitting down on the log next to Jacob. "He'd make one of us do it, and then probably hold a grudge for the rest of his -"

"Oh shut up, Leah." Jacob hissed, leaning forward onto his knees.

"Would you just get over it?" She pleaded, huffing slightly in disbelief as if he was overreacting. "It's not like you imprinted on her."

The mood took an awkward turn, and I looked down in my lap as I realized that Jacob's eyes had fallen on Seth and I.

"At least they seem happy." Embry's general statement had been directed towards the boys and their respective imprints gathered on the picnic blanket a ways away from us, but with Seth and I here, we felt the brunt of the comment as well. "Some people are just lucky, I guess."

"Lucky?" Jacob laughed, cruel tone coming out to play. "None of them belong to themselves anymore. And the sickest part is that their genes tell them they're happy about it."

Wincing at this, I swallowed the urge to reply as Jacob's gaze left the picnic blanket and fell on Seth and I. That had hurt, and I could feel it in the imprint between Seth and I. He'd bristled beside me, and I felt him take a deep breath before replying, "That's not true, Jake."

The bigger boy didn't reply, so Seth kept going.

"It's less about you than it is about the other person. It's like you're a better version of you; you have a teammate that you know won't give up on you." Seth continued, and my spirits rose along with his words. The innocence behind his words made it clear that he wasn't trying to rub anything in Jake's face. "It's like fitting two puzzle pieces together...but I guess you're not gonna get what I'm saying until it happens."

Jacob still didn't reply, but he'd dropped his gaze to the sand. It reminded me of how I'd looked at the sand months ago when I had first learned the truth about the pack. The ever bland, ever unchanging sand. I remembered the helplessness that came along with knowing that the only source of stability graspable in moments like these was the floor.

"At least if he imprinted on someone he'd finally forget about Bella." Leah added at the end of her brother's speech, and for the first time her gaze passed over me and did not turn hostile. "I mean, being any kind of happy is better than being miserable about someone you can't have."

Even though the bond in between Seth and I was very happy and sated at the moment, I couldn't help but feel horrible for poor Jacob as he gazed out at the waves once more. He looked as though he was about to be sick, and I took my hand and placed it atop his once more in an attempt to comfort him. I knew it wouldn't do much, but I wanted to remind him once more that we were here for him.

The rest of the day at the beach was abruptly interrupted by rain, dampening everyone's spirits all the more and forcing us to retreat to Emily's, where her cupboards were raided for snacks and we spent much of the afternoon lounging on her sofa playing games. It was tough to cram an entire pack of boys and relative imprints into the cozy home, but we managed to do it.

About halfway through a four way Uno match with Sam, Kim and Quil, I found myself taking a peek around the room to gauge the atmosphere. Jacob and Leah had disappeared, to no one's surprise, but the rest of us remained.

Emily had sat Claire on her lap and was reading her a fairy tale from a large story book, complete with pictures that she acted out along with the voices. Rachel and Embry were stuck in a tense Monopoly match that Jared was watching intensely, having lost all of his money already. My eyes eventually fell on Seth, who was engaged in a Call of Duty match with Paul. I smiled at the sight of them both, and, although Seth was too absorbed in the game to respond to my gaze, I was happy to look at him until it was my turn in the card game again.

I played my hand and relished in the room's mood, once again stunned by the power imprints had on each other. Each one of these boys was different with their imprints around, and Seth's earlier words played over and over in my head as a reminder that he was right. When it came to imprinting, your mate truly did make you the best possible person you could be.

There was no denying this when I looked over at Paul, the usual grump of the group, who had transformed into a playful laughing teddy bear while he continued to play video games with Seth. Or when I looked over at Sam, who's eyes softened protectively as he listened to Emily continue to read to Claire on the rocking chair. All of these boys transformed into what seemed to be completely different people when their imprints were around, which was why I supposed that to an outside eye such as Jacob's, it would have been easy to draw the conclusion that 'none of them belonged to themselves anymore.'

I knew that wasn't true, but still the statement echoed in my head and caused my hands to falter as I tried to respond to Kim's move. I'd been through this issue in my head before; Seth and I had talked about the lack of choice that came along with imprinting and how it didn't matter. Still, guilt crept its way into my head and twisted my stomach in two. I felt bad because in a way, Jacob was right. Seth's life was no longer his, as he pretty much lived to serve me. It felt like I was taking away someone's opportunities and independence.

Within the span of what I guessed to be about twenty seconds, Seth was by my side. "Hey."

I looked up at him in surprise, still shocked by his quick reflexes when it came to tending to my spontaneous moments of weakness. He shot me a small infectious smile that I fully returned, but I couldn't hide the way I was feeling. To Seth, I was an open book.

"You ready to go?" He placed his hands in his pockets, jutting his chin out towards the Uno game I was rapidly losing.

"Yeah." I laughed timidly, accepting my saving grace and quickly apologizing to Kim, Sam and Quil. "Sorry guys - I think I'm going to forfeit."

"That's alright, we were kickin' your butt anyway." Quil smirked as he gave me a light shove, and I smiled in return.

"Get home safe." Sam rumbled with a small smile of his own, and I waved goodbye to Kim as I stood.

Truth be told, I'd been ready to leave ever since my conversation with Jacob at the beach, but I'd wanted to stay because depriving Seth of time with his pack was already something I was guilty of. However, if he was offering to take me home I wasn't going to turn down the opportunity, because it was already almost dinner time and I could feel myself getting tired. It didn't help that I had to be up early tomorrow for an appointment with my assigned health care practitioner from the ward and Dr. Reyes, either.

We said our farewells and started to walk home, and I expected to have Seth begin to question what was wrong with me the minute we were out of earshot from the pack, but to my surprise he took the conversation in a different direction.

"Mom wants to get a new car." He announced, and I internally rejoiced at the thought of never having to ride in the hazardous Gremlin ever again. The car was unique and vintage, sure, but driving it was like being on a nauseating roller coaster that you couldn't get off, because it was still ten times better than walking to your destination.

"That's good." I nodded, hiding how happy I actually was. "What kind of car was she thinking?"

"She's got her eye on a used Land Rover her coworker doesn't want anymore."

"A Land Rover?" I made a face in surprise, trying to imagine Sue driving such a large car. Would it even fit beside their house? "Your mom doesn't seem like the type."

"That's what I said," Seth shrugged with a smirk. "But she thinks it'll be good for when we all want to use the car for something."

"That's thoughtful of her." I murmured, trying not to giggle as I pictured all of the pack trying to fit into the large vehicle. Despite its size, there was no way we were ever going to fit all of the boys into the car without breaking a couple doors.

Even though I thought I'd gotten lucky and that maybe Seth had forgotten about the reason why he'd chosen to take me home early, it wasn't long before he started to pry.

"So, are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" He forced me to meet his eyes, and I was proud that I managed to not trip over my own two feet when he fixed me with his gaze.

Once I recollected myself and reminded myself that gawking at someone wasn't nice no matter how beautiful they were, I almost laughed at the way his approach had changed over the amount of time we'd spent together. He'd gone from slowly and gently coaxing me to talk about something to outright demanding I tell him what the problem was, which I didn't mind. He'd changed it for a reason when he realized that it worked, because generally I didn't have a problem talking about things with him.

"What Jacob said threw me off a little." I huffed, accepting his hand as we continued to walk. "I mean, he's technically right."

"Which part of what he said?"

I had to be careful responding to this. If I admitted that I agreed with Jacob's opinions about imprints, there was a chance that Seth could get hurt. I didn't want him to think that I had the same mindset that Jake did, but I wanted to make it clear that he had a point.

"The part about not really belonging to yourself anymore." I exhaled heavily as I began to explain my train of thought, mentally crossing my fingers as I prayed that Seth didn't take this the wrong way. "I mean, you basically wait on me hand and foot. Anything I need or want is your command. That doesn't sound like a happy life to me, especially since you didn't choose it."

My imprint was quiet for a moment, before a little grin formed on his face. I raised a brow, wondering what could have possibly been so funny about my explanation. "What?"

"Weren't you listening to me last time we talked about this?" He was still smiling as he shook his head, and I struggled to remember what he'd said. It had been drowned out by my sea of guilt ten minutes ago.

"Well yeah, but -"

"Don't you see?" He interrupted, stopping us as we made it to my front porch and cradling my head in between his two hands. The lack of lights revealed that Dad wasn't home yet from work, but I knew he'd left the door unlocked because I promised I'd be home before it got too late. "I was made for you. This is what was supposed to happen. Everything I am is all for you, there's no point in thinking about how it could've been. I don't want it any other way."

I couldn't look him in the eyes for a good couple seconds, partly because of the fact that I was ashamed I'd even brought this whole subject up again. I should have believed him the first time he said that I shouldn't feel bad for the way this imprint situation had turned out, but I couldn't help myself. I felt horrible for keeping Seth all to myself when it was possible for him to have had a totally different life.

"Stop overthinking it." Seth murmured, ripping me from my thoughts as I finally looked up at him, giving me just enough time to appreciate the devotion I caught in his eyes before he leaned down and fused his lips with mine.

I was taken aback by the amount of passion in the kiss, unable to find the usual restraint he held in these moments. Holding both himself and the imprint back was something that I'd gotten used to the more time I spent with Seth, but now I could actually feel the bond between us quivering with the amount of effort it took for him to hold it back.

Lips and tongues moved against one another like the waves, a perfect give and take that felt as easy as breathing, and I took to tangling my fingers in his hair when the sensation to touch him started to burn my fingertips. The effortless embrace initiated a ticking time bomb in the pit of my stomach, and I could feel any barriers I had left begin to crumble the further we dropped down the rabbit hole.

Warm hands refused to quit moving as his tongue easily parted my lips, travelling from my waist down to the back pockets of my jeans where I was happy to let them rest as they explored that region. There was an unmistakeable amount of hunger that I could detect in his movements that only grew more and more tense as seconds passed by, and eventually I found myself struggling to get inside the house. I didn't really know where this was headed, but I was sure that I didn't want to do it on the porch. My entire body felt like it'd been turned to jello, prompted by Seth's heady touches and head-spinning kisses.

Eventually understanding where I was going with my movements, he opened the front door only to pick me up along the way and shove it closed himself. My legs wrapped themselves around his hips on their own accord, mind growing fuzzier with every step we took closer to my room. This only worsened when we actually got to the bed, and I didn't even bother to ensure that the door was closed before I was laid down gently on the purple sheets. I let out a soft exhale at the feeling of the cool material on my back, trying to fathom how it was possible that this whole thing was actually happening.

Seth followed me down in a trance-like state, hot breath fanning over my throat as he began to pepper kisses towards my collar bone. My own breath hitched as soon as his lips closed over a spot at the base of my neck, coercing a shiver out of him as he continued to suckle at sensitive points along my neckline. He knew he'd found a sweet spot as soon as he latched onto the skin just under my collarbone, as my hands flew up to grasp his hair again while a gasp left my throat. Unlike any previous experiences I'd had with other partners, Seth had every single part of me absolutely focused on him, my whole body trained on his every move.

I didn't have time to think about what we were doing or how fast this was happening; it felt too good and overwhelming to stop and think about it. So instead of dwelling on it, I selfishly allowed myself to give in to the pleasure Seth was providing me.

I couldn't ignore the tingling sensation in my extremities, or the knot in my abdomen that grew tighter with each one of his ministrations. Wanting to convey my feelings of appreciation, I gently raked my fingernails over his shoulders and through his hair, pushing a moan out of him that shot more feelings of lust straight down to my core. In response to this, I felt him latch onto the skin just under my ear and nip lightly before soothing the area with his tongue, and before I could stop it a sinful groan slipped forth from my throat.

With a triumphant grin, Seth's hands started to work towards ridding me of any clothing. He tugged at my tank top and I let him pull it up and over my head, cheeks glowing with energy when I caught sight of his expression as whatever lacy contraption I wore underneath became exposed. I underestimated the power of having someone look at you like you were a Goddess, because with the ways Seth's eyes were raking over me, one would have thought I'd just handed him the sun. It was magnificent, having someone regard you like that, and it gave me a burst of confidence like I'd never felt before.

Eventually I released a giggle that broke his stare, and he grinned sheepishly before placing a long, sweet kiss on my lips. One of his hands moved to trail down my stomach and circled my navel, making me buck slightly before it quickly encircled my waist and pulled me up closer to him as if I weighed nothing.

I squeaked slightly in surprise and wrapped two hands around his neck, an elated grin lighting up my face that broke our kiss when I felt him unclip the distracting undergarment. In return, I fought to get his shirt up and over his head, hips rolling automatically once my centre pressed against his heat. I didn't think the moment could get any more sexually frustrating, but when he finally ripped the article of clothing off and flung it halfway across my room, I was pretty sure I was going to explode.

Seeing him shirtless all the time was one thing, but seeing him shirtless and on top of me, panting wildly with muscles strained and ready to snap as his eyes combed over every single part of me, was a totally different story. If I hadn't been so hyped up on the adrenaline that this situation was granting me, I might've actually passed out. This felt like full blown porn.

"Oh Jesus, Tehya..." The curse fell out of Seth's lips like honey to my ears, pulling a shiver out of me as I pulled him back down to my level so that I could take his lips once more.

He gave a grunt of surprise before taking my bottom lip hostage and throwing off any control I thought I had in the situation, riling me up all the more as he pressed me into the sheets. Aiming to taunt him back the same way, I raised one leg to hook it around his waist and tried to bring my centre closer to his, but to my surprise his hand was already behind my knee as he held me tight to him.

At this point, it seemed to be a game of teasing, so with every ounce of sexuality I had, I took my nails and dragged them down his bare chest, leaving thin red marks like trails of fire and successfully ripping any ounce of self control he had left away. A low growl was his only warning before he tore himself from my lips and went straight for my jeans, fingers deftly unhooking the buttons at the speed of light.

I let him tug them off to expose the bright blue lingerie I had donned underneath, which froze him in his tracks again and automatically forced him to reboot.

"You're killing me." He murmured huskily, not even giving me a chance to respond before he took my right nipple into his mouth.

It was becoming relatively clear that this was not Seth's first rodeo, which I supposed I couldn't feel bad about as I'd also done my fair share of experimenting. What comforted me was the fact that he was making me forget all about the other times I'd ever been intimate with anyone else. All other memories were completely erased, the only thing present in my mind being Seth. I was starting to wish I'd never lost my virginity in the first place, but when Seth's hand began to trail down my side to toy with the lace on the last piece of clothing that covered me, I was instantly reassured that what was happening now was meant to happen exactly as it was.

This moment felt astoundingly right, in every single way possible.

I watched in what was practically a half-drunken state as his kisses travelled down my chest to my stomach, crossing over my abdomen and forcing him to push my hips down as I bucked unwittingly again. His restrictive motion only made me break out in sweat all the more, and when his mouth stopped just above my underwear line, a whine I chose not to contain made its way through my swollen lips.

Another shit-eating grin lit up his face at my noises, and without another second to waste he dragged the last thing hiding me from him down my legs before tossing it to the floor. With my underwear gone and no remaining barriers between his eyes and my body, Seth lit up like a tree on Christmas Eve. I had to push him into moving after he wouldn't stop staring, because as much as I adored being looked at like I was worth a million dollars, I needed release.

Immediately responding to my swipe at his zipper, Seth ducked out of the way with a sneaky smile and redirected his attention to my core. I knew what was coming, but there wasn't a feeling to describe the satisfaction I felt when he finally sank his finger into me.

My mouth dropped open at his bold intrusion and I found that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get it to close again. He gave no quarter as he watched me, adding another finger when he felt I was ready and latching his mouth onto my clit. I had to give credit where credit was due; he wasn't messing around by any means. Moans spilled out of me at an alarming rate as he continued to thrust with his two digits, gently brushing the roof of my centre with a 'come hither' motion that tightened the knot in my stomach even more.

I couldn't help it then, and let out a large gasp. I held his hair roughly in my left hand as he gave a particularly hard thrust, right hand resting over his on my hip. "Seth!"

There was no other way to admit it to myself, but I was forced to confront the fact that there was no way Seth was this good at this kind of job without having at least several notches on his bed post. My point was fortified when his tongue began to trace patterns into me that would have only been learned with time and practice, forcing my eyes to slam shut and roll to the back of my head as I soaked up every single one of the marvelous sensations I was feeling.

Gently, his speed began to increase as his fingers built a more stable rhythm with his tongue, and he had me in a sweaty, groaning mess in mere minutes. Every single one of his actions was controlled and forceful, pushing me closer and closer to an edge I knew I was desperate to fall over. I'd never felt more alive.

"Please, don't stop." I begged in between moans, trying to catch every breath of air that I could. He let out a small exhale of laughter at that, and I found enough strength to push myself up onto my elbows so that I could look down at my imprint working wonders, practically transporting me into a different realm with his mouth.

Through half-lidded eyes we watched each other in what was the most intimate position we'd ever been in, sighs and moans coating the walls of my room like sweet airborne nectar. I hadn't taken in how spur of the moment this whole thing had been, but it didn't matter now because I'd begun to bloom like a flower against him, opening everything I had to this boy that seemed to have been forged out of dreams. This was too good to be true; it had to be too good to be true. There was no way that -

Oh. Oh.

"Oh my god - oh! Seth, I -" My orgasm hit me before I had time to warn Seth, fireworks exploding behind my eyes as my chest rose, my heart fluttered and my insides turned to pure jello.

What felt like ten pounds of dynamite released itself inside of my gut, initiating a snowball of contractions within all the muscles of my body. I was on fire, burning up like a dying star and finally extinguishing in the arms of the boy who had caused the magnificent explosion. I didn't realize it until about ten seconds had passed, but I was shaking like a leaf in the wind, entire body tense and hypersensitive on account of the mind blowing release I'd just been given.

Finally gathering the strength from the aftershock of it all, I opened my eyes and was greeted with the sight of Seth detaching himself from my core, clit sore and numb from his tongue's recent attack.

"Hi." He murmured, delicate smile making the weight in my stomach all the heavier as I licked my lips and smiled. Everything was hazy, warm and lovely right then and there. "You're too beautiful."

I couldn't respond, so I merely grinned to express my elation and pulled him forward to press my lips against his, still half convinced that I must have been dreaming. Seth's roaming hands convinced me that this was not so, as it couldn't have been possible for a dream to make me feel this good. It felt like I was being touched by an angel.

Despite all of the unbelievable things I was feeling, I could still tell that he was holding something back; the imprint was pulsating and pumped up with excitement of its own, but the same wall that had been there ever since the day Seth had imprinted on me still remained. I wanted it down. If there was any right moment for it to disappear, it was now. I didn't want anything to remain in between us if we were going to do this.

"Let go, Seth." I whispered throatily against his lips, daring enough to open my eyes so that I could look up at him, implying that whatever happened we would deal with together. "Just let it go."

I didn't think there was a sight more beautiful to behold at the moment. Eyes blown black with lust and hair tousled from the amount of tugging I'd done on it, the boy before me was a vision of ecstasy. His words from earlier struck me, reminding me that no matter how I felt about it, a force bigger than both of us had decided that we were meant to happen. He was mine. This was mine. I belonged to him, and he belonged to me. Not in terms of ownership, but in terms of soul and mind. Even if I had a hard time accepting that, he'd made it clear he was never going to stop convincing me that this was everything he could have ever hoped for.

So, with a gentle exhale and a look of trust that spoke immense volumes, I felt whatever final barrier left between us shatter.

Instantly, I felt like I'd just been shocked with a couple thousand volts of electricity. The sensation almost made me cry out, but whatever noises I could have made were silenced by Seth's velvety lips as he held me close enough to make me believe we'd been glued together. The imprint was more alive than ever before, wrapping us both in an intangible cocoon of warmth and safety that shot bolts of pure energy down my spine.

We basked in the afterglow of the moment until our heart rates slowed significantly, buried in each others embrace and refusing to move out of fear that these magnificent feelings would fade all the faster if we did.

However, after another minute or two of riding this metaphysical high, it became obvious that Seth needed his release as well. So, at what seemed to be the speed of light, he tore himself from me and rid himself of his own last items of clothing before slipping on protection and settling himself on top of me again.

To my complete and pleasant relief, the bubbly love-drunk feeling inside of me hadn't disappeared whatsoever when he'd risen, which meant I was still riding on waves of the full imprint when he heeded to my nod of consent and slowly sank into me with a hiss of his own.

Considering that it had been ages - literal ages since I'd last had sex - and that Seth was already larger than average, being the shapeshifter that he was, it was no surprise that there was pain that came along with his intrusion. Not wanting to disturb the moment with any sort of unpleasant noises, I sank my teeth into his shoulder and placed a hand in his hair yet again, gripping tightly until the sting inside of me subsided. Besides the annoying pangs that were receding fast, it felt like I'd just died and gone to heaven. The feeling of fullness, not only in my body but of the entire imprint becoming shared between us, started to outweigh any other discomfort I felt.

It slowly became unbearable, as the only thing stopping this glorious moment from continuing was the fact that Seth wasn't moving.

"Seth," I breathed after several seconds of immobility shared between the two of us, realizing that his trembling was due to the restraint it took for him to not move until I'd given him clearance to do so. "You can move."

The fact that he'd waited like that and shown such self-control reaffirmed his devotion to preserve my comfort and automatically made me tighten around him, which forced a grunt out of him as he began to actually thrust. The first of his movements threw stars before my eyes and made me tilt my head back by default as a soft moan tumbled out of my throat, echoed by my imprint who looked like he was already having trouble keeping a slow pace.

I was well aware of the fact that if he lost control he actually had the capability to hurt me, but I realized that despite the recognition of this threat, I had an undying amount of trust for him. Besides, based on the way his face had been rearranged into a concentrated expression of awe and pleasure, I knew that the thought of intentionally causing me any discomfort had never crossed his mind.

With every roll of his hips and grasp at my hips, Seth prompted more and more noises to fall out of me, which would have been mortifying in any other situation if not for the fact that he was just as loud as I was. In an effort to silence both of us he captured my lips mid-moan, but at the cost of trying to keep me quiet he received eight crescent shaped marks, courtesy of my fingernails, along his broad shoulders. I really couldn't contain myself at this point and I certainly wasn't to blame; having someone as attractive as Seth actually make love to me was already making me question reality.

"Christ, Tehya." He almost growled into my neck, suckling at the skin there for another good moment as I threw my head back into my pillows.

I felt my second climax building and building like a volcano, waiting for the right amount of pressure to push me over the edge again. With each roll of his hips Seth grazed my clit with his pelvic bone, applying just enough of a touch to keep me at the very edge of insanity without actually pulling me over.

The moment's intensity increased tenfold again and again as we climbed higher towards our releases, pace refusing to slow alongside the pleasure. I felt breathless after a while, the only sounds available being whispers of each other's names on our lips like an oath as he continued to move against me. I held him gently then, as if he was bound to escape if I didn't keep an iron grip on his shoulders, or if I let my fingers slip from where they were still interlocked in his hair.

But suddenly it didn't matter how tight a hold I had on him, because a hitch in my breath signaled that I was undeniably close to my release, and any rigidness I had fell away to weakness as I felt my muscles start to contract around him again. Seth's erratic pace gave way to heavier, more well-paced thrusts, but when my lips found the pulse point on his neck and his face buried itself into the crook of my neck, it was game over for the both of us. He reached his own climax with a last elated groan, before any sounds were completely wiped out by the ringing in my ears.

What felt like a deep, concentrated bolt of lightning travelled up through my legs and detonated itself right within my core, starting a fit of spastic twitching that overrode every last one of my senses until my entire world went white. All I could smell, hear and breathe was Seth, as the uncontrollable pleasure continued to make its way up and around my entire body. Every last nerve ending tingled with hypersensitivity, high off of the release that had been given to them.

We stayed suspended in our intimate embrace for as long as it was comfortable, at which point my imprint used the last of his energy to flip us over, firmly planting me on top of him while he remained inside of me. Much like a balled up kitten I stayed, labored breaths leaving me like small purrs that gave away my level of satisfaction. It took a while before I gathered the strength to speak, let alone the strength to look up at him. I found him already staring down at me, a euphoric expression having painted his face before I met his eyes.

We didn't speak for several moments, likely because we were both still caught up in the magic of the moment. What I'd felt was incredible, and there was no denying that we were now closer than we'd ever been before. I hadn't expected this base to be covered so soon in our oddly formed relationship of sorts, but I was elated that it had happened.

"Thank you." I murmured quietly, my own words sounding foreign and a bit sloppy. I didn't really know what I was thanking him for, but part of it was definitely because he had just given me an experience that I would never be able to forget.

"For what?" Seth almost laughed, lazy smile tugging on the corners of his mouth.

I shrugged as I though of an answer, every inch of me still vibrating with post-orgasmic glow. That feeling was paired with something else now - another type of warmth that I couldn't yet place, but it felt like I'd been touched by an Angel. "For being you."

To this, he ran a big warm hand through my hair and traced my jawline with his thumb, seemingly mesmerized into silence by whatever he was seeing. I wished I could see myself from my perspective, because I always wondered if I appeared as beautiful as he did in my own eyes. It was impossible to place my eyes anywhere else at the moment; everything in my world screamed Seth, and I wondered if this was anywhere close to what he felt when he had first imprinted on me.

I realized after several more timeless moments that this must have been the full weight of the imprint, and that I was always going to have the pleasure of feeling this immense joy inside of me. I would always be connected to him, no matter where I went, and now I finally got to feel for him the same ways that he felt for me. No barriers - just us. The thought made me break out into a full on grin, one that Seth returned before he happily fused his lips with mine once more.

He tasted like honey and me and all the good things I could think of in my life; he brought warmth wherever he went and made me desperate for more, even though I had it all. I couldn't get enough of this boy, who obviously felt the same way for me as he cradled me tighter on top of him.

Seth released my lips and moved to kiss my nose instead, lightening the heavy mood before we lost ourselves in each other's eyes again. Nothing could have interrupted us then; not even if the Pope himself had barged in or a meteor had decided to descend on the reservation.

"How did you get so good at…" I trailed off, shaking my head and smiling again as I covered my mouth, the silent question hanging between us.

"I never used a spoon to eat pudding cups when I was little." He admitted, voice still a little gravelly, which made me shiver before I did a double take to see if he was being serious. "Still don't."

It took a second, but eventually we were reduced to a puddle of snickers, calmed only by our exhaustion that quieted our laughter moments later. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart and matching my breath rate to it. His finger stroked up and down my thigh, leaving tingles where it made contact with my sensitive skin and scrambling my focus.

"You never told me what happened the night of the wedding." I made conversation because I wanted to hear him speak again; wanted his chest to rumble under my ear and make the butterflies in my belly start to dance again.

Plus, our embrace reminded me of the evening two weeks ago in which I'd fallen asleep in his arms, and I remembered that I'd never actually asked him about where the whole pack had run off to after Jacob's return.

"Nothing really happened," Seth shrugged, slicking his hair back with the hand that had been resting on my hip and taking some of the thin layer of sweat that was resting on his forehead along with it. I took the chance to sneak a glance at his arms again, appreciating every single ripple and clench that they gave. "Sam made him tell us everything, and we split up to run patrol while he took Jacob to calm down some more. It was weird."

"Well, what did he say to Bella?" I was less interested in what the pack had done after his little outburst as opposed to what had actually begun the damn thing in the first place.

"You mean like what started the whole thing?" Seth read my mind, and I nodded. "He was upset about her choice to change."

Jesus. I'd forgotten all about her desire to switch over to the dark side and embrace a life of the undead. I tried to stay non-judgemental, but it was difficult for me not to question someone's sanity after hearing about a choice like that. Humanity was a virtue to be cherished, not weighed to be tossed away or kept like a college application.

"You looked like an angel that night." Seth murmured, choosing to change the subject when I didn't question him further on it, and stroking one finger down my cheek until it reached my chin. "You still do. You're like the angel that came to save me."

"If I'm an angel, that means I chose you." I whispered back, letting him tuck some more stray strands of my hair behind my ear before I kissed him tenderly, relishing in the way he shuddered and gripped both sides of my face in response.

We stayed like that for as long as time allowed us to, only moving to clean up and pretend like we were sleeping when Dad returned home, safely hidden under the covers under the shroud of darkness from his prying eyes. He didn't mind it when Seth stayed over, but knowing that he checked on me every time he came home ever since I'd come back from the inpatient ward was both endearing and incredibly annoying at the same time.

However on this night, nothing could have possibly set me off or made me upset, because right then and there everything was absolutely perfect the way that it was. I was over the moon and filled to the brim with joy, which only helped to ease me into a deep sleep as soon as I felt the first tendrils of tiredness clutch for me. In Seth's arms, I was off and away to dreamland within minutes, beyond elated that this was my actual reality.

* * *

"How is the medication?"

This morning's session with Dr. Reyes had been less than satisfactory so far, but perhaps it was because I'd been forced to crawl out of a warm bed with a very sleepy Seth still in it. He'd been very difficult to get away from, as him and his octopus arms had made a damned good effort at pulling me back under the covers every time I made an effort to go and get dressed. By the time we both got out of bed and trudged over to his mother's so that he could drive me to the hospital for my appointment, I was already ten minutes late.

"I don't really notice it." I refocused myself and shrugged, trying to think back to how my mood had differed in the past week or so. I'd been more relaxed, that was for sure. "I feel like I'm thinking about less stuff."

"In a good or bad way?" Dr. Reyes pushed, and I glanced at the clock to see how much time I had left with her.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be here, but I knew that Seth was coming to pick me up, and with the way our most recent interaction had gone I was all too happy to see him again soon. My gut gave a tingle as I thought about last night, and I hoped that the light blush I was certain was dusting my cheeks hadn't been noticed by Dr. Reyes. "Good, I guess. I haven't gotten a panic attack since last week."

"How long do they usually last?" She looked down at my file where we kept my chart, designed to track the amount of time my panic attacks lasted, and my attention shifted from Seth to our conversation. At times, I had to remind myself to stay grounded in the moment with Dr. Reyes; it was one of the dialectical behavioural skills we'd worked on during my time in inpatient, called 'mindfulness.'

"I've never really timed them. Five or ten minutes, maybe?" I lowballed it, knowing that including recovery time it was more around fifteen to twenty minutes of high-intensity, earth-shattering panic.

"Well, sometimes not noticing side effects can be a good thing. Have you noticed any improvements in mood? You definitely seem more at ease." She smiled, eyes crinkling underneath her square framed glasses.

I tried to focus on what she was asking and coerced myself to use honesty, because I knew that holding information back from her wasn't going to help either of us in the end. "Actually, I've just been trying to distract myself."

"From?"

Good question, Doc. "Uh...I don't really know. Stuff I don't want to think about."

"Like your mother, the anxiety, or eating?" She pressed on, and I took a deep breath as I reminded myself that therapy wasn't designed to be easy. If I wanted help solving my problems, I was going to have to make an effort and push through this. It was a bit like exercise; no one wanted to get up and go to the gym every day, but to keep a healthy body it was necessary to push through it.

"Eating isn't so bad," I admitted, thinking back to the regular meals and snacks I'd been having. "I'm pretty anal about my food, but I can eat a lot more now. I guess it's just thinking about mom that's hard."

"Hard, because you're not sure how to approach the topic in your head?"

"Well…" I mean, come on. How the hell was I supposed to approach the fact that my own mother had keeled over and died midway through her life because of a shitty ass disease that I couldn't do anything about? How was one supposed to 'approach' that? "Yeah, I guess you could put it like that."

"So what happens when you're prompted to think of her, maybe by outside factors like memories or pictures? Because distracting can be useful, but sometimes we actually end up hurting ourselves more than we end up protecting ourselves when we try and deflect this kind of heavy stuff." Dr. Reyes fixed me with a somewhat quizzical look, and I was thankful that there were no traces of sympathy or pity to be found on her face.

My mind flashed back to the table incident, where I'd found the photograph of my pregnant mother that had launched me into a fit of catatonia. In response, my stomach gave a lurch. I fought down the nausea and the urge to make a face, instead choosing to pick at the leather seat underneath me.

"I try to focus on something else," I admitted, not wanting to reveal too much about Seth but recognizing that he played a large part in this distraction game I had going on within myself. "I don't think I'm really ready to think about it. I don't even know where to start - it feels like I just need time."

The truth was that I really didn't want to think about mom, period. I knew I had to confront her absence at some point, but for now, if I was having fun with Seth and moving along in my life with more distractions, I didn't see the harm in it. The medication was helping my mood and I was eating better, so who was to say that I couldn't suppress the thoughts of my mother until I felt ready?

Dr. Reyes tilted her head slightly, as if she knew that I wasn't telling her the full story, but didn't pry for anything more personal. "What about your friends? You mentioned them last time, tell me a bit more about them."

"They're good," Again, I was reminded that no matter where I went I was basically under a confidentiality oath from Sam himself and couldn't reveal the Tribe's secret to anyone. Which also meant that I couldn't discuss pack drama with Dr. Reyes, which sort of sucked because with all of the crap that had been going down recently, the entire reservation would have benefitted from seeing a therapist. "They're nice and supportive when I need them to be. It's nice to know I have people to lean on."

She smiled at that, and our short session concluded moments later. I was out the door before I finished saying goodbye to her, moving too quickly to feel guilty about leaving her behind in the dust and all too excited to get to the parking lot, where I knew Seth and his mother's Gremlin would be waiting for me. It hadn't occurred to me that he could have been busy doing something else while I was at therapy, which, judging by the completely different car that was waiting behind him as soon as the parking lot came into view, he had been.

"Surprise." He grinned, arms wide as he presented the giant Land Rover behind him.

My jaw dropped halfway in shock at the sight of the large silver car, and I took several more paces before stopping to admire it. "What? She got it?!"

"This morning." Seth nodded, sliding his aviators up so they rested on his head and beckoning me forwards. I embraced him, smiling as he pressed a smooth kiss on my lips before showing me to my side of the car. "Right after I dropped you off. Said she couldn't wait."

"It's tall." I commented as he opened my door, noting the gargantuan size of the vehicle. Why the hell had Sue wanted a car this big?

"That's why I'm here!" Seth laughed, before picking me up and lifting me easily into shotgun, grin growing at the sound of my shocked squeak. "She said driving it is like driving a tank."

I laughed nervously at that, and dropped my bag at my feet before heaving my door closed. Seth slid into the driver's seat and started up the engine as soon as I'd buckled myself in, noting that although the car was intimidating in size, it definitely ran smoother than the Gremlin Sue had rightfully chosen to retire. It also smelled cleaner, which was refreshing, but I chose not to comment on that aspect of the vehicle.

He eased the car into gear and we rolled out of the parking lot, but as soon as we hit the road I couldn't keep my eye off of him driving, which eventually did not go unnoticed by my driver.

"What?" He asked, a slight grin overtaking his features as he looked over at me.

"Nothing." I smiled, unable to contain that expression that gave away that 'it' really wasn't 'nothing', and so I was forced to admit what I'd been staring at. "I just like watching you when you drive."

His tinkled laughter made my confession all the more worthwhile.

"So, your birthday's coming up." Seth piped up seconds later with a knowing smirk, which made me grimace as I covered my face. I hated drawing attention to my birthday. Besides, September was such an ugly month to be celebrating anything. The weather got colder, school started, and the magic of summertime had everyone in a dull mood.

"Unfortunately."

"What, you don't want to do anything?" His expression changed from playful to considerate, and my heart gave a tug at his thoughtfulness.

"No, I just never really made a big deal out of them. I dunno, I never saw the point."

"I get it, we can something small. I'll do whatever you want." He nodded, surprisingly understanding. That was new, considering the fact that year after year my mom had always made a big deal out of my birthdays with cake, streamers and some sort of special activity. I hadn't hated it, especially because it had always just been me and her, but I was used to small things and I didn't want this year to be any different.

My heart gave a different kind of tug at the thought of never being able to celebrate another birthday with mom, but I took that thought and shoved it down the invisible wormhole that was the centrifuge of my brain in an effort to keep my mood uplifted for the day.

"Whatever I want?" I double checked, raising both brows at him in question.

"Whatever you want," Seth repeated reassuringly as we turned left into the reservation. "I'm your slave, angel."

Oh my god.

Why did he make this so difficult for me?

I managed to contain myself until I thought of the next thing to say, which involved his original question that had started this whole mess of a conversation and had begun to reduce me to a puddle of sexual desire and sweat.

"When's your birthday, anyway?"

"November third." He replied easily with a pleasant smile, having no problem revealing his special day.

"So I guess we'll have to do whatever you want that day too, huh?" I teased and pulled my knees up to my chest, curling further into the comfortable seat of the Land Rover as I watched him change gears.

"As long as it's with you, I'm happy." His honesty made the heat rush to my face, and I tried to hide my redness to no avail as he looked over at me. "Aw, look at that - I told you I like it when you blush."

I scoffed and gave him a light slap as a reply, but he caught my hand and didn't let go of it for the rest of the journey. We sat in comfortable silence appreciating the scenery that zoomed by as we traveled closer and closer to the reservation, pulling up into my driveway quicker than I would have liked. The car ran smoothly and it was comfy sitting in it especially with Seth at the wheel, so I found myself reluctant to clamber out of the vehicle when he turned the engines off. To console myself, I was fully intent on taking him inside and continuing the business that we'd started last night, but as soon as I caught sight of Dad's figure walking up the road towards our home I knew that wouldn't be possible. Just my luck.

"You want to stay for dinner?" I looked up at Seth as I unlocked the door, hoping to at least spend a bit more time with him before he had to run out on patrol.

"You shouldn't even have to ask me that." He teased, grabbing my hips as we piled through the front door and collapsed onto the couch in a fit of happy laughter. Our festival of kisses was interrupted when Seth heard Dad's footsteps on the grass in front of our house, but instead of moping about it I tried to appear happy when he entered the house.

Happy, however, was something Dad was clearly not today. Instantly, I could see the stress on his face, and based on the look I shared with Seth, my imprint could see it too.

I was scared to ask, but I had to, because he still hadn't said anything. "How was work?"

"Bad news." Dad grimaced and responded at the speed of light, like the answer had been cocked and ready to go. "Five pipes burst in the school today, just when the teachers were about to move their things in to start the year off."

"Oh my God, Dad - that's terrible." I frowned in avid concern, going to help him with his briefcase as he took his shoes off and loosened his tie.

He grimaced and shook his head, as if he was trying to say that he didn't even want to talk about this. "Turns out the infrastructure isn't up to code - we had a couple guys from the state department of commerce come and check it out. They told us that the soonest they could have someone down here and work on it was late September, but then construction won't continue until it gets warm again."

The kitchen fell into silence, and I tried to think of something positive to say. "I'm really sorry, Dad."

"You know what this means, right?" He looked up at me from across the kitchen, and I shook my head in confusion, mind blank. "It means you're going to have to register somewhere else. They can't open the school until it's fixed and up to code."

Wonderful. I hadn't even thought about that, but now the idea of not registering anywhere but the Tribal School was making my head spin - and not the good kind of spinning that Seth made it do. "Well, where's everyone else going?"

"Most of the kids attending the school here are in middle or elementary years," Seth piped up from his spot leaning against the fridge, a frown pulling on his beautiful features. "We're the only ones in the upper years."

My heart skipped a beat as I realized that this actually meant I was going to have to register at Forks High. It meant I was going to have to leave the reservation every day, and actually travel to get to a school off of safe territory with a bunch of strangers that were likely going to be less than happy welcoming an outsider into their midst.

"It'll be okay," My imprint reassured, coming to slip an arm around my waist. "Kim will be with you."

"You're not coming to school?" I flipped to him in a sudden panic, shocked that he hadn't included himself in the sentence.

"Sam says that with all the stuff that's been going on, it wouldn't be a good idea to have a bunch of us off the reservation all at once." Seth seemed reluctant to inform me of this, and only met my eyes for a split second before looking down at the floor in what seemed to be guilt, but I had to admit to myself that it made some sense. "Collin and Brady are the only ones going right now, but they're both in middle school."

I gulped heavily, heart beating too fast for my own liking. This wasn't good. Having Kim with me was a slight comfort, but it still didn't make me feel better because there was no safety to be found in moving two of us off the reservation. It just didn't feel right, especially since now I was aware of threats that I'd been blissfully ignorant towards prior to my move back to La Push.

Not only was this bad news for me, but it meant more stress for poor Dad, who had already been working insanely hard with the council to gather more funding for the Tribal school. To have all of his hard work ripped from him all because of some lousy infrastructure problems was absolutely heartbreaking to see, but I didn't know what to do to help him. I supposed the least I could do was listen to him and register at another school, but the fact that said school was off the reservation and filled with people that I didn't know or want to know was setting me off.

"I'll call Forks High tomorrow." Dad decided, before reaching into the fridge and starting to prepare dinner.

His non-negotiable decision was final, and with it came an indescribable amount of anxiety.

 **A/N: Please feel free to let me know what you think of the chapter, as I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to include that intimate scene between Tehya and Seth. I definitely feel as though I could have written it better, so I might go back and edit it later on, but for now I'd love to hear some opinions on it (e.g. whether or not I should have included it at all, whether it was too graphic, or if it should have been written in a more artistic/classy way, etc.)**


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